Nowhere but Here

by Katie McGarry

  “Big enough?” Violet gathers her hair at the base of her neck. “It’s huge. It’s the secret they’re keeping from you. It’s the reason you believe that they are rays of merry fucking sunshine when they aren’t.”

  “What?” I press. “What is it that’s so huge that my mom would be okay with you running away?”

  “My mom’s the one that drove your mom out of Snowflake. The one who helped you two escape in the night. My mom kept the secret of where you went when Eli went to prison. That’s right, everyone’s precious Eli went to prison for eight years and it’s your mom who turned him in!”

  Violet’s chest is moving rapidly and a strange sound leaves her throat as she goes white.

  The blow slams straight into my stomach and I stumble back and land on the bed. There’s a buzz in my head and my eyes flicker in front of me as I try to understand.

  “Shit,” Violet whispers as she shoves her hand through her hair. “Just shit. I didn’t say that. Please, Emily, I didn’t say that.”

  But she did. Violet said it and it’s there and my gut twists in a way that feels like I’m snapping in half. “What did he go for prison for?”

  “Emily...”

  I push off the bed and get in Violet’s face. “What did Eli go to prison for?”

  Her lips thin out. “Attempted murder...aggravated assault.”

  The room spins. “Who? Why?”

  “You’re not going to like it.”

  “Because I’m liking what I’ve heard so far?” I shout. “Tell me, Violet! You cannot get this far and stop!”

  She closes her eyes and whispers, “It was your mother’s brother. Your uncle. Your mother’s family didn’t want her and Eli together and when her brother tried to break them up...”

  A spark of anger propels me out the door of my room.

  “Emily!” Violet is hot on my heels, but I’m faster. I jerk open the front door, my hand smacks the screen and the moment I’m on the front porch, there are two walls of leather vests in my way.

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Emily,” says one with a long drawl. “The McKinleys said that you aren’t allowed to leave the house.”

  “What are you going to do?” I yell. “What the freak are you going to do to stop me?”

  They look at each other. For too long. Long enough that I have my answer. Nothing. There is nothing they can do to me. I slip past them and I’m down the stairs. Loud footsteps behind me. My name from their lips. From Violet’s lips. But I don’t care.

  Eli served time in prison. He almost killed someone. My mother’s brother. My uncle. An uncle I didn’t even know existed. They’ve lied. They’ve all lied.

  I’m halfway toward the crowd when a hand clamps down on my arm. I swing around and it’s the prospect. “I’m sorry, Emily, but you’re not allowed out here.”

  He’s bigger than me. Taller than me. Weighs three times more than me. Anxiety shoots into my veins and I struggle to escape. “Get off.”

  “No,” he says. “I’ve been given strict instructions that you stay in the house so I’m going to ask nicely for you to return to your room. If you don’t, I’ll pick you up and put you there myself.”

  It’s there in his eyes. He means what he says. He wants me in that house and he’ll force me to comply and what I’d finally begun to see as friendly isn’t friendly anymore. It’s big and it’s scary and I wrench harder at his hold. “Let me go!”

  His grip tightens and I’m pulling back with all my might and the words tear out of my throat. “Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!”

  Oz

  RAZOR EXTENDS HIS arms like he’s gripping the handlebars of a motorcycle and he mimics being thrown to the ground. “And I said holy fuck, asshole, that wasn’t a pothole, that was a damned canyon.”

  The guys around me burst into laughter and I join them then take another swig of beer. Pigpen walks by, fist bumps me and asks, “You out?”

  I check the bottom of my beer then down the small amount remaining. “Yeah.”

  “I got it, brother.” He’s off for the bar and I’m buzzing hard. Tonight will be the only night I won’t have to buy a thing. As Eli said, it’s my night.

  “You know what else is taken care of?” Razor smiles and a flood of sixth-sense concern swamps me.

  “Do I want to know?”

