Essence of Path

by Neviah Wohl

  Emma woke up. It was 6:00 a.m.

  “It was a dream,” she said and sighed. She was relieved it was just a dream. She bit her lower lip and stared at the door as she tried to remember the dream. Then she remembered the bite and touched her neck. She felt a little tingling in her neck. She stood up immediately and ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror. She noticed a mark on her neck. It looked like a pea-sized heart-shaped tattoo.

  She got a towel, dipped the edge in water and rubbed it on her neck. She checked to see if it was gone, but it was still there. She added liquid soap to the damp towel’s edge and rubbed harder this time around until she began to feel she was hurting herself. She hung the towel and sighed. She was a bit confused. She wasn’t sure of the explanation she could give to the mark on her neck.

  She went back to the room, sat on her bed and placed her palm on the mark in a way to soothe the pain she got from trying to scrub it off.

  There was something about the dream that felt so real. She had never experienced a dream that’s close to reality, but she thought there must be an explanation for the mark. She was sure it was just a coincidence.

  She stood up to go through her things. She opened her dresser’s drawer and brought out her high school yearbooks. She giggled as she went through the pictures. She called out her friends’ names while she laughed.

  “Emma, breakfast is ready.” She heard her mom call out, but she lost the habit of eating breakfast when she moved to New York. She would have two glasses of water early in the morning, but she would never skip lunch and dinner. Although she had read so many articles that emphasized the importance of breakfast, she just preferred to have water.

  “Lilly-ma, I will just take a tiny bite. I don’t have an appetite yet.”

  “The trip must have stressed you out.”

  “I am over that. It’s just my appetite.”

  “Guess you slept well?”

  “Oh, yes I did. It’s just the…” Emma was about telling her mom about the dream and then she paused. She thought it unnecessary.

  “What? Is it the sheets? Are they not clean enough?” her mom questioned like she wanted to read what she had to say off her face.

  “No, they were all fine, never mind. It’s nothing,” Emma said.

  Then, she remembered the mark on her neck again and kept a finger on the area. Her mom always knew when something was off with Emma. She hoped she would tell her when it was convenient for her.

  As Emma turned to leave the kitchen, her mom said, “Do you remember, Sandy? I told you about her a few months ago. She helped me with house chores when I was ill.”

  I’d love you to pay her a visit before you depart for New York; her mum said.

  “I would go out later to get some groceries. Do you want to go with me? Emma!” her mom said raising her voice.

  “Lilly-ma! Were you talking to me?”

  “Oh yeah, will you go with me to get some groceries?”

  “Uhm,” Emma tilted her head, and looked like she was trying to consider going out.

  “I’ll pass. I need to get some stuff done online.”

  “Is it work related?”

  “Yeah! It’s kind of work related.”

  “Okay. Do you want me to get you anything?”

  “Nothing for now, but if anything comes to mind would sure let you know.”

  “All right.”

  Emma had nothing to do online, but she didn’t want her mom to think she would prefer to stay home doing nothing than to go to the grocery store with her.

  *****

  Emma was tired and stayed most of the time in her room. She had followed her mum to visit Sandy earlier in the evening and found out that the guy she snubbed in the train on her way home was Sandy’s only son, Dylan. They both exchanged pleasantries and she also apologized for giving him a cold response back then on the train.

  As she lay on her bed, her mind went back to the dream she had the previous night. She smiled and later frowned as soon as she remembered the scar. She hoped she would see her mystery woman again in her dreams and probably would try her best to talk with her, if it were up to her.

  As she turned and laid her head on her soft pillow, she fell into a deep sleep and began to dream. It was her mystery lady again on a bench in a place that seemed like a park. The park didn’t seem familiar, the surroundings looked nothing any park she had been to. It was quite empty, but she could hear the creaking sound of the swing as the wind blew. She couldn’t see her face, but she recognized her voice as she said, “Mi amor.”

  She wore a dark gray dress with a lighter shade of grey stripes. Emma could see her red stilettos from under the bench. Her blond hair was beautifully packed into a pony tail with a black hair bond.

  “Let me see your face,” Emma said.

  As Emma moved closer to take a good look at her face, her skin began to change. Then, she howled as she turned into a werewolf. Emma was startled. The werewolf faced Emma. She wanted to run, but there was something about the wolf’s eyes that was calming. It moved closer to Emma. She gently placed her hand on it as she stroked its back. She went on her knees and drew the furry animal with the perfect blue eyes closer. It relaxed in her embrace. The werewolf spoke with her mystery woman’s voice and said, “This is me. This is who I am, love me as I am.”

  As it said those words, Emma woke. She jumped out of bed and grabbed her tablet. It was odd that an animal would speak, despite it being a dream. The time was just 5:00 a.m. She typed in “werewolves” into the search engine of her browser. She was eager to know more about werewolves. With keen interest she began to open every search result. She focused especially on an article that described how werewolves find their mates and mark them to let others know they have been taken. It shocked her to find out the mark made is through the werewolf’s bite on the mate’s neck. Immediately she placed her hand on her neck, dropped the tablet and headed to the bathroom to look in the mirror. She preferred the mirror in the bathroom to the one attached to her dresser because it seemed to be clearer. As she stared at the mark in the mirror, she tried to figure out if it was fading out or not. Then, she concluded it was too early to determine.

