by Lexy Timms
It’s okay. It was a distant voice, but the laughing had stopped. The last thing she remembered was that horrible laughing and throwing up in the toilet and finally not sweating anymore. The floor was so cold. Right now wasn’t cold like that anymore. Before, the tile was on her face, and now she couldn’t feel anything.
She wondered where the tile had gone.
The voice said something that sounded like her name, but it was muffled. There was a little silence before it spoke again. You’re fine, I promise.
Of course I’m fine, she replied, even though she knew she wasn’t saying anything to the voice. I feel fine here. I don’t want to leave here for a long time. I feel safe.
I’m here with you, said the voice. I’m not going to leave you. I’ll be here when you wake up.
Those words struck her as strange for a reason she couldn’t identify. Wake up? They sounded even stranger coming from her own thoughts, like pronouncing a word she had never heard before.
Please wake up soon, said the voice. I need to see you. I need to know you’re okay. It kept going, but it was faded and muffled. In the brightness she squinted her eyes so tight they were almost closed, but there was nothing to see. She tried to reach out and find the voice. It was so familiar, but her memories had all disappeared and her frustration grew.
I’m coming, she yelled loudly to the light. I’m coming to wake up.
She took a deep breath and felt the air go down to the bottom of her lungs. It felt like new air, and it was cold like the bathroom tiles. Deep tremors rumbled from her core; it took a few times for her to realize she was coughing. Something touched her. She took another deep breath and her eyes opened.
This time she could see. And there he was, kneeling beside her, staring straight into her eyes with his bright blue ones. She saw something different in his stare, different than all the other times. It was full of fear and love.
“Hey, Lil.”
Slowly the feeling crept into her limbs and head. She winced.
“How’re you feeling?”
“Did I get hit by a truck?” The question was almost serious.
Cayden chuckled. “I guess we need to give you some more painkillers, huh.”
“It’s more than pain. I can’t tell what it is.” Suddenly her jaw was exhausted. “What happened?”
“I don’t know.” Cayden shifted from his kneel to a chair beside the bed. She saw machines around her. “I came over to pick you up for breakfast—”
“I missed breakfast,” she whispered. In her fragile state she was deeply disturbed by this, and her eyes welled up. A tear slipped out. “I made you miss breakfast.”
“You didn’t.” Cayden took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. His gaze was unwavering. “You’re more important than any breakfast. I found you on your bathroom floor.”
“It was cold,” Lillian breathed. “I was so hot.”
“Do you remember anything?”
“I threw up. They were laughing and everything was spinning.” The memory of the laughing started to come back, and she frowned.
“Who was laughing?”
“The people in my nightmare. It was so real, Cayden.” She clutched his hand. “I hate when people laugh at me.”
He chewed his lip. “You’re okay now. Listen, they ran some tests on you while you were sleeping.”
“Am I sick?” Please don’t say I have to stay here again, she cried inside her head.
He tucked her hair behind her ear. “Something happened with one of your medicines. It was reacting with another one, I think. Your body couldn’t take it anymore, so you shut down.”
“I felt bad last night, too, right before bed.”
Nodding, he gave her a little smile. “That makes sense. I’m glad I found you this morning, that way you skipped out on taking the reacting medicines. I think the bad one was your pain pill.”
“So what now?”
“They’ll give you a new one that does the same thing, without the side effects. That should solve the problem.”
How did he seem to have the answer for everything? Her brain seemed to have stopped working and she did her best to force it back to life. “You’ve been taking care of all this since you found me?”
Cayden nodded humbly.
“What about work?” She looked at the clock on the wall. “Is it the same day?”
“Yes. You’ve been asleep since this morning; you must be starving.” He shifted in his chair and propped his legs up on the lowest rung of the bed rail. “I cancelled my clients today. They understood why. We’ll do a make-up day this weekend.”
“What about Andrew?”
“I couldn’t unlock your phone to let him know.”
“My fingerprint works, too, you know.” Her mood plummeted. “Where’s my phone? He must be so confused.”
Blank-faced, Cayden handed her the phone. It took her a couple of minutes to figure out the details to include in the message, but she typed as quickly as she could and sent the message. “I can’t just leave him hanging like that, Cayden.”
“I didn’t mean to leave him hanging.” When Lillian gave him a sarcastic look, he took her face in his hands. “I really didn’t mean to leave him out.”
He planted a little kiss on her forehead and her irritation broke. “Okay.”
“Good. Are you hungry?”
“Yes.” Her phone rang as Cayden let her know he was going to find food. The phone felt heavy as she lifted it. “Hello?”
“Lillian, what the hell are you talking about? Passed out and in the hospital?”
“You don’t have to be so feisty.”
“I thought you said you have this under control, Lillian. Your sickness, I mean.”
“I do—”
“Obviously not. I didn’t know if you were working or out with Cayden or what was going on, so I didn’t call.” Andrew groaned. “You’re in the hospital. Dammit. Which hospital? I’m driving now.”
Lillian spent the next couple of minutes explaining the directions and trying to convince Andrew she was fine.
