Fast Forward

by Marion Croslydon

I sat back on his lap. “I’ve been writing in my spare time. When Shawn called me about Sweet Second’s release, he said if it was doing well his agent, Will, might ask for more stuff. I thought it would be wise to have something ready.” Josh’s fingertips brushed my cheekbones and I took it as a silent encouragement. “I mean, writing songs doesn’t mean I’ll be back on the road. So I can be here with Lucas while doing something about my music. And I love writing.”

  Josh gently patted the back of my head, combing my hair with his fingers, then pulled my face down towards him. He gently kissed me. It wasn’t one of his you’ll-drop-your-panties-next kisses. It felt more like an I-totally-worship-you type of kisses. I like those too.

  “I’m in awe of you,” he said. I gave a slight shake of my shoulders because I wasn’t used to being praised. “That’s why I’m going to give you a mental kick in the ass.”

  I stiffened. “Why’s that?”

  “Because you’re doing it again, Cass. Going to the end of the world for the people you love without letting them be there for you.” I frowned and asked him to explain. “Since you’ve been in D.C, you’ve repainted the whole apartment, hung up new curtains on every single window, cleaned up the garden and found a job near to Lucas’s school. On top of that, you make extra tips by working for a catering company pretty much every weekend. I’ve not even mentioned the fact that we’ve had to go through a home study for the adoption. Which wasn’t a walk in the park.”

  “You make it sound like I’ve killed myself at work. I’m fine. Plus, it’s not as if you’re not working like a dog too.”

  He waved his hands in defense. “We’re not talking about me.”

  “But you’re the one bringing home most of the money.”

  “It’s our money, Cass. Not mine. So I want you to use it to make your life easier.”

  “I don’t need—”

  “—I want you to stop spreading yourself so thin. Hopefully Lucas will be with us for good in a few months. He’s going to keep us busy.” He paused. “I think you should give up your job at the coffee shop. Or that catering moonlighting. Either one… or both?”

  “No way I’m not making my own money—”

  Once again he hushed me by putting the tips of his fingers on my lips. “It’s not about money, Cass. I want you to have more free time to focus on your song writing. I have no doubt in my mind that this guy, Will, will soon come begging for more songs by the incredibly talented Cassandra O’Malley.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  His hands moved to my shoulders to squeeze them. “Stop putting yourself down. I won’t let you do that to the girl I love. And if you still think I’m doing you a favor, see it as an investment. A few years from now you might be the one bringing home hundreds of thousands of dollars in royalties.” His faith in me made one corner of my mouth curl up. “I’ll take early retirement on a beach in Florida and let you be the breadwinner.”

  “As if you’ll ever give up on your own bright future, Mr. Senator.”

  His hands tightened around my shoulders and I took the hint that he wasn’t in a joking mood. “You are my future, Cassie O’Malley. The brightest of all. So, do we have a deal?”

  I swallowed hard and fought back the tears. No one will ever believe in me more than he did. I had to let myself believe in him. And in myself.

  I nodded, “We have a deal.”

  CHAPTER 16

  Josh

  “Maybe it’s too much like a field trip?”

  Cassie rolled her eyes at me. “Come on, Champ! He loves it.” She slapped my arm playfully. “You can’t always pull the sports card, you know.”

  Lucas had landed in D.C. yesterday. We’d been lucky. The adoption had been approved last week and the boy was already with us for a pre-placement visit. The fact that Sharon Sorenson had last-minute plans for Thanksgiving had helped. That meant she was more than happy to send him away. That meant we had two full days together.

  I’d been in charge of organizing our first day out as a family-to-be. Saying that it’d kept me awake at night was an understatement. I’d finally set my choice on George Washington’s Mount Vernon. My dad had taken me there during our Memorial Day weekend in D.C. years ago. I’d loved it. But I was a bit of a nerd as a kid—I still was—and maybe Lucas didn’t care about history, Founding Fathers or not.

  However, I was pretty sure he’d loved the cruise we’d taken out of D.C. The river and the boat itself fascinated him. We’d shared stories of pirates and buccaneers. I think he’d confused the Potomac with the Caribbean.

