Adventures In Funeral Crashing (Funeral Crashing #1)

by Milda Harris

  I did leave him a voicemail the night before, but I sure as hell did not IM him and tell him to meet me at work. I didn’t even know his IM name. I looked toward the back office. At least Anne was there, if Troy tried anything…like killing me.

  “I didn’t IM you,” I felt my voice crack. I had been so sure that Troy wasn’t the psychopath too. I suddenly wished I had gone with Ethan to pay Detective Dixon a visit.

  Troy frowned, “Yes, you did. You wanted me to meet you here.”

  Boy, was he insistent. Was it better to argue or appease an insane person? “Uh, ok, sure,” I managed.

  Troy was almost at the counter now. Anne had a button to call the police in her office, near the safe. Maybe I could signal her somehow if I could get her away from her movie for a minute.

  “Hey, Anne!” I yelled toward the back. “Can you help me out here?”

  I turned toward the office, expecting to see Anne poke her head out, but instead I was surprised to see Jenna Martin, and that she had a gun.

  “I knew it!” I yelled, forgetting that I was in mortal danger for a moment, even if it wasn’t from Troy. Unless, that is, they were in on it together. I backed into my area behind the corner so I could see the both of them.

  Troy seemed as surprised as I was, “Jenna?”

  “Hi, Troy,” She said sweetly, while still aiming the gun at each of us in turn. “And, it’s Vanessa, actually.”

  “Vanessa?” Troy and I both said at the same time. I mean, Vanessa was dead and all so it was a reasonable question for both of us.

  “Yes, Vanessa,” she answered both of us. “Jenna is the one who died last week.”

  “Jenna’s dead?” Troy was confused.

  “Poor, poor Troy,” Vanessa and not Jenna said to him and then looked at me, “What Troy here doesn’t understand is that Jenna and I used to play a game with some of the guys that we dated. We’d switch on them. And, well, I fell in love with Troy and told Jenna to stay away from him. She didn’t, in fact, she slept with him just to spite me and then she broke it off with him. When I tried to get him back, he thought I was crazy.”

  Poor Troy did look really confused. “You sent me all those weird letters? Not Jenna?”

  “I loved you!” Vanessa cried passionately to Troy. “I still do! You and I could be together! That’s why I kept writing to you! But your ignored me! You kept dating other people! First Olivia, then Melissa, and then Liz! Now her! I loved you!”

  I was trying to think of a way out of the store. Vanessa was nuts, whether she was Jenna or Vanessa or whoever. Where was Anne? I glanced toward the office. I hoped she wasn’t dead. She was the best boss I’d ever had, even though she had been my only one.

  “I didn’t even want to kill them,” Vanessa continued, “I tried to warn them. You and I are meant to be together. I told them to stop dating you, but they just couldn’t. They wouldn’t listen. So, I had to kill them to get them to stay away from you. I love you.”

  Vanessa was looking at Troy like she was hoping he’d declare his love for her. I was hoping he would too, so that maybe Vanessa would fall into his arms and I could make a break for the door. Instead, to my surprise, Ethan burst into the video store, and ran straight for Troy.

  It was an amazing tackle. Ethan flew through the air and took Troy down to the ground. Troy didn’t know what hit him. He smacked his head on the ground and was gone to the world.

  It was then that Ethan looked up and got a real handle on the situation. Vanessa was shocked, but still holding the gun and it was pointed straight at Ethan.

  Ethan looked at me, “I guess I was wrong.”

  “Uh-huh. I wasn’t quite right either. Ethan meet Vanessa,” I managed.

  Vanessa snapped out of it. “Well, this complicates things. I guess I’ll just have to kill you all.”

  I was tempted to say, ‘You’ll never get away with it,’ but she had already gotten away with four murders, so what was four more? I wondered if we were all about to OD on heroin too or if she was just going to shoot us.

  Ethan asked the question for me, “What are you going to do?”

  “I was just going to shoot Kait and have Troy kill himself, but I do have another needle on me, so maybe I’ll inject Kait, shoot you, and then have Troy shoot himself. Oh, the options. I just have to make it look realistic,” Vanessa seemed to be pondering her choices. “Troy’s going to be my fall man.”

