Just Enough Light

by AJ Quinn

  Bogart nuzzled closer. Without saying a word, she scratched his head and let him know she was all right, although the taste of fear lingered. She’d wondered once how he knew, but decided gifts weren’t necessarily meant to be understood, only accepted.

  Eyes gritty from too little sleep, she blinked several times and waited until her vision adjusted to the relative darkness that enveloped her. The cabin was filled with shadows blurring the details, the only source of illumination provided by the glowing embers of the fire she’d built a couple of hours ago.

  She didn’t need more light than that to know only ghosts stirred in the stillness. But she stared at her hands nonetheless, reassuring herself the blood she’d seen moments before had only been there in her dream.

  She’d known from past experience it was likely going to be a rough night. Ever since Cody had mentioned the cop that had come by asking for her, there’d been too much adrenaline and energy crashing around inside her. Too much fear. Too many memories. Too many consequences.

  There was also more than a bit of annoyance, because she’d yet to deal with the issue head-on. Yet to ask Annie what she might know. And it wasn’t as if she hadn’t had a chance. But after coming back from dinner with the team the previous evening, she’d pleaded tiredness and called it a day.

  She’d walked with the girls as far as their cabin, then tried all the usual tools at her disposal, much as she did when things got rough. She headed to the recreation center. The gym was a source of personal pride and boasted state-of-the-art equipment and a challenging climbing wall, while the newest section included a selection of auto belayers, which meant she could work alone.

  She spent time on the climbing wall. Swam laps in the pool. Did everything she could to wear herself out so the nightmares would be kept at bay. But nothing had helped. Not even warm thoughts of the new doctor. Dana Kingston, of the fair hair, incredibly deep brown eyes, endless legs, and gentle humor.

  In the end, Kellen headed back to her cabin with Bogart. Hoping for the best. But when she finally managed to fall asleep, her demons crept out of the shadows where they’d been waiting for her.

  That was the problem with memories. They lived in her mind and there was no outrunning them.

  Her saving grace was Bogart. He’d pulled her out of the nightmare that held her in its grasp. Stayed beside her while the beat of his heart drove the remaining images away. Just like he always did.

  Kellen knew most people would find it strange, at best, if they knew the truth. But for some inexplicable reason, she had a connection with Bogart. She’d sensed it from the moment she spotted him on the interstate. He had just escaped the rear wheels of a southbound semi and stood shaking on the side of the road. Young, emaciated, half-frozen.

  Not that different from the girls, the first time she laid eyes on them.

  She’d pulled over and somehow rescued him. Barely dodging a speeding SUV, she managed to grab him, coming away with nothing more than torn jeans and skinned knees. She’d then tucked the shivering pup inside her sweatshirt, sharing her body heat with him while she took him to see a vet she knew in Denver.

  Susan had shrugged when she saw Kellen at her door with a bedraggled puppy of questionable parentage in her hands. Without saying a word, she examined the pup thoroughly and declared him surprisingly healthy, albeit malnourished and underweight. Together they’d then cleaned him up and discovered that beneath the filth was a likely purebred German shepherd puppy, maybe eight weeks old, with bright trusting eyes. The pup had looked up at the two women and had unerringly chosen Kellen. Crawled into her arms, licked her neck, and promptly gone to sleep.

  In that moment, she knew he’d chosen her as much as she had chosen him. Just as she knew the two of them would be going home to Haven together. He needed a home. And she had one to share.

  Bogart had paid Kellen back for his life a thousand times over. He’d grown into an incredible dog. Beautiful, intelligent, and tireless. Along the way, he’d insinuated himself into every aspect of her life, taking to canine search-and-rescue training as if he’d been born to it.

  But more important, he had an innate ability to sense her moods and could bring her out of a bad spell with a lick or a nudge of his nose. Even when she’d been hospitalized. Somehow Annie had pulled off a minor miracle, convincing the staff that it would be in the best interest of both patient and dog to allow Bogart into her room. And there he’d remained, watching over her, comforting her, until she was strong enough to leave the hospital.

  Unconditional love, Kellen thought wryly. She would have laughed if anyone had told her she’d ever get unconditional love. And not only from Bogart, but from Cody and Ren, who offered it to her each and every day in so many different ways. As did Annie, for that matter. Pretty damned amazing, especially for someone who’d grown up not knowing love of any kind.

  Resigned to the truth that sleep would not be returning, Kellen crawled out from under the duvet and padded on unsteady legs to the kitchen. Trying not to think or do anything beyond what had become an everyday routine. She turned on the coffeemaker she’d prepared before going to bed, fed Bogart, and let him out. Then with nothing left to do, she headed to the shower.

  Once there, sitting on the tiles with her knees drawn up against her chest and her head pressed to her knees, Kellen let the water beat down on her and hoped it would wash away the remnants of her dream. Hoped it would wash away the blood and the fear and the horror. She deliberately blanked her mind, concentrating on her breathing until she was conscious only of the heat enveloping her, cocooning her as it wrapped heated arms around her.

  But she was still cold.

  Twenty minutes later, she’d prepared a thermos of coffee and was dressed with silk long johns under her jeans, thick socks in her boots, a black turtleneck, and a black down-filled vest. She opened the door and was hit by a brief, fierce surge of passion.

