Real Love 1 (If Only You Were Mine)

by H. H. Fowler

  “It’s not that I don’t approve,” Elder John said, allowing his eyes to rove around the table. “We just don’t feel that Drake is ready to take on the… how should I put this? …the unique nature of this church. May I remind you that most of us came from the streets, from violent gangs and from extremely harsh backgrounds that Drake knows nothing about. He’s not even twenty-five years old as yet, which is the minimal age for a qualified minister to ascend to such a post.”

  “And what is your point?” Rev. Henderson reprimanded. “I’m the one who established the prerequisites. Do I not have the power to adjust them? The Apostle Paul said to his young protégé: ‘If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desires a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach, not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre, but patient, not a brawler, not covetous. One who rules his house well…”

  Rev. Henderson paused for effect. “Need I go on? These are the qualifications for a bishop, directly from the word of God. I advise that you read 1 Timothy 3 and reacquaint yourself with it. Now I want all of you to sincerely compare Drake’s life to the qualifications of 1 Timothy 3 and tell me – after you’ve done a thorough examination – that you aren’t left with the impression that Drake is not only qualified, but prepared to take this church to the next level. And to you, Elder John, this portion of scripture made no distinction over what sort of people a bishop is required to lead. It doesn’t matter. Because frankly, we all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God.”

  “It did say, however, in that same scripture,” Elder John said, “that one desiring to be a bishop should not be a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he could fall into the condemnation of the devil.”

  “I am not dead yet,” Rev. Henderson said sharply. “All that Drake needs to know about taking care of the house of God, he will learn from me. And I am requiring all of you to support him. We might as well admit that in ten years or less, we all may be in our graves or too old to keep up with this thriving young generation.”

  Elder John sat back in his chair and mumbled in conceit, “Well, it is your decision to make, Rev. Henderson. I rest my case.”

  The meeting adjourned after ten minutes with Rev. Henderson briefing the board about the plans surrounding his retirement. Elder John had long since disregarded anything else Rev. Henderson had to say that day. In Elder John’s mind, however wrong he may be, he believed Rev. Henderson had only waited on Drake to get married to put this silly plan into effect. But if Elder John had anything to do with it, Drake Beckford would never be the next bishop of El Shaddai Ministries – even if he had to use the vices of his own daughter to bring down that young man.

  Beware of keeping secrets, because surely what’s done in the dark will eventually come to the light. It is better to be honest and confess rather than hide from the truth.

  D. Smith

  Chapter Seven

  The following morning when Sasha awoke at about a quarter to six, Drake was already out of bed. Curious, she sat up and swung her feet to the floor. It was still dark outside, which made Sasha think that Drake was probably using the bathroom – like she needed to do at the moment. However, the guest room they were staying in didn’t have an en suite, so she would have to leave the room and walk all the way down the hall. This was yet another reason why she was hating every moment of living on Levi’s turf. She had no real privacy. Well, if she ran into Levi, she would simply explain that she was looking for her husband.

  She cracked open the guest room door and surveyed the distance of her intended destination. The house seemed quiet enough and with quick steps, she hastened over the white porcelain tiles. However, in her haste, Sasha didn’t notice Drake sitting at the dining room table, reading his bible with a nightlight. He saw when she ran by, but he decided not to disturb her because he too would rather not be disturbed. He was busy filling his heart with fresh revelation from the book of Romans. He hoped Sasha would understand that this early rising was simply a part of his daily walk with God.

  Levi’s house was designed in such a way that his bedroom was directly across from the guest bath. And even though there was a bathroom in his bedroom, he would at times use the guest bath to shave. For some reason that particular bathroom seemed to have better lighting. That morning he ventured out of his room, intending to enter into the guest bath. However, he was not going to shave, but was going to put some fresh towels on the shelves for Drake and Sasha. It was only a quarter to six in the morning, so Levi figured he would be able to perform this menial task before they awoke without seeming like he was intruding. As he attempted to twist the doorknob, the door suddenly flew open in his face.

