Out of My League, Part 1

by Sharon Cummin

  ***

  Dear Brooke,

  I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. You are my everything, baby girl. I have something I need to tell you, and this is the only way I could think of. Please remember how much I love you. Everything I have ever done has been for you. I would do anything for you. I think you know that. When you read this letter, you are going to have so many questions. I am so sorry that I am not there to answer them. Hopefully, one day you can forgive me for what you are about to read. I love you and want you to know the truth. It has always been just the two of us, and I know that you are alone. You don't have to be. Please remember how much I love you. I am so sorry to have kept this from you. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do. I now know that I was wrong.

  Your father's name is Luke Andrews. We met when I was nineteen and he was twenty-three. When we met, he was fresh out of college and just starting his own company. He was a wonderful, handsome man, and I was still a young girl trying to find my way. I wasn't sure what I wanted to be and had taken a year off before college. He had his life planned out and knew exactly where he was going. I'm not sure why we found each other, but I wouldn't have changed a thing.

  We met through a friend and dated for three months. He was my first love, my only love. Luke stole my heart immediately, and I fell hard for him. Everything about our love was perfect. He worked so hard, and I was so proud of him. We saw each other on the weekends and occasionally during the week. I knew he was not ready for marriage. He made it clear that he had to concentrate on running his company before he could think about a wife.

  I found out I was pregnant and wasn't sure how to tell him. We had just talked about taking things slow. There had been a few steamy nights, but we were always careful. At least I thought we were. How was I going to tell him we weren't careful enough? I was nineteen and scared. When we went to dinner one night, I asked him about children. His eyes widened at my question. We needed to wait. He needed to stay focused, was his response. I knew that already but wanted to hear it from him. I didn't want him to be disappointed in me or think I had gotten pregnant on purpose. His business was very important for his future. He had worked so hard for everything he had accomplished. I didn't want to ruin that for him. Would he have given that up for me or taken us in with open arms? That is something I will never know.

  I made a decision that night. When he dropped me off at home, I packed my car and left town. That was why I moved away, Brooke. I'm so sorry. We moved to Florida, me and my unborn baby. I wasn't going to ask him to change his life's plan he was so passionate about for me. There were single mothers everywhere. I loved you from the second I found out about you. I knew we could make it happen together.

  My parents didn't know I was pregnant and had no idea I was leaving. I left them a note and didn't contact them for over a year. By the time I told them about you, you were five. They said he had come to their house to find me. When they told him I had left, he never came back. They begged me for years to bring you home so they could be a part of our family.

  I worked very hard to keep you safe and make sure you had everything you needed. It was the most important thing I would ever do. Raising you was all that mattered to me.

  When you were getting ready to start high school, I figured it was safe to go home. He had moved on and started a family of his own. I wanted you to know my parents before they were gone. They wanted to know you too. I knew high school would be so much easier if you had the three of us.

  In this box, you will find things about your father. There are newspaper articles about him and his company. He has done very well for himself. I put in a couple of pictures of me and him. They are the only ones I had. You look like him, Brooke. Every time I look into your eyes, I see his.

  There were so many times I wanted to tell you. I just never knew how. I was afraid you would be disappointed in me. You deserve to know the truth. You don't need to be alone. I am so sorry I kept it from you. I never planned to leave you this early.

  I loved him very much. When I found out about you, I was so happy. You are a part of him. I still love him to this day. He will always be the man I love.

  Please forgive me, Brooke. I truly am sorry.

  Love,

  Mom

  ***

  The paper fell from my hands as tears poured from my eyes and down my cheeks. My father was alive. How could she have kept something like that from me my entire life? She never even gave him the chance to decide if he wanted to know me or not. I wasn't sure how that made me feel toward her. It was such a shock to find out that she had lied to me. The one person I trusted and loved lied to me.

  I lifted the tissue paper and looked into the box. My mouth dropped open, as I picked up a frame. There was a picture of my mom and a man. It was him, and she was right. I looked just like him. He had the same color hair and similar facial features. Sobs escaped me as I touched his face. It was my dad. I really had a dad.

  I spent two days with that box full of stuff. Tears flowed down my cheeks, and my eyes were swollen and red. Everything I had about him was spread out across the table. I read every article and looked at every picture over and over. Was it a dream? Was he really my father? I spent hours on the computer trying to find more information on him. He was an extremely successful man and owned a large technology company. It seemed to be involved in many different things. He donated money to many charities and spent time helping others. I could not believe how amazing he seemed. He had been on television. I had seen things about him in the past. How could he have been my father, and I never realized it?

  For the next three days I thought about my parents. I was so angry with my mother. How could she lie to me my whole life. She was the most amazing woman I knew. I thought she would do anything for me. That couldn't be true. How could she let me go all those years thinking my father was dead? She worked two jobs and struggled for years. It didn't make any sense. Why would she do that when she could have had help? Could she have had help? Would he have taken care of us, or would he have walked away? My thoughts spun out of control for days. I had no idea what to think. Everything I had known had been a lie. I had lived a lie. What else did she keep from me? How could she do that to me? He should have had the choice of knowing me or not. I was so angry at her.

  I wondered what our life would have been like if she would have told him she was pregnant. We could have possibly been a happy family. I could have known my grandparents better. She took me away from them as well. I knew she was young, but that didn't make it any better. He ended up getting married and having a family. How did she know he wouldn't have married her?

  I had nobody to talk to about any of it. What was I going to do? She was gone, and I was alone. There was no reason for me not to work anymore. I needed to go back to school and get my business degree. If he could own his own company, then so could I. Why not, right? I had to take care of the bills we had accumulated, so I needed a job. I needed to register for school. There was no reason for me not to.

  All I could think about was my dad. What was he like? Would he have wanted me? What were his hobbies? Was he the reason I wanted to own my own business? I wanted to meet him. How could I do it? It's not like I could just walk up and introduce myself as his daughter. He would freak. The man owned a large company and probably had more money than he knew what to do with. Would he think I wanted his money? I didn't want anything except to meet him. It would sound crazy telling him I was his daughter. He would never believe me. I couldn't say I would blame him. It sounded outrageous to me. It didn't even matter if he knew I was his daughter. I just wanted to see him in person. That would be enough for me. Was he as nice as they made him seem, or was he really a jerk that everyone made sound good? Who was he? I had to know.

  Then it hit me. That's what I needed to do. I needed to get a job at his company. His employees would talk about him. They would be honest. I would be able to meet him as a boss and see the real him. He wouldn't know
who I was. With a last name like Smith, I would be fine. Would I even be able to meet him? It was worth a try. I found a job opening on the computer. It took me days to talk myself into actually applying for the job. I was so glad I had gotten an office job to help take care of my mom. That way I had some experience. It didn't matter what I had to do there. I just wanted to meet him. It would all be worth it for one moment of his time.

  I was so surprised when they called me for an interview. Could it really be possible? Would I really be able to see him in person?

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