  “I thought you loved him,” I managed to say.

  Vanessa looked at me with cold, hard eyes. “I do love him but if I can’t have him, nobody can. Besides, I can’t be the one looking guilty and Troy knew all the girls. Mystery solved. Police happy. All of you, dead. Me, safe.”

  Ethan looked at me. I looked back at him. What were we supposed to do? I mean, you couldn’t rationalize with a psychopathic killer who it seems had already decided to kill us all.

  “Where to start, where to start,” Vanessa was pointing the gun between us.

  I wasn’t quite sure what to do at this point. My first instinct had been to bolt, but how was I supposed to get myself, Ethan, potentially Anne if she was still alive and in the back room, and an unconscious Troy out of the video store alive without Vanessa shooting anyone? It was impossible and yet I had to do something. That is until Ethan distracted me.

  “Kait, will you go to Homecoming with me?” Ethan shouted, out of nowhere.

  Vanessa and I both turned to look at him, surprised.

  “W-w-what I stammered?” I couldn’t quite grasp the question. Was he actually asking me to Homecoming even though we were both going to die? What was the point? Wait, did he like me and this was his way of showing it? Was I getting some sort of weird dying wish? This was surreal.

  “Will you go to Homecoming with me?” Ethan shouted again.

  Vanessa was looking between us, indecisively. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, was he really serious? And, was Ethan on crack? We were about to die here. How could I go to Homecoming with him? We had more important things to think about, “Uh, Ethan…”

  Vanessa swung the gun toward me and then I saw her eyes flicker to the storefront window.

  “Kait, will you go to Homecoming with me?” Ethan yelled again.

  I ignored him, he had obviously cracked under the pressure, and followed Vanessa’s gaze to the storefront window. What was she looking at?

  Ethan yelled again, “Vanessa, over here! Duck Kait, duck!”

  And, I meant to, but then the explosions began. Vanessa fired. I hit the ground with a searing pain in my shoulder. Oh my God. Had I been shot? Was this better or worse than dying of a heroin overdose? I would never get to tell Ethan I liked him. Did he really just ask me to Homecoming? Or was he asking Vanessa? Why would he ask Vanessa, though? She was about to shoot him or inject him with heroin. Life had been very confusing. Sleep, I just needed to sleep.

  I think I was unconscious for only a minute before my eyes snapped open. I had to get the fuck out of the store. I couldn’t die. I mean, Ethan had maybe just asked me to Homecoming. My shoulder was aching with excruciating pain as I managed to crawl out from behind the counter.

  The scene had totally changed. Detective Dixon was handcuffing Vanessa. There was blood all over her jeans. Had she been shot too? Police were everywhere. Ethan was on the ground looking in my direction, and gesturing frantically to the police officer talking to him. Troy was still out cold and there was a paramedic attending to him.

  “My boss is in the back!” I yelled and saw a police officer head toward the back office.

  Another officer headed toward me, “Are you okay? You’re bleeding! We need a paramedic over here!”

  Then, miraculously, Ethan was there too, holding me, and I gladly passed out in his arms.

  Chapter 20: Homecoming

  The first thing I remember was thinking, did Ethan really ask me to Homecoming? And then I realized I was in the hospital with a stiff bandage on my chest and my upper arm. My shoulder was killing me.

  Ethan was
sitting up looking at me, “Your dad just went to the cafeteria. I’ll go get him.”

  “No,” I managed to say.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, concerned.

  I nodded, “I just feel a little weird.”

  Ethan smiled, “Getting shot will do that to you.”

  “You talked to my dad?” I asked.

  Ethan’s smile broadened, “Yeah.”

  That was totally brain shattering. Maybe it was good that I was knocked out for that one. I couldn’t imagine what my dad would have said to Ethan. I just hoped they were getting along.

  “What happened?” I moaned, putting my healthy hand to my head.

  Ethan took that hand in his, surprising me, “I’m assuming you mean with the whole getting shot thing.”

  I nodded, still feeling his hand in mine and not wanting anything to change that wonderful feeling.

  Ethan continued, “When I got your text, I freaked. I thought you really had asked Troy to meet you so that you could interrogate him some more.”

