Chameleon Soul (Chequered Flag #1)

by Mia Hoddell

  “It’s been a rough year for her, and she’s finally starting to pull herself back together. I don’t want you screwing it up if you’re not planning on sticking around.”

  “Why’s it been rough?” A wave of emotions powered through me; fear, worry, and anger that I’d been left out of the loop. Even if we weren’t together I assumed Dustin would have told me if something bad happened.

  “It’s not my story to tell, Teo. All I’m saying is if you notice things she does and they seem odd, don’t call her out on them. That flat is one of the few places I see the old Raine and I don’t want to lose that.”

  If he thought he was going to get away with not telling me he could think again. “Dustin—”

  “No, Teo. It’s Raine’s story to tell and I will not betray her trust like that. I’ve already done that enough by bringing you here.” His voice reached a level of ferocity I rarely heard.

  “Okay, okay. I won’t ask again. Why did you bring me here, anyway?”

  “You two are better together than apart. She shouldn’t have given up on you, and you shouldn’t have given up on her.”

  “I didn’t—”

  “You did. You didn’t fight for her, but that’s not my point. My point is you both miss each other and are too stupid to do anything about it.”

  “Hey!”

  “What part of what I said is untrue?”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. “None of it.”

  “Good. Then what are you going to do about it?”

  I ignored him and shifted my hand to the roof of the car. “How about you? How are you holding up?”

  “I’m fine. We’re talking about you right now.”

  “Really? Because your black eye and swollen mouth say differently,” I probed.

  Dustin hadn’t been the same since Elora broke his heart, and even though I didn’t have the full story, I knew she repeatedly left him in pieces. That much was clear.

  “I’ll get over it. Now back to you.” The bastard smirked at me. He knew exactly what he was doing.

  “Why do you even think she still likes me? That’s not the conclusion I’ve drawn from her reactions today.”

  “She doesn’t like you, Teo. She’s still in love with you. She never stopped loving you. Even if she wants to hate you, her heart won’t let her.”

  I snorted indignantly. “Yeah, sure. Because the way you show you love someone is to leave them.”

  “She had her reasons, Teo. I know she still loves you.”

  “Then why the dramatic reactions?”

  “You know she’s followed your whole career, right? Never missed a race.”

  “What do you want me to say, Dust?”

  “That you won’t give up on her. She needs you back, and I think you need her. I’ve seen you both miserable for too long and I’m done standing on the sidelines watching.”

  The only response I gave him was a curt nod as I slipped into the car. He’d dumped a lot of information on me and my mind was on overload. The only thing I was certain of was that if something was wrong with Raine, I wanted to know what it was. I hadn’t come home looking for answers, but things were obviously bigger than I once thought, and Dustin was right—last time I hadn’t fought for her.

  * * *

  “Come on, Coates. I’ll even let you have first pick.” Zeke clapped me on the back, throwing his eyes towards the end of the bar. Two blondes were leaning on the top, deliberately showing their impressive racks to anyone interested. Every now and then they’d glance over at us invitingly. One even gave me a wave and a flirty smile.

  Usually it would be an offer I couldn’t refuse. However, tonight my head was a fucked-up mess. Picking up my beer bottle, I took a final swig and slammed it back down on the bar, empty. “Not tonight, Zeke.”

  “Come on. They’re desperate and easy, exactly the way you like them.”

  My insides cringed at that, at what I’d become. It had been mutual satisfaction: they got to say they slept with me, and I got the distraction I was after. Now, all I could picture was Raine. There wasn’t one person in the bar who outshone her or could banish her image from my mind.

  “If you don’t, I will.”

  I gestured towards them. “Go right ahead. I’ve got to make sure dipshit here doesn’t end up in a cell for the second night running.”

  “I heard that. I’m not going to do anything stupid,” Dustin grumbled from beside me, momentarily looking up from the deck of cards he’d been shuffling for the last hour or so. Why he had to bring them was beyond me.