  Haven was still shrouded in darkness as she inhaled the cold air infused with pine. She felt it chill her face. Saw the remnant of the moon still visible in the sky. Felt the pines and spruce trees surround her, tall, but not high enough to block the beauty of the rugged mountains.

  At thirty-two, she had traveled extensively. Lived in large cities and small towns, slept in alleys, in cars, and under bridges. She had never before understood how anyone could feel connected to one place.

  But here? As she stood mesmerized by her surroundings, she felt sheltered. Protected. And here she welcomed the dawning of a new day. She stood still. Let her senses swim and enjoyed the bite of the cold as she listened to the sound of the silence.

  And then her radio squawked.

  Automatically reaching for it, Kellen mentally prepared herself to face whatever the new day was bringing.

  *

  Dana awoke, not to the familiar sounds of car alarms and sirens and traffic, but to birdsong. She lay still for a moment, listening with pleasure to the lilting call near her window before opening her eyes.

  The morning sun streamed through the slatted blinds, painting pale stripes of gray over the tumbled bedding, and letting her know she had slept much later than usual. But she didn’t care because she also realized she was smiling and, try as she might, she couldn’t remember a time in her past when she’d awoken every day with a smile on her face.

  The air that she breathed was still and cold, but under the duvet she was cozy and warm all the way to her soul. Content.

  Not surprising, she thought, because her first week in Haven had been filled with hard work and unexpected moments of fun and laughter, as she got to know the new people in her life. Consequently, for the past week, she’d enjoyed the most peaceful nights’ sleep she’d experienced in a very long time.

  Maybe because she knew she didn’t have to get up and face long lines of people with gunshot and knife wounds waiting for medical attention in the ER.

  Far more likely because she knew while life in Haven was still quite foreign to her, that couldn’t detract from th
e feeling she’d had since her arrival. The feeling of homecoming.

  It helped that the people she’d met so far neither knew nor cared about who her father was or what the expectations had been for her before her arrival. All they cared was she was the newest member of the Alpine team, a qualified doctor bearing Annie’s stamp of approval, and someone ready to add medical skills and expertise to their expanding search-and-rescue efforts.

  Even more surprising, all they seemingly wanted in return was for her to approach her new life in Haven and everyone she encountered with acceptance and an open mind as she got to know them.

  Stretching lazily, Dana scratched her arm, finally blessedly cast free, and turned to thoughts of one person in particular, the enigmatic head of Alpine Search-and-Rescue. She already knew Kellen was someone who was going to make her new life a hell of a lot more interesting than she’d envisioned. Definitely someone she was looking forward to getting to know much better.

  She thought back to a singular moment after a team meeting, watching as Kellen chewed a bite of pizza, half closing her eyes in sensual appreciation as the flavors danced across her tongue. It was the first time in her life Dana had experienced jealousy. And of a damned slice of pizza, no less.

  But behind the confident stride and sexy smile, she also sensed a very private woman when she looked at Kellen, one not easily moved to trust. So it would take time. And that was okay. If she had an abundance of anything right now, it was time. Time to get settled, time to feel comfortable, time to figure things out.

  The cabin, as it turned out, also strengthened her feelings of finding a home, having far exceeded any expectations she might have had. Spotless and cheerful, it had come furnished with a large comfortable sofa, a couple of overstuffed chairs, and a fully functional fireplace. She looked forward to spending quiet evenings in front of the fire while it snowed outside.

  Cody had pointed out the propane heater in the corner of the bedroom, but had assured her that the fireplace would probably generate all the heat she would ever want or need. And Cody and Ren ensured she had plenty of firewood, neatly stacked on the deck just outside her front door.

  It was a need for caffeine that finally drew her from the comfort of her bed. After a wonderfully hot shower, she quickly dressed in jeans and a heavy Irish-knit sweater. Quite a change from hospital scrubs, she thought, as she finished off her new look by putting on the hiking boots she’d bought while in town with Annie. She tried to remember if she’d ever owned hiking boots. Probably not, but Annie had said they were essential.

  Thinking of essentials, Dana wandered into the kitchen, only to discover she was out of coffee. With a sigh, she grabbed her jacket and headed for the door.

  She blinked when she stepped out of her cabin into sunshine and stared up, not yet used to the heart-stopping, magnificent view that surrounded her. The woods were beautifully inviting in the morning light, the black of the tree trunks and branches in stark contrast with the bluish white of the snow dusting the boughs and shawling the ground.

  The air held a silence that was still alien to her and she drew in another breath, letting the scent of pine and crisp, clean mountain air fill her lungs, while the silence soothed her heart and her spirit. She wanted to laugh at the joy she felt just from the simple, clean scent.

  As she started walking down the snow-covered lane toward the office, Dana spied what had to be animal tracks. A few she recognized as likely belonging to Bogart. Other tracks looked like maybe deer. And still others, she couldn’t recognize at all.

  She felt a keen urge to follow the tracks and explore her surroundings more than she already had, but first things first. She needed coffee.