  “But…” I started to say, wanting him to know what really happened. It occurred to me that his reacting that way was almost…jealous. No. He had to have been just concerned for my safety and my brain must be acting weird from painkillers or something.

  Ethan stopped me, “Now, I know you were just egging me on. Still, you have to admit, you do have a bad habit of side stepping me and doing what you want, after all. So, I thought you did something impulsive.”

  I smiled. He knew me well. He smiled back at me and then frowned as he continued to tell the story, “Anyway, I was so convinced Troy was the killer. I thought you were putting yourself in danger again. I yelled at Detective Dixon, I was so panicked, and then I ran out of the office.”

  I smiled at the thought of Ethan chewing out the detective. Detective Dixon deserved to get yelled at, even if he had ended up saving us. He could have saved us all this trouble by believing us in the first place.

  Ethan continued, “When I got to the video store, I could see you and Troy through the window. You looked as white as a ghost. I called nine-one-one, saw an opportunity, barged in, and knocked Troy out.”

  I smiled and Ethan looked sheepish, “How was I supposed to know Jenna or Vanessa or whoever she is was in there pointing a gun at the both of you?”

  “True,” I nodded.

  “Then I saw the cops outside. I tried to distract Vanessa. I didn’t want her to see them because, well, who knew what she would do then. She was already getting set to shoot us,” Ethan explained.

  “So, you didn’t really mean to ask me to Homecoming?” I asked. I had to know, you know, just in case I needed to go and buy a dress.

  Ethan smiled at me. “I thought it was a good distraction.”

  “Oh,” I said, feeling a little sad, because it would have been nice if Ethan kind of meant to ask me to Homecoming, even though he thought we were about to die at the time. “And, then the police came in?”

  “Guns blazing. Vanessa knocked off that shot at you and then they took her down, shot her in the leg, and everything,” Ethan squeezed my hand. “I was really scared that she shot you in the chest when you went down so fast. I thought we were all going to die in the crossfire.”

  I felt suddenly panicked. I had been so self-absorbed, “Oh my God, what happened to Troy? Is Anne okay?”

  Ethan smiled wickedly, “Troy is in the next room with a concussion. He is being nursed back to health by Ariel Walker.”

  “What?” I was incredulous. “Are you kidding me?”

  Ethan shook his head chuckling, “No. She saw us on the news, called my cell phone repeatedly until I answered, and demanded to know where we were.”

  “Wow, that girl moves fast. She was just asking me for the dirt about him this morning. I knew she wouldn’t give up,” I shook my head in wonder.

  “Ariel did check in on you too, you know. I don’t know what happened between the two of you and why you stopped being friends, but I can tell you that she didn’t want you to die,” Ethan said trying to joke about a serious subject.

  “Well, I guess that’s something,” I smirked.

  Ethan frowned as if he had some bad news. “Anne is in intensive care.”

  “What?” I jumped and felt a pain shoot through my shoulder.

  Ethan tried to soothe me, “She’s going to be okay. Vanessa had already pumped her full of drugs. She’s in detox and they want to make sure there will be no lasting effects. Anne’s really lucky. The dose wasn’t high enough.”

  “Wow, I hope she’ll be okay,” I said. I really liked Anne and I wanted to keep my job at the video store, at least until I graduated high school.

  Ethan squeezed my hand, “I know she will be.”

  “It’s just so crazy,” I said and then gulped, but I had to ask, “What happened to Vanessa?”

  “Well, she’s in the hospital too,” Ethan started and then noticing my alarm, squeezed my hand to let me know that there was more to tell, “They had to give her medical attention for her leg, but she’s under armed guard. She isn’t going anywhere, except to jail, for life I hope.”

  “Good,” I said adamantly and then I was curious. “Is she really Vanessa or Jenna?”

  “From the gossip I heard at the nurse’s station, they don’t know for sure yet. The girls switched all the time as kids, so it is totally possible that she really is Vanessa, like she said and that Jenna’s actually dead. They just can’t take her word for it. She’s totally insane. They’re going to take a blood test, though, and try to figure it all out,” Ethan said.

  “Wow,” It was hard to wrap my mind around. “So, Vanessa or whoever did all of this because of Troy? Some kind of fatal attraction?”

