Fast Forward

by Marion Croslydon

Cassie looked away from me and her gaze passed to the other side of the street. Her shoulders had drooped and she looked defeated.

  I stepped closer to her and placed my index finger underneath her chin to lift up her heart-shaped face. When I managed to engage her gaze again, I said in a low voice that was only intended for her, “I’d have told you, Cass. I’m sorry you had to learn it this way, from that asshole Hewitt. I had no intention of keeping it a secret because it wasn’t a secret in the first place.”

  Her lips twisted slightly to form a sorry smile. “I believe you, Champ.”

  I kissed her forehead and the familiar softness of her skin chased away the tiredness that had piled inside me over the last week. Cassie hid her face against my chest and I heard her muffled words. “But I don’t care what else is going on in our life. If there’s anything new about Lenor, even last minute stuff, tell me.”

  “She called me tonight to warn me about her father trashing me in front of Estevez. I already knew about it, but it was nice of her.”

  Cassie’s head peeped up. “That Carrington is such a jerk.”

  “That seems to be the consensus.” I thought of Zach Murdoch. “Cass, you need to trust me. I know it’s crazy to ask that with me having been engaged to Lenor only two months ago… but you have to believe me when I say it’s over with her.”

  She nodded but it was a half-nod. I didn’t push because I knew words wouldn’t prove anything to her. Only actions. That meant time.

  I only hoped time was on our side.

  CHAPTER 15

  Cassie ~ Three months later

  We’d received the approval for adoption today.

  Today.

  It’d been just under four months since that first meeting with Sawyer Curtis in Kansas City. It wasn’t long but it’d felt like a freakin’ lifetime to me. Apparently the Sorensons had decided to move to Oregon. Their move had helped to speed up our procedure.

  I didn’t want to think of the Lorettis. I didn’t want to think of anything going wrong. Not now. Not when I was so close to have our son with me. Not when Josh and I were finally settling down and sharing the same life.

  I’d never sauntered to work before. The Joker-smile I’d plastered all over my face on the subway ride and the over-friendly ‘hi’ I threw to my co-workers—co-workers I didn’t really know—were all signs I wasn’t all there.

  Not that I’m impolite, but work was just that… work. Today, I was a happy camper, but also a late one. I’d found a job in a coffee shop in Georgetown; a ten-minute walk from our apartment, next to the school where we were planning to send Lucas. I wasn’t yet legally Lucas’s mom but the home study, the training sessions, and the interviews with the caseworker had helped me get my head around what our daily life with a five-year-old would be like.

  “Hey, Cassie!” It was Sonya, my boss. Not from the coffee shop where I only worked part time, but from my second job with a catering company. Tonight we were catering for a party at the Four Seasons.

  “Sorry, I’m late.” I pulled my hair into a pony-tail and checked myself in the mirror.

  “No, you’re not. So chill out. You stayed late last time anyway.”

  I turned toward her. “Sonya, do you mind if I leave on time today? You know I don’t normally mind, but tonight…”

  Her eyebrows wriggled and the corner of her mouth twisted upward. “Anything special planned with that sexy senator of yours?”

  Sonya hadn’t made any secret of her crush on Josh. He’d picked me up from work once and she’d fallen head over heels for him. If only she knew that Josh and I hadn’t yet consummated our marriage. There’d been a lot of dancing around, but nothing sealing the deal. Until tonight. Tonight, I wanted a full-on celebration and to throw our self-control through the window.

  “Josh isn’t a senator. He works for one,” I said, not for the first time.

  “With that ice-white smile of his, he’ll be one soon. Trust me. I’ve been moving in this crowd long enough to know the ones who have the spark.”

  I checked myself one last time in the mirror and put on a quick touch of lip gloss, rubbing my lips together to spread it out evenly. “I don’t know if it’s a blessing or not.”

  Sonya placed herself behind me and stared at me in the mirror. “A blessing. Soon, you’ll stop working and waiting tables. You’ll be the one being waited on.”

  I spun around and Sonya startled. “I’ll never stop working. My gran taught me to take care of myself and the ones I love. There’s nothing wrong with being a waitress anyway.”

