Give Me Something I Can Feel

by B. Love

  “Charlie?”

  “Huh? Hi.”

  “Are you OK?”

  “I’m good. I meant to text my mom and sent it to you. My bad.”

  “So that means either you were reading my text messages or you were about to text me. Which one was it?”

  My mouth dropped in surprise as I pushed and pulled my napkin back and forth on the table with the tips of my fingers.

  “What makes you think either of those are the case?”

  “What other reason would you have to be in my text thread, Charlie? You wanted to talk to me. You were thinking about me. Just admit it.”

  “Fine.”

  “Say it.”

  “I will not.”

  “Why not?”

  Why not? Maybe because I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t even want to admit that I didn’t want to admit it!

  “Knight…”

  “I’ve been thinking about you too. I’ve been wanting to talk to you too. Does that help?”

  “Yes,” I almost whispered as I closed my eyes and pulled in a deep breath.

  “I eased your mind. Ease mine.”

  “I was reading your texts while I waited for my mom. I have been thinking about you and wanting to talk to you.”

  “I didn’t even send you anything worth saving. I can change that right now, though.”

  “Knight… that’s really not necessary,” he didn’t answer me. “Knight…”

  “Hold on. I’m texting you.”

  “Knight…”

  Seconds passed before he answered, and when he did my phone chimed because of his incoming text.

  “Yea?”

  “Did you really just text me?”

  “I sure did,” I giggled as I crossed my legs and shook my head. “You said you’re waiting for your mom?”

  “Yea, she’s meeting me while I’m on my lunch break.”

  “And what are you doing for dinner?”

  “Eh… oh… um…”

  “Don’t worry, Charlie. I’m not asking you out on a date. If I ask you out on a date it will not be over the phone.”

  I didn’t know if I should’ve been offended or flattered, so I remained silent until I caught sight of my mom’s car pulling up.

  “My mom is pulling up.”

  “Cool. Talk to you later.”

  “OK. Bye.”

  He ended the call and I quickly pulled up the text he’d sent.

  Knight: You have a beautiful soul. I’m looking forward to exploring every part of you.

  Holding a squeal in, I pressed my thighs together tightly as I texted him back.

  That was sweet. Much better than calling me a little weird.

  Knight: Lol. I like your weirdness. It’s refreshing. Never hide it from me. Enjoy your mom. You’ll be hearing from me soon.

  My mom kissed my temple before sitting across from me. Hearing from him soon? No. That’s not how this works. We weren’t supposed to be communicating. I wasn’t supposed to hear from him unless it was concerning Harlem. Other than that, we had an entire month to go before I started spending time with him. No. With Harlem. Time with Harlem. Not Knight.

  “Well who has your attention?” my mom pried, causing me to put my phone down and give her my attention.

  “Nobody. I was just thinking about a new client. How are you?”

  “I’m good. Have you ordered yet?”

  “Not yet. I was waiting for you.”

  She nodded and picked her menu up.

  “I’m assuming you haven’t quit or put in your two weeks’ notice have you?”

  Why did I expect her to wait before digging right in?

  “No, Ma. I haven’t done either yet.”

  She put her menu down and looked at me.

  “Why not, Lie? Your business is doing great. Imagine how great it could be doing if you were able to focus on it fulltime. You already bring in more from that than you do at Bundled. You can make what you make at Bundled in one month on one client with your business. What are you waiting for, baby?”

  “I just feel bad. They need me…”

  Her head shook adamantly and I stopped talking.

  “Don’t go there. You are replaceable. You’re a great worker, the best I’m sure they’ve ever had. You give your everything at Bundled. You put your heart into that store like it’s your business, but it’s not. Your business is suffering because you’re devoting so much of your time putting money in someone else’s pocket.

  If I taught you all anything it was the importance of being your own person. Being your own boss. Your siblings took the leap and started their own businesses. Your father and I have our own businesses. You’re the most creative out of us all. You read people well. They cling to you.

  You have the kind of spirit that makes people feel safe and comfortable. There’s no doubt in my mind that anything you set your mind to you can conquer. What are you waiting for? Don’t let having a good heart make you stagnant. Your position there isn’t guaranteed, and to be honest, your purpose isn’t either; not if you don’t step fully into your destiny. Stop walking around with that letter of resignation in your purse. Turn it in.”

  Ending the conversation, she picked up her menu and made sure I couldn’t see her face behind it.

  “Linda, can I talk to you?” I asked as soon as I walked back into Bundled.

  I didn’t wait for her to answer as I made my way straight to the back of the store and into her office. If I was going to quit it had to be now. Now while I had the desire and courage to quit. After letting myself inside of her office, I sat down and replayed as much of my mother’s words over in my head as I could.

  She was right – my family hustled. We all had hustler spirits. We never expected anything to be handed to us. We understood that anything we wanted we had to go out and get. I guess that’s why people like Bianca irritated me so much.

  Linda came into her office and I was sitting there with my hands together in my lap. My usual smile was gone. I needed her to know that I meant business and wouldn’t fold. No matter how hard she made leaving for me.

  “What’s wrong, lady?”