  Ethan nodded, “Looks like.”

  I frowned, “But why kill her sister then?”

  Ethan looked sad for a moment, “Well, and this is all just a theory right now, it looks like Jenna found out about Vanessa’s obsession with Troy and suspected Vanessa. Then Vanessa also needed a way to escape suspicion. It was convenient for her to kill Jenna.”

  “Wow,” I said again. It was so sad and surreal.

  Ethan continued, “Yeah, they found Jenna’s diary and pieced things together from that, my statement, and from what Vanessa’s been saying. They’re talking to Suzie right now. They’re going to want to talk to you too when you’re up for it.”

  “Yeah, definitely. So, what do they think happened then?” I asked.

  Ethan took a deep breath, “Well, it looks like Jenna told Liz that day at the animal shelter adoption that she thought Vanessa was messing with her regarding Troy and that Vanessa was obsessed with him.”

  “So, that’s why Liz was planning to go see Troy that night,” I interrupted.

  Ethan nodded, “Yeah, she really didn’t think he was cheating on her anymore. Anyway, it looks like while Jenna was telling Liz everything, Vanessa was trying to get to Liz first to tell her that Jenna was the crazy one, by emailing and calling. Vanessa failed because Liz hadn’t checked her email and had her cell off. Then Jenna went home early and confronted Vanessa and told her that she had told Liz everything. And, also that Liz and Troy were getting back together. Or, at least that’s what the police think happened. Although, their mom definitely confirmed the twins had a fight.”

  “Oh God,” I said, knowing what was coming next.

  Ethan paused for a moment, collecting himself, and then continued, “So, Vanessa did what she had to do. She waited for Liz down the street from Troy’s house, flagged her down, and killed her. Vanessa thought it was done because the police thought it was just another overdose, but it wasn’t over with because you and I discovered that email tying Vanessa to Liz.”

  “She knew because you emailed her about it,” I filled in.

  “Yeah,” Ethan said, “So, Vanessa killed Jenna to cover her tracks and then pretended to be Jenna, while making the world think Vanessa was dead. But, then we kept investigating. And, Vanessa knew you were about to be o
nto her again after the whole Troy thing and catching her in the lie about who dated Troy, so then her plan was to kill you and frame him. Besides, she thought he might actually like you.”

  “Wow,” It was a lot to handle and it was all I could seem to think of to say about the situation. So much had happened in the last few days. My mind was spinning.

  “Yeah,” Ethan looked sad, but determined. “At least, that’s what it’s looking like. We’ll know more once they run tests on Vanessa and actually complete the investigation.”

  “Finally,” I said.

  “Yeah,” Ethan nodded.

  “So, how would they have confused the bodies, though, if the sisters did switch? I mean, didn’t they have to ID Jenna? How did they get that wrong?” I asked.

  “Their mom identified the body, with Vanessa pretending to be Jenna. At least, that’s what the cops think happened. So, their mom assumed it was Vanessa dead on the floor. Besides, she was in Vanessa’s bedroom, in her clothes. They never did any sort of forensics because it was obvious. The parents positively identified her. And, “Jenna” who we now know, or almost know, is Vanessa was walking around as Jenna. They just didn’t know. They’ll have proof soon enough, though,” Ethan said.

  “So, Troy didn’t know anything either?” I asked.

  Ethan shook his head, “He had no idea about any of it. I mean, he knew he had a crazy ex, but he’s totally in shock about it all.”

  I squeezed Ethan’s hand back. “I’m so sorry about Liz.”

  Ethan smiled slightly, “But now we know. You know? I feel better about that. Liz’s name is cleared and people won’t remember her as a drug statistic. She’ll be remembered as a great girl who loved animals instead. And, my parents and her friends and I won’t be beating ourselves up about not noticing she had a drug problem.”

  I nodded and looked at Ethan with suddenly teary eyes as it all started to hit me, “I can’t believe this happened.”

  “I know. And, I don’t know how to thank you,” Ethan smiled.

  “Thank me?” I frowned.

  Ethan was looking at me sincerely, “If you hadn’t crashed my sister’s funeral, they never would have caught Vanessa or at least, a lot of other people would have died before she had messed up and gotten caught.”