  Another wriggle of Sonya’s eyebrow. “We’ll talk about it in a couple of years when you ask me to top up your Champagne while playing with the string of pearls your husband—the sexy senator—bought you for your wedding anniversary.”

  The thought of owning a pearl necklace gave me the giggles. Except I never giggled, as a rule.

  The next hour flew by as the crowd grew thicker and thicker. I’d never served canapés with a lighter heart. Sweet Second kept playing inside my head. I was on a high. It was almost like being back on stage again.

  Then I saw Josh. The first thing that crossed my mind was that Sonya was right. He had the brightest smile I’d ever seen. The second thing was that he wasn’t smiling at me but at a blond in a power suit. My gaze zoomed in on her and on the pearls that hung around her neck. There were also the skyscrapers she was standing on. I didn’t know much about fashion, but those shoes screamed some fancy designer. They had to cost more than I made in a week. Or a month.

  “Cassandra!”

  I zoomed out from the attractive couple my husband made with another girl and noticed Bradley next to them. Mechanically, I joined where they stood, holding my tray in front of me like a shield.

  “Hi Bradley.” I thrust the tray at him and he had no choice but to pick up a tempura prawn.

  The blond was now staring at me with a what-the-fuck expression spread over her haughty face. I shoved the tray under her nose and she shook her head—because she probably never ate anything except low-carbs—then my gaze moved on to Josh.

  “Josh.”

  “Cassie.”

  “Tempura prawns?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “You know her?” Smirky Blonde asked.

  Her? My fingers gripped the edge of the tray more tightly.

  Josh answered without a pause. “Yes, I know Cassie very well. She’s my wife.” He pulled me gently toward him. I was stiff like a frozen stick.

  Snarky Blonde almost spat her Champagne out over her designer suit.

  “Cassie, this is Megan Alistair, a friend from Georgetown.”

  Lovely Megan here wasn’t just a friend. Correction, hadn’t always been a friend. My antennae were tuned to detect the had-sex-with-Josh vibe, and this girl was scoring full marks.

  “You’re married? To her?”

  Slap me! I was about to have a full-throttle go at Bitchy Megan when Josh cut in.

  “I am very lucky to be married to her. Since we’re discussing my family life, you should also know that we’re adopting a little boy whose name is Lucas. Hopefully he’ll be with us by Christmas.”

  I heard Bradley choke on his wine.

  Josh pulled me against him and I felt all awkward and dumb with the stupid tray in my hands. Megan’s gaze snaked along my body and the plain, shapeless uniform I was wearing.

  She spelled out the next words. “Joshua MacBride is married to a waitress.” And then she giggled; a Cruella DeVil laugh, all cutting and nasty. At least, to my wounded ears.

  “Shut up, Megan, or—”

  “Don’t.” I waved my hand at Josh. I didn’t want a scene. There was no point. “Please, don’t.”

  I threw all my energy and pride into keeping my head high and my voice from breaking. “Excuse me. I have to get back to work.”

  Except I couldn’t keep serving those damn prawns. I almost dropped the tray at the corner of a serving table and darted out of the elegant room full of people who belon
ged to a world I didn’t understand and maybe never would.

  I rushed through the entrance hall of the Four Seasons and stormed into the driveway just outside the hotel. The stuffy doorman sent a grumpy look my way. The uniform I wore made it clear I wasn’t part of the clientele. Outside it was late November and freezing. The cold slapped me in the face.

  I wrapped my arms around my upper-body to keep some of the warmth in. I’d overreacted. Totally overreacted. Who cared if some Grace-Kelly wannabe was giving me the thumbs-down? But tonight it hurt.

  “Cass?”

  I shut my eyes and forced my mouth to spread into a smile. One. Two. Three. I turned to face Josh. Sonya would be disappointed because he didn’t have his trademarked smile on. What struck me was how nicely tailored his suit was. It made me loathe my shapeless uniform even more.

  “I like your suit.”

  My random comment fazed him. He shrugged and answered, “Thanks. I bought it last weekend.”

