Push and Shove

by C. L. Stone

  “Luke?”

  His lips caught in my hair. I felt the warmth of his breath, and he kissed my forehead. “You know, you and I haven’t gone out yet. Not by ourselves.”

  His hand had stilled on mine. I started tracing the lines in his palm. He opened his hand wider, giving me access. I slowed my fingertips, continuing to trace gently. “I thought we had. You know, the night we stole a camera and got shot at.”

  He chuckled, his breath teasing my skin. “Is that what girls look for in a date?”

  I wanted to smile, but to be honest, it kind of struck me in a strange way. Normal girls didn’t break into a house as a date. Now that it was over, I’d thought about it a lot. I thought of how my heart pounded at every moment, but not every beat was because we were neck-deep into trouble. There were moments when I felt Luke nearby, felt his sign language in my palm, holding me against the wall to keep me quiet, and even after, when he was bandaging me in the bathroom of a house we’d also broken in to. “It wasn’t fun?”

  “Hmm, I don’t know if I’d call it romantic.”

  “Oh,” I said. Nerves started to rattle. Romance. A real date. What was I supposed to tell him?

  My fingers made another trace along the lines of his palm, but as the silence thickened around us, his hand closed over mine, capturing it.

  Luke’s voice softened. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Yes.”

  He pulled his head back. Out of curiosity, I did, too, but when I did, I found his eyes on mine in such an intense way, that my breath left me and my heart pounded in my ears. The teasing glint that seemed to always be in his expression changed. He wasn’t playing any more.

  “If I had kissed you that night, would you have tried to stop me?”

  “No,” I said, and my heart nearly exploded when I realized I had gone with my first instinct answer. My mind whirled with thoughts of North, of Nathan and the others. They weren’t allowed. They’d made that clear. He’d thought about it?

  But Luke had been in the car with us when Gabriel had kissed my face, and Nathan then kissed me at the club. Luke was the one that had held back. I noticed that now about him. Gabriel often took center stage when we were together, and Nathan was more subtle but voiced his opinion. I didn’t know how Luke felt about it, but he’d laughed through it.

  Luke parted his lips, but words didn’t come. Instead he picked up my hand, bringing it to my mouth. My eyes closed, expectant.

  He kissed my fingers as they covered my lips. Just a little, towards the tips of my fingers. After that, he paused, and his nose touched mine. He waited there, his breath falling on my fingers. “I’ve been thinking about our first kiss plan. I don’t think I want it to be at the diner anymore.”

  “Oh?” I asked through my fingertips.

  “Maybe I should have done it before.”

  “When I tried to pickpocket you?”

  “I’m thinking before that.”

  I paused, thinking. “In Kota’s closet?”

  “Maybe,” he said. “But probably closer to when I first thought I wanted to.”

  My heart flipped over. “When?”

  “Back when the diner was a church. The first time you followed me inside.”

  The first time we met? He hardly knew me! I was thrilled by the idea, but wondered if back then I’d have let him. I didn’t know him at all then. I was so nervous.

  “If you don’t want to at the diner, then where?” I breathed.

  “Wherever you are.”

  I tilted my head a little to get a better view of his face. He was so close, his face hovering over mine.

  I lowered my hand from my mouth.

  “Sang.”

  I think I said his name, but didn’t hear it over my pounding heart.

  He brought his face closer. He didn’t kiss. He only touched his upper lip to mine. “If I start, I won’t stop,” he whispered.

  His mouth moved over a little. He kissed me on the cheek, close to the corner of my mouth. He did it slowly. My hands reached to grip, to balance myself, and I ended up clinging to his shoulders for support. I felt more sure than before that he’d kiss me. Not a trick. Maybe it wasn’t like we’d pictured, but did it need to be?

  I was a bundle of nerves, vibrating all at once, excited, and self-conscious that I might do it wrong, and unsure if I should back off or keep going.

  His palm slid up, cupping my jaw. His fingers slid to the spot behind my ear, and he shifted my head, tilting it. He cocked his head the opposite way, so our noses were no longer touching. He kissed my cheek again, slow, closed-mouthed with his lips puckered further, softening the kiss.

