Find You in the Dark

by A. Meredith Walters

  I took a moment to muse on how different they were, yet equally good looking. Daniel had started to let his blond hair grow out and it looked almost unkempt around his face. His toned arms barely fitting into the tight sleeves of the jacket. I heard Rachel's barely there sigh as she saw Daniel.

  Now Clay was truly gorgeous. Even in the horrible suit, he looked handsome. His hair too was growing out into those curls I loved and they hung down just above his eyes. He seemed excited, buoyant even. His energy was apparent as he took my arm and placed my hand in the crook of his elbow. “My lady. You are a vision.” He said, looking me up and down. I elbowed him and laughed. “And you, sir, look dazzling in your prune suit.” He smoothed the jacket's front. “This is not prune, it is a very lovely shade of puce, I believe.”

  “Well, whatever it is you look pretty awesome.” I said breathlessly. Clay smiled at me, catching the way my voice shook as he took my hand.

  “Look at you guys! Aren't you a sight!” My mom said, pulling the four of us into the living room so she could take pictures. My dad looked up from the newspaper he was reading on the couch. His eyes darkened slightly at the sight of Clay holding my arm and I glared at him. Catching my look, my dad smoothed his expression and gave me a smile. “You all look great.” He said politely. “Thank you, Mr. Young.” Clay said judiciously, clearly trying to make this as painless as possible. Considering he hadn't seen my dad since their run in weeks ago, I thought it was pretty minimal in the awkwardness department.

  After fifteen minutes of pictures, we finally got out the door. “One o' clock curfew.” My dad yelled as we walked down the sidewalk. I knew what my curfew was, but was very aware that he was saying it more for Clay's benefit than mine. “Yes sir, not a minute later. I promise.” Clay assured, giving his best parent pleasing smile.

  Finally, we were in Clay's BMW and heading toward Red Lobster, where we'd be meeting Daniel's friend Raymond and his date, my friend Clare. “You guys look awesome! Even in that horrible color!” Rachel stated enthusiastically. Daniel chuckled. “Yeah, you don't know how hard it is to find an ugly get up.” I laughed. “I'm just not sure if this color suits my complexion.” Clay commented. The four of us laughed together. I felt on top of the world. Tonight was going to be wonderful. I just knew it.

  Clay looked at me sideways and grinned. He was in a great mood tonight. Laughing and joking with everyone. He didn't seem tired or out of it. It was nice to see. Maybe the meds were finally working the way they were supposed to. Whatever it was, I wasn't going to focus too much on it. I was going to have a good time with my friends and my maybe boyfriend.

  Our dinner at Red Lobster was a blast. Daniel, Clay, and Ray insisted on wearing those silly plastic bibs and we all ordered piles of crab legs, trying not to get melted butter on our tacky formal wear. It was good to hang out with Clare. I hadn't seen much of her since school had started.

  By the time we got to the high school, the dance was in full swing. The gym was decorated in fall colors and fake leaves. Twinkling lights hung from the rafters and a picture booth had been set near the door to the boys' locker room.

  Our group made its way to a table set up in the back of the gym. The DJ was playing some current pop hits and a bunch of kids were dancing in front of the stage. Clay took my jacket and went to check it in with the chaperons out in the hallway.

  Daniel and Ray had gone to get something to drink and Clare had spotted a group of her friends and had gone to join them. Rachel leaned over toward me. “So, I'm thinking you need to get your act together girlfriend and claim good ol' Clay before he's whisked out from under your nose.” I blinked in mock surprise. Though I was more than a little surprised by her sudden approval of a relationship with Clay. “Whatever do you mean?”

  Rachel rolled her eyes. “You guys have been circling around each other for months. Come on, put us all out our misery and get together already. Because if you don't jump at it, you may find that you're too late.” Her eyes shot over to the entrance of the gym where Clay had been stopped by Kylie's friend Dana.

  Dana just wouldn't give up. She stalked Clay almost as much as I did. Always putting herself in his way, making excuses to talk to him. I had to suppress the urge to body check her. But I had to admit that Dana looked hot tonight. She wore a tight fitting red dress with a plunging neckline and her puppies looked about ready to spill out. Her blond hair was a mass of curls down her back and most guys would have been drooling at the sight she made.

