Razorblade Kisses

by R. L. Griffin

  Reaching the fence, she threw the bags over and climbed slowly to the top. She swung her legs over and carefully dropped to the grass on the other side. Grabbing her bags, she continued to run. She finally took a breath when she reached the street behind her house. Then she pulled out the pre-paid phone she purchased and called Rachel.

  “You chicken out?” Rachel asked as she answered the call.

  “No,” Emery gasped for air. “They came home early and I made a run for it. I’m on Glebe. Come get me and let’s get out of here.”

  “Be there in five.”

  The call disconnected and Emery dropped her bags on the ground. She bent at the waist, putting her hands on her knees. She didn’t know if it was from the adrenaline or the run, but she could hardly breathe. She closed her eyes and pictured her sweet, innocent sister sleeping in her pink bed. She prayed that her mother would protect Ashley. All she could do now was pray. She wasn’t even sure she believed it would help, because she’d prayed for herself for three years and that hadn’t resulted in anything.

  Rachel pulled up in her crush, Derrick’s, SUV and stopped in front of Emery. She was wearing all black and had a black wool cap on, her black hair hidden. She looked like a cartoon character, Emery thought. If she wasn’t so afraid of cracking in two, she would find it humorous. If it weren’t so damn tragic, Emery would have rolled on the ground laughing.

  She opened the back, but pulled Emery in for a tight hug. “You have to go,” Rachel whispered.

  Emery nodded. If she said anything she’d burst into tears. Guilt permeated every cell of her body. She turned and looked in the direction of her house, then snuffed out the rising hysterics in her mind and got in the SUV. Rachel ran to her side and took off quickly.

  “I have your new ID and everything in the bag in the back. Derrick got everything for us. I also got you copies of all the bank accounts I’ll use to stick it to Phil.”

  Rachel was talking. Emery knew she was telling her important things, but all she could do was nod. She bounced her head up and down so many times she’d lost count. Rachel pulled onto 285 going toward 75 North. They’d already planned everything, but all she kept seeing was Phil entering her sister’s room, her mother drinking through the entire thing.

  “Go back,” Emery said.

  Rachel turned her head slowly to look at Emery.

  “Get off here, Rachel. Get off the highway and turn around.”

  “Em…”

  “No! I can’t! Ashley…”

  “Emery, I’m not taking you back.” Rachel’s voice was calm.

  “The fuck you’re not!” Emery reached over and grabbed the wheel, trying to move the car toward the exit so that they could turn around.

  “EMERY!” Rachel screamed and took back control of the car.

  “Rachel, I can’t leave her. I can’t. She’s so innocent. She’s so perfect. I couldn’t live if anything happened to her. I couldn’t.”

  Rachel was silent.

  “I need to be there. I need to be the one he…”

  Rachel kept her foot on the accelerator, going as fast as she could away from Atlanta. “You really want to do that? Go back and let him rape you?”

  “I have to…”

  “No. No you don’t.”

  “Rachel…”

  “Emery, you are fucking sixteen, this isn’t on you. Your fucking mother should be there. She should take care of your sister. This is not your burden. Your sister will be fine. You want me to anonymously give your mom a head’s up? I’ll do that. You want me to cut his dick off, that I’ll do too, but I’m NOT taking you back there and watching you disappear.”

  Silence.

  “I won’t do it.” Rachel shook her head, emphasizing her position.

  Emery let tears run down her cheeks for her sister and for the miracle of Rachel. Without her, she would have given up.

  “I’m Emily Sanders,” Emery said aloud, breaking the quiet of the SUV.

  A ghost of a smile skated across Rachel’s lips.

  “I’m eighteen and I’m going to be attending college online,” she recited.

  “You’re moving in with my cousin, Noah Reed.” Rachel turned the radio down. “You are also gorgeous and have perfect boobs.”

  “Ooh, Emily has perfect boobs? Did Derrick get those for me too?”

  “Take a look at your boobs.”

  Emery looked at her chest, but didn’t respond.