  “Josh, come, come!” Lucas kept whooping his arm to get me to his side. He was standing on tip-toes to see into one of the glass displays in the museum. “Look at all those soldiers. They’re dressed all funny, not like the Avengers.”

  The miniature guys fighting at the Battle of Yorktown couldn’t really compare to the buffed-up action figures Lucas played with. I felt Cassie by my side. She leaned against me while checking out the reproduction in the glass display.

  “Josh, what are they fighting for?”

  This seemingly simple question struck at the geeky nerd inside of me. I bent over and took Lucas in my arms so that he could get a better view. He was stuffed inside a ski jacket that could protect him against the elements on a trip to the North Pole. One of his arms looped around my neck.

  “The guys in blue are fighting for the man who owned the house we’re visiting today.”

  “George like-the-town-where-you-and-Cassie-live?”

  “Correct. George Washington.”

  Cassie chuckled. While one of my arms was wrapped around Lucas, the other one pulled her against me. I loved the way they smelled. Cassie always made me think of a field of wild daisies. Today it mingled with Lucas’s sugary apple scent.

  Nothing had ever smelled as good as this.

  “George Washington was an American, like us. He wanted America to be free. But the English didn’t want us to be. So there was a war.”

  “Who are the English?”

  “They’re the guys in red.”

  Lucas pondered my answer while he kept looking at the reproduction of Yorktown. “My mommy didn’t like me playing with my Iron Man. She said that people should talk to each other, not fight.”

  “Your mommy was right.” Cassie gently laid her hand on Lucas’s cheek, her thumb brushing his plump skin. “Hey, Champ, should we get a nice, big cup of hot chocolate?”

  “Yes please!” burst from Lucas and me simultaneously. We were both Cassie’s ‘Champ’ and I was happy to share the title for the rest of my life, if it meant keeping the boy—and Cassie—with me. Forever.

  I was finding out that, with a kid, it takes much longer to go from A to B. Before making it to the coffee shop, we stopped at the smokehouse, the coach house, the stables and, most amazingly of all, the blacksmith shop, meaning we reached our destination half an hour later than planned.

  “Why don’t you go and choose a slice of cake? They look yummy.” I was looking forward to mine.

  Lucas got down from his seat and hurried toward some fairly substantial pies that were on display.

  “I’m sure we’re supposed to keep him away from sugar and fat.” Cassie removed her coat and hung it at the back of her chair. Her hair was a blond mess after the ride on the upper deck of the Spirit of Mount Vernon and running after Lucas. The boy didn’t walk, he ran everywhere.

  “I guess this means we’re real parents now. Doing what we’re not supposed to do, feeling guilty about it, but doing it anyway.”

  Cassie gave me the cutest frown. I wanted to reach over the table and smother her with the longest kiss this side of the Mississippi. I didn’t because, after six months of abstinence, I wasn’t allowing myself to get even close to being tempted.

  “Don’t look at me like that, Josh, or I’m going to combust.” She coughed while two pink circles formed on her cheeks.

  I let out a heavy breath. “I didn’t think I was that obvious.”

  Luca
s was back at our side so I shot the inappropriate thoughts dead.

  “Cassie, can I have some pecan pie, please?”

  Cassie gave Lucas a suspicious stare. I was missing something. “What are you hiding?” she asked.

  Lucas had become all twitchy, his eyes evading mine.

  “Well, Champ, what’s up?” Cassie repeated as she gave him a gentle nudge.

  “It’s just that my mom didn’t let me have pecan pie. But I had some once with Andrea and it tasted really good.”

  Cassie sent me a sideway glance. She was silently asking for some advice but I had no idea what to say.

  “Do you know why your mom didn’t let you have pecan pie?”

  “Because of the pieces of pecan that could get stuck in my teeth. They would put holes in them and I’d have to see the tooth doctor and it’d hurt.”

  I thought a good brush of his teeth would get rid of any nasty chunks of pecan, but there was more at stake than pecan pie. Lucas and I waited for Cassie to make the decision.

