The Baby Issue
Page 14
Fortunately, her next patient arrived soon afterwards so Anna was able to set aside her own problems while she concentrated on work. Edna Johnson had been receiving treatment for a leg ulcer for some time and it was obvious that she was concerned about why it wouldn’t seem to heal.
‘I don’t know why it hasn’t cleared up, do you, dear?’ Edna asked. ‘I’ve been very careful not to knock it or damage it in any way.’
‘Ulcers are notoriously difficult to treat,’ Anna explained, removing the old dressing so that she could examine the open sore. The floor of the ulcer was bright red whilst the surrounding tissue had a thin blue line running around its edge, marking the area where new cells were growing. She was pleased to see that it looked a lot better than it had done the last time she’d seen it, and said so.
‘It looks much better today, anyway. Those wet dressings that I put on have helped enormously.’
‘I still don’t understand why I got it in the first place. I only banged my leg on the coffee-table and I must have done that dozens of times over the years,’ Edna declared.
‘I’m afraid it’s something that tends to happen when you’re getting older,’ Anna explained, carefully cleaning the ulcer. ‘Your circulation probably isn’t as good as it used to be, which means that there’s less blood getting to the site of the infection. It makes it that more difficult for any damaged areas to heal.’
‘It’s no fun, getting old,’ Edna observed wryly. ‘If it isn’t one thing it’s another. Inside I still feel twenty-five but outside I’m falling to bits!’
‘Nonsense!’ Anna laughed. ‘I hope I look as good as you do when I’m your age. Didn’t you tell me that you’d just had your eightieth birthday the last time I saw you?’
‘That’s right.’ Edna laughed as well. ‘I never thought I’d reach this age and that’s for sure. It makes me even more determined to get the last bit of pleasure out of each day because I haven’t got that many left.’ She glanced at her leg. ‘I’m certainly not letting a little thing like that deter me from having fun!’
‘Good for you.’ Anna finished applying the fresh dressing then helped the old lady pull up her stocking. ‘That should do for another week. Make an appointment on your way out and I’ll see you next week.’
‘How long will you be working here now, dear?’ Edna asked as Anna walked her to the door. ‘I’m knitting a little coat and bootees for your baby and I wanted to know how long I’d have to get them finished. My fingers aren’t as nimble as they used to be so it takes me that bit more time.’
‘Why, that’s very kind of you!’ Anna exclaimed, deeply touched by the old lady’s kindness. ‘I’m here for several weeks yet.’
‘Oh, that’s fine,’ Edna said. ‘I’ll see you next week, then.’
Anna sighed as the old lady left. She hadn’t expected the patients to take any interest in her baby but several of them had asked her when it was due. It struck her how much she was going to miss working at the surgery. Maybe she should think about taking Adam up on his offer of a part-time post after the baby was born. It would solve a number of problems if she knew that she had a job to come back to.
She glanced round as Ben’s door opened, feeling her heart start to ache when she heard his voice. Just the sound of it made her want to rush into his room and throw her arms around him, but that wouldn’t be fair. She couldn’t switch on and off like that—one minute making him think that she wanted him and the next minute rejecting him. She either had a future with Ben or she didn’t, and she had made her decision.
The time flew past so that before Anna knew it there was just a week of her contract left to work. Over seven months pregnant now, her body had undergone a lot of changes so that sometimes she got a real shock when she caught sight of herself in the mirror.
She had registered with a practice in a neighbouring town for her antenatal care, and regular check-ups had reassured her that the baby was fit and healthy. After her last checkup she had visited an estate agent’s office in the town and asked them to send her details of any flats that became available in the area. Adam had told her that she could stay on in the flat over the surgery for however long she wanted to, but she wanted to find somewhere else to live as quickly as possible. Frankly, it would be too stressful to continue seeing Ben on a daily basis.
As for Ben, he had continued to behave impeccably towards her. He was polite, courteous and supportive when-ever she needed his professional help. However, she was very much aware how much effort it cost him to behave that way. She hated the thought that she was hurting him yet she felt powerless to do anything about it.
She tried to console herself with the thought that one day he would meet someone else, but the idea of him loving another woman was very painful. She loved him, she wanted him, but she wouldn’t do anything that might ultimately hurt him or the baby!
Eileen and Hilary had organised a farewell party for her, brushing aside her objections that she didn’t want any fuss. It was arranged for the Friday night, her last day at work, and it was to be held in the surgery after closing time. Beth had been invited and was bringing Hannah with her, and Eileen was bringing her husband Ron.
When the day finally arrived, Anna was touched to receive cards and presents from a number of patients. Harold Newcombe and his wife came in specially to bring her a card and a fluffy, yellow teddy bear to put in the baby’s crib. They had only just left when Edna Johnson arrived and Anna was struck almost speechless when she opened the tissue-wrapped parcel and saw the cobweb-fine matinee coat and matching bootees the old lady had made for her.
‘They are really beautiful, Mrs Johnson. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such delicate work,’ she said truthfully.
‘I’m so glad you like them, dear. I must admit that I enjoyed making them.’ Edna smiled ruefully. ‘My grandchildren are in their teens now so they’re not all that keen on Granny’s knitting. I don’t think it’s trendy enough!’