  I let him guide me where he wanted. His lips trailed across my cheek, and started grazing my jaw line. I found space to breathe, and caught his vanilla and sugar scent. That sweet fragrance set every last nerve inside me trembling. It held a promise that his lips were trying to deliver on.

  His fingers captured my chin, and he angled my head further. His lips found my ear. He suckled at the lobe, nipping at it with his teeth.

  And now while he was kissing other parts of my face, I wanted him back. I wanted the real thing. I wanted to tell him I knew he’d get into trouble. Some small part of me wanted to tell him not to so the Academy wouldn’t find out.

  Most of me didn’t want him to stop at all.

  A sharp knock from behind Luke jarred me to pull back. Luke sat up quickly, turning to face off whatever it was.

  A policeman squinted at us giving us a knowing smirk. “Go make out somewhere else,” he said, his voice muffled through the window.

  Luke nodded to him, and he quickly turned over the engine. He rolled the car forward quickly. I glanced back once, spotting the police car that had parked a few houses down, the lights off. My heart was a mess over what had just happened with Luke and then the cop. The whole day had me ready to hide under a rock for a while to calm myself down.

  “We’ll, we’re a bust,” Luke said, winding through the neighborhood, taking the long way around to the way we had come in.

  “Are we in trouble?” I asked.

  “No,” Luke said, adjusting the rearview mirror. “At least I don’t think so. If he thought we were just fooling around, he probably won’t report anything. One of the neighbors must have noticed us and called him. Or he lives in the area.”

  “If he lives there, it’ll be harder to keep an eye on Rocky.”

  Luke smirked. “Even cops leave the house once in a while. Don’t worry. We’ll figure out what they’re up to.” He turned the car onto a bigger road and sped up. “But I guess our job is done. Time to take you wherever you’re supposed to go.”

  I nodded, but as he drove, I stared hard out the window, trying to calm myself. I slid my palms along my skirt and kept trying to readjust the hem.

  But I was angry. So close. I thought for sure. He’d said he wanted to kiss me. Why did I feel this crazy desperation to be kissed? Did I expect something to change? I didn’t want to go wherever we were going. I wanted to find another place to sit. Maybe I wanted to go back to Luke’s house.

  But I was grounded, and everything was out of my control.

  DR. GREEN’S CONDO

  Luke made a call and we were told to head to Dr. Green’s place. When Luke pulled out of Goose Creek, he took back roads instead of the interstate. I got lost but was pretty sure he was heading east. It made sense that Dr. Green lived downtown since that’s where the hospital was.

  Luke pulled into a cozy neighborhood where most homes were single family. At the end of one cul-de-sac, there was a small collection of condo units. Each one had a different design, like miniature versions of downtown Charleston estates with brightly painted colors.

  Dr. Green lived in the far left end unit, in a section painted a light lavender. There was an extensive flower bed surrounding most of the front porch, and while it was dark, it looked like rose bushes.

  Luke parked in the lot, running around to open the door for me. My nerves rattled
much like the first time I spent the night over with Victor. New place. New things. Would I even be able to relax here?

  We stood together on Dr. Green’s front porch. Luke held my hand and squeezed it.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  He smiled and then leaned in, planting a kiss on my temple. “Don’t look so scared,” he said. “I’ll be tempted to steal you and take you to the beach, too.”

  “You could?”

  Luke laughed and rang the doorbell. “You’re going to get me in so much trouble.”

  “Come on in!” A shout came from deep inside the condo.

  Luke opened the door to a short hallway. He ushered me inside and closed the door behind himself.

  The air was a mix of ginger, citrus, leather, and cleaners. A lot of cleaner. My nose wrinkled. Did Dr. Green clean everything up before we came?

  Luke walked past the nicely decorated living room and a dining room that looked unused and pushed at a swinging door to reveal a kitchen.

