First and Again

by Jana Richards

  He grinned back, giving her a little wink. “I’m all yours.”

  Not bloody likely.

  “I’ll put you in room ten,” she said, naming the motel room farthest away from their apartment. She hoped he froze his butt off on the walk there. “The noise from the bar won’t disturb you there.”

  “I’ll get my suitcase from the car and meet you there,” he said. He gave Rebecca a hug. “I’ll see you in the morning. We’ll have all day to catch up.”

  “Good night, Daddy.”

  She grabbed a couple of extra blankets from the linen closet and made her way to room ten. Ben was waiting at the door with his suitcase in his hand. She handed him the room key and he opened the door and turned on the light.

  “Be it every so humble,” he mumbled. She didn’t miss the sarcasm in his voice.

  “Just be glad I’m not making you sleep in your car.” She dumped the extra blankets on the bed. “Breakfast is at nine.”

  He grabbed her wrist when she started to move away. “Chéri, wait. I was hoping we could talk.”

  She ground her teeth. “Get your hand off me and quit calling me that.”

  He dropped her wrist and lifted his hands in surrender. “Sorry. I just want to talk.”

  “It’s late, Ben.”

  “Please, Bridget. I’ve come a long way for this.”

  He was right about that. He had come a long way and she wanted to know why. Perhaps it was best to find out right away. She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “So talk.”

  He gestured toward the bed. “Why don’t we sit down?”

  The last place she wanted to be was on a bed with him. “Just spill it.”

  “Okay.” He sat on the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees and his head bowed. “I miss you.”

  She laughed at his statement. “Really? I find that hard to believe. I’m sure your little girlfriend keeps you busy.”

  “Sherry left me.”

  She tried not to look too pleased, but a smirk escaped her lips.

  “Did she miss the cheerleading squad? I hope you didn’t make her skip prom.”

  He frowned at her. “I guess you’re entitled to be smug. You were right. She was too young for me.”

  “Next time look for a girlfriend who’s old enough to vote.”

  “There won’t be a next time. I don’t want another girlfriend. I want my wife back.”

  She stared at him in stunned silence, all the smart-ass remarks she’d been ready to hurl at him evaporating on her lips.

  When she didn’t respond, he got to his feet and took her hand. “I wanted to see Becky for Christmas, of course. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed her. I miss my family, Bridget. I miss you. I need you.”

  He tried to pull her closer, to envelop her in his arms but she stepped away, pulling her hand from his. “If this is a joke, it isn’t funny.”

  “It’s no joke, Bridget. I’m very serious.” He certainly looked serious. She had to wonder why.

  He took her hand once more. “We can start over. I have a new business and a couple of new partners. We’ve bought an upscale catering business right downtown. It’s a great business, but it needs a new menu and some updates. We’re going to jazz it up, give it an infusion of life. I want you to be part of it.”

  “Me? Why?”

  “Because you’re an extremely talented chef, and despite what happened at that wedding, people in the industry still regard you very highly. And the public has mostly forgotten the incident. You could make a great comeback at a very high-end firm. It’s the perfect opportunity for you.”

  She closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her temple. Why was he offering this job to her? For two years he’d been adamant about her guilt. What was different now?

  “I don’t understand,” she said. “A few weeks ago when we spoke on the phone, you were as insulting and indifferent toward me as ever. What’s changed?”

  “I’ve changed. I’ve finally realized how much I need my family. Please, Bridget.” He touched her hair. “Come home with me.”

  She stepped out of his reach. “I am home.”

  “Here? In this hick town? You can’t be serious.”

  She lifted her chin a notch. “I’m very serious.”

  “Well, you may be happy, but Becky’s not. She phoned me, crying about how much she hates it here.”

  “That was months ago. She’s settled in since then. If you were so concerned about her, why didn’t you come to see her then? Why didn’t you spend time with her when we still lived in San Francisco?”

  A spark of anger flashed across his face, but he quickly covered it. “She phoned me a couple of weeks ago. She was upset because she saw you kissing some farmer. What else have you been doing with him?”

  She stared at him a moment. She should have known Rebecca would contact her father. The surprising thing was that Ben had actually come all the way to North Dakota to try to convince her to go back.

  “In case you didn’t get the memo, we’re officially divorced. That means I can date, and kiss, anyone I want to.” She had no intention of letting Ben know how much Jack meant to her.

  “Look I know I wasn’t a model father, and I certainly wasn’t a perfect husband. But I’ve changed.” He swallowed before speaking again, his face full of sincerity. “I threw away the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ll never forgive myself but I’m hoping you can.”

  She closed her eyes as she gathered her thoughts. She wanted to make herself very clear, so that Ben would have no doubt of her intentions. “Maybe someday I’ll be able to forgive you, but I’m not likely to ever forget. Rebecca and I are staying here.”

  His demeanor changed. The look of contrition disappeared and was replaced with an expression of determination, his handsome features set in hard lines.

  “If that’s your answer, fine. We can do this the hard way. Unless you agree to come back to San Francisco and work in my catering company, I’ll sue for sole custody.”

  Her heart momentarily ceased beating as fear pumped through her veins. Quickly, logic took over and her heart resumed its regular cadence.

