Addicted to Lust

by Amy Tasukada

  “All the more reason to make sure my ideas are good. Then I can make enough profit for that day off, and you can ask me to go without feeling guilty.”

  “Fine, fine. All your ideas for the opening sound phenomenal. I didn’t even need to show you the ropes, since you already knew what had to be done. Endo threw you in the deep end, and you learned to swim. You’re not an incompetent person who’s only good at breaking figurines.” Hayato laughed.

  “Hey!” Masuo poked Hayato while trying to keep his eyes on the road.

  Had they not been driving, Hayato could’ve seen the poking turning into tickling and some long kisses. But they were driving, so it only turned into a few giggles and a happy sigh from Masuo.

  “You said January was a hard month for you.” Masuo reached over, took Hayato’s hand, and gave it a tight squeeze. “I’m here for you.”

  Hayato let out a wry smile. First Subaru wanted to bring it up, now Masuo.

  “If you ever need someone to talk—”

  “It was the worst day of my life. Talking about it is the last thing I want to do.” Hayato’s tone was biting, but Masuo didn’t withdraw his hand, and Hayato didn’t let go.

  All Hayato’s other exes had either not lasted long enough or were too self-absorbed to notice Hayato’s uptick in January drinking. Really, that alone should’ve earned Masuo the number one boyfriend ranking.

  Hayato clutched onto Masuo’s hand, his thumb rubbing up and down the side of his palm. Masuo was impossible. How could someone be so good, especially when Hayato knew he’d been kind of a jerk?

  “My parents and I used to go camping all the time when I was little,” Masuo said, changing topics. “We’d even bring our cats.”

  “What?” Hayato shook his head. “A dog I get, but cats? They don’t want to be there.”

  “They liked being outside. I would take them on hikes on a leash and everything.”

  “I don’t believe it.”

  “My mom has pictures. Photo albums, even, if you want to see.”

  “Little Masuo must’ve been adorable.”

  “I had the most awkward bowl cut.”

  Hayato laughed. “My mom made us rock the bowl cut too.”

  “I kept mine until I went to high school.”

  “We all have flaws. I used to sing American pop music in the school halls, horribly off-key.”

  Hayato sang a few bars of a song, but with the decade between them, Masuo would only recognize it from the dance remix.

  “Did your parents ever take you camping?” Masuo asked.

  “Are you trying to get my gay ass to go camping?”

  “It might be nice when it gets warm.”

  “I haven’t been camping in my life. We’d skip the small vacations for trips to America.”

  “Oh, fancy. I haven’t ever been outside Japan.”

  “My mom taught English, and the company my dad worked for had strong ties in America,” Hayato said. “Usually we’d tag along on his business trips, then stay longer for a family vacation.”

  “That must’ve been fun.”

  “Kind of.” Hayato squeezed Masuo’s hand. “They made us speak English the whole time. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to understand a menu and would get stuck with awful things like chicken fried chicken. I still don’t even know what I ended up eating.”

  “So your vacation was one big English class assignment?”

  “Basically. It’s what happens when your mom’s a teacher.”

  They chatted more, the conversation flowing easily and not in any way related to work.

  Masuo turned off onto a side street and pulled up to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Masuo would probably never understand how much Hayato enjoyed his company, and not just as a distraction from the month. They did have good chemistry.

  “This should be it,” Masuo said.

  “Looks about right.”

  Masuo parked, and all the warmth in the van left the second he opened the door. He could’ve at least given Hayato some goodbye time with the heat.

  They got out and wandered around to the back of the warehouse. Masuo tottered off ahead, not caring that Hayato’s hands were freezing. He would’ve welcomed a warm hand to hold. Hayato chalked it up to Masuo’s sheer enthusiasm for parlor improvements.

  “Hello?” Masuo called. “I’m here to see Tall Ken about some pachinko machines.”

  Ken came out, eyes narrowed, like he was ready for a fight. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in a week, his facial hair grown out in awkward patches.