  Dr. Green stood by the stove, clutching a wooden spoon as he stirred at a saucepan. His kitchen was cozy. Beige kitchen titles continued the neutral color palette from the living room. There was a large kitchen island with a dark counter and stools beside it and also a breakfast nook with a small round table stuffed into it. The space was a little snug, but clean. Except for Dr. Green’s current cooking, everything else looked spotless. There wasn’t a toaster or a box of crackers sitting out or sponges around the sink. All the things he used looked brand new.

  Dr. Green was bent over his saucepan. He wore tan slacks but with a purple collared shirt, unbuttoned all the way to reveal the white T-shirt underneath. There were a few red droplets splattered against the white. His sandy blond hair was sticking up a bit in the back.

  “What’s for dinner?” Luke asked. He crossed the room to the stove.

  “Try it,” he said. Dr. Green dipped the spoon into the red sauce, holding it out for Luke.

  Luke took a bite and made a face. “Is that supposed to be Bolognese?”

  Dr. Green’s face fell. “You mean it doesn’t taste like spaghetti sauce?”

  “It’s bland,” Luke said. He opened cabinets next to the stove as if he was familiar with the setup. He grabbed bottles of spices and started opening them. “These still have the fresh seal. You haven’t used any of the new stuff I bought for you.”

  “I’m never here.” Dr. Green dropped the spoon into the saucepan, letting Luke take over. “I’m at work. I’m at school. I sleep at work a lot more these days.”

  “You shouldn’t do that,” Luke said. “Go home more. You bought this nice condo.”

  “I got suckered into it,” he said. “That old Mrs. Maury said she needed to sell to get out from under it. I think she was fibbing and jacked the price up. You know me, I’m a sucker for old lady pity stories.” Dr. Green caught my stare and his face lifted into a smile. “Hello, pumpkin.”

  I gave him a small wave. I stood with my arms folded at my ribs, trying to make myself small. The place looked comfortable, but it wasn’t familiar. I didn’t know what I could touch.

  Dr. Green turned to Luke. “Staying for dinner?”

  “No, I think I have to swing by the diner. And Kota wants me to help him with wiring Mr. Crowley. I’m going to be all over the place tonight.”

  Dr. Green flashed a smile at me. “Looks like it’s just you and me. And Owen.”

  “Mr. Blackbourne is coming?” I asked.

  “He’s got some of your clothes and your book bag from Kota. He also has some new vitamins from Gabriel.” He pulled out one of the stools from the kitchen island. “Make yourself at home. Nice dress, by the way.”

  “Thank you,” I said in a quiet voice. I climbed onto the stool, which was harder to do in wedge sandals. I propped myself up on my elbows against the counter.

  “Guess I should go,” Luke said. He walked around the island, planting a kiss on my forehead. He leaned in close for a hug. His lips grazed my ear as he whispered. “Next time you and I are alone, I’m going to finish what I started. I promise. I don’t care what you’re doing. When I see you, I’ll kiss those cute lips off.” He backed away, winked at my blazing hot face and strolled out, whistling a tune I didn’t recognize. A moment later, I heard the front door open and close.

  Dr. Green stirred the pot of spaghetti sauce and spooned some out. He licked it carefully, like he didn’t really want to, but needed to check it. He smacked his lips after. “Oh good. It does taste better,” he said. “I was worried he’d make it really spicy or gross.”

  “He’d do that?” I asked.

  Dr. Green laughed, smooth and light. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” He crossed the kitchen, planting his hands on the island across from me. He leaned in. “Talk to me, doll face. How’ve you been?”

  “Fine.”

  “Have we learned our lesson and won’t misbehave again?”

  “I didn’t do anything,” I said, finding it hard not to try to defend myself. Of course it was the lamest excuse ever.

  He reached out, beeping my nose. “No, missy, you were supposed to do nothing. You’re in hot water for not doing the easiest thing on the planet to do. Sit and do nothing.”

  I pursed my lips, unable to come up with a response. There really wasn’t anything I could say.

  He stared at me like he was waiting for a rebuttal. When I didn’t say anything he smirked. “Would you like something to drink?”

  I shook my head. I didn’t want to impose any more than I already was.

  He squinted his eyes at me for a moment and studied me. Was he trying to read my thoughts?

