Not This Time

by M. A. Binfield

  Daya dropped her eyes to the cushion next to her and began picking at the seam, avoiding Sofia’s gaze.

  “What?” Sofia couldn’t help but ask.

  “Nothing.” Daya stood up, seeming flustered all of a sudden. “Hey, I’m supposed to be giving you a tour.”

  “Daya?” Sofia didn’t move. “Give me the tour in a minute. First, say what you’re trying not to say.”

  “Does Maddie know? About you and Noah not being very solid.”

  “We haven’t talked about it.” Sofia was in dangerous waters. They hadn’t talked about it because it wasn’t strictly the truth. She was telling Daya a lie because she was sick of telling lies. There was logic there somewhere.

  Daya nodded.

  “She’s settled and happy here.” Daya looked out to the deck where Maddie was busying herself carrying life jackets down to the jetty. Mateo trailed behind her carrying a large teddy bear that was wearing a life jacket of its own. “She doesn’t need things to get complicated.”

  Sofia tracked Maddie and Mateo until they dipped down the steps at the end of the deck and went out of sight.

  “I get that.” She wanted to tell Daya to mind her own business, but at the same time, Daya was probably the only person in her life who really understood just how much she had loved Maddie. “But we bumped into each other so randomly that it’s impossible not to think the universe meant to give us another chance. I wouldn’t ever have had the courage to contact her myself after all this time, and especially after the way it ended. But I missed her for the whole of that time and I’m really glad that we found each other again. It’s not my intention to make things complicated.”

  Daya tilted her head as if deciding on something.

  “You don’t think taking Maddie to Paris to direct a video in which you’re playing a lesbian is complicated? She’s already in deep with the house, with you and Mateo spending time together. People are gonna have a lot to say when they know you’re working together again on a video like that.”

  The challenge was clear. Daya thought it was a bad idea.

  “She’s a grown woman, Daya, and she wants to do the video. And the lesbian thing was her idea not mine.”

  “I’m not saying you’re not grown women, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t be friends. Just be careful with her. She has a kid she needs to stay sane for this time around.” Daya held her gaze, before setting off toward the stairs, lifting the gate, and going upstairs. Sofia felt the weight of the past in her words. She wanted to tell Daya she wasn’t the same person this time around, but sometimes even she wasn’t convinced it was true.

  Sofia followed her. The tour didn’t take long. The house wasn’t that large, but it was beautiful, and as Daya showed her around, Sofia could see Maddie’s design touches throughout, the color choices, the way the furnishings and fabrics complemented and added to the ambience and character of each room. If Maddie did half as good a job on her own house, she’d be delighted.

  Daya finally led her outside and they stood on the deck watching Maddie messing with the Jet Skis at the other end of the long jetty that led from Maddie’s deck to the ocean. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and the sea behind Maddie was a perfect turquoise color. Mateo was sitting in a large swing chair on the deck, snoozing adorably in the arms of his teddy bear.

  “And Noah honestly doesn’t mind you guys spending all this time together? I’m sure my man wouldn’t be all that keen on me hanging out with my ex, especially if we weren’t all that solid.” Daya raised an eyebrow.

  “Daya.” Sofia sounded a warning. “My friendship with Maddie has nothing to do with Noah.” It was the truth for more reasons than she had let Daya know.

  “Okay, okay, I’ll leave it.” She held up her hands defensively. “Let’s go get some vitamin D and try not to get sunburned.” She headed for the recliner angled to face the sun in the opposite corner of the deck, a few yards from where Mateo was sitting.

  Sofia looked down the jetty and saw Maddie looking back toward the house. She lifted a hand and waved. She noticed that Mateo had shifted position and dropped his teddy bear. She picked it up, tucked it back next to him on the seat, and, without thinking, leaned in to place a soft kiss on his forehead. When she straightened, she noticed Daya watching her with a quizzical expression. She shrugged. She wasn’t going to let Daya make her feel bad about being fond of Mateo. She opened the gate and picked her way down the steps.

  As she approached the end of the jetty, she could see the two Jet Skis tied up along one edge, but Maddie was nowhere to be seen. She looked back to the house, not understanding how Maddie could have passed her, before the sensation of cool water hitting the back of her legs made her realize that Maddie was down in the water and splashing her with a silly smirk on her face. Sofia grinned back at her.