  And just maybe she’d see Kellen in the office and have another chance to get to know her better. Something she was looking forward to with admitted pleasure.

  *

  The river was angry. Swollen and dark, it was flowing faster and stronger than usual, thanks to the recent storm.

  Kellen gritted her teeth. The water was bitterly cold and she could feel the icy temperature cut through her wetsuit, feel its sharp stings each time it splashed her face. She flinched as the pain registered. Oh Jesus, that hurts. It caused her chest to tighten as if gripped by a vise and was making it increasingly difficult to take a deep breath.

  They’d been searching for a missing boy since dawn before finally spotting him. He was floating face down in the river. There was no time to waste and Kellen had plunged into the dark, frigid water the moment Tim had fastened the rescue harness on her.

  Even then, she barely managed to catch the edge of the boy’s jacket, holding on with all her strength before the current could carry him out of her reach. Somehow, she managed to secure him to the rescue rope, then wrapped her arms and legs around him.

  Holding him against her chest, fighting to keep his head above water, something struck her side with a glancing blow, distracting her momentarily. A familiar childhood nightmare flashed in her mind. Monsters—in the closet, under the bed, under the water. It was only for a second or two, but enough that she slipped underwater.

  She surfaced quickly, coughing violently, but could see what had hit her—one of several small trees the river had claimed.

  She renewed her focus on the boy as the one solid reality in the tumbling, shocking, cold universe she was in, while trusting her team and the belay rope to stop them both from going downstream. She knew it didn’t take long for hypothermia to kill, and she had no way of knowing how long the boy had been in the icy water.

  Long enough, she feared.

  He was completely unresponsive and his lips were blue. Kellen thought she might have felt a pulse, but it could have been wishful thinking. And he was so still, she wasn’t even sure if he was breathing. But she needed to believe he was.

  Even as she felt the beginning of a headache brought on by the cold, she found herself wishing there was more she could do. But she knew it was taking all she had just to hold their position and keep the boy’s head above water. The world was fast becoming blurry, her arms ached, and she could no longer feel her hands or feet.

  She was so damned cold. But she was equally determined to hold on. Time slowed to a crawl while she held the boy and waited. Almost seemed as if it had stopped. But finally help arrived.

  Through the gray mist hanging like smoke over the river, she watched Jeff and Tim wade into the water, fighting against the fast-moving current as they moved toward her. Between them, they managed to get the boy attached to the tag line, then got him safely to the riverbank, where Kellen watched Gabe start CPR on the boy.

  “Come on, Kel. You’re turning blue. Let’s get you out of here. Give me your hand.”

  She heard Tim’s voice as if from a distance. Her headache had gotten worse, and as she slowly turned toward him, she connected with a hard, warm human hand that gripped her wrist. Beyond tired, she relaxed and was instantly buried in water. But Tim’s hand was still there, solidly holding on, and she gratefully let him help her out of the water.

  Chapter Five

  As was becoming habitual, Cody was the first person to greet Dana at the office. “Good morning, Annie said to tell you she’s in Incident Command.”

  Thanking her, Dana wandered down the hallway and listened to the muted sound of voices.

  “Good morning,” Annie said, looking up briefly. “Come on in. Help yourself to some coffee and grab a seat. We’ve got a missing thirteen-year-old boy, separated from his parents and younger brother while hiking before dawn this morning. We’ve had two teams out since first light—one in the air, the other on the ground on snowmobiles. One searching north, the other south of where the boy went missing.”

  Dana gratefully poured herself some coffee and thought the steam rising from the cup smelled like heaven. She grabbed the seat Annie had indicated and tried not to distract anyone as she watched over the rim of her mug.

  It was then she realized she’d been so focused on overseeing the construction of the m
edical facilities that she was only now witnessing her first real search-and-rescue attempt. This was no simulation.

  “We don’t always know where to look,” Annie resumed speaking a minute later, but her hands didn’t stop working the keyboard. “But in this case, we have fairly reliable information about where the family was when they lost contact with the boy.”

  Looking over Annie’s shoulder at a pair of computer screens, Dana could see lights blinking over what appeared to be a topographical map. But she had no idea what exactly Annie was seeing.

  “Every team member has a transmitter as well as GPS on their radios,” Annie explained without Dana needing to ask. “It lets us have both audio and visual on everyone in the field so we can track them.”

  Nodding, Dana continued to watch and listened to the intermittent radio transmissions coming in from the teams involved in the search. The sun was out, but the temperature was still hovering near freezing and she knew the recent storm had dumped a lot of snow on the terrain being searched.

  But as she tried to envision where the search teams were, what they were seeing, she realized she had no frame of reference for what they were doing. She would make a point to ask Annie or Kellen to take her out with a search team. Maybe a couple of times—by land and in the air. That would help her better understand not only the physical demands on the teams, but the emotional and psychological demands as well.

  “IC, team one, we have a sighting.” The disembodied voice cut into Dana’s thoughts, jarring her back to the present.

  “Team one, IC,” Annie said, studying a map on one of the computer screens more closely. “Can you confirm?”

  The room grew strangely silent while they waited.

  “Negative. Cannot confirm it’s our target,” the voice responded. “We’re checking it out.”