“Save your energy. I’ll be there in a minute.” He hung up, leaving Lillian feeling depleted. Cayden returned with a nurse, carrying a tray of food and a couple of pills she was to take after she ate. The nurse supposed Lillian would be sent home in a few hours when she got enough fluids back into her system, then left the room to the couple.
“Andrew’s pissed,” she said. Her mouth felt horrible. Like puke has spent the night inside it. In a sense, it probably had.
“I bet he is.”
“Are you being harsh?”
He raised his hands in surrender. “No. I’m not.”
“It sounded like you were being harsh.”
“I wasn’t, okay?”
She swore she saw him do a very slight eye-roll.
“Please eat,” he said before she could argue. “The goal of your being here is to get your nutrient levels back up.”
Reluctantly, she sat up and waited until she was confident the nausea was still there, then she took the tray. “I’m sorry I made you miss work.”
Cayden let out a moan. “Come on, Lil.”
She hunched her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I’m starting to feel guilty.”
“That’s because you’re hungry.” Before he could command her to eat her food again, Andrew burst into the room.
“Are you okay?” He didn’t look at Cayden but he also didn’t look at the floor, and nearly tripped on the leg of a chair.
That’s awkward. She motioned for Cayden to come over, hoping Andrew would get the point. “I’m fine. Cayden has been taking good care of me.”
Andrew finally looked at Cayden and studied him for a moment, as if trying to remember who he was. “I owe you a big thanks, man.”
“Don’t mention it.” To anyone who didn’t know Cayden well, it would have sounded like a purr deep in his throat. To Lillian, though, it was a dissatisfied grumble.
“So, what the hell happened?”
>
“A couple of my meds were misbehaving and I had a little...blunder. But it’s fine.” Lillian really wanted Andrew to understand she didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
“Blunder? What does that mean?” That distressed look on his face wasn’t letting up.
“She passed out on the bathroom floor after vomiting. That’s where I found her at 7:45 this morning.” Cayden’s eyes caught Andrew’s in their grip. “Where were you?”
“I was at work by 7:00, actually.” Andrew stood up straight.
Lillian froze, taken aback by the conflict. Almost waiting for something to happen, she watched the two stare at each other. The man who was like her brother, and the man she was in love with.
She thought a long string of curse words—of course, it wouldn’t help anything, but it made her feel better—and was thankful she knew for sure that she wasn’t saying them out loud.
“Was work okay, Andrew?” She almost hit herself. That’s the best you can do? First, it’s blowing that stupid kiss at Cayden last night, and now it’s asking Andrew about work when he’s having a silent and passive standoff with Cayden?
It took longer than it should have for Andrew to slide his gaze away from Cayden’s stone face. “It was fine,” he said.
Uh-oh. The ‘It’s fine’ line. That wasn’t a good sign, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that now wasn’t the time for talking about work.
“What I want to know,” Andrew began, “is why I’m just now finding out after the whole day that you’ve been in the hospital.”
“Cayden didn’t have your number.”
“I’m sure he had access to your phone.”
“I was passed out, Andrew. I was literally gone since this morning.”
“It just scares me, is all.” Suddenly Andrew’s voice softened. “I lost someone close to me once. I don’t want it to happen again.”
All the memories of Amelia flickered between Lillian and Andrew. “I don’t want it to, either.” Lillian wanted to smile, to lighten the mood somehow, but she couldn’t.
“Listen, you two.” Cayden stepped forward. “Lil hasn’t eaten the whole day. She’s emotional and weak. The doc’s gonna want to come in and check on her, too. Plus, it’s dinnertime now, so I think we should give her some alone time and go get food ourselves. We could probably use a little time to get acquainted.”
“Why does Lillian need alone time?” Andrew put an emphasis on her full name.
“I think it’s a good idea, considering she woke up less than half an hour ago and was unconscious for the whole day.”
Before the standoff resumed, Lillian straightened and raised her voice. “Alone time sounds great. I’m just going to eat this and sleep until I’m deemed healthy again.”
“That’s cold now,” Cayden pointed out. “I should go warm it up for you.”
“No, really.” Frazzled, Lillian waved him away. “It’s just fine. Please, go.”
Grumbling something inaudible to himself, Cayden nodded at Andrew and they walked out. “Behave!” she called after them, probably too loudly. Whether they were out of earshot or just ignoring her she wasn’t sure, but she knew which one was more likely.
Well, she thought as she picked up a plastic fork and poked it into a small bowl of green beans, how on earth am I supposed to handle these two?
She spent the duration of her meal figuring out how to confront the two men about their conflict. Even the doctor coming to check on her didn’t distract. It occurred to her, just as she was dozing off again, that she didn’t actually know what the conflict was really about.
Mental note to talk to Cayden. He can speak in “girl language.”
Pulling the sheets up to her chin, she welcomed sleep this time.
THE PHARMACIST HANDED Lillian the bottles. “Here you go. Enjoy.”
“Won’t it just be a party?” she asked sarcastically, giving him a smile. This wasn’t the first time he had handed her the bottles of colonoscopy prep liquid.