  “I will wait one more week to see if this thing will clear out,” she said out loud.

  She went back to the room and brought out the vase she bought her mom for Christmas. She checked it to see if it was still intact and without any damage. Christmas was just three days away. She relaxed on the bed and began to smile as she remembered her various letters to Santa.

  Even as a teenager she still wrote to Santa, despite knowing no response would come. She just felt maybe her dad would come back home. It was the only major request she had ever asked Santa. With the thoughts of her dad flowing through her mind, she was determined to talk to her mom about it. Now that she’s all grown, she felt her mom should be able to come clean to her about him. She never dared to ask when she was younger.

  She checked the digital clock displayed on her smart phone, it was 7:30 a.m. She stood and decided if she would ask her mom about her dad. Why not now? She thought. She opened the door and stood like she was contemplating whether she should go ahead or not. She wanted to know, but did not want her mom hurt or to open old wounds.

  She summoned courage and proceeded to her mom’s room. She knocked and opened the door. Her mom was sitting on her bed. Emma felt a bit sad. She remembered her mom when she was younger and had no gray hair or wrinkled skin. She doubted she would be able to bare her mom passing away in later years. She remembered when her grandma passed. Although she didn’t really know her, her mom was devastated. All these thoughts came into her mind and she decided to let all questions about her dad go.

  “Good morning.”

  “Good morning.”

  Her mom got up from her bed to hug her, and she made a little sound like she was in pain.

  “Lilly-ma, is everything fine?”

  “Oh! Yes, uhm, I just have this little pain in my back while trying t
o get out of bed.”

  “You should see the doctor.”

  “I have, I am on some medications already.”

  “That’s good. I think you need a massage.”

  “No, I don’t. I’m fine.”

  Lilly sat back on the bed and patted the bed while staring at Emma. She wanted Emma to come sit by her. Emma got the message from her and sat beside her.

  “Emma, I don’t mean to pry, you are an adult, but I’m not getting younger you know.”

  “Lilly-ma, what is the problem?”

  “I will go straight to the point, are you seeing anyone? Are you in a relationship?”

  “No, none for now.”

  “Good, it seemed you and Dylan bonded last night, he is a good looking guy and also single, it won’t be such a bad idea if you dated him. What do you think?” Emma sighed, she knew she had to tell her mom about her sexuality, she was tired of hiding in the closet. She thought if she loved her it would not make a difference. She should be able to accept her for whom she is, despite her beliefs

  “Emma, what is it? You seem lost in thoughts, it’s just an opinion, and you don’t have to make a big deal of it.”

  “Lilly-ma it’s not that Dylan isn’t good enough, it’s just me, and I’m not into him.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “No it’s not, it’s not just him, and I am not into his type.”

  “I don’t understand what you mean by his type,” Lilly asked with a confused face.

  “Are you saying you don’t date blacks, like yourself?” Lilly said in a way to remind her that she’s also a black in case she forgot.

  “No, Lilly-ma.”

  “Then explain to me” the conversation began to get heated up, her mom became more curious with every passing second. Emma was silent, and the words seemed too heavy for her to say. She remembered her mom on the local news years back, carrying a placard which read “Gays and Lesbians will burn in hell.”

  She stared hard at her mom, held her hands and said:

  “Mom, I love women; I love to be with women.” Her mom froze on a spot, she couldn’t move or say anything, she opened her mouth to talk, but words failed her. Emma dropped her mom's hands gently, stood up and said:

  “I’ll go make some tea for me, do you want some?” Her mom tried to move her mouth again but no words came out. Emma stood up and walked toward the door. Her mom’s eyes were fixated on her as she left the room. It was like someone magically pressed unfreeze button to control her immediately Emma left the room. She relaxed on her bed and hoped someone would wake her from the nightmare she just found herself in.

  She had developed high blood pressure at a tender age, she began to feel choked. She got up and got her emergency medication. She lay on her bed and remembered Emma’s Dad.

  John was a calm and loving husband. She missed him, but it was too late before she realized she made the wrong decision to end their marriage.

  John had travelled to Africa on a nine-month trip, where he got infected with the Human Immune Virus (HIV). John was a missionary, they had met in the church a few years before they got married.

  She couldn’t bring herself to forgive John because she had believed he got the virus through sexual intercourse, despite John telling her it was through the injury he had which was exposed while taking care of war victims.

  Their marriage went cold, she had thought John to be a sinner, and could not bring herself to look him in the face, or live in the same house with him. It was like a cold war at their home. After a year, she had asked him for a divorce. John couldn’t bring himself to sign the documents. He had left without anyone’s knowledge one night, never to be seen again.

  Lilly never bothered to search for her husband, but hoped one day he would contact them and she would look him in the eyes and say

  “I forgive you.”