  More guys join our group and each of them have a shit-eating grin on their face. There’s a whiff of strong perfume and my stomach twists. A month and a half ago, I would have been all over this, but there’s a girl across the yard who won’t understand and will end up hurt.

  A delicate touch across my bicep and I look to my side. Early twenties, short pixie-cut brown hair and her tits are hanging in the breeze. “I hear it’s your night.”

  Not anymore.

  She waves a fifty in the air. “And your friends have bought you a lap dance.”

  Razor tips his chin at her. “We’ll keep paying, too. Let us know when.”

  Her hand is on my chest, trying to guide me back into the chair behind me. Fuck me. Just fuck me because I don’t know how the hell to get out of this. I gently attempt to remove her hands, but she’s a damned octopus snaking her arms around mine.

  “Get off!”

  My head jerks in the direction of the faint voice.

  “It’s okay if you’re shy,” the girl says under her breath. “I promise I’ll play nice.”

  Shy isn’t my problem, but crushing Emily is. There’s only one girl I crave to be with and she’s alone inside Olivia’s house.

  Then I hear it again. “Let me go!”

  The chick in front of me fades away as my heart stalls. That was Emily’s voice.

  Another hand on my chest and I shove it away. “Everyone shut the hell up!”

  The guys surrounding us go quiet and peer at me like I’ve lost my mind. I strain to listen past the electric guitars.

  “Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!”

  Suddenly I’m pushing through the crowd. Grabbing guys and thrusting them out of my way.

  “Oz!” Dad stands on a chair on the other side of the room. “What’s the damage?”

  “It’s Emily!” I roar.

  With my words the music rips off, guys snap their heads in the direction of the yard and I finally emerge from the clubhouse.

  Red. I see red. Emily is in the yard, clawing to get away. Her arm locked in the grasp of a man. He’s yelling at her. She’s yelling at him.

  “Emily!”

  Her head whips to me and there’s relief in her eyes. Pure relief and that causes a deadliness to unfurl within my bloodstream. She was scared. This man scared her.

  “Oz!” she shouts.

  My arm is yanked back by someone, but I’m a damned steamroller without brakes. At the sight of me coming, he releases her and Emily is pulling so hard that she falls to her ass. His hands are in the air and there’s shouting all around me. My fist collides with his jaw and he lands on the ground.

  A body slams into mine and I fight to go forward, fight to pick up the asshole and beat the hell out of him. Another guy rams into me and I don’t go down, but they do stop my advance. A jostle of arms then Dad’s in my face. “He’s a brother! A Reign of Terror! It’s a brother, Oz! We got this. Calm down! You hit a brother.”

  I breathe deeply to try to silence the pounding in my head. A brother. I attacked a brother, which can be an automatic out of the club. My eyes shoot to the asshole who laid hands on Emily and I can’t see him because he’s surrounded by Terror cuts and there’s lot of nasty words being tossed in his direction. The anger in the air is palpable.

  I tear away from Dad and he shields me from heading to the group, but I’m going in the opposite direction. Emily’s still on the ground, blinking, moving in slow motion. Her gaze snaps to mine and as she a
ttempts to stand, I clutch her hand and draw her into me.

  Emily’s arms weave around my waist and she burrows her head into my chest. One of my hands presses her closer and the other fists her hair. I inhale her sweet scent to confirm that it’s Emily. That she’s safe.

  She sniffs and I pull her back, framing her face with my hands. Another round of anger courses within me when I spot the moisture in her eyes. Dammit. “Are you hurt?”

  She shakes her head and opens her mouth—

  “Oz!” Eli stalks out of the crowd, his eyes narrowing in on my hands on Emily’s face. “Let her go.”

  I shift then nudge my shoulder in front hers to protect her from Eli’s wrath. Emily shocks me by surging forward. “You went to prison!”

  Eli rears back like she slapped him and the blood drains from my head and out my toes. Someone told her. Someone told Emily the one secret we all knew and Emily was never supposed to find out.

