Alas My Love

by Tracie Peterson

  With the first flash of lightning, Helena steadied herself for the crashing response of thunder. When it came, she nearly missed the light-handed knocking upon her bedchamber door. She thought to ignore the sound, but decided against it. No, best to answer it and make her excuses. Pulling on her robe, Helena opened the door to reveal a young boy.

  “I bear a message for you, Lady Talbot.” He gave a brief bow and handed her the rolled parchment.

  Staring down at the parchment as though it was something foreign in design, Helena immediately recognized the DuBonnet signet in the wax. “Thank you,” she told the boy and quietly closed the door behind her. What DuBonnet would be writing her a note? Was not parchment plenty precious? Could not any one of them simply come to her door?

  Tanny, she thought. She broke the seal and quickly read the contents.

  Meet me in the west tower. Hurry.

  There was no signature, but her heart told her the letter must be from Tancred. She glanced down at her robe and wondered if she should take the time to dress. There was no doubt precious little time, yet to appear in public without some proper form of attire was unthinkable. She quickly grabbed the surcoat she’d worn earlier and shed herself of her night clothes.

  There was lighting enough to make her way unhindered through the castle. Helena felt her heart pounding in anticipation.

  Tanny wanted to talk to her!

  Perhaps he had reconsidered the matter and had a change of heart. Then again, mayhaps his heart was decided in a way she would not like. Maybe he had decided to go away and leave her.

  With trembling hand, she reached out for the tower door and pushed it open. The spiraling stone stairs bore no evidence of life. Even the rats in their constant vigil for food had neglected this part of the castle.

  With nothing but the lighted torches on the wall to guide her steps, Helena began her ascent. “Tanny?” She whispered his name into the shadowy confines, but no reply came.

  The first level revealed only storage. There were wooden crates with unknown goods and stacks of materials on top of unneeded tables. In the corners of the room, spectral figures rose up and proved to be nothing more than rolled wall hangings. Helena shivered nevertheless. It was an unpleasant place to be, and she longed to find Tancred to ease her worried mind.

  Progressing up the stairs, she squealed in fright when a fat mouse crossed her thin-slippered foot. The noise she made echoed in her ears.

  “Tanny?” she called out a little louder this time, but still heard no reply.

  With one hand on her skirts and the other against the wall to balance her, Helena again trembled. The dampness of the cold stone seemed foreboding. Perhaps she should turn back.

  A noise from above caught her attention. Quickly passing the unused rooms of the second level, Helena made her way cautiously to the third-floor room. She knew from here there were ladders that would reach the highest castle battlements.

  With her right hand constantly feeling the way, Helena remembered that the stairs had been spiraled to allow defenders coming from the top to use their right-handed swords, while the attackers would be at a disadvantage with the wall at their right. After all, it was well known that only the truly evil were able to fight left-handed.

  The third floor revealed a door slightly ajar and light coming from within. Helena reached to push the heavy wooden door open. “Tancred, are you here?” She stepped inside and searched the room with her eyes. The ladder to the roof stood in one corner, while the circular room otherwise bore no sign of life save the lighted torch.

  The door slammed shut behind her with a resounding thud. Helena jumped and turned to find Maude staring at her with a malicious smile.

  “So you got my message.”

  “Yours? I thought Tanny sent it.” Helena backed up against the wall at Maude’s advancing form. “What do you want?”

  “I want a great deal, and with you in my life, I cannot have it.” Maude stopped several paces away and looked Helena over from head to toe. “I cannot see what the fuss is about. ’Tis true you are comely, but not overmuch. Your hair is fine yellow, but your eyes are too pale.”

  Helena touched her unbraided hair. It hung in ringlets around her shoulders and down to her waist. There had been no time to dress it before coming to the clandestine meeting.

  Maude continued taking inventory of Helena’s appearance. “I cannot see that your figure is any more shapely than mine. Nor are you more graceful or capable.” Maude seemed to genuinely puzzle over the younger woman’s merits. When she turned slightly away, Helena ran for the door and managed to pull it open, but Maude saw her movement, reached over, and slammed her hard against the stone wall.

  “You certainly are not as intelligent as I.”

  “Maude, what is it that you want? I did what you told me. I told Roger to take me home, and he is doing so in the morn.”

  “Cease! I will not listen to your lies. Tancred is also going with you. What spell did you weave to capture his heart? Is it the same one you used to wile away my father’s love?”

  Helena blinked and swallowed hard. “I never strove to put distance between you and Father.”

  “Do not call him that! You have no right. He was not your father. Your mother came into our house with you heavy in her belly. You were not my father’s child, but the orphan of my father’s friend.”

  “ ’Tis true enough that my father died upon the battlefield, but your father loved him dearly and saw my mother’s need. With your own mother long dead and mine without hope, they formed an agreement and joined their estates. What possible fault can you find in that?”

  “Dear Helena,” Maude stated sarcastically. “Sweet, precious Helena. My father strutted about the house as proud as a peacock on the day you were born. What think you of my lot when that hour came? I was but seven years and had, until that time, held my father’s heart in full. Even Roger loved me best, and I knew much kindness from the people upon our lands.”