  She thought about her only daughter and would hate her to disappear from her life just like her dad. She could not bear the thought. She concluded in heart to tell Emma it was okay to be whom she wanted to be, and no matter what it would not change how much she loved her. As she stood to leave the room in search of Emma, she realized the medication had taken effect; she was too drowsy to walk. She laid down back on the bed and slept off.

  ***

  It was the eve of Christmas, Emma’s dream had stopped, she had wondered why. She wanted to see more of her mystery woman and would imagine if she actually existed.

  She headed to her mother’s room with the flower vase she got her. She paused before opening the door and smiled. She was happy. She felt relieved to have opened up to her mom, but she was surprised as her mom knocked her room door on the day she told her she was into women, with tears in her eyes told her she loved her anyway, despite her beliefs and would always be proud of her no matter what or whom she chooses to be with. She was glad at that moment; she had opened up to Lilly on her sexuality.

  She knocked the door and opened.

  “Lilly-ma” she called. There was something odd about the way she lay on the bed. Emma walked faster and tapped her. It dawned on her. Her mom was unconscious, but she could feel her pulse. She dropped the flower vase mistakenly while she reached for her mom’s mobile phone, it shattered on the floor. She dialed 911 immediately, to report her mom’s condition. She began to pace; she had never been so scared.

  She heard the siren of the ambulance and ran to the door to open it for the paramedics. She was laid carefully on the stretcher and was taken into the ambulance. Emma got her jacket and went with her mom in the ambulance to the Hospital.

  It was when she got there she realized through the doctor that her mom had been ill; she had been diagnosed of severe cancer of the liver earlier in the year. She had refused all forms of treatment.

  “She is a strong woman, it’s surprising she made it this far,” said the doctor. Emma could not control her tears; she wondered why her mom did not tell her. She began to see reason in her mom insisting on her coming home. Her mom wanted to see her the last time. She was in shock. She went into Lilly’s hospital room, held her hands and began to weep. All she wanted was for her mom to be well. At that moment she would trade anything to have her mom healthy. She began to wish she had come home every Christmas in the last five years. She was filled with regrets. She wished she could scream at her, and ask her why she kept such important information from her.

  She watched as the heart monitor beeped and at about 3:00 am on Christmas day, her mom passed on. She could not stop crying.

  She called Dylan to inform Sandy. They arrived at the hospital almost immediately. They stood by her. Sandy knew Lilly was battling with cancer and had advised her to get chemotherapy, but she had refused. She had hope in her eyes that she would somehow get healed and if not according to her beliefs would go to her creator, just like the pastor in her church would always say.

  Lilly was cremated; she had always wanted to get cremated if she passed away. She wanted to be spread on her beautifully flowered lawn. She loved the lawn and would tend to it daily.

  Emma carried out her wishes and a service was held at her local church in her honor. It was a short but, beautiful service.

  Emma tied all loose ends and left for New York on the 29th day of the month.

  *****

  A month had passed since her mother's death. Still in bed, she remembered her mom again and began to weep. However, she was glad to have spent her last days with her. It would have hurt her more if she hadn't traveled down to Jackson, Mississippi. Most importantly, she was grateful she came out of the closet about her sexuality to her mom.

  Shaking off the thoughts and noticing she was getting late, she needed to get to the office on time; she jumped out of bed and got ready. She hopped into her car and drove down to her office. She got stuck in traffic and got to work half hour late.

  Immediately she got to work, her boss asked her to join him in conference room for a meeting with a client. She had worn a grey satin top, a darker grey fitted cotton
skirt with a red stiletto. It was not her usual outfit, but the combination looked good on her. She would usually pack her hair in pony tail, but since the mark on her neck she would let her hair down to conceal it. She would not want anyone to mistake it for a tattoo.

  She opened the door of the conference room to join the client and her boss. The client was a female she could only see her back view from entering the conference room because she was on a call and was looking out the transparent glass wall.

  Emma sat down and Dan briefed her on how important the client was. She wanted to purchase the most expensive property they had on sale at a very good price, but she needed convincing to go ahead with the purchase.

  Emma smiled as Daniel briefed her, she was sure she would get the deal sealed. She was the best marketer at the firm.

  While waiting for the client to get off the phone, Emma began to wonder who she was. Her natural blonde hair fell rightly on her shoulder; she noticed her skin was beautifully tanned through her legs which were well revealed under her short white dress. Emma’s eyes were fixated on her, and were waiting patiently to see the face on the beautifully carved figure.

  As the lady in the short white dress turned to pull a sit from the conference table, Emma’s jaw dropped. It was just like in the movies. Everything was in slow motion. She had never seen anyone so beautiful.

  Her smile felt like the summer sun shining so brightly from the sky. Her teeth, oh! Her teeth were the whitest and well arranged set she had ever seen. She was a goddess sent to live among humans. Her blue eyes; her blue eyes seemed so familiar to Emma, all she could do was stare at her, she did it so well she forgot herself.

  Daniel cleared his throat to call Emma’s attention, he had introduced the client to her, but she heard nothing and so did not respond to the introduction. So, he repeated himself.

  “Emma, this is Miss Davidson.”

  “Hello, Miss Davidson, you are welcome to our firm,” Emma said as she stood to shake her hands. She was nervous.