  “C’mon, slowpoke, get ready. We’re going go-carting, and we’ll be going faster than five miles an hour this time, so no screaming.” Maddie leaned her arms and elbows on the jetty, letting her body float in the water. “You just need to strip and put on a life jacket.”

  Sofia’s eyes widened and Maddie laughed.

  “Don’t worry, we’re not skinny-dipping. I’m assuming that you were smart enough to wear a swimsuit underneath those clothes.” Her eyes flashed and Sofia wondered if Maddie was also remembering the time they had bathed naked together on a secluded beach in Puerto Rico.

  Sofia nodded and swallowed, her throat full of feelings, her head full of memories. She watched as Maddie pulled herself up out of the water and sat on the edge of the jetty, running her hands through her hair before getting to her feet. The sight of Maddie in a black bikini, her body perfectly toned and slick with water, her breasts filling the bikini top in just the way they were supposed to, made Sofia’s insides turn to Jell-O and caused a feeling between her legs that she couldn’t deny was flat out arousal. If this was a movie, Maddie would be moving in slow motion, the screen would be in soft focus, and romantic music would be playing.

  “You coming in?” Maddie turned away from her to call in Daya’s direction, giving Sofia time to recover her composure.

  “No way,” Daya called back. “Last time, my thighs cried with pain for a week. Me and my boy are just fine sitting here chilling.” She slid her sunglasses over her eyes and dismissed them both with a wave of her hand.

  “Just me and you then,” Maddie said quietly. Sofia could see something like disappointment in Maddie’s eyes, and it hurt. Did she really want Daya to be going out with them? Sofia wasn’t dangerous. They didn’t need a chaperone.

  “If Daya’s not coming then we can take one each.” Maddie picked up a life jacket, pulled it on, and fastened the clips securely. Sofia felt a sliver of regret that half of Maddie’s body was now pretty much hidden from view.

  * * *

  Maddie watched Sofi watching her fasten the life jacket. She hadn’t moved, or gotten undressed, or done anything other than stare at her. And now she was chewing her lip and had a slightly upset look on her face and Maddie had no idea why.

  Maddie was trying to hide her own disappointment. Daya not going out with them meant that they had no excuse for sharing a Jet Ski. Maddie had spent the last hour imagining the two of them on the same machine, Maddie wrapping herself around Sofi from behind, the two of them pressed close. The thoughts hadn’t made her feel like a very good friend, and it was probably for the best that it wasn’t going to happen, but she couldn’t help but feel sorry.

  In front of her, Sofi had started to move finally. She looked across at Maddie shyly before slipping off her shorts and folding them neatly before placing them on top of her sandals. Maddie almost laughed. She knew that Sofi being tidy like that was a sign of her nervousness, and when she caught Sofi looking at her timidly from under her eyelashes, Maddie’s protective instincts kicked in.

  “You can leave your T-shirt on if you want.” Maddie’s body reacted with regret even as she said the words. “Though if I had a body like yours, I wouldn’
t be hiding it from anyone.” She stopped the loud curse from slipping out of her mouth at the surprise that she’d said the last part out loud. Nice move, Maddie. I’m sure Sofi’s not a bit nervous about undressing in front of you now.

  Maddie wanted to say she was sorry, to explain, but really what could she say? That she paid her friends compliments about how good they looked all the time? She honestly did, but they both knew that wasn’t what that was. She simply shrugged and pulled a rueful face in Sofi’s direction. She was rewarded with a slow smile spreading across Sofi’s face.

  “Well, if that’s how you feel…” Sofi didn’t take her eyes off Maddie as she lifted her T-shirt over her head and tossed it to the jetty.

  Touché. The sight of Sofi in a deep red bikini, a brazenly flirtatious look on her face, was enough to make Maddie’s mouth dry and other parts of her a lot wetter.

  “And while we’re paying compliments,” Sofi looked Maddie up and down slowly, “that bikini on you is just sinful.” She whistled softly. “You’re in great shape, Mads. Honestly. You make me insecure enough to give up croquetas.” Sofi placed her hands over her stomach self-consciously.