  “Be serious, Ben. You were the one who had an affair with a younger woman and left the marriage. Your child support payments in the last two years have been erratic at best and you’ve made little effort to see your daughter in a year and a half. What makes you think any court would grant you sole custody?”

  “I don’t have to win custody, I only have to go through the motions of applying for it. In fact, I don’t even have to go through the trouble and expense of going to court. We both know that if I promise to let Rebecca go back to her private school and her riding lessons, she’ll jump at the chance. She won’t be happy until you bring home to San Francisco.”

  He was at least partially right. Rebecca might be pleased at the prospect of attending her old school and taking her private riding lessons once more. But having him express his desire for her to live close to him would convince her that she needed to be in San Francisco. She was so starved for affection from her father that she’d jump at the chance to be with him. Bridget didn’t know if the ties her daughter had made in Paradise would be strong enough to keep her here.

  “That’s blackmail.”

  “That’s a strong word,” he said with a smile. “I simply want my family back where it belongs.”

  “Rebecca and I are exactly where we belong.” She stared at Ben, shaking her head in disbelief. “What happened to you? What happened to the man I married? When did you turn into this vindictive, manipulative schemer? Or have you always been that way and I’ve just now realized it? I hope Rebecca figures out what you are before you hurt her any more than you already have.”

  She hurried out the door, not bothering to close it behind her. What had she ever seen in Ben? Why had she married him?

  She already knew the answer. She’d married him because sixteen years ago he’d reminded her of Jack.

  * * *
>
  Bridget woke early the next morning after a restless night. Snippets of her dreams remained vivid in her memory. A spotless kitchen with top of the line appliances and a huge staff featured prominently. Ben was in this kitchen, smiling at her, telling everyone what a fabulous chef she was. Somehow this dream morphed into one that took place in the kitchen of her mother’s restaurant. She was there with Tina, who argued with her over something ridiculous, and Jack, who looked at her with such intensity in his eyes. She imagined she saw love there too. But it was only a dream.

  About 6:00 a.m. she finally gave up all pretense of sleeping and got up to have a shower. When she entered the kitchen shortly after, she was surprised to find Mavis already there.

  “Why are you up so early?” she asked.

  “Same reason as you, I suppose. I couldn’t sleep. I kept wondering what Ben is doing here.” Mavis stifled a yawn as she made coffee.

  Bridget glanced toward Rebecca’s closed bedroom door. She kept her voice low. “He said he wants Rebecca and me to go back to San Francisco with him.”

  Mavis turned sharply to look at her. “You’re not seriously thinking about doing that, are you?”

  “I may not have a choice.”

  “Have you lost your mind? Don’t you remember what that man did to you?”

  Her defenses went on high alert. “I’m well aware, Mother.”

  “He cheated on you and left you to take the blame when the business got into trouble.” Mavis was in full righteous indignation mode. “He left you and Rebecca practically destitute. How can you stand there and tell me you’re thinking about taking him back?”

  “I’m not saying that.” She held her head in her hands. She thought of Jack and the revelation she had only yesterday that she loved him. “I can’t go back to him. I won’t. But he might able to convince Rebecca that she wants to go back with him.” She told Mavis about Ben’s threat. Tears flowed down her face at the thought of moving away and losing her family. Of losing Jack.

  “Oh honey, I’m sorry.”

  Mavis pulled her into her arms. At first she resisted but then she wrapped her arms around her mother and rested her head on her small shoulder. She cried out her sadness that what she had with Jack may be lost before it really got a chance to begin. And she cried for old losses, for the father she barely remembered.

  “We won’t let him get away with this,” Mavis said. “Rebecca’s a smart girl. She knows who really loves her.”

  “Ben is very good at manipulation,” Bridget said, wiping her eyes. “By tomorrow he’ll have her completely convinced her life will be perfect if she moves to San Francisco.” She blew her nose. “I don’t know what to do. I won’t let her go to California with Ben on her own. I know he’d never look after her properly. But if I fight him in court, she’ll resent me for trying to keep her away from her father. I don’t have any choice. If Rebecca wants to go, I’ll have to go with her.”

  The thought made her heart ache painfully. She couldn’t stand the thought of losing Jack.

  But she couldn’t imagine her life without Rebecca either.

  “Maybe you can reason with him. He hasn’t been interested in seeing Rebecca for months. What’s different now?”

  “He says he wants me to work for him at a new catering business he’s opening. I don’t know why he’s willing to go to such lengths to get me to come back, but I need to find out. I have an old friend in San Francisco in the restaurant business. Maybe he’s heard something.” She dabbed her eyes with the tissue once more. “This is my fault for taking Rebecca so far away.”

  Mavis shook her head. “You didn’t have any choice but to move back home. You had no money and no support from Ben or anyone else, and Rebecca was close to being out of control. You made the right choice in moving, even if it took your daughter away from her father.”

  “You’re right. I made the only choice I could.” Bridget hesitated. Her hands trembled but she needed to ask the question foremost in her mind for so many years. “Did you make the right choice when you took us away from our father?”

  Mavis stared at her, surprised by her question. For a long time she was silent. At last she sighed.

