Out of My League, Part 1

by Sharon Cummin

  Gabby

  I sat in the quiet, cold funeral home looking down at my hands in my lap. Five years had gone by since my brother Gabe had moved to California. If I knew where I'd be just five short years later, I never would have turned down his offer. I would have gone with him. I would have watched him move to success from right by his side. I wouldn't have let anything hold me back. The tears were sliding down my cheeks. I could feel them, but I never moved to dry them. All I had to do was get through one day. Then I'd go back to my apartment and lock myself away from the rest of the world.

  Gabe was all I had. He was my twin. He was my family. Both of my grandparents had passed away in the five years he'd been gone. I'd been married and divorced in that time as well. My life was a mess as it was, and I had no idea how I was going to make it without the only person that mattered to me. How could he have done it, I thought? How could he have left me? Didn't he know how much I needed him? He probably didn't. I hadn't told him enough. Even though we talked every couple of days, I hadn't let him know how important he was to me. I'd never gone to visit him either. He'd come to see me every few months. Those were the times that really mattered. He was my brother, and I loved him more than he ever knew.

  When I received the call that he'd passed away, I felt the last little piece of life inside of me die with him. I couldn't believe it was true. He was so young and successful. He had his whole life ahead of him. How could a thirty year old lose control of his car? Why wasn't he paying attention? I was so angry and hurt. He knew he was all I had. How could he leave me too? I knew all of my thoughts were selfish, but that didn't stop them from moving through my mind. They said it was an accident, it wasn't his fault. All I knew was that everything that mattered was gone. It should have been me, I thought. I would have given anything to take his place.

  I'd told the funeral director that I wanted my brother cremated. That was my only request. Other than that, Doug was to do the planning. I was relieved that Doug had only planned one day. I was sure it was to get back to his life in California, but I didn't care. I wasn't sure I could have sat through two days or a funeral. Just sitting in the same room was too much. I hadn't been able to walk to the front. I'd sat down in the very back of the room, and that was where I stayed. I couldn't see him. I just couldn't say goodbye to him.

  I could hear people talking, but I couldn't tell you what they were saying. If Doug hadn't been there, Gabe wouldn't have had a sendoff at all. Doug had a smile on his face as he greeted people. I'd heard them all talking about what a great guy Gabe was. Those people didn't give a shit about him. They were just doing what they felt they were obligated to do. When Doug laughed and talked about my brother being so amazing, I wanted to get up and punch him in the face. Why was he the one that got to see Gabe every day? Why was he the one with all of the memories and stories? Why was he the one that was with my brother through his success? Because I was too big of a wuss, that was why. I should have gone to California. I shouldn't have cared who else was there. That was selfish of me. Look where it left me. I'd lost five years of memories. Gabe was gone, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

  I'd done fine for myself. I had a great job at a very successful company. What good was that doing though? I'd never have that time back with Gabe. I had no family left. It was just me against the world.

  Tears ran down my cheeks the entire day. I had no idea that it was even possible to cry so much. I hadn't cried that much any other time in my life. I thought I hurt in high school when Doug had crushed my heart. I'd cried when I lost each of my grandparents. None of that even came close to comparing to the loss I was feeling. My brother was gone.

  When I felt a hand touch my shoulder, I jumped in my seat. I knew who it was. There was something in his touch. Even after all those years, I still felt a weird jolt when he touched me. I jerked my shoulder away from him and didn't look up. I felt him lean down next to me and shivered.

  “I'm sorry, Gabby,” Doug whispered. “If you want to see Gabe, you have to do it now.”

  I shook my head no.

  “Gabby,” he said with emotion in his voice, as he reached for my chin and moved it so he could see my eyes. “Everyone is gone. You need to see him.”

  Our eyes connected, and I could see how hard that day had been on him too. Don't feel sorry for him, I thought. He's the reason you haven't seen Gabe. He's the one with your memories. He doesn't care.

  “No,” I snapped.

  “Fuck,” he whispered, as he let go of my face and stood.

  I looked up through my lashes to see Doug standing at the casket. His hands were on top of my brother's. I watched his shoulders shake. Then I heard his sniffles and saw one hand move up to his eyes. Then I started crying harder. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get out of there. I couldn't accept that my brother was in that casket. He was gone. The entire time I'd hoped he'd sit up and it would all have been one of his jokes, but he never did it. He was really gone. I looked up one last time to see Doug saying goodbye to Gabe before turning in a daze and moving my feet as fast as I could away from there.

  Chapter 2

  Doug

  That day was the hardest of my entire life. When Gabe had died and I'd gotten the call, I never thought anything could be harder. Gabby's only request was that he be cremated. Other than that, she wanted nothing to do with the plans. I'd settled on only one day with no service. I wasn't sure either of us would make it through any more. After seeing how the day played out, I was very relieved that I hadn't decided on more.

  When I walked into the funeral home, she was already there. The director told me she'd walked in, sat in the back, and hadn't moved. She hadn't gone to the front, and there were instantly tears on her cheeks. He hadn't said anything to her, but he'd watched until I'd gotten there.