  “You were meant to. And you’re cut off, by the way,” I said when he lifted a hand to signal the bartender over.

  “What? Why? That’s my first.”

  “Because you’re driving home. If that’s not enough of a reason, you have a race this weekend and you’re not going into free practice with a hangover.”

  I ignored Dustin’s unintelligible response and watched as Zeke approached the girls. Within a minute he had one under his arm and was pointing at me. Quickly, I calculated how far I’d get if I made a run for it, since the girl was already sashaying towards me. She added a deliberate sway to her hips and wore a sultry smile, obviously trying to entice me. All it did was turn me off her even more.

  She had her arms around my neck and her body pressed against mine before I even had time to react. Her nails scraped against the back of my neck, running over the short hair there as she looked at me with hooded eyes.

  Someone wasn’t short on confidence.

  “Your friend said you could do with having a good time.” She pressed her hips further into me as if it wasn’t obvious enough what she wanted to begin with.

  I was going to kill Zeke.

  “Sorry, I’m not looking for that tonight.”

  “You’re always looking for it. You’re Teo Coates, infamous for his one-night stands. You’re always up for it. I can feel it.”

  What she could feel was my mobile in my front pocket. Not one thing about her was remotely attracting me. In fact, it only made me realise how empty my life had become that I resorted to screwing chicks like this.

  Placing my hands on her hips, I forced her to take a step back. “Sorry, I’m not interested.”

  “One kiss?” She pouted, her bottom lip jutting out. Was she really that desperate? She closed the gap between us and crushed her lips to mine. It felt like I was being kissed by a sea lion.

  I broke free of her grip and pushed her away. “I told you, I’m not interested.”

  I swivelled on the stool to face the bar and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Disgusting.

  How had I ignored all of the negatives before? They were desperate, easy chicks who probably got around as much as me. They weren’t attracted to me for who I was; they were attracted to the fame and money. The biggest thing I couldn’t understand how I ignored was that none of them were Raine.

  Dustin shuffled his cards. The constant repetitive movement in the corner of my eye distracted me enough to prevent me from heading over to Zeke and punching him in the face.

  “What’s up with that?” I jerked my chin at the deck.

  He shrugged nonchalantly. “Better than getting off with anything that moves.”

  “All right, time to head home. I forgot what an ass you are when you drink.”

  Dustin snorted, placing his deck back in the box. “It’s not the drink and you’re the ass. I’m the good brother, the one who stays. I don’t fuck hundreds of women because I can’t deal with my feelings, and I don’t forget about those who are important. She didn’t forget. Even when it broke her heart to see it, she supported you.”

  I snapped my mouth shut at Dustin’s words. Grinding my teeth together, I wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him from the stool.

  “Hey, Zeke! We’re off, man,” I called over the music. He acknowledged me with a nod. “And you know fuck all about my feelings,” I hissed at Dustin.

  “I know more than both of you, and you wouldn�
��t care if I hadn’t hit a nerve. Do us all a favour and stop with the women.”

  “Did you see me with anyone tonight? I haven’t been with anyone since I got back.”

  “Wow, a whole few days,” Dustin said in mock despair. “What about the blonde?”

  “Zeke sent her over and I pushed her away. You heard me tell her I wasn’t interested.”

  “Didn’t stop you from sticking your tongue down her throat first.”

  “Hell, Elora’s really done a number on you.”

  “You don’t know shit.”

  I smirked. “What? You don’t like it when it comes back at you?”

  “I get to have a say when you’re hurting my best friend. You involved me when you decided to hook up with her three years ago. If you didn’t want my opinion, then you should have picked someone else. I’ll shut up for now, though.”

  Dustin strode off to the car ahead of me, his body tense. What he’d said was true, yet it was my coping mechanism. I didn’t want any of those one-night stands, but in a small, twisted way, I wanted Raine to see and for her to hurt as much as she hurt me.

