Avoiding Alpha

by Aileen Erin

  “Their parents called for an update. He was upset, so he went for a walk.”

  He’d been really nice about everything, saying I hadn’t made it any worse, but I wasn’t so sure that was true. I couldn’t get the image of Meredith convulsing on the roof out of my head.

  “How about I take you back to your room?”

  That sounded like a terrible idea. Being alone in my room when Meredith’s side was empty? “No. I want to stay here. Just in case she wakes up or something.”

  “Cherie. She’s not going to wake up tonight.”

  A tear rolled down my cheek. Would she ever wake up again?

  My heart was breaking, making it hard to breathe. “I need to go back to my cousin’s first thing in the morning.”

  “No.”

  “It’s all we’ve got now. I tried…I really tried. Maybe I didn’t believe in the spell enough to make it work. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough.” It didn’t matter. I’d failed and that was all that I could think about. God. If I couldn’t fix this with spells and potions, then I had to try bargaining.

  “Non. Cherie. Non. S’il vous plaît.” His hand tightened around my ankle. “This morning I…you can’t. I don’t trust them. You can’t go back there.”

  I wiped my eyes. “What else am I supposed to do? Let Meredith die?”

  Dastien stood and picked me up from the chair. I was about to protest, but he sat back down with me in his lap. I curled up against him as I watched Meredith. “What did she do to deserve this?”

  “All I know is that she was off campus at a field party with some of the coven a few years ago. Apparently Luciana found out about it and broke up the party.”

  “So other people were cursed?”

  “No. Only Meredith.”

  Why Meredith and no one else? “What did she do?” A part of me thought it’d be easier to swallow this if I knew why it was happening. The other part of me knew that nothing would make me understand.

  “Nothing to deserve this.” He set me on my feet as he stood. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

  “I’m scared that if I leave, she’ll be gone when I wake up.”

  “If she gets any worse, Dr. Gonzales will come get us. Okay?”

  He had a point. “Okay.” I leaned down to Meredith. In the dark, her skin was so ghostly it nearly glowed. “I’m so sorry. I’ll fix this. I swear. Just hang in.” She was like ice. I pulled up the extra blanket that was folded at the foot of her bed, and tucked it under her chin.

  “Come on, cherie. Let’s go.” His hands squeezed my shoulders as he steered me toward the door. I let him lead me out of the room.

  The farther down the hallway we got, the heavier my feet were. My limbs felt like lead. “I’m exhausted,” I said as I leaned into his side.

  “It’s been a long day.”

  “It feels like a million years since I woke up.” It was nuts how quickly things could go wrong. My luck had always been a little on the shitty side, but this was pushing ridiculous. If it was anyone but Meredith… I wanted to stomp my foot and curse the fates.

  We stepped into the still night air. The thought of going back to my room without Meredith sharing the next room hit hard.

  Dastien guided me away from the dorms. “This way.”

  The only thing in this direction was forest and the private cabins. I’d never been to Dastien’s, but we obviously weren’t headed back to the dorms. The events of the day overshadowed any excitement that I normally would’ve felt at finally seeing his place.

  The cabin was set deep in the trees. As I took in the surrounding woods, I realized that it wasn’t too far from Mr. Dawson’s, a little ways behind and to the right. The trees provided privacy that some of the other cabins didn’t have.

  The design was identical to the other ones. One-story with a porch on the front. It was all natural wood and stone colors, making it blend in with the surroundings. Dastien opened the door and waved me inside.

  I was shocked that it wasn’t the clichéd bachelor pad, except for a flat screen and game controllers on the coffee table. His place was spotless. If I had a pair of white gloves on, I was sure I could touch any surface in the cabin and not pick up any dirt.

  The space was basically one big room. Along the back wall was a kitchen with a breakfast nook identical to Mr. Dawson’s. A dark wood coffee table and a leather couch created a nice little living room nook around the TV. Along the right wall was Dastien’s bed, covered in a black comforter. It was nice. Cozy. Maybe that was because it smelled like Dastien in here, like home.

  “Nice place.”

  “Thanks.”