Anna laughed. ‘Well, my baby is going to look beautiful in this lovely little outfit. He or she will be proud to wear it.’
She glanced round when she heard footsteps behind her, feeling her heart starting to drum when she saw Ben. He stopped when he reached them and looked at the lacy little jacket she was holding.
‘Is that for the baby?’ he asked quietly. ‘It’s beautiful.’
‘It is.’ It was an effort to behave naturally but Anna knew that it would be unforgivable to let him see the tumult she was feeling. Just having him standing beside her seemed to have made her blood heat an extra degree or two and her heart pound. When he reached over and took one of the bootees out of the tissue paper and his hand brushed hers, she drew in a sharp breath.
Had Ben felt it too? she wondered. Had he felt the lightning-fast dart of awareness that had sparked between them?
‘They’re so tiny, aren’t they?’ he said roughly, his voice throbbing in a way that immediately answered her question. ‘It’s hard to imagine any feet being small enough to fit into them.’
‘Oh, they’ll soon grow, believe me.’ Edna patted her arm. ‘You make sure that you enjoy every minute because before you know it your little one will be walking and talking!’
‘I’ll bear it in mind,’ Anna replied, forcing a smile. She was achingly conscious of Ben standing beside her as she and Edna exchanged a few more pleasantries before the old lady left.
‘It was kind of her to make these for me, wasn’t it?’ she said stiltedly, making a great production of rewrapping the tiny garments.
‘It was. Eileen said that several patients popped in this morning with cards and presents.’ He smiled but she saw the pain that lay deep in his eyes. ‘Everyone is sorry that you’re leaving, Anna. People here have grown very fond of you.’
‘I’ve grown very fond of them, too,’ she admitted softly. She took a deep breath but it didn’t ease the sudden constriction in her lungs. They might be having a conversation about the people in the town but she knew that on a different level
Ben was telling her that his feelings for her hadn’t changed.
It almost broke her heart not to be able to tell him the truth about how she felt, but that wouldn’t have been fair. Ben would have found it even harder to accept her decision not to let him play a part in her future if she admitted that she loved him. It was an effort to keep her tone light when she knew how much she must be hurting him. ‘Still, I’m sure that they’ll soon forget about me once Beth comes back.’
‘Maybe.’
He gave her a strained smile then carried on along the corridor. Anna went back to her room, and for the rest of the morning she refused to let herself think about anything other than work. There would be time to think about everything else after the day had ended—too much time, in fact. She would have a whole lifetime to think about Ben and what might have happened if the situation had been different.
Anna had decided to wear the blue dress again that night for the party. She went up to the flat as soon as they had shut the surgery and quickly changed. Eileen and Hilary were downstairs, putting the finishing touches to the buffet, and Beth and Hannah were due to arrive at any time. Bearing in mind all the trouble everyone had gone to, the least she could do was to be there to greet them, even though the last thing she felt like doing was celebrating. Leaving work meant leaving Ben, and that wasn’t something she was looking forward to.
Adam was opening a bottle of champagne when she went downstairs. He greeted her with a smile, although she couldn’t help noticing the rather troubled expression on his face. However, before she could ask him if there was anything wrong he held up the bottle.
‘How about a glass of champagne? I don’t think one glass will do you or the baby any harm.’ He handed her a glass then looked round as Eileen and Hilary appeared. ‘Champagne, ladies?’
‘Oh, lovely!’ Eileen declared, happily accepting a glass. Both receptionists had taken the time to change and they looked very smart. Anna appreciated the effort they had put into making the party a success and only wished that she felt more like enjoying it. However, the thought of not seeing Ben again once she had left Winton was like a black cloud hanging over her.
Adam had just poured himself a glass of the wine when there was a knock on the door. He went away to answer it, coming back a few minutes later with Beth and Hannah, as well as Eileen’s husband who had arrived at the same time. He dispensed more glasses, although Hannah’s contained sparkling apple juice rather than champagne. How difficult it was going to be to get on with her life when there were all these constant reminders of him.
Anna felt a little stab of pain pierce her heart as she recalled the night she had cooked supper for Ben and he had suggested that they pretend the apple juice was champagne.
Beth brought Hannah over to speak to her once they had their drinks. Anna did her best to respond as the other woman chatted away but she was having difficulty concentrating. There was still no sign of Ben and she couldn’t help wondering where he had got to. She frowned when Adam called for order. Surely he wasn’t going to make a start without waiting for Ben?
‘I don’t intend to waste too much time by making a speech, you’ll be glad to hear. However, I’m sure that you would all like to join me in drinking a toast to Anna, and wishing her well for the future,’ Adam began, only to have Beth interrupt him.
‘Just a minute, darling. You’ve forgotten Ben. Is he still in his room? I’ll go and fetch him.’
‘Ben couldn’t stay for the party, I’m afraid,’ Adam informed her tersely. ‘He had something urgent to do. He asked me to make his apologies to you all.’