  * * *

  The drive back to Dustin’s flat was silent. The atmosphere was hostile, and as soon as he parked I leapt out of the car. I had convinced myself to sort things out with Raine along the journey, and I needed to do it immediately before I had a chance to talk myself out of it. As soon as I thought about what the conversation entailed and how many wounds she would slice open, I’d lose all confidence.

  “Where are you going?” Dustin called from behind me, jogging to fall into line beside me.

  “To talk to Raine. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

  “Call her tomorrow, she—”

  We were outside their door when a high-pitched scream cut off Dustin’s words. All of the blood drained from his face. Fumbling with his keys, he hurried with the lock.

  The scream came again, followed by some indecipherable shouting.

  “Dustin, what’s going on?” My heart thundered in my chest and a surge of protective desire had me wanting to break down the door to get to Raine. Fear for her pumped the blood faster in my veins until I could hear it in my ears. If she was in trouble I wanted to help.

  “You need to go home, Teo.”

  “Like hell am I going home. Tell me what’s happening.”

  Dustin had his hand on the door, and when I lunged forward to try and push past him, he shut it again. Standing in front of it, he kept a hand on the knob and glared at me. “Go. Home. Teo. I’ve got this.”

  Wide with panic, my eyes darted around the hall. I didn’t know what I was expecting to find and finally they locked on Dustin’s gaze once more. “What’s going on?”

  “No. Let me go! Please!” Raine screamed and my blood boiled.

  “Is someone in there with her?” I fumed, my heart rate increasing even more.

  “No. Remember what I said? It’s been a rough year. Now go home and let me deal with this.”

  Stunned by the thoughts careening in my mind, I wasn’t quick enough. Dustin slipped into the flat and I’d only started to lift my foot when the door slammed in my face.

  “Dustin!” I shouted, banging on the wood, but I got no answer. When fifteen minutes had passed and I’d not heard a single sound, I headed down to my car.

  I could see the lights on in Raine’s room, but there was no movement. I hated that Dustin was the one in there with her and always had been. No matter how much time had passed, and all the shit that had gone down, I wanted it to be me. Yet I hadn’t been enough. She’d always chosen Dustin over me, and I had no idea why.

  Even if I wanted to comfort her I couldn’t. I didn’t know the first thing about what was going on, and I swore I was going to find out. She wasn’t going to push me away this time because I wasn’t leaving until I got my answers.

  This time I’d fight for her.

  Chapter Seven

  Raine

  I didn’t mention the nightmare Dustin had woken me from the next morning and neither did he. We’d gone about our usual routines, granted with much less eye contact, and I avoided the conversation because I was disheartened, not because I was embarrassed. It was hard to be embarrassed around Dustin. He’d already seen it all, numerous times. Finding him in my bed the next morning had stopped becoming awkward long ago. What had me dipping my gaze was shame. I’d thought I’d been improving. When I’d awoken the previous day after having slept the whole night through, I believed it to be the start of the next phase of my recovery. I guessed everything with Teo had just been too much.

  Walking through the university hallways on my way to class, the constant stares didn’t escape my notice. Typically, I could make it from one end of campus to the other without one person taking note of my presence. Today, every so often someone would stare and whisper.

  At first I told myself I was being paranoid and that people weren’t interested in me. It was a ridiculous notion to think they’d be watching me, and I wasn’t self-centred enough to believe it. Nevertheless, when it happened repeatedly on my way to class it became too much to ignore. Self-consciously I ran my hand over my face and hair, figuring something had to be out of place or stuck to me. When I came across nothing, I looked down at my clothes. They were my regular, plain, nondescript items; nothing that should have drawn attention to me. Quickening my steps I lowered my head and kept my gaze on the floor. If I couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see me, right? Well, maybe not, but at least if I didn’t see them I didn’t have a panic attack in the middle of the hallway. The familiar burn was already rising in my chest as a fist closed around my lungs to make each breath shallower.