  Her hand cupped my shoulder as she looked down at me with a face full of concern.

  “Please, sit, Linda,” instead of sitting across from me she sat next to me. “Linda…”

  I pulled my two weeks’ notice out of my purse and handed it to her. Linda read over it, her facial expression changing about four times before she finished. She placed the letter in her lap, let out a sigh, and ran her hand down her face.

  “Charlie, you know how important you are to this company, but I won’t try to guilt you into staying. I know that your business is doing well. I don’t fault you at all for wanting to go fulltime. I’m going to miss you around here like hell and you and your work ethic will definitely be missed, but you have my full support.”

  My mouth opened slightly in shock. I was expecting more of a fight from her, but I would most certainly take this.

  “Wow. OK. That was easy.”

  “I know you’ve been wanting to quit for a while. I heard you going over your speech the other day in my office, not to mention the fact that you doodled I can’t wait to quit on a napkin like a million times two weeks ago and missed the garbage can when you threw it away. I’ve been preparing myself for you to leave.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. Of course my uncoordinated behind missed the trash can.

  “Thank you for being so understanding, Linda. This was a very hard thing for me to do, but I know it’s for the best.”

  “I agree. You’re family here, and we all want to see family succeed. Anything you need I’m here, and feel free to leave your flyers and package sheets here. We’ll continue to support you.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

  She pulled me in for a hug and we went back out to the floor, and I can’t even lie… I felt a thousand pounds lighter.

  Ever since my mom passed, I’ve been making donations to
Fuller hospital on her behalf. She didn’t trust my father to do right by the money, so that was the only thing she asked me to do in her will. Every year at the start of their charity week I was supposed to donate ten thousand dollars until the money ran out. Even when the money she put aside in her insurance policy ran out I’d continue to honor her request with my money.

  This year her doctor, Doctor Myers, threw some salt in the game. When I visited him to give him the check he asked me to be more hands on with the help this year. I tried to talk myself out of it by telling him that I’d much rather be a sponsor and donator and not a volunteer for any of the actual events, but he gave me a long, dramatic spill about how him and the rest of the board members would greatly appreciate my service.

  So here I am – wasting a perfectly good Wednesday morning in a room full of people that I don’t know or care to know waiting for Doctor Myers and whoever else to come in here and tell me what they need from me. Ignoring the small talk going on around me, I sent Carmen an 8ball request as I heard the door open and close. I had no intentions of looking up to see who it was until her scent hit my nose.

  Charlie.

  I looked up from my phone and sure enough, it was the beauty. She looked beautiful as always. Her eyes scanned the room briefly before landing on mine, and when they did she smiled widely and looked at the seat next to me. Like I’d want her to sit anywhere else. I patted the seat and she hung her head to conceal her smile as she came and sat next to me.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked as she pulled her purse from her shoulder and sat it on the floor in front of her legs.

  That was the first time I’d really paid any attention to the tattoo on her wrist. It looked like three sets of numbers.

  “I was summoned by Dr. Berry. What about you?”

  “Dr. Myers.”

  “This must be your first year participating? I don’t remember seeing you at any of the events in the past.”

  “Yea. Usually I just write a check and that’s about it.”

  “How’s Harlem?”

  “She’s good. How are you?”

  “I guess that was kind of rude, huh?” she giggled and fluffed her hair. “How are you too?”

  “I’m good, Charlie.”

  “Me too.”

  I shook my head and smiled as I looked at the move Carmen made in poker. After making my move I put my phone in my lap and looked Charlie over. I didn’t realize how deep I’d gotten in my stare until she looked at me and smiled.

  “You stare at me a lot,” she observed.

  “Does that bother you?”

  Her legs crossed and she lowered her head as she played with the strap of her sandal.

  “Not necessarily,” her eyes returned to mine as she licked her lips. “I’m just not used to it.”

  “You’re not used to a man staring at you? I find that hard to believe, Charlie.”

  Her small, delicate hand squeezed my forearm as she smiled and made no effort to remove it. And I was glad she didn’t.

  “They do, but… it’s just different with you.”

  “How so?”

  She pulled her hand back to herself and sighed.

  “When they look at me it’s like they’re just… looking at me, but when you look at me… it feels like…” she paused and tilted her head as she looked into my eyes. “Like you’re looking through me. In me. Why?”

  I didn’t answer her right away. I wanted to give myself time to answer her question right. The last thing I wanted to do was fly too deep because of my fast. I didn’t want her to think that there was a chance for something to pop off between us when there wasn’t, but I wanted to be as honest and open with her as I possibly could.

  “There's something about you that I know. Something that's familiar yet new. I can't explain it I just... there's something about you that I feel attached to. So yea, I stare at you because you're beautiful, but I guess I'm also trying to figure out what it is about you that...”

  I shook my head as I scratched the top of it. How could I explain something to her that I hadn’t even figured out myself?

  “Maybe I just have a common face,” she reasoned with a shrug.

  “There’s nothing about your face that’s common, Charlie,” Charlie blushed and covered her face with her hands. I took her by the wrist and pulled her left hand down.