  Maddie stepped closer to her and reached out to take Sofi’s hands, moving them away from her stomach. “Don’t say that, don’t even joke about it.” She waited until Sofi lifted her gaze from their joined hands. “You’re perfect. And don’t listen to anyone who says any different, including yourself.” She batted away the memory of the last time she’d said something similar to Sofi, the last night they’d spent together, before it all went so wrong.

  “Are you guys going to get into the water at any point? We want to watch you fall off,” Daya shouted down the jetty breaking the tension. Maddie stepped back, treading clumsily on the life jacket that Sofi hadn’t yet put on. She picked it up, feeling flustered, and handed it to Sofi. It was big on her and covered the whole of her top half, making it a lot easier for Maddie to look at her.

  “The green Ski is a little smaller. Might be easier for you to handle. If you climb onto it, I’ll show you how it works.” Maddie was speaking in a rush, happy to do something that wasn’t simply staring at Sofi with what was obviously a raging thirst. The fact that she sometimes imagined seeing something of that same want staring back at her just made it harder. She was single and had nothing to lose, but Sofi was in a steady relationship, and Maddie was not the kind of person to get involved in that, however much of a jerk she thought Noah was.

  Inside her head, a voice taunted her. Nothing to lose? What about the way you’re gonna feel when she discovers your feelings and walks away again? Yeah, that wouldn’t hurt at all.

  “Hey, where’d you go?” Sofi waved a hand in Maddie’s face, an amused look on her face. “Have you been drinking tequila? I’m not sure you’re allowed to drink tequila and be in charge of a go-cart Ski thing.” Sofi seemed happy and playful, and Maddie had to get a grip on her feelings or she was about to spectacularly ruin this beautiful new connection between them.

  “Sorry. I was just imagining how much fun it’s gonna be dunking Daya in the water later.” She said the first thing she could think of. “Did you say something?”

  “I said that I’d rather we went out together if you didn’t mind.” Sofi sounded a little unsure of herself. “I mean, I’ve never ridden one before and I know you think I’m a wuss, but I’d feel happier if we shared.”

  Maddie looked at Sofi and smiled and Sofi smiled back at her sweetly. Maddie had no idea if Sofi knew how much her lack of courage had made her day.

  “Come on then.” Maddie took Sofi by the hand to the bigger blue machine and helped her get on it, showing her where to sit and where to put her feet. She slipped onto the seat behind Sofia. There wasn’t a lot of room, and Maddie edged as far forward as she could, having no choice but to press herself against Sofi’s back, to wrap her thighs tightly around Sofi’s. As she settled into position, Maddie felt Sofi take a big breath in and then, unmistakably, gently lean back into Maddie while she let out the breath. For a long moment, they sat there, closer than they had been in many years, their bodies pushed up against one another, the life jackets between them acting as a barrier, making it seem like what they were doing was not as intimate as it might have been.

  Maddie’s thighs being wrapped around Sofi’s meant her now aching center was next to Sofi’s ass. It was completely intoxicating to be so close. As Sofi dropped her hands from the handlebars to her side, her forearms rested briefly on Maddie’s thighs and the feel of Sofi’s skin on hers made Maddie flush.

  “Don’t let me fall off.” Sofi took both of Maddie’s arms and used them to pull Maddie even closer. Maddie closed her eyes, letting herself enjoy the moment, letting her cheek rest against the back of Sofi’s head. She felt like her body was made of electrical impulses, snapping and firing and sending currents through her body. Yet, at the same time, she felt completely content. She had the urge to tell Sofi that was how she felt—in a way old Maddie would never have done—but instead she pulled herself together and freed her arms from Sofi’s torso and leaned them on either side of her to turn on the engine and grip the throttle. She leaned back and untied the rope tying it to the jetty before speaking into Sofi’s ear.

  “Put your hands up on the grips and hold on tight.” Maddie’s voice was raspy, and she hoped that Sofi wouldn’t realize that it was because she was aroused. She tried to clear her head and concentrate on the machine, on taking Sofi out for a spin. She wanted them to have fun together, like they used to, before it all got so damn difficult.