  “You went to prison!” she yells again.

  There’s not a sound in the yard except for shuffling on the porch. It’s Violet and she holds her elbows to her chest. I briefly shut my eyes. Violet.

  “Who told you?” Eli demands.

  “It doesn’t matter who told me. What matters is that you didn’t and what matters is that the reason you went to prison was for attempted murder and the reason my mom left is because you tried to kill her brother!”

  “Emily...” Eli drops his head and my soul is breaking for both of them.

  “You lied,” she spits out. She scans the yard as Olivia and Mom squeeze through the crowd. “You are all liars! You said you’re legit. You said this isn’t how you behave and you went to prison!”

  Emily’s shaking. She’s shaking and she’s wiping her eyes. This is killing her and that’s when it hits me, I’m not the only one she fell in love with. She also learned to love her biological father. I touch her back, daring to offer her comfort, and her shoulders roll forward.

  “Did you know?” she whispers to me. “Is this what he forbade you to tell me?”

  A few hours ago, I told Emily that we needed to play our cards right to make this work. I could lie to her now to save my relationship with the club and Eli. I could act as if she doesn’t matter to me, but I won’t hurt Emily. “Yes.”

  She glances at me from over her shoulder and the pure pain there strikes me hard and fast. “Let me get you inside,” I say so only she can hear.

  “Emily,” Eli tries again, but she raises her hand in the air.

  “Just don’t.” I don’t like how her body sways from one side to the next. “I want to go home, Oz.”

  “All right,” I say softly, “I’ll get you home.”

  Like I did the first night Emily arrived, I bend my knees and swing her up into my arms. And also like that night, Emily grabs on to me and rests her head in the crook of my neck.

  Eli slides in front of me, anger marring his expression. It’s vicious and full of death. For seven years, I’ve worshipped the ground he’s walked on. Never giving a shit one way or another that he served time. But Emily was right. I should be concerned about integrity issues. I’ve betrayed him, but by hurting Emily, he’s betrayed me.

  “Let me get her down,” I say. “And then you can deal with me.”

  The circle of men part. None of them will meet my eyes and I refuse to look anywhere other than straight ahead. Once I reach the porch, Violet opens the door then follows me in.

  “Please don’t tell Eli that I told her,” she begs.

  I say nothing as I enter Emily’s room. Emily releases me when I lay her on the bed, but snags my hand as I start to straighten. “I messed everything up, didn’t I?”

  “No. It was messed up before we had a chance to do the damage ourselves.” I remember Mom warning me off of Emily the night she arrived. The night I dragged Emily into that crevice at the motel and damned her to our world.

  Mom said Emily was surrounded by land mines and Mom was scared of me becoming collateral damage. She said it like I had a choice in becoming involved, but I didn’t. This fire was set eighteen years ago when Meg and Eli fell in love and had a baby. They tore each other apart then made decisions that continue to have a domino effect. Now Emily and I are left to battle the flames.

  Emily sits up and backs into the corner of the wall with her knees drawn to her chest. There’s a dip on the bed. Lars pads over then collapses at her side. Emily stares emptily into the room and lifts a hand on top of the dog’s head. His droopy eyes flicker from Emily to me then he lets out a loud sigh.

  I scratch behind his ear. “Stay with her, boy.”

  He whines and Emily slowly pets him. “Do you have to go?”

  “Party’s over and I have some explaining to do.”

  “I’ve cost you what you want. There’re going to kick you out, aren’t they?”

  I punched a brother and from the show I put on with Emily, it’s obvious she and I have been intimate. Yeah, I would say that the cut I’m wearing on my back will be gone by sunrise.

  I put my fingers under Emily’s chin, tilting her head up. “I love you.”

  Emily’s dark eyes widen and if this moment wasn’t so dire, I’d laugh at her expression. I swipe a finger across her smooth cheek. “I’ve never said that to anyone and I don’t plan on it being the last time, either. I love you, Emily, and I’m telling you we’ll work this out.”