  My face flushed red as I saw the way she moved in close to Clay, laughing at something he said. He was smiling down at her and I could see he was having a hard time keeping his eyes on her face. I suddenly felt very foolish in my stupid teal dress and teased hair.

  I turned away from them, trying to keep my voice even. “Well, if that's what he's interested in, then why should I bother?” I wasn't fooling Rachel in the slightest. She smacked my hand. “Don't be an idiot. Clay likes you. A lot. And even though I'm not entirely sold on him, I see how you guys feel about each other. And I'm not one to get in the way of young love. So, I think you should stop being a moron and go for it.”

  I looked back toward Clay and Dana. She was pulling him out onto the dance floor. He was following her, laughing. He looked over at me suddenly and I cast my eyes down to my lap. The evil jealousy monster, rearing its ugly head. I blinked back the tears that had suddenly formed in my eyes.

  Daniel had returned to the table and was trying to talk Rachel into dancing with him. “Come on, Rach. Let's get our groove on.” He danced in front of her. Rachel's eyes lit up and she got to her feet. “You okay?” She asked me, but not waiting for an answer before she followed Daniel onto the dance floor.

  I looked over at Clay, who was dancing entirely too close to Dana for my taste. I wanted to have a good time and I would not mope over that stupid boy who I naively thought would be spending time with me.

  But there I was left, sitting alone like a pathetic wall flower. The song ended and another started and still Clay hadn't come back to the table. Once again, he was the life of the party. He was dancing with a group of kids in the middle of the dance floor; Dana beside him. I was relieved to see that he didn't make any move to touch her, not that she didn't touch him. Because her hands were all over him.

  Yuck. I pretended to be looking for something in my bag so I didn't feel like such a loser as I sat there alone. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” A voice said beside me. I looked up at Daniel who was standing there grinning. I smiled back. “God, you are such a dork.” I told him. Daniel laughed and pulled me to my feet. “Come on, lets go do some dirty dancing.” Thank god for my friends, or I would be running from the room sobbing right now.

  We were soon dancing with Rachel, Ray, and Clare. I had lost sight of Clay and that hurt. I really thought he'd be hanging out with us. I thought that was the point of us all coming as a group. Maybe I had waited too long. Maybe we had played friends to the point that that's all he thought that I was. Mixed signals be damned. So I danced and tried to put my misery over him out of my mind.

  After a few more fast songs, a slow one started. Daniel pulled Rachel into his arms and they started swaying together. I couldn't help but smile at the happy expression on her face. She met my eyes and I gave her a thumbs up. She grinned and closed her eyes as she laid her cheek against Daniel's shoulder.

  Left standing there all by myself, again, I made my way back to our table. “Oh no you don't.” Clay said from behind me, putting his arm around my waist. I looked over my shoulder and there he stood, glistening with sweat from dancing. He smirked and turned me around.

  “What, no one else would dance with you? Where's Dana?” I made a show of looking around the room. I couldn't help the blatant jealousy that came through in my words. Clayton put his arms around me and walked backwards until we were in the middle of the throng of dancers. “Don't be like that, Mags. There's no one I want to dance with but you.” He whispered into my ear. “Liar.” I whispered back as I
pressed my cheek into his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

  Clay didn't say anything as we moved to the music. It was delicious the way his body pressed against mine. I felt completely alive. The music seemed to float over us and it felt like we were the only people in the room. I felt Clay's fingers in my hair, stroking gently and I sighed in contentment.

  This is what it was supposed to be about. Tonight was about he and I. Together. “Maggie.” He murmured into my hair and I pulled back and looked at him. He stared down at me as he slowly caressed my face. He had this way of turning me to mush. Did he have any idea what he did to me? We looked at each other for an endless moment. I was frozen in place.

  We had stopped dancing and simply held each other as the song came to an end. And just when I thought our moment had come, when we wouldn't hold back anymore, it was over. “Clay. I want the next dance. Come on.” Dana was suddenly there, tugging on his arm. Clay didn't take his eyes from mine, a question there. Did he want me to stop him? What did he expect from me?