  “Sasha!” Even though Levi was startled, he had the presence of mind to whisper because he knew they were not alone. “I’m sorry…I didn’t know you were in there.”

  In less than a millisecond, Sasha’s gaze took in the full image of Levi’s body, which was covered only by a pair of gym shorts. She was instantly reminded of those hairy chocolate thighs, but was also introduced to his bulging pectorals, which seemed to be sculpted with the utmost precision. Drake had an attractive form. Not too slim, not too muscular. A great complexion, which was almost the ruddy shade of a ripe mango. But in comparison to Levi, Drake still fell short. With such ungodly thoughts filling her mind, the only thing Sasha wanted to do was escape back to the guest room and lock herself in it and repent.

  “It’s fine,” she managed to say. “I’m done using the bathroom.”

  She tried to maneuver around Levi but he blocked her by closing in the distance between them. “Stay a little while,” he said to her.

  Sasha looked away. “You must be insane…”

  “If I’m insane,” Levi said, mindful to keep his voice in hushed tones, “it’s because you’ve made me insane. You married Drake, knowing how crazy I am about you. And I know that you feel the same about me.”

  Sasha turned to face Levi, but this time her eyes had a bit of fire in them. “Why did you agree to this?”

  “To what?”

  “Don’t play stupid. You know it makes no sense having us here.”

  “Maybe, but at least I get to see you every day and every night.”

  “And what does that do for you except make you miserable?”

  Levi felt as if his heart was breaking in two all over again, staring at this beautiful creature who belonged to another man. Sasha was right. He would be miserable over the next three days looking but being unable to touch. But he would rather his lot be that kind of misery than to be alone without knowing for sure if Sasha had moved on. Maybe… just maybe, Sasha was regretting her marriage to Drake and was ashamed to say so.

  “Kiss me,” he urged her.

  Sasha ignored the plea in Levi’s eyes and spat, “Let me get back to my husband before he comes looking for me.”

  “So what if he catches us. He needs to know the truth about us.”

  “Now I know that you’ve really lost your mind! Move out of my way, Levi. I am committed to my husband and I will not let you –”

  The rest of Sasha’s words were swallowed up in a kiss, which quickly deepened when she felt Levi’s strong arms encasing her against his powerful frame. It was as if an explosion had occurred between them. However, in a matter of seconds, her world came crashing down when she heard Drake’s voice calling out to her. She pulled away from Levi and pushed him back until both of them were in the guest bath. She snapped the door shut and locked it. A second longer and Drake would have seen them.

  “Sasha,” Drake called, tapping softly on the door. “Are you okay?”

  To buy time so that she could recover, she turned on the water tap. “I will be out in a minute, babe,” she called back. “I’m washing up.”

  “Don’t rush. I just thought I heard some unusual noise. If you need me, I’ll be in the dining room. I’m going now because I don’t want our voi
ces to disturb Levi.”

  “Okay…I’ll see you soon…” Sasha cringed because she felt despicable lying to her husband. “Love you…”

  “Love you too.”

  Drake walked away, a sluggish gait which suggested he was a man suffering from a deeply wounded spirit. When he got back to the dining room table, he dropped his chin toward his chest. He had seen with his own eyes, his beautiful Sasha entwined in the arms of his best friend. But whomever had sent that note, he held responsible for the hole he now felt in the center of chest. Had he never read that letter, he would have never suspected Sasha of being unfaithful to him. He probably never would have suggested coming to Levi’s place. Why didn’t she just tell him that she was in love with Levi?