  She goes to respond and I place a finger over her lips. “We’ll work this out.”

  We study each other. She wants to say it back, I long to hear her utter the words, but not like this. Not tonight. We both deserve better than that.

  “I’m going home tomorrow night,” she admits.

  I sit on the bed and press my forehead to hers. “I know.”

  “I didn’t mean to cost you this.” She barely touches the leather of my cut.

  “Hey.” I force a smile. “I like kids, remember? And as you pointed out, if I work with them I don’t have to carry a gun.”

  A tiny spark of amusement shows in her eyes, but it doesn’t quite diminish the sadness. “You really are good with kids. You joke, but you could do something excellent with them.”

  A wall inside me adjusts and it’s physically painful. There’s no choice but to think of a different future now. A future without the club. “I’ll deal with that later. Right now, I’m worried about you.”

  “I don’t know who I am anymore.” She scratches her arm and I frown at the red welt forming on her skin. “Life used to be simple and now it’s confusing and complex.”

  I settle a hand over hers, preventing her from making the hive bigger. “You’re Emily. The girl who stormed into my world and changed it forever.”

  “In a bad way.”

  “In a great way.”

  “I don’t know how to wrap my head around all this,” she says.

  I don’t, either.

  “Promise we’ll be okay,” she says.

  “I promise.”

  The front screen door squeaks open and our time is slipping away. I lower my head as Emily tilts hers up. A movement of lips. A bittersweet taste. A simplicity that has morphed into something increasingly complicated. Her fingers entwine in my hair, yanking slightly, holding on with the understanding that we’re on the verge of letting go.

  “Oz,” whispers Violet from the hall. “Wrap it up.”

  I take in Emily’s lower lip and the small gasp that leaves her sends a shock wave throughout my body. I pull away and our chests move in unison. Another fast, chaste kiss to her lips and I’m off the bed. “You have my number?”

  She nods then reaches out. “Hand me your phone. I’ll give you my Florida numbers.”

  I produce it from the back pocket and Emily types quickly. Boots stomp down the hallway. This is it. This is going t
o be the last time I see Emily for a while. She offers the phone back to me. “Here. It’s my cell and landline.”

  “I’m going to need time to work this out, okay? I’ll call you when it’s safe to chat. It may not be until you get home.”

  Because the first thing Eli’s going to do is trash the burner phone he bought her.

  “Okay,” she says.

  “Okay.”

  “Oz.” Cyrus appears in the doorway and it takes every ounce of self-control to not kiss her again. Those big doe eyes are begging me to find a way to fix this now and stay, but unlike Chevy, I don’t know magic.

  “You need to head home,” Cyrus states.

  Home. His words are a kick to the gut. Once upon a time, he would say home and mean here. “Guess when it comes down to it, I’m not family, after all.”

  Emily extends her fingers to me and I quickly squeeze them. I love you.

  I release her and stalk past Cyrus, shutting her door behind me. She needs space and they need to give it.

  Cyrus mumbles something under his breath to me. Something to make his words sting less, but I don’t listen. Olivia stands in the living room and she grabs my arm as I stride past.

  “This is your home.” Her fingers dig into my skin. “Don’t you dare walk away from here and think differently.”

  I rub a hand over my face and point down the hallway. “Why did they lie to her? She’s not in there bleeding because he went to prison. She’s in there bleeding because he lied. Again and fucking again. Even now, he’s not going to tell her, is he? He’s not even going to try to explain his side of what happened. She’s in there sympathizing with her mother when she doesn’t even know the whole story. She doesn’t know that her uncle tried to hurt them.”

  “You didn’t tell her?” Eli emerges from the kitchen. The dull lamplight coming from the table next to the couch where Violet shrinks casts an odd shadow over him.

  “I kept my word to you and didn’t tell her, but I should. I should go in there and tell her everything I know.”