  “Your mommy was right, Lucas. So maybe we should stay clear of the pecan pie for now. At least until you get brand new teeth.”

  “When am I going to get new teeth?”

  “Well…” I knew Cassie was trying to remember all about milk teeth.

  “When you’re six or so,” I chimed in. Lucas grimaced. “Is it going to hurt?”

  “Not really, and the tooth fairy might come and visit you and leave a coin under your pillow for each tooth you lose.”

  “And with my new teeth I can eat pecan pie?” I’d gotten Lucas pretty excited about this goddam pie.

  “Yes, you can—“

  “—as well as more broccoli, carrots and sweet potato,” Cassie cut in.

  “Oh… okay.” New teeth had suddenly lost some of their appeal. “I’m going to get something else then.”

  “That’s a good idea.”

  There he was again, perusing the glass display cabinet with its mountains of cakes.

  “Well done, Cass.”

  She kept staring at our boy while doing her hair twisting thing. “I never want him to forget about Jenna. Never. She raised him so well. It’s a tough act to follow.”

  There was a question I’d wanted to ask but hadn’t yet dared. “What kind of guy was Chris?”

  Her attention faded away from me to turn to the visitors on the other side of the glass window. “The first time I met him, he made me think of you. I mean, of how I expected you to be ten years down the line. It was before you went to Georgetown and Europe, and before the job you have now.”

  She was now observing me and I hoped she wasn’t too disappointed about how I’d turned out.

  “He was a quarterback in high school. I liked the idea of our son being taught football early on. He was also goofy and funny. Always telling jokes.”

  “So, not like me then.”

  “Come on, you can be funny… sometimes.” She flashed me the brightest smile and its warmth seeped deep inside me. “But the reason I chose them as Lucas’s parents was the way he and Jenna completed each other. They were polar opposites in many ways, but you couldn’t really imagine one without the other. They’d known each other since they were kids, so I guess that helped.”

  I leaned forward so that I could ask the next question in a quieter voice. “And do you think we complete each other?”

  Her eyebrow arched as if I’d startled her. “I hope we’re getting there.”

  I slid my hands across the table to cover hers. Her skin was cold under mine, and I intertwined my fingers with hers. “You make me complete. You always have.” Being back with her had made me realize how much I’d lied to myself since the moment I let her go, back in high school. “Without you, I have no spark. Without you, I’m just a shell.”

  “Sometimes, Champ, you come up with the lamest lines.” Her mouth cracked into a smile and she dropped a kiss on the back of my hand. “I didn’t expect anything, Josh, but you should be proud of the man you’ve become, for sure.” Her eyes became blurred and there was a wobble in her voice. “I am proud of you, proud you’re Lucas’s dad, and he’ll be too. Soon.”

  “Can I have some cheesecake? There aren’t any chunks in it.” Speak of the devil.

  I struggled to break away from Cassie but she was quicker to react. “Cheesecake is fine. Should we order some hot chocolate? I’m still freezing.”

  “Yeah!”

  And we had some hot, creamy chocolate. I even had mine with marshmallows in, which I hadn’t had since I was a kid. I spared one or two chunks for Lucas and gave them to him while Cassie was in the restroom. I didn’t feel too guilty about that because of the sparks of delight the marshmallows ignited in his eyes. His brown eyes that were so much like mine.

  We stayed inside the coffee shop for a while, protected from the freezing wind that blew in from the Potomac. We had to rush out after I checked the time. Our trip back to D.C. was booked at four and we had ten minutes to make it back to the bank. We ran, holding Josh by the hands between us, making him hop every three steps. We made it inside the shelter, giggling and out of breath. However, the Spirit of Mount Vernon wasn’t quite ready to go. Something was up with its engine.

  Lucas’s disappointment was evident in his drooping shoulders.

  “Cheer up. I’m sure they’ll get it fixed in no time.” Cassie ruffled his brown hair, then proceeded to help him blow his runny nose.