  Above the headboard were three bookshelves, which seemed a little dangerous to me, but with the limited space, I got why he’d put them there. I toed off my shoes and climbed on his bed to get a closer look. He had a lot of science fiction, but also a bunch of fantasy. Some of the same ones that I’d read. He also had a ton of non-fiction, which I usually stayed away from. Lots of psychology ones. Some texts on healing with herbs. A whole series on wildlife and survival.

  I turned at the smell of beef browning. “You cook?”

  He looked at me over his shoulder. “It’s good to know how to make your own food when you’re a werewolf. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we eat a lot.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. I just started to notice that.” I sat down on his bed and looked around. My knee bounced and I couldn’t stop fidgeting with the hem of my T-shirt as I worried about Meredith. That situation was a total mess, and I had no idea where to go from there. I felt like a total failure. Helpless. Hopeless.

  I pushed those thoughts away before I started crying. Wallowing in my own self-pity wouldn’t help Meredith. This wasn’t about me. It was about her.

  I lay down on his bed, my knee still tapping out a rhythm. Being in Dastien’s cabin was slightly terrifying. I wasn’t scared of him, but of expectations. He was older. More experienced.

  Christ. My parents would flip out if they knew I was here.

  “You okay?” Dastien said from the kitchen.

  I propped myself up on my elbows. “Sure.” My squeaky voice was probably giving as much away as my bond was.

  His brow lifted.

  “I’m fine.”

  He didn’t say anything as he considered me. We both knew I was lying.

  “Sorry.” I walked over to him. “Can I help?”

  “Sure.”

  “What are you making?”

  “Spaghetti. It’s fast. I’d say you should go straight to sleep, but you haven’t eaten in a while and you used some energy doing the spell.” He pointed to a bottom cabinet. “Pot is down there.”

  I grabbed the pot, filled it with water, and set it on the stove to boil. That done, I hopped up on the counter to watch as he stirred a jar of sauce into the meat. It wasn’t a fancy meal, but he was right—I hadn’t eaten in a while.

  We went through the motions of cooking, eating and cleaning up in comfortable silence. Maybe he was right and I’d wake up in the morning and have some brilliant plan.

  “Go on. Get ready for bed.” He handed me a T-shirt and a pair of his gym shorts.

  I stepped into his bathroom and washed my face. I used my finger to brush my teeth with a little bit of his toothpaste. His clothes were ridiculous on me. The shorts hung past my knees. I tugged on the drawstring and rolled them a few times. His T-shirt was more like a dress. I laughed at myself in the mirror. But then I couldn’t resist smelling the shirt. I was so keeping it.

  When I came out, Dastien grinned. I shrugged. “Just because we’re mates doesn’t mean we’re the same size.”

  “Thank God for that. I like that you’re a little person.”

  I punched his arm. “I’m not a little person. I passed that status by three whole inches.”

  “You’re my little person.”

  Okay. I’d give him that.

  “Get in the bed. I’ll take the couch.” He disappeared
into the bathroom. I nearly protested, but the nerves came back. He was right. Unless he was going furry, separate sleeping spaces would be good. For now.

  I climbed into his bed, but it was weird being there. The scent of him filled my senses. I relaxed, and the imaginary door that kept me from getting visions disappeared. I saw night after night of him sleeping. Sometimes peacefully. Sometimes not. One time he cried.

  What had made him so sad?

  I was staring at the ceiling, trying to make myself fall asleep but failing, when he finally came out of the bathroom. He flicked off the light. “Goodnight, cherie.”

  “Goodnight.”

  I lay there for a while. Thinking about nothing and everything. I huffed. This was so pointless. There was no way I was going to sleep, and I couldn’t lay here staring at the ceiling. I kicked at the sheets as I turned one way and then another, trying to find a comfortable spot. It wasn’t the bed’s fault. It was mine.

  Resorting to counting my breaths was the only thing I could do. I finally sank into sleep, and a dream grabbed hold of me. I watched as Meredith convulsed on the roof. Only this time, after Dr. Gonzales injected her, she turned to me and said, “This is your fault.”

  I woke up gasping for breath in between sobs.