  He reached out, gently lifting my hand up. He did it slowly as if testing me to make sure I was okay with it. He pulled my hand over closer to his face and opened it up. His fingertips traced along my palm.

  “I suspect,” he said quietly, “you’re a bit nervous about staying here tonight.”

  I nodded.

  He continued to trace my palm, massaging the corners. “I hope you’ll like it. Because between you and me, I hope you’ll spend a bit more time over here.” His eyes lifted, meeting mine in a soothing gaze. “And not just because you’re grounded.”

  My heart raced. Dr. Green was charming with his soft green eyes and his dazzling smile. Despite his tone and his effort, he was making me more nervous. I really liked him and didn’t want to disappoint.

  He bent over the countertop, moving my hand up close to his face. “Kimi ga ite shiawase.”

  It was Japanese, I knew. He’d said this to me before. But now, from taking his class, I knew a couple words. “Happy?” I asked quietly. “You’re happy?”

  His smile brightened. “At least someone is listening in class.” He bent is head, closed his eyes, puckered his lips and kissed my knuckles lightly.

  My once rapid heartbeat stilled, as did my breathing and it felt like the rest of the world had paused with me. It was just Dr. Sean Green in that moment, his lips against my skin. Unexpected, and yet it seemed like this was a completion of something he’d started to do a while ago, only he couldn’t because we’d been in class and everyone was watching.

  He tilted his head up, the corner of his mouth lifting on one side. “But this time, I’m afraid you get a C.”

  My mouth popped open. “What? Shiawase means happy, doesn’t it?”

  “Okay. A C+, but only because you’re cute.” He winked at me, still clutching my hand. “Kimi is you, not I.”

  “I’m happy?”

  He shook his head. “Most of the time, in Japanese, me is implied. They don’t often talk about themselves directly. Depending on the context, you may have to assume the person is talking about himself.”

  I said the words to myself again. “Kimi ga ite shiawase. ... You... make me happy.”

  His brilliant smile lit up until he was nearly glowing. He released my hand and then went to fill a pot up with water. “I’ll give you some bonus points. I’d bet you’ll g
et an A next time.”

  I fiddled with the cuff of my sleeve, unable to think of a reply. He was such an incredible flirt, I was learning that. I was never sure how to take him seriously. “Where did you learn Japanese?”

  “I grew up with it,” he said, setting the pot of water up to boil. He brushed his hands off on his shirt and then moved away from the pot to lean against the island, his arms folded over his chest. His lean strong muscles bunched up at the biceps and around his chest. “I’m pretty fluent.”

  “Is that the language your mother ... your adopted mother knew? Did you ever go to Japan?” I asked. I didn’t get that impression. His accent was light, but it was pretty southern. His mannerisms were very American. He’d made it sound before like he grew up here.

  “I was in Japan for a few summers,” he said. “And some holidays. Sometimes funerals. It depended on my parents.”

  “They took you over there?”

  He nodded. “I wriggle myself out of going these days. I tell my mother I’m busy with the internship and she lets me get away with not going. For now.”

  It was hard to imagine him with Japanese parents. I thought he’d be more excited about visiting Japan since he seemed to really like Japanese things, but I guess if he’d done it for a long time, perhaps the excitement of the adventure had worn off. “What’s she like? Your mother?”

  “She’s a force to be reckoned with,” he said. “God help us both whenever we get to that stage.”

  “Stage of what?”

  He laughed and shook his head. “There is an etiquette to this dating thing. Eventually you have to meet each other’s parents. I guess technically I’ve already met yours, so you jumped the gun.”

  My lips parted and my breath escaped me in a huff. From his tone, he was serious! He really did consider us to be dating. My heart swelled at the idea. The more I learned about him, the more I wanted to know, and liked immensely.

  “And if you ever meet my mother,” he continued, the glint in his eyes brightening, “I’m hoping it’s after you’ve decided to stay. I wouldn’t put you through that otherwise.”

  “I...”

  “But we’re little lost destiny babies,” he said. He took my hand again, drawing it toward his face as he leaned over the counter. He pressed my palm open, massaging my hand. “So you’re going to have to stay. You can’t mess with fate.”