  But that vicious emotion called jealousy made me mean. “Please, don't let me keep you.” I said acidly, moving out of Clay's arms. I could have sworn I saw hurt flash in his eyes. But he dropped his hands from my waist and let Dana lead him away. Away from me and whatever was there between us just a second before.

  I couldn't help myself, I stomped off the dance floor and threw myself into the metal chair at our table. Rachel was sitting there by herself looking as unhappy as I felt. “Where's Daniel?” I asked her. Rachel jerked her thumb in the direction of the punch table where Daniel was involved in a very heated discussion with Kylie.

  Great, we had both been ditched. So much for a fantastic evening. “Where's Clay?” She asked me in return. I jerked my thumb in the direction of the dance floor where Dana had wrapped herself around him. I couldn't help but take sadistic pleasure in the fact that he didn't seem to be enjoying himself.

  Rachel sighed heavily. “What is with these stupid boys?” She asked. I leaned on the table, propping my chin in my hands. “They're boys, Rach. They're idiots.” We sat there moping for a few more minutes when Rachel jumped to her feet.

  “Enough of this crap. We are not going to cry over them. We are here to have fun and damn it, that's exactly what we're going to do.” She pulled me to my feet and I laughed as we stumbled toward the dance floor.

  Rachel tapped a boy's shoulder. He turned around and looked at her in surprise. He was cute in a dorky kind of way, but he looked pleased with her attention. She pointed at him and his friend beside him. “You two are dancing with us now.” She took the boy's hand and pulled him toward her. The other boy looked unsure of what to do. I gave him a smile and that was all the encouragement he needed.

  Soon he had pulled me into an overly close embrace as we danced rather awkwardly to the techno music. My partner tried too hard to play it cool and kept trying to grind against me. I attempted to give us some space but he kept pulling me back toward him.

  Luckily the song ended not long afterward and Rachel and I soon found ourselves dancing with two different guys. Thirty minutes later we had changed partners five times and were really enjoying ourselves again. And I didn't think about Clay and it was obvious Rachel wasn't thinking about Daniel.

  A slow song came on again and the boy I was dancing with, Luke Tyler, who was on the football team, asked if I wanted to dance that one with him as well. I agreed and we started to move to the music. I didn't relax into him the way I had with Clay. But he was respectful and didn't move his hands anywhere he shouldn't.

  We were half way through the song when someone interrupted us. “I'm cutting in.” I looked up and saw Clay standing there looking very, very pissed. Luke frowned. “Dude, we're dancing here.” Luke swung us away from Clay, who followed. What the hell?

  “I said, I'm cutting in.” Clay's neck and face were turning an alarming shade of red. Luke stood up straight and was clearly getting annoyed with Clay's aggressive attitude. “And I told you that we're dancing, so back the fuck off.” Clay yanked Luke's arm off of my waist and shoved him backwards.

  “Clay! Stop it!” I yelled. Luke was angry. “What is your problem, man?” Clay shoved him again, advancing on the other boy with an aggression that scared me. I gripped Clay's arm to stop him. “What are you doing? You're going to get thrown out!” I screamed. Clay pulled his arm out of my grasp as he tried to lunge at Luke. He was shaking and he looked like he was going to explode. “Fuck this shit. I'm out of here.” He said through gritted teeth and pushed his way through the crowd that had formed.

  I stood there completely floored by his behavior. I turned to Luke who was trying to calm down. “Was that your boyfriend or something?” He asked. I shook my head. I didn't know who that was. “Sorry.” I muttered, leaving the dance floor.

  Rachel intercepted me as I headed over to grab my purse. “What was that about? Clay just stormed out of here like his ass was on fire.” I didn't know how to answer her, and I needed to find Clay. “Which way did he go?” I asked her. “No way. He seemed really pissed off. Give him time to cool down.” Rachel reasoned. She looked worried.