  Gabby hadn't spoken a word to any of the people that came to see her brother. I'd stood there with a smile plastered on my face and greeted each of them. She hadn't moved from that chair the entire day. Her head was down, and she playing with her hands in her lap. That was all she'd done. Not once did she walk to the front to see him. They were twins. He was all she had for family. I knew she'd gotten married, that was something I couldn't forget. I also knew that she'd gotten a divorce. I knew nothing about the man or their relationship. I wasn't sure Gabe knew either.

  I didn't want to pressure her to walk up to see her brother, but I knew it was time to go. It was her only chance. I was afraid that she'd end up regretting it and was pretty sure she'd blame it on me. She seemed to do that with everything. I had no idea what I'd done to deserve it. She was the one that had hurt me, but that was in the past. It wasn't something I cared to think about then or ever again.

  She shook her head when I asked her about going forward. Then I'd turned her to look at me, and my heart broke for her. No matter how I ever felt about her, I couldn't help but feel her pain when I looked into her eyes. She'd been crying for hours and didn't seem like she was really there. When I tried to push her a bit, she snapped out at me. It wasn't going to happen. I knew she'd made up her mind, and nothing was going to change it.

  I couldn't imagine how she felt. He was my best friend. We'd known each other since we were kids. We'd gone to high school, college, and moved on to build his company together. I talked to the man every single day. He was my family. My parents and I were never close. He was the one I counted on. I had no idea how I was going to move on without him, and we weren't blood. She was his twin. They had been together and so damn close their entire lives. She hadn't seen him much since we left, but she was going to be just as lost as I was. I was sure of that.

  When I walked to the front of that room, knowing it was going to be the last time I'd see him, I lost it. I knew she was back there, and I didn't care. My best friend was gone. I would never see him again. I'd never laugh with him or hear one of his cheesy jokes. He'd never call me to yell about something I'd done wrong. We wouldn't hang out to watch a game together. It was over. I
felt my shoulders shake before I felt the tears. When I'd said my final goodbye and pulled myself together, I turned around and she was gone. She'd taken off. That was one thing still the same about Gabby, she was difficult. That was something that would never change.

  I drove by her apartment complex on my way to my hotel to make sure she'd made it home. I knew where she lived, and I knew what car she drove. She didn't need to know I knew though. Once I saw that she'd made it back, I drove to the hotel to try to get sleep before flying out the next morning. Everything was taken care of at the funeral home. There was nothing left for me to do. I would be flying back to California for the last time. That was my home. It was where I'd built my life. I was pretty sure it was the last time I'd ever see Gabby, and I honestly wasn't sure how I felt about that.

  His Assistant, Part 1

  Prologue

  Brooke

  As I sat in the front row of the funeral home, I could not help but think about her life. My mom passed away just two days before. A chill ran through my body, as I sniffed in the smell that surrounded me. I was glad there were only three flower arrangements delivered. It would have been hard to get any more than that back to the house. People came in and out of the room, letting me know how sorry they were. They all stood around telling stories about my mom. The entire room acted as if they knew her so well. She had been such a good friend to each of them, they claimed. I had to laugh, as I listened to the bullshit going on around me. None of them knew her. Not a single one of them were there for her. I can't remember any of them offering to help through those two long, painful years. If they were such good friends, where the fuck were they when we needed them?

  My mom was an amazing woman. She was a single mom at only twenty. I have no idea how she raised me alone. My father passed away in a car accident before she even had the chance to tell him she was pregnant. She admitted that I was a product of a one night stand but still planned on letting him know. There were no pictures of him for her to show me, and she didn't really know anything about him. My birth certificate did not list anyone as my father. How sad, right?

  I always loved to watch my friends with their dads and wished I could have met mine. I was always Brooke Smith, the little girl without a father. There were so many kids in the world with only one parent, but all of my friends had two.

  My mom worked her ass off making sure I had what I needed. Sure we struggled all the time, but she made sure I had the necessities. I knew there were times she went without so that I could have something I really wanted. She had more than one job at a time for as long as I could remember. I knew she was often tired, but she never let it show. Dinner was always ready. I might have had to heat it up, but it was there each day when I got home from school. Thinking back, I didn't ever remember her dating. She was always so busy working and raising me. It was just the two of us, but we made it work.

  When I was fourteen, we moved to Michigan. That was where my mom's parents lived. We had only visited a few times when I was younger, so I didn't really know them very well. I talked to them on the phone sometimes, but that was about it. They seemed nice enough. We moved into their house with them. My mom said she wanted to be there to help them, because they were getting older. I really think she was tired of working so hard, and it was cheaper to live there. They were very loving right from the start. My grandmother made sure I ate well and rode me every day about my homework. It was nice to have two more people to love.

  Everything was great for four years. My mom worked one job, so I was able to see her more. It was nice to see her with her parents. They seemed so happy to have her home. I often wondered why she moved away in the first place. Mom always said it was better for us to live in Florida. I thought it would have been better with them. She must have had her reasons, right?