  “You don’t get it because you don’t look at yourself and you try to hide everything,” Rachel pointed out, “but Emily won’t be like that Emery. You need to remember that.”

  Emery sighed, but then bubbles of anticipation filled her soul. She could be anyone she wanted to if she didn’t have to be herself. “I need to get my GED first,” Emery planned out loud. She wasn’t finishing high school in a classroom, but she’d already bought books about the test and she thought she could pass the equivalency exam now.

  “Yeah, but that shouldn’t be a concern. Once you do that, we’ll get you in to one of those online colleges.”

  “Do you think I can just disappear?”

  “I think so. Derrick was able to get us everything you need.”

  “Did…” Emery started and then looked out the window for a minute, contemplating her words. “Did you tell Derrick…everything?”

  Rachel’s raven hair fell across her eye and Emery couldn’t see her expression. “I had to Em, we need him. I need him to help me make all of this happen.”

  Emery nodded, understanding. “I sort of feel like I’m in a Lifetime movie or something.” Emery kept fighting the urge to look back to ensure they weren’t being followed. Neither her mother nor her stepfather even knew Rachel, and she’d left her phone in her room. She cleared her throat in an attempt to eradicate all the warring thoughts from her mind. She needed to focus on the here and now, her future. “You know, you need to hang with better people,” Emery commented, smiling weakly as she looked at the ID.

  “Well, Derrick is one of my father’s best clients. If he’s good enough for him...” she trailed off with a wicked smirk on her face.

  “So, in four hours I’ll be Emily Sanders. No one will find me,” she said, repeating this information again so it sunk in. She looked out the window as the lights of the buildings passed in a blur. “I’ll be safe,” she whispered.

  “Yes, you’ll be safe. My cousin is a football player at Vanderbilt and will kick anyone’s ass for you. I’ve told him to.”

  “Is this on your mom or dad’s side?”

  “Mom’s.” Rachel looked in the rearview mirror to inspect her lipstick, running one finger under her lower lip. “My dad just has the one sister and she only has one daughter. She lives in DC.”

  “Are you close?”

  “No. No one is close to Stella Murphy.”

  “Why?” Emery asked puzzled.

  “She’s the Stella Murphy, Em.”

  Realization dawned on Emery; she hadn’t connected the two before. “Oh, shit really?”

  Stella Murphy had been the only survivor in an attack on some government office building a year or so ago, and then she became a celebrity. Emery remembered watching her interview on TV with her mother.

  “Yep. Really.”

  “Hmmmm, maybe you can get me to live with her next,” Emery joked. Stella Murphy seemed larger than life, but what Emery remembered from the interview was that she seemed like someone made of steel. Emery could use that kind of role model.

  “Nope,” Rachel replied. “She’s a ball buster and pretty fucking focused on herself. She’s a big time attorney up in DC now too. She and my dad talk shop every time they’re together. It’s annoying.”

  “You’ll never know how much I appreciate what you’re doing for me, Rachel,” Emery changed the subject. “I don’t know why you’re doing this…I’ll probably never understand why, but I owe you everything.”

  Rachel stared out at the blurred lines of the highway for a minute before answering. “Em, r
emember when we met? I told you I knew that we would be friends, that you were important to me. When we met, we clicked, and you’re broken. Your eyes are broken. Your soul is in pieces and your heart is wrecked. You’re one of my best friends and I do anything I can to help my friends. We may not have known each other for very long, but I’ll stand by you. I’ll do whatever I need to do to make that fucker pay for what he did to you.”

  Emery reached across the seat and grabbed Rachel’s hand. “I love you, Rachel. You saved my life tonight.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  That’s a Gorgeous Gun

  It was a little after two in the morning when Rachel pulled Derrick’s SUV into a tree-lined neighborhood near Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee.

  “So, your cousin’s cool with all of this?”

  “Em, all he knows is that you’ve been in an abusive relationship and you’re getting out of it.” Rachel opened the door and walked to the back. “You’re just cooling your heels here for a while.”

  “Oh.” Emery met Rachel at the back of the SUV. “That works.”