  “Who are you?” Ken grunted.

  “I’m Masuo from Kyoto, and this is Hayato. I have been talking with Tall Ken for the past week.”

  “Hey, Ken.” Hayato waved.

  Ken crossed his arms. “You’re late.”

  “There was some traffic.”

  Ken rolled his eyes. “Knowing Hayato, he got bored and demanded a blow job.”

  Hayato wrapped his arms around Masuo. “I don’t think about sex all the time.”

  Ken looked at Masuo. “Don’t believe anything he says. Last time we went out to a club together, I shit glitter for a week.”

  Masuo raised a brow.

  “Ken used to be the best go-go dancer at a bar I went to a few years back,” Hayato said. “He used to get on the pole and do some awesome moves. One time, he even stuck—”

  “No need to go down memory lane,” Ken said. “Come on. The machines are this way.”

  They followed Ken, and Masuo asked a million questions about the machines. He even made Ken plug each one in so Masuo could test them. They were diamonds compared to the shit Masuo had been given. The lights glittered in a rainbow of colors, and the large LCD screens played videos with enough bouncing-boobed characters to have any straight man sitting there for hours.

  Ken sauntered over to where Hayato waited.

  “The guy’s picky.” Ken jutted his stubbly chin at Masuo.

  “He’s into his job.”

  “You still dating that loser Jiro?”

  “I’m with Masuo now.”

  Ken whistled. “Didn’t see that coming.”

  “What?”

  “He must have a huge dick to keep your attention.”

  “We haven’t talked in two years, and this is what you want to discuss?” Hayato crossed his arms.

  “I know you, and I can’t see it lasting more than a month.”

  “Fuck you. You don’t know anything about Masuo.”

  “He’s playing every machine. I think I even saw him write down the serial numbers.”

  “I like that he’s into his job.”

  “Again, I give it a month before you get bored and are back at the club looking for company. The only reason you were with Jiro for so long was because of his penthouse, and this guy doesn’t strike me as someone into luxury.”

  Ken had known Hayato for a while, and sure, they’d had a falling out a while back, but hearing the words struck Hayato’s core. He’d gone to the clubs for company so he wouldn’t have to face being alone. He swallowed. He wasn’t that person anymore. He had his own place. He was getting over his fear.

  “I’ll take five,” Masuo said, finally finished with his test run.

  He and Ken haggled while Hayato stewed. He and Masuo would last longer than a month. Masuo was already talking about what they would do during the spring, not to mention his whole married-with-kids fantasy.

  Though with the shitty things Ken had been saying, Masuo was probably having second thoughts about their relationship. Masuo wanted someone who would sacrifice. Hayato could do that.

  “How much for the lot of them?” Hayato asked.

  Ken laughed.

  “I’m serious. We’ll take as many as you can fit in the van.”

  Masuo pulled Hayato to the side and kept his voice low. “What are you doing?”

  “You worked hard to get the parlor the way it is now. Why can’t I help you make it what you wanted?”

  “You don’t have t
o.”

  “But I want to, and this way you’ll get that Monday off sooner.” Hayato winked.

  A crease formed in the center of Masuo’s forehead. Why wouldn’t he let him help?

  “Look, I know you used your own income to help buy the machines. What’s the difference between you doing it and me doing it?” Hayato asked.

  “I need to show Endo I’m not some incompetent bastard who breaks things.”

  “Is that why you’re refusing help?” Hayato held on to Masuo’s hand. “You’ve already impressed me. Endo only looks at your numbers each day, not at all the things you’ve already done to improve the parlor. She’ll be impressed by the profit you make. The newer the machines, the more profit. Only then will she see the good businessman I know you already are.”

  Masuo shook his head. “But it’s so expensive.”

  “How about you buy five and I’ll buy five?”

  Masuo looked toward the machines. He would have to be stupid not to take the deal, but maybe offering to help wounded his pride too much.

  “Only if you make it a formal loan,” he said, like it was the last thing he wanted. “We’ll draw up paperwork and use our seals and everything.”