  My high school years were great. Keeping my grades up was difficult, but I did it and was looking forward to college. I wanted to go into business and planned to eventually own my own company. Working for someone else didn't appeal to me at all. It felt good planning for the future. I would be able to take care of my mom one day. Then she wouldn't have to work. She would be able to do all of the things she never had time for while she was raising me. I had been accepted to University of Michigan. It was going to be awesome to live in the dorms and be on my own.

  Two days after my graduation, my grandparents were killed in a car accident. They were hit by a drunk driver who had crossed over the line. I never understood how people could make such bad decisions. Why risk other people's lives? I get that they want to drink, but why get behind the wheel of a car? My mom had a very hard time with their death. I did too. She felt bad for not being there for them before and regretted staying away for so long. It was horrible. I had just gotten to know them. They were such wonderful, caring people. I really missed them and always would. It would have been nice to have known them longer. We should have been there.

  They willed the house to my mom and me. We wanted to stay there. It was where she had grown up and where I had gotten to know them. I decided to stay home and commute to school, so my mom wouldn't be alone. It wouldn't have been that long of a drive each day, but my mom was adamant that I still dorm my first year. She didn't want me to miss out on experiencing the fun side of college life. I knew I would make sure to go home most weekends. It was going to be strange being away from her.

  I jumped when I felt someone touch my leg. It was the funeral director. I had almost forgotten where I was. It was easy to block out all of the noise around me. I wanted the day to be over more than you can imagine. It was so hard to sit there while everyone talked about my mom like they knew her. They were all going to leave that day and go on with their lives. By the time they got home, they would be done thinking about her and be busy thinking about what they were going to make for dinner. She deserved better than that. I was relieved when the director asked me to go into his office to sign something. It was tiring being around all of the fake people surrounding my mom's ashes, pretending to care.

  The viewing would be over in fifteen minutes. Then, I would take my mom's urn and ashes home where they belonged. Before she passed, we agreed to only one day of visitation. I wanted her to have a large funeral and burial, but she refused to agree with me. She wanted to be cremated and have just a short visitation. I know she thought it would be easier for me. After sitting all day in a room full of strangers, I had to agree with her. She always knew what was best.

  I know it wasn't fair of me to think negatively about all of the people who came to pay their respects, but that didn't change the way I felt. She had worked with some of them. A few of them were my grandparents' friends. Some of my mom's high school friends came. I'm not sure how they found out. I didn't put anything in the paper. My mom was strict on her direction for that. It was not to happen. I couldn't figure out why. Again, I'm sure she had her reasons.

  She was never one to explain her feelings over decisions she made. All she ever said was “I have my reasons.”

  When the last person left, I was so relieved. It had finally ended. Everything that I had known for so long was over. What was I going to do with my life?

  Chapter 1

  Brooke

  Two Weeks Later

  As I sat in the reception area of Luke Technologies, I could not stop my hands from shaking. I was waiting to interview for a secretary position. Would I see him? Would he be there for the interview? His company was in a very nice building. I was surprised to find out it was only twenty minutes from my house. It took me a week to gather the nerve to apply for a job there. I was so relieved to find something available that fit with my resume. My legs shook as I waited patiently. Hopefully, I wouldn't start sweating or embarrass myself. I didn't want to give anything away.

  You're probably wondering how I ended up there. I was surprised myself.

  The day after my mother's viewing; I woke up and remembered what she had said to me the night she passed away. I was snuggling next to her in her
bed. She hadn't spoken for most of the day and was very weak. I felt her squeeze my hand and looked over at her.

  “I love you so much, Brooke,” she said. “You know that right?”

  I could barely understand her words.

  “Yes, mom,” I answered. “I love you too.”

  “In the attic is a box with your name on it. It's right inside the door. After I'm gone, I want you to open it. Promise me you'll wait until after my viewing.”

  Her voice was so weak. What could she have in a box? It was probably stuff from my childhood. Maybe it was something she had saved for me.

  “I promise mom. What is it?” I asked.

  “I love you. You'll always be my baby girl. You're my everything,” she said. “Please remember that. Everything I have ever done was for you. I want your dreams to come true, Brooke. I love you.”

  “I love you too. You're the best mom a girl could have. I could never doubt your love.”

  That was the last thing we said to each other, as she drifted off for the last time.

  I hadn't thought about those words since that night. Those few days had passed in a blur. Everything seemed like a dream. As the sun lit up the room, I thought about her words. What could she possibly have in the attic? I missed her so much. She was my best friend. We had grown so close over the past two years. Maybe she had saved memories of us together.

  I couldn't wait any longer to find out what my mother had kept for me. Slowly, I opened the door and turned on the flashlight. On the floor was a box, just off to the right. It had my name on it. That must be the box she was talking about, I thought. I picked it up and carried it out of the attic and down the stairs. Letting out a huge breath, I opened the lid. The box was full. On top of what was inside was tissue paper. Why did she cover the contents? On top of the tissue paper was an envelope with my name on it. I picked up the envelope and sat down on the couch to prepare myself and my emotions. Slowly, I pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it. I was not even close to prepared for what I was about to read.