  Drake pushed his bible away from him and rested his forehead against the wooden surface. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried, but that morning, his tears collected beneath him into a small pool of water. The door to the guest bath opened and Drake could faintly hear footsteps scurrying down the hall, but he was too broken to face Sasha or Levi at the moment. But what hurt Drake even more was when Sasha hurried by the dining room without checking in on him. It didn’t matter if she assumed that he was praying. The fact remained: Drake did not hold the key to Sasha’s heart, as he’d thought all of these years. They hadn’t even been married a full week yet and Sasha was already in the arms of another man. To Drake, this was the mother of all betrayals.

  Chapter Eight

  Sunday – two days after Drake and Sasha’s honeymoon – Rev. Henderson decided on the spot that he would call Drake to the pulpit to give a few minutes of exhortation. Rev. Henderson knew that Drake could handle the assignment, even though he hadn’t had time to prepare. It was Rev. Henderson’s way of showing his senior leaders and those questioning Rev. Henderson’s decision to install Drake as the next bishop, that Drake was a very well-seasoned candidate. The congregation was beginning to applaud, but Drake was so lost in thought that Sasha had to tap him several times to get his attention.

  “Rev. Henderson wants you to say a few words on the mic,” she whispered. “I’ll be right here in the front seat cheering you on.”

  Cheering me on? Those words pierced Drake to his soul because he knew Sasha didn’t really mean them. If she had she wouldn’t have deceived him by falling for his best friend – a double heartbreak. Maybe he wouldn’t have felt so betrayed if the man had been someone other than Levi. How and when did this thing happen between Sasha and his best friend? All of last night, Drake had butchered his brain trying to make sense of it all. Had he been away too long from Sasha, or had he not shown Sasha enough attention? Maybe he was not what Sasha really wanted from the start. But why agree to marry him? Whatever the reason, he’d trusted Levi to look after her, not take advantage of Sasha’s vulnerability.

  Despite his rationalization, Drake was not blind. He could determine by that one kiss that Levi was not an overnight sensation, but someone Sasha truly cared about. Why else would she risk kissing Levi, knowing that there was a possibility she could be caught? Only people crazy in love take stupid chances like that. However, Drake was not going to give Sasha nor Levi the satisfaction of watching him fall apart. He didn’t even want them to know that he knew – not until he figured out his next move. But if Sasha wanted Levi, he was not going to stand in her way. Those two deserved each other anyway. As he stood to his feet and made his way to the pulpit, he held his composure together the best he could, purposely keeping his gaze away from Sasha as he began to speak into the mic.

  The first words out of his mouth were an incoherent mess and Drake had to dig deep into his spiritual training to make up for it. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I was not prepared to speak to you today. But I will leave this portion of scripture with you from Jeremiah 17:9 and 10 in the English Standard Version. “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds…”

  As Drake was speaking, Sasha was sharply pricked in her heart, but she couldn’t help wondering what was wrong with her husband? Instead of encouraging the church, he was rebuking them. Actually, if Sasha would be true to herself, it almost felt as if her husband was intentionally directing those words to her. But why? What had she done? No sooner had Sasha asked herself those questions she realized the error of her ways. Did Drake see Levi kissing me? Impossible! Knowing Drake, he would have said something about it by now. There must be something else bothering him. But what in the world could it be? Because nothing really had the power to knock Drake’s focus out of commission like this.

  But Sasha could not shake that passage of scripture from her thoughts. Even if her husband hadn’t meant for those words to be applied to her, they still did in some way, because she had not been entirely truthful with Drake. But Drake must know that she would never intentionally hurt him. She loved him. She always had and she always would. Levi was not the man for her; she realized that months ago when Levi persistently provoked her to give in to her carnal desires, wearing skimpy clothing and charming her with a good rap. Sasha now knew Levi was doing it on purpose – just as he’d done when he’d pulled her into that forbidden kiss. Levi did not care that she was married and that her husband was just feet away from them. Certainly, Levi didn’t expect her to leave Drake for a spark of lust that was sure to diminish with time.