  “But they’re a gift. I want to give them to you so you can be the best businessman you can.”

  Masuo shook his head. “Then gift me a fancy new ledger or more notebooks so I can write to-do lists. I want to earn my day off, not have it bought for me.”

  He was the most stubborn man Hayato had ever met. “Fine. It’s a loan. Do you want the standard ten percent interest every ten days?”

  “Maybe that part can be a boyfriend discount.”

  Hayato gave Masuo a quick peck on the lips. “That’s what I thought, love cookie.”

  “I said no food, remember?” Masuo laughed. “Maybe we can do something easy and think of a cute way to say each other’s names.”

  “We can do better than that. We’ve got the whole ride back to come up with something better.”

  18

  If January was the worst month of the year, then the twenty-second was the worst day. Hayato could hardly believe he’d made it to seven in the morning without crawling to his brother for support. If Subaru was fine spending the day by himself, Hayato could be too. Only seventeen hours left to prove he could make it by himself, but the doubt he would make it had already sunk deep into his bones. Especially since Masuo had picked today out of all 365 available days for his grand reopening of the parlor. He’d already made it clear he’d be too exhausted from the day to be there when Hayato needed companionship the most.

  Hayato rolled up a flyer and wedged it into his neighbor’s door handle. The bright-orange paper would be impossible to ignore. Inside, it announced the first meeting of the newly formed movie club. If he invited everyone in the building, management would never find out it was him. And if he attended, he’d simply be following the crowd. They couldn’t get mad at him for joining in.

  He kept his thoughts on his actions because he simply couldn’t trust himself otherwise.

  Grab a movie club flyer from the stack.

  Roll it up.

  Wedge it in the door handle.

  Move on to the next door.

  Grab a paper…

  With the last flyer stuck into the handle on the last door, Hayato joined the crowds of people heading to the train station. Most were dressed in business attire, as was Hayato, having used his apartment as a closet again.

  The early morning rush hour proved another way to keep his deeper thoughts at bay. He kept to surface-level details, cataloging the styles of the suits and coats the other men wore.

  Hayato pushed himself onto the train, avoiding the stop at a florist until it became unavoidable. People crowded around him and stuffed the train like neatly packed sushi.

  He pulled out his phone and poked around, mirroring the others around him.

  Nothing new.

  Nothing to distract him.

  At least Masuo would have a good day. He’d planned everything for the parlor’s grand reopening in such sickeningly specific detail it could only be successful.

  Before, Hayato had thought Masuo was some cocky twenty-year-old who couldn’t even begin to realize how woefully ignorant he was about working a successful pachinko parlor. Yet his youthful drive had pushed him to heights Hayato had never imagined. His first memory was thinking about how clingy Masuo was, but every day since they’d become official, Hayato had been clinging to Masuo for company.

  The train slowed to a stop, and the exchange of people coming and going left Hayato with new faces to distract him, but it only lasted for a few minutes.

  Hayato closed his eyes. The day would end. Somehow.

  “Hey,” Masuo said.

  Hayato opened his eyes, almost doubting that the voice he heard was indeed Masuo’s, but there he stood. He stood so close their bodies brushed up against each other. The train was so packed everyone touched. He wore the same suit he’d worn on his first day. It hugged every curve of his body and made it easy for Hayato to mentally undress him.

  “What are you doing here?” Hayato kept his voice low, not wanting to disturb the people around him.

  “Going to the parlor.”

  “But it doesn’t open for another three hours.”

  “I couldn’t sleep.” Masuo shrugged. “Figured I might as well get things set up.”

  “You need to take care of yourself or else you’ll burn out.”

  Masuo laughed. “Well, it made me run into you. So that’s good.”

  “Yeah, and now we can both be squished.”

  “There are some advantages to that too.”