  I entered my class and found a seat by Nadine. Rather than grin at me like usual, when she looked up the expression she wore was grim.

  “What’s going on? Why do you look like that?”

  “You haven’t seen it?”

  Before I could question her further, David—a pain in my ass, entitled rich boy—shouted from the back of the class. “Hey, Raine! Is it true you slept with Teo Coates and are now stalking him?”

  A few of the others in the class sniggered, and Nadine’s face soured even more. My heart started to race, banging against my rib cage in an attempt to break free. I sank lower into my seat, hunching over my desk. Instinctively I reached for the hood on my jumper to cover myself, only to remember I had worn a t-shirt today. My relationship with Teo before he became the country’s favourite driver had never been a big deal in the past.

  “Nadine, what is he talking about?”

  She dipped her hand into her bag and came back with a stack of gossip magazines. “It’s all over the front pages.”

  I snatched them from her. Staring up at me in the first one was a photo depicting my breakdown in the Braxton F1 factory. Teo was standing in front of me, his face menacing as I cowered against the wall and stared up at him with wild eyes. I flipped through the pile; they all had the same image with the generic headlines asking who I was, who I was to Teo, and some insinuated I was a crazy stalker who couldn’t understand the word no. It didn’t take a genius to figure out which magazines David had seen, not that it was a surprise considering his family owned them.

  Dammit to hell. The one course where reading the gossip magazines was actually encouraged had to be the one I studied.

  “Is it true, Raine?” David shouted out again, drawing another round of laughs.

  I was too stunned to say anything. Nadine yelled back at him, although the words didn’t register. I was too busy trying to draw air in through my mouth; my nose was not enough. It felt like an elephant had landed on my chest. The unbearable pressure made each breath a luxury since my body had decided breathing wasn’t a necessary function.

  I began trembling, shaking my head in denial.

  “This isn’t happening. It can’t be,” I muttered, and Nadine’s hands were rapidly on my shoulders. Pinning me to my seat, she stilled my movements. She dipped her head until her eyes met
mine and held them.

  “Deep breaths, Raine. Nothing’s going to hurt you.”

  I attempted to inhale. It was unsteady and the tremors were becoming worse. The slippery grip I had on my emotions faltered.

  None of this was blending in. All of the hard work I’d put into becoming a chameleon, a nobody, had been destroyed. People were noticing me.

  I was a target.

  Those who didn’t know how to hide and conceal themselves were easy prey. That’s how nature worked.

  I didn’t want to be the victim again.

  “I’m calling Dustin,” Nadine said, her words no longer sounding calm.

  “No. He’s got free practice today. I can’t interrupt a race weekend for this.” I reached out and took hold of her hand to prevent her dialling his number. Compared to hers, my palms were slick with sweat.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she hissed, trying not to draw even more attention to us.

  “You don’t have to do anything. Let me go back to the flat and I’ll be fine.”

  “Come on, Raine. We’re all friends here. Why not give us the exclusive?” David jeered. “Was Coates really that good in bed you can’t let him go?”

  We’d never been friends.

  “Shut the hell up, David,” Nadine spat.

  I stood, keeping my gaze on the floor and away from the prying eyes. Picking up the magazines and my belongings with frantic, rigid movements, I hugged them to my chest.

  “Email me the work, yeah?”

  “I’ll drop it by later,” Nadine agreed.

  I opened my mouth to argue that she didn’t need to check up on me, but she silenced me with her hand. “I’m bringing it by later and I’m bringing fudge too.”

  “Fine, but it better be—”

  “I know, I know, mint chocolate swirl.” Nadine shooed me away.

  Power walking from the room, I silently counted the tiles on the floor. I didn’t look up until I was back at my flat. I unlocked the door, and as soon as I was in my living room I dropped to the sofa, shut my eyes, and let out a deep breath. Throwing my arms above my head I allowed my body a few minutes to recover.