Anna stared at her glass as Adam carried on with the toast. She could feel her eyes burning with tears and was terrified that everyone would see that she was upset. Ben hadn’t wanted to stay for the party because he hadn’t been able to face the thought of her leaving. It almost broke her heart to imagine the anguish he must be going through.
‘What’s going on, Anna? Have you and Ben had some sort of a disagreement?’
She looked up when Beth touched her on the arm. She could see the compassion on the other woman’s face and all of a sudden the tears started to roll down her cheeks. ‘It’s a bit more complicated than that,’ she whispered brokenly.
Beth quickly steered her into a corner so that the others couldn’t see what was happening. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
‘Not really. There’s no point because it won’t help.’ She found a tissue in her pocket and quickly dried her eyes. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spoil the evening for you. I’m fine now, really.’
Beth looked sceptical. ‘You don’t look fine to me. Look, Anna, I hate to see you upset like this. If there’s anything at all that I can do…’
‘There isn’t,’ Anna said quickly. ‘I appreciate your kindness, Beth, but there isn’t anything that you or anyone else can do, believe me.’
‘Has it something to do with the baby?’ Beth asked astutely. She sighed when Anna nodded. ‘I thought so. I know it can’t be easy for you and Ben to work this out. It’s a difficult situation and nobody can really tell you how to deal with it, but I hope that you’ll believe me when I say that if you love someone enough, there’s always a solution to even the biggest problem.’
She glanced across the room at Adam and Anna saw an expression of love cross her face. ‘You just need to follow what your heart is telling you to do, even though sometimes it takes a great deal of courage.’
She didn’t say anything else, switching the subject to something far less personal. Anna responded as best she could as Eileen came to join them but she was only half listening. Was Beth right? she wondered. Should she have listened to her heart and not to her head? Was she in danger of throwing away something so precious, so special, because she lacked courage?
Her mind spun all evening long so that she was both physically and mentally exhausted with the effort of trying to hide how she felt from everyone else. It was a relief when Adam announced that it was time that he and Beth took Hannah home. The others quickly followed suit, kissing Anna and offering her their best wishes before they left.
She went up to the flat after everyone had gone and sat for a long time, just thinking about what Beth had said to her. She wanted to believe that it was true, desperately wanted to find the courage to follow her heart, but there was a tiny bit of her that was still urging caution. If she made a mistake, it wouldn’t be just her who got hurt.
In the end she went to bed because she was worn out with the effort of trying to sort out the muddle inside her head. She’d had trouble sleeping lately because the baby seemed to grow more active the moment she lay down. However, that night she fell into a deep sleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow. She was awakened some time later by the sound of the telephone ringing.
She struggled out of bed, feeling groggy and disorientated as she wondered who could be calling her at that time of the night.
Unless it was Ben?
Her heart started to pound. All of a sudden she didn’t know what she was going to say to him. Should she tell him that she was starting to have doubts about whether she had made the right decision? Did she have the courage and conviction to follow her heart?
Her hand was shaking so hard that she could barely hold the receiver to her ear. It took her a moment to recognise the voice on the other end of the line, and several more to follow what Adam was telling her. She felt a wave of sickness hit her as it finally sank in.
Ben had been involved in a car accident. He was in hospital and the doctors weren’t sure if he would live.
CHAPTER TEN
‘THE next few hours will be critical. We’ve done everything we can but Dr Cole has lost a lot of blood.’
The surgeon sighed as he pulled off his cap. He had come straight from Theatre to speak to them and he was still wearing a green scrub suit. ‘Shock is our biggest problem at the moment. We have removed his spleen and stopped the bleeding but it could go either way, I’m afraid.’
‘It could be some time yet,’ the surgeon explained. ‘There’s severe swelling around the lumbar region so the X-rays we’ve taken aren’t conclusive. We’ll need to redo them and do a CAT scan as well before we know for certain if any damage has been done to the spinal cord.’
Anna turned away as Adam asked the man another question. Maybe it was cowardly but she simply couldn’t take hearing anything more. The past few hours had been a nightmare. After Adam had collected her from the flat they had driven straight to the hospital. Ben had been taken by ambulance to the A and E unit so they had gone there first and been shown into the relatives’ room to wait for the doctor.
It had seemed like hours before the registrar had come to tell them that Ben had been taken to Theatre and that he would be transferred to the intensive care unit afterwards. Although the registrar hadn’t said so, Anna had known that he’d been wondering if Ben would actually make it that far.
The details of the accident were sketchy but, from what little she had learned, it appeared that a lorry had jackknifed on the wet road and ploughed into Ben’s car. According to a police officer who had attended the accident, he was lucky to be alive. However, there was no guarantee that he was going to live, as the surgeon had pointed out.
Leaving the two men talking, she went out to the corridor and made her way to the IC unit. She paused in the doorway, letting her eyes adjust to the dim lighting. There were six beds in the ward and Ben had been placed in the one nearest to the door. He’d been attached to an array of different monitors and machinery after he’d been brought down from Theatre. His heart rate, blood pressure, breathing and oxygen levels were being constantly assessed. One drip was replacing the blood and fluids that he had lost, another was keeping him sedated and free from pain. Everything humanly and technically possible was being done to keep him alive, but would it be enough?