  Masuo brushed against Hayato’s crotch. It felt like a mistake at first, but then his hand stayed, deliberately rubbing against the fabric of the long coat in slow, rough strokes. The rush of possibly being seen sent a tingling wave of electricity through Hayato. He suppressed a moan and unbuttoned his long coat, allowing Masuo’s hand closer and giving them a bit more camouflage for the hand job.

  A part of Hayato still couldn’t believe Masuo was ready to continue down the list after Hayato had forgotten the initial exchange. Hopefully it was a sign of forgiveness. Though, perhaps Masuo was just excited to push his sexual boundaries a little more.

  “How adventurous do you think you can be?” Hayato dared.

  A glint flashed in Masuo’s sandy-brown eyes, and a little smirk crossed his face. The next instant, Hayato’s zipper was down, the separation of each tooth ringing clearer than if it had come from the loudspeaker.

  The distraction was more perfect than anything Hayato could’ve come up with. He closed his eyes, slid his hands into his coat pockets, and held out the ends to give them a little more cover. Not everyone would enjoy the show. Masuo took the invitation to explore further. After a few more rubs of his palm, his fingers slipped inside. He pushed back the fabric of Hayato’s underwear to expose his hardening cock.

  Masuo’s cold fingers sent a chill up Hayato’s spine. Masuo’s long, teasing strokes pushed all the horrible thoughts aside. Through the hell of January, with all its ups and downs, Masuo had been there. Hayato doubted he would’ve been able to make it this far without him.

  The overhead voice called out the next station, and the train slowed.

  “You got me excited,” Hayato whispered in Masuo’s ear. “Do you want more?”

  Masuo nodded.

  “Me too.”

  Hayato buttoned up his coat so it hid his crotch. A little moan escaped the back of his throat as the soft woolen fabric brushed against his sensitive length. Then, once the train stopped, Hayato grabbed Masuo’s hand and led him to the restrooms. Masuo pushed open the door to the larger stall and locked it behind them.

  Everything became a blur of movement and heat even though Hayato wanted it slow, but dirty public-restroom sex wasn’t meant to be romantic.

  Masuo unbuckled his pants and pulled them down. He braced himself against the door, pushing his
hips out. The tails of his white collared shirt didn’t quite cover his toned ass. A flush of goose bumps formed on Masuo’s skin. He looked back at Hayato with a pleading look, begging to be touched.

  Hayato kissed the back of Masuo’s neck, trailing up before he nipped at his ear.

  “I want you,” Masuo whispered with a little grunt.

  “You’ll want me more if we take our time.”

  Hayato turned Masuo so he could deepen the kiss. His tongue traced Hayato’s lips until they opened, but Masuo took it slow and sweet. Hayato’s heart welcomed the tender affection. He owed the man so much for putting up with him in the chaos of January, for somehow being there in the darkest hours of the day. While Masuo still hadn’t returned Hayato’s words of love, Hayato felt the strength of their bond in the kiss.

  Masuo moaned and grasped at Hayato’s length before rubbing and cupping his balls and rolling them across his palm. A small whimper escaped as he ground against Hayato.

  “I want you in me.” Masuo’s husky voice curled Hayato’s toes. “I want you to fuck me so hard I can’t sit down without thinking of you.”

  Hayato licked his lips, a shiver of anticipation rippling through him. “I don’t have any condoms.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “You sure?”

  “If you make me wait any longer, I’m going to explode.”

  Hayato cracked a smile, eager to please. Masuo reached into his pocket and pushed a tube of lube into Hayato’s hand.

  “You always carry lube?” Hayato teased.

  “We used up what I had at the parlor when we played cop and yakuza.”

  Masuo put his hands against the door and looked back at Hayato. “Hurry.”

  Hayato had never heard a single word said with such sheer eroticism, but hurrying was the last thing Hayato was planning to do. If he could, he’d make their bathroom tryst last all day, all month.

  Hayato snapped the top, and the distinct scent of peppermint permeated the air. He narrowed his eyes at the bottle that had a few swirled red candies pictured on the front.

  “You bought flavored lube?” Hayato chuckled.