  I nodded. Last weekend I’d been pulling an extra shift at the coffee shop. Josh was always at his office on Saturdays. And a lot of Sundays too.

  “Cass, I’m going to cut to the chase. Meg and I had something going in our freshman year at Georgetown. I came across her once when I was still living at Jack’s. But I don’t like the girl and I’ll always try to keep it short. She wasn’t nice to Lenor either, if that makes you feel any better.”

  A chuckle climbed up my throat and died on my lips. The effect didn’t sound pretty. “I guess I should be honored then.”

  God, I was such a pathetic bitch. “Sorry,” I mumbled, my eyes stuck on the tips of the ugly black shoes that matched my ugly black uniform. The problem with me was that when I started out on the road of self-pity I kind of went all the way. Thelma-and-Louise all the way, up to the big drive from the cliff.

  The frowning doorman walked past us. He didn’t frown for long as the sub-zero look Josh threw back at him made the guy scurry back to his post by the main doors of the hotel. Josh bridged the space between us and led me back inside. I welcomed the central heating. He searched for an alcove at the side of the hallway. He found one and we walked into it where nobody—guests or staff—could see us.

  We stood there, watching each other, sizing each other up, without saying a word. As always, I had to blurt something out first.

  “Listen, I get it. I need to kick myself in the ass and get over my insecurities. You’re the guy with Capitol Hill at his feet and I’m a waitress. Fact.”

  “You’re also a singer and a songwriter. A talented one. Whether you choose to do something about it now that Sweet Second has been added to Shawn’s album is up to you. You could also choose not to work. I gave you the option.” That was harsh…. But true.

  “You’re right. I’ve chosen to be a waitress and put my music aside. For now.” I had to start owning my choices instead of whining and playing the blame game for the directions my life took. “But, I guess, before coming here, I didn’t realize how…” I looked for a good word but failed, “… different we were.”

  “Come on, Cass. Yeah, back in there, there was some snobbish brat who talked down to you. I guarantee she won’t be doing it again after what I said to her. But I can’t lie to you, there’ll be other bitches like Megan Alistair or assholes like Peter Hewitt. Washington is crawling with them.”

  I wanted to shout: Let’s get the fuck outta here then! But I didn’t. Instead I let him talk.

  “No matter what, they can’t touch us as long as we don’t forget who we are.”

  “And who are we?”

  “Josh and Cassie MacBride from Steep Hill, Kansas.”

  “That’s it?”

  He came closer and his fingers brushed against my neck, circling gently around it. I held my breath while my heartbeat quickened. “No, that’s not it. Josh, Cassie and Lucas MacBride from Steep Hill, Kansas.”

  “That sounds good to me.”

  I hid my face against his chest and I mumbled the embarrassing truth. “I’m scared of being a burden. I feel so out of my depth here. I keep screwing up, even when I take the subway.”

  He gently pushed me away, then his hands cupped each sides of my face. “You are not a burden, Cass. You’re my partner and we’re going to build a life here together. For ourselves and for Lucas.”

  I nodded, while biting my lower lip.

  “When you’re with me, Cass, I feel like I can conquer the world, like I’m the master of the universe.” His mouth brushed mine. “At least, you make me want to be.”

  I gave him a fully-formed chuckle this time and took a step back. “Thanks for giving me the head-ups, Champ. I’ve got to start working on a new wardrobe, like right now.”

  “Why? I love the way you dress.”

  “Come on. This isn’t going to cut it at the White House.” I looked down at my uniform.

  “Cassandra MacBride, you are my First Lady. No matter what shit you’re wearing.” He pulled me back against him and rested his chin on the top of my head. “I don’t know if I’ll ever make it big here, but what I know for certain is that I’ll never let anyone hurt you or Lucas.” He moved back so that he could look at me in the eyes. “The day I fail to do that, it’ll be the day we’re packing.”

  Josh had a plan. He always had a plan. He had ambition, drive and stamina. Maybe it was time for me to have a plan too. Lucas was my everything, but I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted to inspire him.

