by Brey Willows
Dearest Dr. Selene,
I so enjoyed our chat. I hope these brighten your day the way the thought of working with you has brightened mine. I do hope you’re still considering my proposition, and remember, if you have any thoughts or questions, I’d love to discuss them. Even, perhaps, over dinner?
Yours,
Frey
She put the card on her desk and bit her lip. He was likeable, he was direct, and he was passionate. He knew what he was talking about, and people were listening. A lot of people. Maybe that was why she was finding it so difficult to make a decision, something she rarely, if ever, had trouble with. The thought of being in the public eye, with all that responsibility on her shoulders, made her stomach ache. Although she often gave things serious thought, and she never went anywhere or did anything without thinking it through, she could also think things through quickly, and could be quite decisive when pushed. She felt pushed now, and she didn’t like it. It was too big a decision to take lightly.
She looked at the pollen dust on her sweater and thought back. One of her foster parents had loved gardening, and was often covered in the stuff. Selene locked her office door and shrugged carefully out of the sweater. She snapped it several times and watched the pollen dust fly off. When she was done shaking it out, there was only a bit left. She grabbed her tape dispenser and pulled off a long piece. Then she carefully went over the various pieces of the sweater still slightly yellow, lifting it off bit by bit. Who knew that kind of knowledge would come in useful? She certainly hadn’t, when she was ten and living with the gardening family. At least they were kind. The elderly woman had seemed to enjoy having company and had taught Selene about all kinds of flowers and herbs. But then, she’d had a heart attack, and the woman’s husband decided to move to Toronto to live with his son. After a year away, Selene was sent back to the children’s home to wait for the next set of foster parents.
Turning to put the sweater back on, she caught sight of herself in the mirror. The black lace bra she wore showed a hint of her nipples. Her one concession to extravagance was her lingerie. Granted, no one saw it, and yes, it was certainly at odds with her often somber, utilitarian clothing choices, but it made her feel pretty, sexy, even when she was on her own. Like now. She ran her hands over the soft, expensive lace and felt her nipples harden under her palms. She closed her eyes and reveled in the sensation. Just for a minute. When she allowed images to come, it wasn’t Mika she saw.
Alec. Alec’s bright eyes, her kissable lips. She felt her panties grow wet, and she pressed her lips together to keep from moaning out loud. Instantly guilty, she tugged the sweater back on and placed the flowers far from her desk. They left a mess of pollen on her papers, and she shook it off. Selene wondered if there was a symbolic aspect, philosophically, of something from Frey changing what it touched. Once again, she chose to ignore the thought. She pushed Alec’s image from her mind and settled down to grade papers. She needed to refocus. She’d learned as a child the only way to get ahead was to take control. She’d never give it up again.
*
Alec pulled onto the campus at two forty-five. She wanted plenty of time to make her way up the ridiculously long staircase to the buildings. Since their conversation that morning, she’d been pondering the next step with Selene. Granted, she’d wanted her attention, and Alec needed to build a relationship with her. Zed had told her “by any means necessary,” and he meant it.
But if there was one thing she wasn’t, it was a player. Leading Selene on would be morally problematic, and it could also jeopardize the entire operation. Sure, there was an attraction, she could admit that to herself. But her many years on the planet had taught her that not every attraction had to, or should be, acted on. This was certainly one of them. What she needed to do was get Selene’s trust. Her friendship. She needed Selene to see her as an intelligent peer and confidant. Then, when she explained what they needed, what Selene, and only Selene, could do, it wouldn’t come as such a shock.
Right. Sure. Of course not. Nothing like telling someone the monsters are real.
She shook the thoughts off and headed for the cantina. She sat by the door, as she had the last time, after ordering both their coffees. When Selene came in, she ignored the flutter of desire between her legs and waved her over.
Selene smiled and gestured at the coffee. “For me? Unless you’re particularly thirsty.”
“One to throw on someone, one to drink. Seemed only right to continue the pattern.”
“That seems wasteful. Why don’t I drink one, and if you really feel the need later, we can get you some water to throw instead? That way you don’t have a dry cleaning bill.”
Alec grinned. “Well, when you put it that way, I suppose that sounds reasonable.” She tilted her head at the coffee. “I wasn’t sure if you take anything in it.” She was, of course. She knew very well Selene took two sweeteners in a large coffee, but she wasn’t about to let on she was a stalker. A stalker with good reason, but still.
“I do, thanks. I’ll grab some—”
“I’ve actually already got a selection.” Alec pulled a napkin off a pile of sugar and sweeteners. “I’m a bit OCD that way.” She liked the way Selene looked at her appreciatively.
“That’s lovely, thank you.” Selene took a moment to fix her coffee.
Alec cleared her throat. “So, I was surprised to get your call.”
Selene folded her napkin in half, then half again, before reopening it and smoothing out the creases. “You said you could use a friend, and I enjoyed our lunch the other day. Since we made it clear where our boundaries lay, I thought it made sense…” She shrugged, looking embarrassed.
“I’m really glad you did. I’ve been at a loss about what to do with my time while I’m waiting for this job decision.”