  “I told him you’re eighteen and just quit Georgia State to get away from your abusive boyfriend.”

  Emery nodded. “Parents?”

  “Died in a car accident two years ago. You have money from life insurance.”

  “Got it.”

  Emery grabbed one bag and Rachel grabbed the other. They walked together through the parking lot to the condo that would be her new home for who knows how long. It was dark so she couldn’t really tell anything about the neighborhood itself, but it looked like there were two condos per building and there were at least eight buildings. They looked relatively new with their brick exteriors and cheerful bright-colored doors.

  “So I think you being in an abusive relationship will keep him away from you,” Rachel commented, “but if he starts to sneak in, call me and I’ll cut his balls off.”

  Emery laughed nervously. “What do you mean ‘sneak in’?”

  “Noah is charming,” Rachel said and rolled her eyes. “He’s a football player and girls throw their panties at him on a regular basis. I don’t want him aiming that gun at you. You’ll flinch.”

  “Rachel...” Emery touched Rachel’s arm to stop her from walking. “This will sound weird, but I’m not interested in anyone. I’ve cut myself off from people for so long…I don’t care about looks or charm or guns.” She sighed. “I’m a void. He’ll look at me and see that. I haven’t even kissed a boy.”

  This admission caused a choking sound to escape Rachel’s mouth. She cleared her throat and looked down for a second. When she looked up, there was determination on her face. “Oh, Em! I’m so sorry that all of that was taken from you. You deserve to have that thirteen-year-old first extremely bad kiss that’s all teeth and hands. You deserve to get those chills of anticipation when you look at someone’s lips and wonder how they’ll feel on you...everywhere.”

  “Don’t...” Emery started. This rant reminded her of all the things she’d lost—no, they’d been stolen. She didn’t want to be reminded of that right now, she wanted to figure out who Emily Sanders would be. What would she love or hate? What would she study? What would her laugh sound like?

  “Emery Shaw, you deserve to be loved, adored, and touched so that you won’t cringe when someone wants to hug you. And so does Emily Sanders.”

  Okay, so Rachel had noticed that she didn’t want to be touched, by anyone, anywhere.

  “I’m too broken for that,” Emery said, exasperated. “Too damaged...damaged beyond repair.”

  “No, Em. You’re not.” Rachel leaned into Emery’s side and bumped her shoulder. “You are totally lovable and when you’re ready to love someone it will be a wonderful thing to see.”

  “Whatever,” Emery muttered and started walking again. They fell in stride together as they approached what Emery assumed would be her first step away from the nightmare that never went away.

  “Don’t whatever me,” Rachel said, shifting the bag she was carrying to the other shoulder. “Here it is. Let’s get inside. I need alcohol or weed. Either will do.”

  “Does your cousin smoke?”

  “No, but he doesn’t care if we do.” Rachel’s smile widened as the royal blue door opened to reveal a guy in a white wife-beater tank top and gray sweatpants.

  Emery looked away after she realized she was staring. Her eyes were drawn to his muscles and she took a moment to memorize his body. He was handsome in an all-star athlete kind of way, with stereotypical all-American good looks and straight teeth. His dark hair was a little shaggy and hung past his ears, his smile was genuine, and Rachel ran toward him.

  “Noah!” she squealed.

  “Rach! Glad y’all got here okay.” He picked her up in a bear hug and looked at Emery. “You must be Emily.”

  Emery nodded. Emily. She was Emily now.

  “Well, y’all get in here,” he said, grabbing the bags from their hands and throwing them inside the door. “You want a beer?”

  Emery followed them in as they chatted about family stuff, only half listening. When she got all the way in to the apartment, it hit her.

  This was happening.

  She’d escaped.

  She was free.

  It was a release in a good and a bad way. Emery couldn’t tell if she wanted to dance or cry.

  “Emily, beer?” Noah asked.

  Emery was just looking around, not used to the name yet, and didn’t acknowledge Noah’s question.

  “Em...” Rachel said.

  “Oh, sorry. What?”