  The mattress dipped, and Dastien pulled me toward him until we were spooning. I stiffened for a second, but the memory of the dream overwhelmed me again and I pulled him in closer to me.

  He held me until I stopped crying, running his hand down my hair and brushing kisses on my head. “You’re going to get through this,” he whispered to me.

  But I didn’t want to get through it. I wanted Meredith to get through it. And for her and Donovan to have a happy life together.

  I was going back to La Alquelarre in the morning.

  “Would you rather I shift?” Dastien said.

  “No.” I didn’t want him furry tonight. I liked being held by him. I needed that.

  “Okay. Then, sleep.” Dastien’s command was backed with power, and I faded into a deep, dreamless sleep before I could fight it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sunlight was streaming through the curtains when I woke up. Dastien’s arms were tight around me. His hot breath fanned the back of my neck. I wondered how late it was.

  I searched the room for a clock, but I couldn’t see one from where I was. Why didn’t he have an alarm clock?

  “It’s still early,” Dastien said from behind me.

  I froze for a second. “Did I wake you?”

  “In a way. I felt your bond go crazy with worry.”

  “Do you always feel when I wake up?”

  He pressed a kiss to the back of my neck. “You didn’t know you were my alarm clock?”

  I grinned. “What did you do before me?”

  “I set the alarm on my phone. But now, when I’m not in your bed as a wolf, I don’t need one. I know when you wake up, and I get ready so I can meet you for breakfast.”

  I thought about it for a second. “I can’t tell if that’s uber creepy or kind of sweet…I’m leaning toward creepy.”

  “That’s the second time in twenty-four hours that you’ve called me creepy. What’s so wrong with wanting to have breakfast with you?” He squeezed me tighter.

  “What time is it?”

  He rolled over and grabbed his cell. “Nine.”

  “Any word about Meredith?”

  “No.”

  I had to stay calm. No news was good news. “I’m going to throw on my clothes from yesterday and then I’m going to see her.”

  “Hey,” Dastien said, holding onto my hand before I could fully roll out of bed.

  “What?”

  “I really liked having you here.”

  On any other day, when I wasn’t about to go beg for my friend’s life, I would’ve wanted to linger in bed and enjoy being there. But I couldn’t afford the time. “I liked being here.”

  I headed to the bathroom and splashed water on my face. I looked like hell and could really use a shower, but there wasn’t time. This would have to do. I pulled on my jeans and T-shirt and knotted my hair in a messy top-bun.

  When I stepped out, Dastien was dressed. Old faded jeans and a nondescript gray T-shirt. A pair of cheap foam flip-flops. Fighting clothes. All stuff that could be easily discarded.

  I wondered what he was planning on doing today.

  “I’ll go with you. The rest of Meredith’s family should be here.”

  God. It probably was a crappy idea to go see her if they were there.

  “They don’t blame you. They can’t. You didn’t do this to her, and accepting responsibility for something that happened years ago, before you even knew Meredith, is silly.” He paused to let that sink in, and it did. I don’t know why I felt like it was my fault, but it really, truly felt like it was. “If you want to see her, then let’s go.”

  I nodded. He held my hand as we walked back across campus. This was one of those times when I appreciated that we could not talk and be fine. His support meant a lot.

  The infirmary was quiet when we got there. Outside Meredith’s door, Shannon stood talking softly to three tall blonde guys—Meredith’s other brothers. I weaved my way through the crowd with Dastien a step behind me.

  When Shannon spotted us, her face reddened. “What’re you doing here?”

  “I want to see her.”

  “You shouldn’t be here. This is your fault.”

  Dastien’s anger hit me through our bond. “It’s not her fault.”

  “Yes, it is. It’s both your fault.”

  “How do you figure that?” I said. Sure, I messed up last night, but the rest of it… Dastien was right. I couldn’t accept responsibility for something I didn’t do.

  “If you hadn’t bit her, none of this would’ve happened.”

  “How can you—” Dastien said, but Shannon cut him off.