  There was something deeply screwed-up in my ways. While Josh achieved by doing things positively, I reached my goals by ‘not doing.’ Not keeping Lucas way back when I was seventeen, or not going on tour because of the adoption.

  Maybe it was time for me to have a plan, a positive one.

  We made it back home later than I’d planned… for our celebration. The guy who was supposed to help Sonya clear up hadn’t felt one-hundred-percent all of a sudden. I didn’t have the heart to leave her on her own.

  I’d found Josh at ten sitting at the bar of the Four Seasons, fiddling with an empty glass. He hadn’t seemed to care about the crowd around him and all I’d wanted was to make my way into his thoughts. But I knew I was already in them when his gaze met mine. His eyes sparked to life, welcoming me back into the place in his heart that was mine alone.

  “Thanks for the cab.” I dropped my bag onto the new sofa and kicked off my sneakers.

  Josh undid his tie in that sexy way of his… undoing me at the same time. I shook myself up. Nothing was going to happen tonight. If I’d learned one thing from the tempura-prawn incident, it was that I wasn’t ready.

  He headed to our galley kitchen. “What’s all this?”

  I joined Josh who stood in front of the stove top where a casserole dish waited to be reheated. He raised the lid and stared at the mushy, lumpy red sauce inside, then threw me one of his signature eyebrow arches.

  “Penne alla Arrabiata,” I answered. Two plates, two glasses and a bottle of red wine sat on the small kitchen table… atop the pretty, white table cloth I’d brought back from Steep Hill. Gran’s table cloth.

  “You should have told me you were planning something special tonight.”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “What makes you think I was planning something special?”

  He pointed his finger back at the stove. “Cass, you cooked.”

  Yeah, okay, that kind of gave me away. “I used the Guidis’ family recipe. I rescued it from Alfredo’s house after the funeral. I wanted to practice for when we get Lucas. I’d promised Alfredo…”

  “I know.” He pulled me against his chest and kissed my forehead. “I remember.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked up at him. “I had it all planned out. I’d be waiting for you to come back from your work event and have the perfect dinner all ready for you.”

  “Were you scantily dressed in this romantic scenario of yours?”

  I thought of my first Victoria Secret’s negligée carefully tucked in my drawer. “Let’s say I wasn’t wear
ing the poop-colored tracksuit you got me for the tour.”

  Josh chuckled. “What happened then?”

  “Well, your work event happened to be the job I took tonight. I served prawns to that ex of yours and made sure everybody knew I had a huge chip on my shoulder.” My gaze fluttered away for a couple of seconds. “Then I covered for a guy who didn’t care about finishing his job and I made it back home at eleven with you, because you were cute enough to wait for me.”

  “So?”

  “So long story short, we won’t be having sex tonight.”

  Josh burst out laughing and I followed in his tracks.

  “That’s kind of definitive.” His fingers snuck underneath my uniform top and caressed the small of my back. “What made you change your mind?”

  “I’m not quite there yet.”

  Josh led me back to the sofa and sat me on his lap. “Where do you want to be?”

  “Maybe it’s not a question of where, but who. I don’t want to be that girl who can’t stand by your side and be proud of who she is. Whatever it is. I don’t want to be that girl who doesn’t have a plan for herself.” I’d delivered all of this in one breath.

  “That’s a lot of things you don’t want to be. What do you actually want to be?”

  “I want to be someone who inspires you and Lucas.”

  His hand flew up to cup my face. “But you do inspire me. I was totally won over the night I saw you on stage with that goddamn Shawn Dupret. You blew my mind.”

  “It was just one time.” One very special time.

  “It’ll happen again, Cass. Plus, Sweet Second is going to be released as a single. You wrote that song.”

  He was right. I had achieved something. Maybe I could achieve more. I stood and, without a word, went to our bedroom, opened a drawer and came back with a stack of papers. I handed them to Josh. He took them and quickly cast his eyes over them. Most of them were music sheets and Josh couldn’t read music. Still, he paid close attention to them, spending more time on the pages filled with words.

  He finally looked up at me. “Is that new material?”