  “That needn’t have stopped on my account. You brought sorrow upon yourself with your bitterness and anger. You treated my mother badly, and your father could scarce stand to see her grieved.”

  “Do I not know this for myself? I oft wonder if my father did not love your mother long before their union.”

  Helena shrugged. “Mayhaps, but what can we make of that now? My father and yours were closer than brothers. Neither had kit nor kin beyond the offspring they were to give life to. It bonded them in a way that could not be severed. It seems natural that our mothers might also have been close. It matters naught.”

  “It matters!” Maude screeched. “You took away from me the only things that did matter. Every suitor—”

  “ ’Tis not true!” Helena interrupted. “I but lost my heart to Tanny, no other.”

  “ ’Tis true indeed. You batted your eyes and flashed your smiles at the men, until even though you were but a child, my own courters were asking Roger about your betrothal arrangements.”

  “But I had no part in that,” Helena protested. “I was but a friendly child. I simply enjoyed the company of people. I sought not to destroy your marriage plans.”

  “ ’Tis unimportant now.” Maude stepped closer, and Helena slid against the wall, away from the door and her hopes for freedom. “You have the eye of the one man I want. Tancred DuBonnet is mine. He has always been mine, and I will bear no other becoming wife to him.”

  “Surely you jest,” Helena said, suddenly feeling bold. “Tanny loves me. I know that he does.”

  “Mayhaps,” Maude said, bringing a dagger up to Helena’s face. “But will he love a corpse?”

  “You mean to kill me?” Helena questioned, suddenly realizing just how serious this matter was.

  “You stand between me and happiness,” Maude replied. “I have but to rid myself of your existence in order t
o obtain that which I desire.”

  “And you believe Tancred would ever find it possible to love you? He knows how you played him false when we were younger. He saw your ways. Would he now look aside and wed the murderer of his own true love?”

  “Cease this prattle! You have no claim on a love falsely taken. You stole his heart. It rightly belongs to me. You are a witch and have cast a spell over my beloved. I have but to put an end to your life in order to break the spell and have Tancred for myself!”

  Chapter 19

  Tancred found Richard in his counting room, reviewing the ledgers left him by Arianne and his steward.“If this is a bad time. . .”

  “Nay,” Richard said, motioning Tancred forward. “I am finished. You can see the candle is burned nearly down. What is on your mind? Have you thought of something more concerning our parents?”

  “Nay,” Tancred said, taking a seat. “I have come on another matter.” Just then thunder rumbled loudly.

  Richard raised an eyebrow. “Roger and Helena?”

  “More simply, Helena.”

  Richard grinned and stroked his beard thoughtfully. Arianne had told him of the two lovers and their devotion for one another. She had also told him of Tancred’s worry regarding the matter. “My wife mentioned your interest.”

  Tancred smiled. “She would. There is not much that escapes that woman. She mystifies me at times and often reminds me of our mother.”

  “Aye,” Richard stated in surprise. “I had not thought on it, but you are right. She’s been wife to me for nearly a year, and every day I learn something new about her. But you did not come here to speak of Arianne. What of Helena?”

  It was Tancred’s turn to look thoughtful. “I have been pardoned by Henry, but nothing was said of returning my land or title.”

  “True. I never thought of it that way, but I suppose it is a grave concern of yours.”

  “Of course it is a concern. ’Tis not that I am not most happy to be pardoned of a crime I did not commit, but what is to become of me henceforth? I do not, in fact, even have full use of my name. It bears the stain of blood from the trial and consequent punishment that I endured. Many know the name of Tancred DuBonnet and believe that man to have been a murderer.”

  “I think I understand,” Richard replied, suddenly seeing his brother’s dilemma. “You love Helena, but cannot offer her your name in marriage because you feel you have no name.”

  “Leastwise not one I would share with such a tender heart.”

  Richard nodded. “ ’Tis a difficult matter, but surely not one that is without hope. We will go to Henry and inquire of him about your land and titles. If you are reinstated those things, then people far and wide will know of your redemption.”

  “Aye, but that may well take years. I do not wish to lose Helena in this matter. I have come to ask a favor.”

  “Name it. I owe you that much.”

  Tancred shook his head. “Nay, there is no obligation here. Please hear me out. I seek only to ask for a home here at Gavenshire. At least until we can learn of my chances with Henry.”

  “But you have no need to ask that. I have already given you that. You need never feel obligated to me for a roof overhead and food in your belly. I denied you. . .” Richard help up his hand to stop Tancred from speaking. “Nay, ’tis truth enough and I beg you hear me out. I denied you a home and your name because of my blind fury and desire for revenge. Tancred, I know I have your forgiveness, but I do this to offer you my heart. My home is yours.”

  “Thank you,” Tancred said and hesitated for a moment before continuing. “But, what if Henry refuses to give me back my land?”

  “Then I will bestow land upon you myself. ’Tis my right. This lot and more have been given to me through Henry and my marriage to Arianne. I will see you reinstated one way or another.”

  “I am happy to work at your side and do the service of a knight,” Tancred said. “I will be idly kept.”