  I got my purse and headed toward the exit. “I'm going after him, Rach. I need to talk to him.” Rachel let me go, shaking her head. “I don't like this, Maggie. He didn't seem all there. I really think you need to leave it be.” I didn't want to hear her advice. My single focus was on finding Clay.

  I pushed past Rachel and went through the gym doors and looked down the darkened hallway. No Clay. I left the building and went out into the cool night air. “Clay?” I yelled. I looked toward the parking lot and didn't see anything. On some half brained instinct, I went around the back of the school toward the football field and bleachers.

  I heard a loud slam followed by a bellow of rage. Shit, I think I found him. Turning the corner, I saw Clay beneath the metal bleachers, holding his left hand against his chest, breathing heavily. “Clay?” I called out. He looked up and then turned away from me.

  “Go away, Maggie. Seriously. I can't be around you right now.” He sounded so angry and I just didn't understand where it was coming from. Well, he couldn't tell me what to do, so I continued to walk toward him.

  Seeing me coming, Clay yelled at the top of his lungs. “I said get the fuck out of here!” I stopped short. Okay, he was freaking me out now. “Why are you mad at me? What did I do?” I asked him over the distance of fifteen feet.

  Clay shook his head and gave a gurgling cry as he slammed his hand into the bleacher. Shit. I rushed over to him and took his injured hand in mine. It looked as though he might have broken two of his knuckles. They were turning a nasty purple and there was the unmistakable yellow of marrow. “What are you doing?” I cried.

  The tremors in Clay's body were causing me to shake too. “I just want to be alone. Please just leave.” The anger had left his voice and he sounded extremely tired. I pulled a tissue out of my purse and dabbed the back of his hand, where blood had started to ooze out of his skin.

  “Not until you tell me why you're so angry.” I insisted. Clay tried to pull his hand away but I refused to let go. “Stop shutting me out, Clay.” I warned him. Clay hung his head, the fight leaving him. “You stopped taking them didn't you.” I stated more than asked.

  Clay sunk to the ground, not caring about the dust and dirt getting on his clothes. “Yes, all right. I stopped taking them three days ago. Happy?” He asked me with venom. Okay, now I was pissed. “Happy? Happy!?!” I yelled at him. “Oh, I'm just ecstatic that you're not taking the medication that stops you from becoming a raging lunatic. I'm over the moon here.” I said with sarcasm. I turned to leave, sick and tired of his drama. My night had been ruined by him on multiple fronts and I was ready to go home.

  I started to walk away when I heard him get to his feet and run after me. “Don't go, Maggie. Please. I need you here.” He pleaded with me. There was that word again. Need. He needed me. And some annoying girlie part of me thrilled at hi
s words as much as the rational part of me was terrified of them.

  “You just told me to go, Clay.” I said, not letting him pull me back. He sighed. “I know I said that. I just didn't want you to see my like this...again.” “Then take your medication, Clay. Then we won't have this issue.” I said harshly. I tried to move away from him again but he grabbed my hand. “Stay with me. Please.” He sounded so broken and I hated how swayed I was by him, even when I knew I should get the hell out of there.

  “Why did you do that back there? It was humiliating.” I told him, still refusing to face him. “Look at me.” He begged, pulling on my shoulders until I was facing him. His eyes were frantic and he was breathing rapidly, as though he were about to have a panic attack. “I couldn't stand seeing you dance with that guy. He had his hands on you and I thought I would lose it. Well I guess I did lose it.” He chuckled humorlessly.

  His words pissed me off. “Who the hell do you think you are? You had just spent the entire night dancing with other girls! But I'm not allowed to dance with other guys? What a bullshit double standard!” He flinched at my anger. Good. He had made me mad and he needed to see that.

  “You're right. But I didn't want to dance with those other girls. You think I give a shit about Dana, or anyone else? Because I don't! I could never care about them because they aren't you! But you are constantly throwing me into the friend pile. I thought you didn't want to be with me! Did I misread something here?” He sounded desperate. Where the heck did he get the idea that I wanted him to be with other girls? Hadn't I been making it very obvious for the past few months that I was crazy about him? Maybe he was more delusional than I thought.