  “Ready?” Another excuse for Maddie to put her lips close to Sofi’s ear. Pressed against her, Maddie again felt Sofi’s deep intake of breath. Then Sofi nodded and Maddie released the throttle and revved the engine to get them going. Sofi moved her hands from the handlebars and placed them over Maddie’s. She snuggled closer to Sofi and got them moving, increasing the throttle and the speed as soon as they got into deeper water. She was rewarded with a squeal from Sofi and a thump on her thigh which she soon learned was Sofi’s way of telling her to slow down. If her thighs weren’t going to hurt enough from the effort of controlling the Jet Ski, they were going to be bruised from Sofi’s persistent punching.

  They traveled the length of the beach, turning for home when they reached the inlet. And when they tipped over close to the jetty, as Maddie was trying to bring them alongside while going too fast, they both tumbled into the water spluttering and shrieking. Maddie knew she had not felt this happy in a really long time.

  As Maddie finished tying up the Jet Ski, Sofi swam up behind her and jumped on her shoulders, dunking her under the water and then swimming away laughing. Maddie came to the surface with a splutter and saw Sofi trying to pull herself up out of the water a few yards away. She was there in three strokes, just in time to pull Sofi by the legs back into the water. She now had Sofi trapped against the jetty, an arm on either side of her shoulder, their faces barely six inches apart. The look on Sofi’s face as she stared at Maddie’s mouth was one Maddie had seen a hundred times before. And in that moment, Maddie understood that Sofi was as turned on as she was. If she gave in to her own desire to let her lips press against Sofi’s, the kiss would not only be thrilling but it would be exactly what Sofi wanted. The realization surprised her. She leaned in slightly and watched Sofi’s eyes widen, felt her inhale deeply. She dropped her arms into the water and slipped her hands around Sofi’s waist. She wanted to strip off their life jackets and pull Sofi to her so she could feel Sofi’s breasts pushed against her own, the idea causing a pulse of arousal between her legs. When Sofi leaned in, Maddie tilted her head, bringing her mouth closer to Sofi’s, seeing the intensity of her own desire reflected back at her in Sofi’s eyes.

  The huge splash in the water next to them made them spring apart, soaking them both with spray. Maddie took a second to recover her senses and realize that the splash had come from the spare life jacket, now floating next to them in the water. Looking up along the jetty, Ma
ddie saw Daya standing a few yards away, hands on hips, making it clear she was the one who had thrown it. It was as if Daya had thrown a bucket of cold water over them both, and whatever had been about to happen a second before, Sofi and Maddie now both looked at each other a little awkwardly.

  “After you,” Sofi said, indicating that Maddie should climb up onto the jetty first. Maddie did just that and then reached a hand back to help Sofi pull herself up out of the water. They both took off their life jackets, picked up their clothes, and walked shyly toward Daya like teenagers busted by their parents for making out on the porch. Except they hadn’t even had the chance to do anything. Maddie tried to feel grateful to Daya for saving her from fucking things up with her out of control libido, but she couldn’t. The desire to kiss Sofi had been so strong. Her mind scrambled as her body reacted with arousal to the idea of it. Maddie made a mental note to spend less time with Sofi when she was in a bikini.

  Next to her, Sofi whispered behind her hand, obviously not wanting Daya to hear. “That was fun, Mads.” Maddie nodded in agreement. “And I mean all of it, not just the part where you agreed to climb out first so I could get a great view of your butt in that bikini.” She offered Maddie a cheeky wink and stepped away before Maddie could react. Maddie watched her walk back along the jetty with Daya, feeling as confused as ever. It wasn’t just her own feelings she was confused by. Sofi was definitely not acting like someone with a long-term boyfriend.

  Mateo was waiting for her behind the gate as she climbed the steps up to the deck. She scooped him up into her arms and gave him a big kiss.

  “Did you see Mommy on the Jet Ski?”

  He nodded. “But Mommy fell down.” He sounded serious.

  She had been careful not to tip over the Jet Ski every time she had taken him out. He hadn’t seen it happen before.

  “It’s okay, Mateo. The water is soft and Mommy’s a good swimmer.” She kissed his cheek.

  Sofi appeared at her side with a couple of towels.