  “Yes, I did. We couldn’t live with him anymore. You probably don’t remember, but he drank.”

  Her mother’s statement came as a shock. She didn’t remember any of this. “You mean he was an alcoholic?”

  “I’m afraid so, honey.”

  Mavis stared off into space as if looking at old memories. “His drinking gradually got worse over time. At first he’d only drink on weekends, but eventually it was every day. He was a different person when he drank, mean and ugly.” Bridget saw her swallow. “He lost his job because of his drinking, and we were scrambling to survive. But no matter how little money we had, he managed to spend most of it on booze. Then one day he came home drunk and hit me. He was angry because I tried to get him to go to AA. The next day when he sobered up he apologized over and over and swore it would never happen again, but he still adamantly refused to go to AA. That’s when I knew that nothing would change unless he wanted it to. I loved your dad and I didn’t want to leave him, but I had you and Celia to think about. I had to make a living for the two of you, and I had to make a safe home. I contacted Uncle Frank about working here, and when he said he’d love to have us, I packed up our car the same day and headed to Paradise.”

  “Did you tell Dad where you were going?”

  “Of course. I told him that as soon as he quit drinking we could all live together again. I hoped that our leaving might be the catalyst he needed to make him quit. For a while he kept in contact, and even sent you and Celia those teddy bears. But then he disappeared and I never heard from him again. I even hired an investigator to search for him at one point, but he couldn’t find him. I had no idea what had happened to him until ten years later when the police came here and told us he’d been killed.”

  Bridget was stunned by this news. All this time she’d believed her mother was at fault for her family’s breakup. “Did you love Dad?”

  Mavis nodded, blinking back tears. “Very much. Leaving him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” She took Bridget’s hand. “He was a good man, sweetheart. I want you to remember him that way. He just couldn’t overcome his addiction.”

  “So that letter he sent me in the teddy bear? What did it mean?”

  “I guess he was angry with me because I told him he had to be sober if he wanted to see you girls. I never forbade him from visiting you.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me this years ago?”

  “I didn’t want you to hate him. I know you have good memories of your dad and that’s what I want for you.”

  “All these years I’ve blamed you for everything.” The irony of the situation suddenly hit her. She blamed her mother for the divorce just as Rebecca blamed her. Both she and her mother had borne the brunt of their child’s anger because they hid the ugly truth about their fathers.

  “What am I going to do, Mom?” she said. “How can I tell my daughter that her father is blackmailing me into returning to San Francisco? I don’t even know if she’d believe me.”

  “I don’t know, honey,” Mavis said. She stroked Bridget’s hair, profound sadness on her face. “Maybe she needs to hear the truth, even if she doesn’t believe it right now. If I’d told you the truth years ago, you and I might have been able to have a better relationship.”

  Bridget smiled as years of anger left her. “The good news is that it’s not too late for us.”

  * * *

  Bridget walked the half mile to Celia’s shop to use her phone. Ben and Rebecca were visiting in Mavis’s apartment, and she didn’t want either of them to overhear her conversation. Besides, she couldn’t stand being in the same room as Ben.

  She’d called Celia earlier and told her of Ben’s arrival and his ultimatum. When she arrived at the shop, Celia led her to the office at the back of the building where she could talk on the phone without
being overheard.

  “Good luck, Bridge.” She gave her a quick hug and then closed the door.

  She sat at the desk and punched in her friend’s phone number from memory. Keith Morton had been her first employer after she received her initial training. He’d been the one who’d encouraged her to go to France for further training. He was close to eighty now and retired, but still had contacts in the industry. Her hands shook as she held the receiver and waited for Keith to answer. She nearly cried with relief when she heard his voice.

  “Bridget, what a wonderful surprise! Where are you?”

  She filled him in on her location and the reason for her call. After taking a deep breath she came to the point.

  “Why is Ben so keen to have me work for him that he’d resort to blackmail? Surely, no one’s going to patronize a catering company whose chef is known to have made a whole wedding ill.”

  “Ah. Apparently Ben hasn’t told you the whole story.”

  “The whole story?”

  “The word around town is that he wants in on a deal with two other partners. The partners have bought a catering company with a great kitchen and a great reputation. They’ve told Ben that unless he can get you to agree to be head chef, they won’t take him on as a third partner.”

  “Well, that explains why he’s here trying to get me to work for him. What I don’t get is why his potential partners want me. Didn’t anybody tell them my history?”

  Keith chuckled, his throaty rumble warming her heart. “Again, Ben has failed to fill you in on all the details.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Some new information has come to light regarding that wedding. Your former assistant recently came forward, probably because he was tired of taking the blame. He says that when he and Ben arrived at your kitchen on the morning in question one of the fridges, the one containing the salmon, had stopped working. The assistant said that by the time they got there everything inside was already warm.”

  She closed her eyes and leaned her head against Celia’s office chair. When she’d arrived at work after taking Rebecca to her early morning riding lesson, the assistant was preparing the salmon as if nothing was amiss. “Apparently Ben ordered the assistant to move the salmon into the other refrigerator and told him to keep his mouth shut. The fish was too expensive to throw out.”