  “No. You don’t get it. You weren’t there at the party. I was. Luciana had been getting visions for years—years—about losing a key coven member to the wolves, but she didn’t know who it’d be. So when she got to the party and saw Daniel making out with Meredith, she flipped. But it wasn’t Daniel who was going to get bit. It was you.”

  Shit. Oh, holy shit. “But I didn’t know—”

  “You will stop right there,” Dastien said. “If that’s what happened, then clearly Luciana saw things and she acted irrationally. There’s nothing in this world that could’ve stopped me from biting my own mate. We all know that fighting destiny—fighting fate—never turns out well. The only one to blame is Luciana. She’s the one who did this.”

  He stepped toward Shannon. “You’ve lashed out at my mate for the last time. Blaming her for stealing me, her own mate. For hurting Meredith. For any little thing you don’t like. I won’t have it anymore.”

  “She wasted time! She could’ve spent time trying to free Meredith’s wolf, but she didn’t. She could’ve agreed to stay with the coven, but she didn’t. That’s twice she could’ve saved Meredith and she didn’t do it. Twice!”

  The hallway was beyond quiet, everyone else would’ve had to leave the building to not hear this fight.

  I wanted to crawl in a hole, but I couldn’t. “She’s right.”

  Dastien spun to face me. “No. She’s not.”

  “No. I could do something, and I haven’t.” I let out a breath. “I’m so sorry,” I said to her brothers. The door to Meredith’s room opened and her parents and Max stepped out.

  “This isn’t your doing,” her father said.

  “No. But I can put it right. I can get Luciana to let go of her curse, and that will let Meredith’s wolf free.” Dastien’s fear and rage took my breath away. He’d never let me, but I had to. “I’ll go back and talk to the coven. Make a trade, myself for Meredith, and she’ll fix it. I—”

  “Non.”

  “Oui,” I said in my best French accent.

  “Non, cherie! Non.” He started rattling off in French. Meredith’s fam
ily and Shannon started arguing, too. I closed my eyes as I tried to figure out what I was doing. For the first time in twenty-four hours, the weight lifted. This was the right thing. I needed to go back to La Aquelarre. But this time, I wanted back-up.

  “Aaaand,” I said talking over everyone, “I’d like you to come with me, Dastien.”

  His eyes turned from amber to golden. “That’s a terrible idea. You think things can’t get worse but they will if we show up on the coven’s land together.”

  Manipulating him was wrong, but my options were limited. “Then I’ll go alone.”

  “The hell you will.” His voice was nearly full-growl as he shook my shoulders.

  “Just hear me out.”

  “You have about thirty seconds before I lock you in the feral cages.”

  What? The guy had lost his mind if he was threatening me with the cages. They were below the gym, and made of concrete and steel. It was a place where they put wolves when they were out of control.

  But he was seriously threatening to lock me up? “I don’t think I can live with myself if I don’t go and try to work something out, but I’m in a little over my head.” I took a calming breath, and hoped Dastien would listen to reason. “You’re right. I shouldn’t trust Luciana. She’s not a good person, but maybe we can reach a compromise. I’d be happy to go there a couple of days a week to learn their ways or whatever, if they agree to undo the curse on Meredith. It’d be good stuff to learn anyway. And maybe I can find someone to take over the coven in my place. Help me make a fair bargain with her.”

  “It’s dangerous. Luciana’s already proven she’s willing to curse you, too,” Dastien said.

  Meredith’s mother gasped. Her curls bounced as she turned to me. “If they did it once, they could do it again.”

  “They only cursed me to make me go back.” I sighed. “I get everyone’s concern, but I can do this. I did my best using what I know about witchcraft and I failed. This is the only other option. Meredith’s dying.”

  My voice cracked and I paused. They had to agree with me. Losing my cool wasn’t going to help me argue my point. “They’re not going to hurt me when I’m what they want in the end. If I bring anyone, Luciana might try something, but she can’t do much to Dastien. He’s too powerful and too high up in the pack. And he’s my mate. They know they can’t touch Dastien if they have any chance of keeping me around.” I gripped his hand. “If I can get them to agree to one or two days a week on coven land, then that’s a small price to pay for Meredith’s life.”