“Have they said when they’ll get back to you? I don’t know many people in the theology section, but I might be able to have a word?”
Alec shook her head quickly. “No, no. Please don’t. I don’t want to look desperate or like I’m having a friend jump in on my behalf. I just have to be patient, which isn’t one of my strong suits. And it’s not like there isn’t plenty to do in L.A.”
Selene nodded, looking serious. “It’s a wonderful place. Not the city itself, obviously, but the outlier cities are great. Are you from here?”
Alec struggled to keep a poker face. “Kind of. I’ve lived here for a while. But I’ve traveled extensively, so I don’t really have a certain place I call home.” All true. Not lying to her. Yet.
“Where have you traveled to? Was it for work? Or pleasure?” Selene’s eyes lit up with interest.
Alec hesitated. There wasn’t a part of the world she hadn’t been to, but that wasn’t really anything she could say without revealing too much, too soon. “God, it seems like I’ve been everywhere. I think Europe is my favorite, particularly around the Med. Mostly teaching lessons of various sorts, for work. Though I gladly travel for pleasure, when I have the time. You?”
Selene looked wistful as she sipped her coffee. “I love Europe too. Particularly Greece. It’s the philosopher in me. I can’t seem to get enough.”
Alec’s heart skipped a beat, and she steadied her hands by holding on to her coffee. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Do you have any plans to travel this year?”
“No. I haven’t been in a while. My partner isn’t very travel friendly. So I tend to stay Stateside. Well, in California, really. Denver, occasionally.”
Selene looked so sad, and as though her thoughts were a million miles away.
“Could you not travel alone?”
“Alone?” Selene looked vaguely surprised at the suggestion. “Without Mika?”
Alec shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, I know some couples are joined at the hip, but I know plenty who go on vacations with friends or family instead of their partners. Or alone, even. I’ve never understood the expectation some people have that they should give up their hopes and dreams for someone else.” Sh
e gave Selene what she hoped was a convincing smile. “Seems to me, being with someone should help you fulfill those dreams, not make them impossible.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way.” Selene started folding, refolding, and unfolding the napkin again, this time with more concentration. “I guess I’ve been alone so much, the thought of going somewhere wonderful without someone seems depressing.”
Now it begins. “Alone a lot? Were you an only child?”
Selene tensed visibly, the tiny few lines around her eyes deepening. “Kind of. In a manner of speaking.”
“Vague, much?” Alec laughed, and Selene laughed with her.
“Let’s talk about something else. Tell me about theology.”
Retreating to the mind. Okay. I can do that. “What do you want to know?”
“Why would you choose religion? What drew you to that?”
Alec turned the coffee cup around and around in her hands. Focus. Careful. “Well, my mother and father were both religious leaders, in their time. I saw a lot of good come from it. It gave people hope, something to hold on to in their darkest times.”
Selene nodded. “Okay. Go on.”
Alec grinned. “I assume you’re mentally poking holes in everything I say as I say it?”
“Of course. But I’d still like to hear it. I’m fairly open-minded, I think.”
You have no idea. “But I decided to study religion as a way to understand humanity. As a way to get into the social and cultural minds of humans as a whole. The way they understand deities and afterlife, the way they function in the world according to the spiritual laws they work under—”
“They? Do you consider yourself something other than human?” Selene laughed.
Alec winced internally. Rookie mistake. “Not at all. Just using the royal we, so to speak. Anyway, I find that fascinating, and anthropologically, it tells us so much about our existence.” Selene was studying her intently as she spoke, and she felt that same flutter again. “So you see, it’s not that I subscribe to any one religion. I’m just fascinated by them all. And I think understanding them can help us understand ourselves as humans.”
Selene leaned back in her chair as though just having ingested a large meal. “That’s an interesting reason to teach it. And what about all the arguments against religion? Do you create discourse around those too?”
“Indeed. What’s learning without asking the difficult questions?” Selene’s eyes lit up again, and Alec winced inwardly at the slight trickery. She knew, from eavesdropping on Selene’s lectures, that she used that exact phrase in her own classes. “However, I have to bring up the issue of faith. A primary tenet of most religions is that you have faith. Belief that things are the way you say they are, the way you believe them to be, even if you can’t see them or have no evidence of their existence. And, as such, you have to believe that the things we judge as ‘bad’ things are all part of a plan we don’t fully understand.”
Selene shook her head, but she was smiling. “Now that’s where I have a problem. Belief in something you can’t see, in the hopes that an articulated desire for something to happen will make it so, seems ludicrous to me.” She raised her hands in a placating gesture. “But I’m sure the study of the world’s religions must be truly fascinating.”
“Well, you believe in the mind. In the state of being, right? Or do you think we all cease to exist when we fall asleep because we’re no longer conscious of our surroundings?”
Selene smiled. “I think therefore I am? And if I’m not thinking, I don’t exist?”
Alec nodded.
“No. I don’t follow that blindly.”
“And you believe in the mind as a concept? In semiotics and semantics? So in that sense, you believe we construct much of our world through meaning and words.” She watched as Selene was clearly already formulating an argument. “In that way, you believe in things the same way a religious person does. You just ascribe those things to people and behavior instead of to a deity.”