  And as Sasha watched her husband descend from the pulpit, she wanted to run to his side and comfort him. But he veered to the right through one of the church’s side exits. Sasha was stumped, as was everyone who had just listened to the less than stellar speech of one of their most-beloved preachers. Sasha could see the questions etched in Rev. Henderson’s face as he walked back to the pulpit. The service continued, straight on through to the end, but there was a heaviness in the atmosphere. This unfolding of events, however, greatly pleased Elder John, who was trying hard not to smile.

  He’d warned Rev. Henderson that Drake was not ready to take over El Shaddai Ministries and Drake had proved it by giving such a disappointing performance. Maybe, Elder John thought, he wouldn’t need to use his daughter to distract Drake from his divine assignment, because Drake would be the cause of his own undoing.

  ****

  Immediately after the benediction, Rev. Henderson made it his mission to search for his beloved protégé. However, Rev. Henderson didn’t need to look for him anywhere. Someone pulled him aside and told him that Drake had gone to his office and was waiting to speak with him there. Rev. Henderson was relieved to know that at least he would have the opportunity to quell this situation before it got out of hand. When he got to his office, he met Drake sitting with his head bent toward his knees.

  “They said I would find you here,” Rev. Henderson said. He sat in the empty chair next to Drake, resting a hand on Drake’s shoulder. “What is it, my son?”

  The compassion and concern in Rev. Henderson’s voice caused Drake’s eyes to moisten with tears – a stark contrast to Drake’s father who’d never shown him one ounce of affection. But God had been gracious in blessing Drake with a father in Rev. Henderson. A confidant who Drake trusted with his life. There was no secret or concern that Drake wouldn’t share with this old wise soldier.

  “I messed up, didn’t I?” Drake said quietly. “I let you down and I’m sorry…”

  “Listen to me, my son…don’t distort your beautiful character by that five-minute performance, which I thought was very timely, by the way. You know as well as I do that there are wolves in sheep’s clothing who need to be rebuked. Your performance, though it may not seem like your best, says nothing to me except that you are human. However, I am troubled by the pain I see in your eyes. It was not there when I performed your wedding ceremony last Saturday.”

  Drake sat up and allowed his head to connect with the back of the chair. “That’s because a lot has happened in a week,” he said. “And I don’t know w
ho else to talk to about this.”

  “I am here for you; you know that.”

  “Thank you…I trust that you will give me the best advice for the question I’m about to ask.” Drake kept his gaze staring straight ahead because he knew Rev. Henderson’s saintly expression would deter him from going through with his request. “I want my marriage from Sasha to be annulled. How do I go about doing that?”

  Rev. Henderson opened his mouth and then closed it. Finally wrapping his mind around the shock of what Drake was asking, he said, “Son, you can’t get an annulment unless you can show that the marriage was never valid to begin with or defective for some reason…”

  “Well, I can prove that my marriage was defective the day I married Sasha,” Drake retorted. “She was unfaithful to me.”

  Rev. Henderson was visibly upset about the words coming out of Drake’s mouth. “What now, son, are these hideous accusations?”

  “These are not just accusations…” Drake pulled out the anonymous note and handed it to Rev. Henderson. “Someone gave that to me when I was preparing to march down the aisle to Sasha.”

  Rev. Henderson took a moment to read the note; it was, of course, hard for him to accept its veracity: Think twice about marrying Sasha. I have proof that she was sleeping with your best friend while you were overseas. This is from a concerned friend.

  “At first, I thought it was utter nonsense,” Drake said to Rev. Henderson’s bewildered expression. “Who would send me such an evil note on the happiest day of my life? A jealous coward, or so I thought at the time…”

  “But you went ahead and married Sasha anyway without even raising the issue with her.” Rev. Henderson couldn’t get over the way Drake was handling this particular situation. “Should I even ask if you have already consummated the marriage?”

  “I did…”

  “If I didn’t know you that well, I would say that you must have lost your marbles. It’s definitely impossible for you to get an annulment. Why didn’t you say anything to me that day?”