  “I knew it would be so with you,” Richard said with a grin. “You may come to regret those words.”

  “Nay, I think not. Still, there is another favor.”

  “Pray continue.” Richard was now genuinely curious.

  “I would like to beg a place for Helena as well. You see, I intend to take her as my wife. That is, if she will still have me. I was a bit brusque with her earlier this day.”

  Richard laughed and shook his head. “There is no doubting she will have you. She’s defied her stepbrother and sister, and were Henry not sympathetic with his wife and Helena’s mother, Helena would no doubt have challenged the king of England as well. I could very nearly envy the devotion you have in that woman.”

  Tancred nodded with a sober look of awe. “ ’Tis a wondrous thing, indeed. I have no mind for it. The love I feel for her is a newborn thing compared. I loved her as a little sister when I fostered in her home. I’ve dried her tears and played games with her, protected her from her overbearing nursemaid, but all in all, it was nothing.

  “Through my years of misery I did not call her face to mind. If I had, ’twould have been the face of a child that filled my vision. Still, it is easy to give her my heart now.”

  “And why so?”

  Tancred’s face went momentarily blank, almost as if Richard’s words were incomprehensible to him. “Why so? Because she fills me. My heart beats because she bids it do so. I cannot see the future without seeing her in it as well.”

  Richard laughed and pounded the table with his fists. “A love match! How rare, indeed! You are blessed, Brother, and why not? You have suffered through much, and now God gives you back in full measure, just as He did Job. Have no fear, I believe your lands and title will be returned by and by.”

  Tancred smiled. “Would that I might have your confidence.”

  “Where is that faith you boast, Brother?”

  “ ’Tis here,” Tancred said, thumping his fist against his chest. “But he is still a timid fellow.”

  “Then let him be bold. I give you and Helena my pledge. Gavenshire shall be your home until you desire it no more. Even then, I shall never close its doors to you and yours. Marry her quickly and be assured that even in your death, she will know my protection.”

  “Thank you, Richard.” Tancred stood, and Richard did so as well. “I will go and speak with her on the matter. Roger has already given me his word on it. If Henry will but agree. . .”

  “Never fear, I’ve a feeling Henry desires to right this wrong as much as I do. Henry will give you all that you ask.”

  Tancred left the room with a purpose. He would seek out Helena, even though the hour was late, and ask her to marry him. He would pledge his love and life and promise to make her a new home. Taking the steps two at a time, he felt his heart lighten in a way he’d never known. Helena was his. For the moment, it was enough.

  The door to Helena’s room was ajar, something Tancred had not expected to find. He pushed it open full and walked inside, fearful that something might have happened.

  On the grate, a fire burned brightly, and on the rumpled covers of the bed, Helena’s linen robe lay discarded. Wherever she was, Helena had apparently been drawn from her bed to be there. Perhaps, Tancred thought, Arianne had need of her service. It was possible that Timothy had been inconsolable and Helena had been fetched to sing. Still, there was no sound on the air, and always before Helena’s voice had drifted through the halls to warm his blood.

  He glanced around the room again, hoping to see something that might tell him where she’d gone. It was then that he spied the letter. Near the door, on the floor, a pale flicker of firelight shone on the single page. Tancred bent and retrieved it.

  Immediately his eye fell on the wax signet. His signet. His and Richard’s. He opened the page and read. Helena was beckoned to the west tower, but by whom? Taking t
he parchment, he went below to confront Richard and, instead, met him on the stairs.

  “Did you write this?” Tancred questioned, thrusting the parchment forward.

  Richard strained to see it in the dim light. “Nay, ’tis not my writing.”

  “But ’tis our seal. I found this in Helena’s room. She is not there.”

  “I did not send it, and I presume you did not.”

  “Nay, I did not,” Tancred reaffirmed.

  “We should go to the west tower and find her. This would seem an unsavory matter,” Richard said, keeping his voice a husky whisper. “But who would have our signet ring to seal the wax?”

  “Roger Talbot has a ring such as ours. I gave it to him eleven years ago.” Tancred was getting an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach.

  “Is it possible that Talbot would endanger Helena?”

  “I pray not, but what else might this mean?” Tancred asked. Then glancing behind him, Tancred asked another question. “Where is Roger’s room?”

  “There,” Richard pointed. “The room to the left of the stairs.”

  Tancred crossed the distance quickly and pounded upon the door. A sleepy-eyed Roger appeared, wearing nothing more than a linen chausses.

  “What are you about, Tancred?”

  Tancred motioned Richard to bring the note. “Did you write this?”

  Roger pulled the parchment close to the wall torch. “Nay, ’tis not my writing.”

  “It bears my seal and none save Richard and you have ever worn that ring, with exception of our father.” Tancred’s voice was edged in anger.

  Roger eyed him for a moment before handing the note back. “It pains me to admit this, but I lost that ring only three days after you gave it to me. ’Twas among my things one day and the next it was gone. I searched but never found it again. Besides, why would I send you a note to meet me in the west tower? I have no reckoning of this place. I would not know the rooms or the way to them.”