Selene frowned for a moment, and Alec wanted to trace the crease between her eyebrows with her thumb.
“I need to ponder a proper response to that, I think.”
Alec grinned. “Good. I like that you do. It means we can have a real conversation about it.”
“You won’t be offended if I argue with you?”
“Are you kidding? As long as we can have a genuine discussion.” Alec felt like she was being watched, and the hairs on the back of her neck bristled. She tried to subtly glance around, but couldn’t see anyone. Or anything. “I’ve had more than one discussion where the other person just blew me off because of the religious aspect, and to me, that’s not truly engaging.”
Selene nodded, still looking thoughtful. She glanced up when a student stopped by their table.
“Hi, Professor. I’m really sorry, but do you have a minute?”
The girl had obviously been crying, and her cheeks still glistened slightly from her tears. Her hair was in disarray, and her clothes looked oddly askew.
Selene looked at Alec apologetically, and Alec just gave her an understanding nod and smile. “By all means. Maybe we could finish our discussion later?”
Selene quickly backed toward the door, her hand on the student’s shoulder. “Of course. Next week?”
Alec waved. “Just let me know when.”
Selene put her arm around the girl’s shoulders and led her away. It looked so sweet, so caring, that it left a lump in Alec’s throat. She hoped the girl was okay, but she’d seen enough women with that look in their eyes, and that physical presentation, to have an idea of what was going on. She sighed and tried to focus on the moment.
Alec looked around, searching for the person who’d been watching them. But the feeling had gone, which made her uneasy. If it hadn’t been Alec someone had been watching, who was watching Selene? And what’s more, why didn’t Alec know about it?
Chapter Seven
Selene stood at Mika’s kitchen counter dicing tomato for their salad. Mika was finishing a bit of work at the kitchen table, and the room was silent, with only the tap-tapping of Mika’s fingers flying across the keyboard. Though Selene liked music on whenever she was in her own kitchen, Mika preferred silence when she was working on anything. Selene was considering how to broach the subject of Alec. She was also feeling guilty about keeping Frey’s offer a secret. This was supposed to be a real relationship, unlike the few surface dalliances she’d had before, and she knew things like that weren’t kept quiet.
“There. All done, and now I’m all yours.” Mika closed her laptop and set it aside. “Sorry about that. I know you prefer to have all my attention on you when you’re here. This case just has me engrossed.” She came up and slid her arms around Selene’s waist. “But it’s not nearly as engrossing as you. So, tell me about your day.” She nibbled Selene’s neck.
“It was a difficult day, in one sense. One of my students was attacked on campus, and I had to help her call the police and fill out the report and such. I sat with her while she called her parents as well. I felt so helpless, even doing that stuff. The poor girl.”
“Terrible.” Mika kept placing small kisses along Selene’s exposed skin.
She pulled away slightly, finding the wetness of the kisses irritating. “But, aside from that, I have a new friend.” She waited, unsure what Mika’s reaction would be.
“Oh? That’s nice. Another teacher?” She continued to press her body against Selene’s, suggesting her attention was elsewhere.
“Kind of. She’s got an interview. We had coffee today.”
Mika’s wet lips traced a line along the top of her sweater. “Nice. How long till dinner?”
Selene made a pretense of going to the fridge to escape Mika’s caresses, which she was finding exasperating rather than arousing. “About five minutes, I think. Set the table?”
Mika looked slightly annoyed before covering it with a smile. “Sure.”
She watched as Mika set the table q
uickly, taking the time to light the taper candles in the center. She’d liked Mika’s hands, when they met. They seemed so sure, so strong. And they were. They still are. She placed dinner on the table and filled their wine glasses. Tonight, something about the red wine seemed more sensual and it made her grin slightly.
Mika clearly took the grin as a sign and moved around the table to push against her once again. “We could skip dinner.” She lightly bit Selene’s lower lip.
“I’ve got something to talk to you about, actually. Hold that thought?” Selene tried to smile flirtatiously, but knew she’d failed when Mika huffed around to her side of the table and sat down stiffly.
“Sure. No problem.” She began dishing up their food, slopping it onto their plates.
Selene held her temper. She knew Mika disliked being told no, or to wait, and her sarcasm was her fallback response. “Thank you.” She waited until Mika had finished serving them and had begun eating before she started talking. “I’ve had an interesting offer.”
“Oh?” Mika said, continuing to stare at her food.
“Frey Falconi came by my office.”
Mika stopped with her fork halfway to her mouth. “What?”
Selene smiled slightly. “I know, right? He came to ask me to work with him. On some big project he’s doing for TV. He wants me to help get people to understand sociological evolution and the destructive nature of believing blindly.” Mika looked so astonished for a moment, Selene almost found it funny. Almost. “Well?”
Mika took the bite of her food and chewed slowly, as though she were formulating her words carefully. “Did he say why he chose you?”
Something about the question rubbed her wrong. “Why do you think? Because he’s read my journal articles and papers on humanism, and he thinks we’d do well working together.”