“If it was, I might want to join you.” The man winked. “You’re brave, you know. Didn’t you just have one of these a year ago?”
“Less than a year, actually. It doesn’t really faze me much anymore. It doesn’t hurt at all; it’s just like a nice nap.” Lillian chuckled. “It’s just this stuff that isn’t fun.”
He looked at the bottles. “Apparently it tastes like lemonade. Wish that flavor was available back when I had mine.”
“I don’t remember what I had last time. Guess I’ve gotten used to it. This’ll be my third colonoscopy in two years.”
“You’re looking better now than you did a few months ago, if it’s any consolation.”
She smiled. “Thanks. I’ve been working hard to stay healthy.”
“Well, whatever you’ve been doing is working.”
Hearing those words spread her smile out more. “I appreciate it. I’ve got to run now. My...” She hesitated. Calling Cayden her boyfriend was still so weird. “I’ve got someone in the car waiting for me.”
The pharmacist knew what she meant. “Go on. See you next time, and call if you need anything.”
“Will do. See you!” she called as she walked out. When she first started testing medicines and vitamin and mineral supplements, she had been embarrassed at how often she walked into this place. After several times, the older couple managing the pharmacy struck up a conversation with her. She walked out feeling validated, like she was a real human and not just a body to keep running tests on. Medicine runs were no longer a dreaded experience, and she quickly realized how important that was to keep her stress level at bay.
“You got it?” Cayden asked as she climbed into the car.
“Got it.” She held up the bottles. “I’m in for a long night.”
“I have a few movies we can watch.”
“If you’re okay with pausing it every five minutes, sure.”
He looked confused. “Five minutes?”
“Do you know what this liquid does?”
“Not really.”
“This cleans me out. It’s the least romantic thing in the world. It gets rid of anything left in my system so the doctors can see clearly during the colonoscopy.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Not at all.”
“That’s good.” He put the car in reverse and looked behind him. “I’ll stay with you to make sure you’re okay.”
Lillian reached over and scratched the back of his head while he drove. “It’s okay. I’m a pro at this. You can stay, but I’m going to make sure you sleep tonight.” Her phone buzzed; it was a text from Andrew.
How are you feeling?
She typed a quick reply. Just peachy. Ready for tomorrow. You good?
All good here. Can I pick up anything for dinner?
“Andrew wants to pick up dinner,” she relayed to Cayden.
“For the two of you?”
“Really?” She chose to ignore the comment and not let him answer. “What do you want?”
“What can you have?”
Lillian scoffed. “Something light. Probably some toast or leftover stew. After midnight it’s just juice and these bad boys.” She tapped her fingernails on the glass bottles. The pleasant tinkling noise filled the car.
“I guess whatever he wants to bring, then.” His face hardened just enough that she could see it. Since she had been discharged from the hospital last night, Cayden hadn’t left her side. She knew he was trying to be civil to Andrew.
“Hey, remind me to talk to you tonight about something.” Shit, that sounded terrible. He probably thinks—
“Are we breaking up already?”
“No!” she squealed. “That’s not anything like what I was going to say.”
“What were you going to say, then?”
“I’ll talk to you about it later.”
“Why not now?”
“Because I don’t know if right now is the right time to talk about it.”
Cayden exhaled sharply
. “You can’t just say that, Lil. It sounds like you want to break up or something.”
“I don’t want to break up, Cayden. Ugh, fine, I’ll tell you now since you’re in a tizzy about it.” This was the moment. She said each word slowly, thinking hard before speaking. “I wanted to ask you about the silent tension between you and Andrew.”
He stayed quiet, keeping his eyes on the road.
“We don’t have to talk about it now. I just—”
“I don’t know, Lil. Actually, I do.” He was thinking just as hard as she was. “I know you and he go way back. He seems to be a little closer to you than that.” Before she could protest, he kept going. “It might be my imagination, or it might be my intuition. Maybe it’s a guy thing.”
Try to see things from his perspective for a minute, she told herself. “Okay, what gives you the idea that there’s something going on?”
“To be clear, I trust you when you say you don’t have any feelings for him.”
“That’s good, because I don’t.”
“I think what I’m picking up on is more of the subtle things. His body language when he’s around you. How he barely looks at me. I mean, Lil, he hasn’t asked basic questions or tried to get to know me at all.”
“I’m sorry, Cayden.”
“I was thinking that someone who’s close to you—like a brother, as you say—would’ve wanted to get to know their sister’s boyfriend. And because he’s acting cold, it makes me think he’s rejecting me because he likes you.” Everything came out all at once and he hardly took a breath. “I’m trying to be frank with you so there’s no miscommunication.”
Seeing him get riled up made her blood pressure rise. She put her hand on his neck and stroked him with her thumb. “I’m not mad. I wanted to ask you first.”
“Are you going to say something to him?”
“Do you think I should?” She wasn’t sure if he should know her plans yet.
“It’s up to you.” Cayden shrugged. “I don’t want to have a bad taste in my mouth, but I don’t know him like you do.”
She smiled cheekily. “I know something that can put a good taste in your mouth.”