  Lucas kept staring through the glass window of the building into the dark waters of the Potomac. His hands rested flat against the window and his nose was glued to it. Cassie pulled him slightly away and he let her do so without taking his gaze away from the boat. There was another family waiting next to us, with one child still in a stroller, but who wanted out and was going crazy because he couldn’t.

  A radio was playing in the background and the music, mixed with the child’s screams, made talking almost impossible. Cassie sat next to me, her hair a mess after our run in the wind, and I breathed in the scent of the cold air mixed with her shampoo. I bent toward her and rested my nose in the hollow of her neck. I kissed her there and my lips then followed her jawline to find her mouth.

  The touch was electric and she tensed up against me. “We’re not alone.”

  “Lucas has his back turned,” I mumbled while focusing my attention back on her neck. “And these guys are too busy keeping their offspring from having a full-blown breakdown.”

  “Mmmm,” she purred.

  My hand slid along the nape of her neck, my fingers combing her hair, and I pulled her tighter against me, while my other hand caressed her thigh. This was as far I could go in a public place with our son a few yards away.

  And then a new song started playing. A melody I knew by heart because I’d heard Cassie humming it constantly for the last months.

  The second time around

  It’s the same sweet sound

  Just more of you, more of me

  To finally be free

  She straightened up. Her hand flew to cover mine that lay on her thigh.

  “Oh my God!” she whispered. “Oh my God!”

  I broke the kiss and focused on the song despite the screams of the child.

  “Well, I’ll be damned!”

  “I can’t believe it. Shawn made it.” Cassie’s baby blue eyes rounded in surprise and I burst out laughing. I stopped when I noticed her chin was quivering.

  My hands cradled her face and I lowered my forehead against hers. “You made it. Those are your words. This is your sound.”

  “This is our song.”

  A fat tear rolled down her cheeks and I kissed it.

  “Why are you crying, Cassie?” Lucas stepped closer to us. His face was frozen in a worried look.

  Cassie separated herself from me and swiveled round on the bench to face Lucas. She sniffed and extended her arm toward him. “I’m not sad, baby. I had a really nice surprise and I can’t keep the happiness inside.”

  Lucas nodded, but his frown told m
e he wasn’t convinced.

  “Come here.” Cassie drew him closer so that he nestled against her body.

  The tips of his chubby fingers brushed the line that the tear had traced down her cheek. “I don’t want you to cry.”

  “I’m sorry, Lucas. It’s just that the song playing on the radio… well, it’s a song I wrote.”

  Lucas’s gaze rose to the ceiling as if the sound was coming from there. It required an effort to hear anything because of the wailing baby. Still, I noticed that his little feet started to tap in time with the rhythm and his shoulders began to sway. Cassie and I exchanged glances. It took a lot of effort to hide our smiles.

  He started some weird wriggling and off-tune humming. His shoulders and his hips were so not in sync, that if I’d ever had any doubts he was my son, they’d just been extinguished. Lucas offered his hand to Cassie. At first she stared at it as if she had no idea what to do with it. She looked at me, then at Lucas, and with the slightest smile, she took his hand and stood.

  The song was in the middle of an instrumental section. Lucas attempted to mimic the drumming by bashing his arms in the air. When he was finished with the performance, Cassie grabbed his hand again and danced with him, making him swirl around.

  She motioned for me to join them again. I shook by head and mouthed a silent ‘No way.’ But it was a battle I’d already lost and I was reluctantly dragged into making a fool of myself. Even the wailing baby finally shut his mouth in shock.

  I blocked out everything that was not the three of us and the song. Happiness engulfed the three of us. It was like reaching a shore after a long journey. It was like being a family at last.

  CHAPTER 17

  Cassie

  It took me twelve hours to give birth to Lucas. I ended up on the operating table having a C-section. Back then I’d been wrecked. That had been nothing compared to today’s round-trip to Mount Vernon.

  I wasn’t wrecked. I was totally exhausted. Out for the count.

  I was also so freakin’ happy my heart was beating as fast as if I’d run the New York Marathon on speed.