  “Beer?” Noah asked again.

  She didn’t really drink beer, but didn’t want to be rude. “Sure, thanks.”

  “Emily, this is my favorite cousin, Noah. Noah, this is my best friend, Emily.”

  Emery walked over to where he was grabbing beers from the kitchen and shook his hand. “Thank you so much for letting me stay here, Noah. You’re saving my life.”

  His eyebrows shot up and stood straight up.

  “Really,” she said softly as she took the beer from his hand.

  “It’s no problem. Mom and Dad bought this place and I’m without a roommate right now, so it’s perfect.”

  They walked out of the kitchen and into the entranceway again. He started to put his hand on her back to guide her, but she skirted out of his reach.

  “So…how much do I owe you a month?” she asked, taking in the apartment. The kitchen was shotgun style as you entered, and past that was a living room complete with a huge flat screen TV and two La-Z-Boy recliners. There was a saying on the wall.

  “‘It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything,’” she read out loud. “Fight Club?” Emery asked, pointing at the wall. She read a lot. She didn’t have friends, so she read every fucked up book she could. She loved to read tales that were just as or more twisted than her own.

  “Oh no,” Rachel groaned. “Please don’t get him started. He loves Chuck What’s-His-Name.”

  “Chuck Palahniuk,” Emery and Noah replied at the same time and smiled while Rachel made gagging noises.

  “Me too,” Emery said and looked at Noah with a grin. “What’s your favorite?”

  “Honestly, Fight Club.” He grinned. “You?”

  “Invisible Monsters.”

  He looked at Rachel. “I may be in love.”

  “Nope, there’s no love here,” Rachel asserted as she stretched out on the chair. “You need a couch, Noah.”

  “Yeah, I guess,” he agreed and took the other chair. “Maybe Emily and I can go get one this week.”

  “Sure.” Emery shrugged and sank to the floor facing the TV. She turned up her beer.

  “So, Emily, do you know how long you’ll be around?”

  “Fuck, Noah. We got here like, two minutes ago,” Rachel chastised.

  He shrugged. “I was just wondering.”

  “Listen, I really appreciate you helping out and I’ll stay out of your way,�
� Emery assured him. “Just let me know if I need to find another place and I can make it happen.”

  “No, Noah said you could stay here and you’re staying here,” Rachel reminded them from her chair.

  “It’s really fine, Emily,” he said. “I was just wondering.”

  “Noah,” Rachel said, “she doesn’t care who you bring home, okay?”

  Emery blushed at the truth of the statement that hung in the air.

  “Well, I’ve just never lived with a girl before. I—”

  “Seriously, Noah,” Emery said, holding up a hand. “You do what you always do; I’ll stay out of your way.”

  He took a swig of his beer and turned up the football game. “Sounds good to me.”

  Waking up in a sleeping bag on the floor of an empty bedroom next to Rachel was a welcome departure. Emery’s thoughts wandered to her sister and tears clouded her vision as she stared at the patterns in the ceiling. She didn’t know what they were called, but with her eyes full of unshed tears, they sort of looked like flowers.

  She blinked a few times before looking at the new phone Derrick had gotten her. There was no more checking it for emails and other updates. She no longer existed. A smile skirted her lips as she thought of her escape. Emery walked out of that house last night and she woke up Emily.

  “Fuck,” Rachel moaned. “We need a bed today. I cannot sleep on the floor again.”

  “You’re a ray of sunshine in the morning,” Emery commented.

  “Tell me you don’t feel like you got run over by a truck.” Rachel sat up slowly, stretching her back to each side.

  “I’m fine,” Emery said. And she was fine. She was infinitely better than yesterday.

  “I’m hungry. Let’s raid the cold pizza.” Rachel stood and pulled her long hair into a messy bun and pulled her shorts down her legs, her midriff showing in between her shorts and tank top.

  As Emery and Rachel sat at the table eating cold pizza and talking about their plans for the day, the door opened and in walked Noah, accompanied by two other boys. Emery looked down at her phone. It was only nine am.