  “What’s this tattoo about?”

  Now that I was looking closely I could see that it was three dates. She ran her fingers across the dates and sighed as the door opened. Doctor Myers along with three other doctors that I didn’t know walked in.

  “So sorry to keep you guys waiting. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Dr. Berry. You’re here because you all have agreed to help us with the charity events coming up later this summer. We’re hoping to have all of the details worked out by the end of this month with your help so we can start promoting and networking at the start of next month. Ideally we’d like to have our charity week the last week of May. Today is all about brainstorming. Any fresh and new fundraising ideas that you all can come up with will be greatly appreciated. I have to step out, but I just wanted to thank you all and let you know that you are greatly appreciated.”

  Doctor Berry tipped his head, then locked eyes with Charlie. She waved and he smiled as he returned the gesture. He looked at me and his smile fell, but he quickly recovered and left the room.

  I was not expecting to see Knight at this volunteer meeting, but the sight of him was a very pleasant surprise. Knight was different. He made no effort to try and hide his attraction to me, but he didn’t act on it in any way.

  So far in our 30-minute meeting we’d decided that Alvin was over entertainment. Crystal was over the food. Tracy and Olivia were over raffles, networking, and taking care of reservations, tickets, and everything like that. Derrick was the treasurer. The only people who didn’t have any responsibilities yet were Knight and I, which meant we were over coming up with the nightly events.

  He and I had moved to a table in the back of the conference room and had a piece of paper between us. We were close for whatever reason, and every time he spoke the smell of the mint on his breath and movement of his lips made me want to kiss him.

  We needed to come up with this list of events quick!

  “I think we definitely should have at least two sporting events,” Knight suggested. “Most of the sponsors over the years have been old white men. I think we should have a golf tournament for them, and a basketball game for the younger men. We can charge to play and attend the events. And throughout take more donations. Maybe have a set price that the winners will have to pay and the losers will have to pay at the end.”

  “That’s a really good idea.”

  I wrote his ideas down and bit my bottom lip to conceal my smile as I looked back at him. “Two down three more to go,” with the pen on my cheek I looked towards the ceiling in thought, but there was no avoiding the way his eyes roamed my face, neck, and chest. Self-consciously, I grabbed the collar of my shirt as I looked at him again. I hated for anyone to see my scar; especially men. That’s why 90 percent of the shirts in my wardrobe were button downs or shirts that came up to my neck. “What do you think about ending the week with a gala? We can sell tickets to attend. I went to a function last year that sold their tickets for five hundred each. Eight for couples.”

  “That’s a good idea. Give a brotha a chance to get dapper.”

  He popped his invisible collar and I laughed louder than I planned on. Eyes were on me as conversations stopped, and before I could even say anything the look Knight gave them made them turn away from us. When his face softened he returned his attention to me.

  “That was so corny, Knight. Did you really just say dapper and pop your collar? What year is this? 2000?”

  “Whatever, Charlie. Just write the shit down.”

  He put my hand on top of the paper and I laughed again; this time as quietly as I possibly could.

  “Maybe we could a
lso have a game night. Oh! Or Casino night. There won’t be a charge to get in the door, but instead of leaving with their winnings everyone will donate their winnings to the hospital.”

  “Charlie, that’s a damn good idea. I have no doubt that that’s going to be the biggest money maker. Gambling is the quickest way to spend money without a thought. That’s definitely a good idea.”

  I blushed as I wrote it down.

  “OK, so now we only need one more event. Any ideas?”

  The sly smile that covered his face worried me. And when he didn’t let me in on what he was thinking right away I was even more alarmed.

  “Knight…”

  “Hear me out before you say no.”

  “…Oookay.”

  “I think we should do an auction.”

  My skeptical face made him chuckle.

  “What’s so bad about that?”

  “I was thinking we could auction…” he looked around the room and smiled. “You.”

  “What? Knight…”

  His hand covered mine, and the act made me shut up completely.

  “You are the most beautiful being I’ve ever seen in my life. Not just physically, but your spirit is beautiful, Charlie. You have this loving and positive vibe that’s contagious. If you were to stand on stage we’d make millions, beauty.”

  Giving me time to register what he’d just said, Knight paused and rested more on the table. In this position we were face to face instead of side by side. His face was less than six inches away from mine. I could literally feel every slow breath he took. Fighting the urge to run my fingers across his face, I sat on my free hand.

  I don’t know if his plan was to distract me and make me agree, or if he honestly had no idea what being this close to him was doing to me, but whatever the case, I didn’t plan on asking him to move back.

  “This is what I’m thinking – instead of having multiple women to bid on there will only be one,” he smiled and lowered his head briefly before pulling his eyes back to mine. “Because there’s only one you. All of the bets will be accepted and donated, but only the highest bidder will win a date with you.”

  Since he still had one hand covering mine on the table, I used the free one that I was sitting on to scratch my eyebrow. I wasn’t insecure… but… I mean… I really didn’t have the time to date, but I also had no desire to date. The last time I went out and started to really like a guy he bruised my heart and crushed my soul. After that I just… invested my time and energy in other areas of my life.