Evil Fairies Love Hair

by Mary G. Thompson

  Michael was in a boxing match with four fake parents, while others had been distracted by the remnants of the cake and were scooping up pieces with their fingers.

  “Aaagh! There are too many of them. Ali!” Michael cried. Six adults were dragging him away. He was so weighed down by overgrown imps that Ali couldn’t even see his face—just his feet kicking.

  “Take him away! Make him pay!” the imps chanted.

  “Stop! Stop!” The Happy Rat stood in the doorway. He pulled off his rat head, revealing a pimply, sweaty, desperate face. “Please, everyone. I’ll bring more cake! I’ll bring more . . . Aaaaa!” The rat fell forward as he was pushed from behind and dropped the rat head. He crawled out of the way, and kids streamed in. The head rolled in front of Jonathan Yeager, who promptly stomped on it.

  “Get them!” Natalie Buckmaster yelled. She led the other kids in flailing around at the imps who were dragging Michael.

  “Ali! Use your magic,” said Jennifer.

  “You can help, too,” Ali said.

  “Come on!” Jennifer cried. “We all have magic.” She grabbed hands with Molly and Tyler.

  Ali looked around the whole room. There must have been fifteen “adults” and at least as many kids packed into the tiny room, all involved in the highly ineffective brawl. She focused on the overgrown imps. “WIGS OFF!” she yelled.

  Fifteen wigs shot off of fifteen heads and stuck to the ceiling, joining Pilose’s wig.

  “My hair!” wailed the man who’d had the pink bows.

  At the same time, something pulled on Ali’s back. She had forgotten all about Hannah’s arm around her. Now she grabbed it and pushed it off. With a loud sucking sound, the fake, rubbery Hannah whooshed up to the ceiling and stuck there with a splat. A second later, the fake Deacon hit the ceiling, making a whoopee-cushion fart sound.

  “You stinky little pig!” he whined.

  “WHAT is going on here?” a voice cried.

  The mayor pushed her way between two imps who were un-acrobatically jumping to retrieve their wigs. The mayor’s husband hurried in behind her. All the imps stopped jumping or crying or giving children noogies and looked down at the ground.

  “The children came for the In-betweens, just as you thought,” said Pilose, crawling out from under the table, dragging Natalie Buckmaster by her shorts.

  “Well, well,” said Bunny. “These children will come in quite handy for my new spell.”

  “We’re not going to let you do any spell,” said Ali.

  “Yeah!” said Michael from the ground, where four bald adult-size imps were sitting on him.

  “You’ll change your tune when you hear what the spell is,” said Bunny. She adjusted her Raggedy Ann wig. “I may have overestimated the joy of being a parent. I’ve created an un-parent spell that will duplicate the bodies we inhabit. That way, you children will get your parents back, and we will finally be rid of all ties to you. I suppose you like that idea as much as we do.”

  Ali did like the sound of that, but she didn’t trust Bunny. “We don’t trust you,” she said. “And what about Hannah and Deacon? Where are they really?”

  Bunny waved Pilose over, and the two imps had a whispered conversation.

  “If the spell works,” said Bunny, “and you don’t interfere, we’ll give you back the In-betweens. You can test them out to make sure they don’t stick to the ceiling.”

  “Let us down, you little gremlin!” said the fake Hannah, kicking her rubber legs.

  “How do we know your spell will work?” asked Ali.

  Lockner grimaced and wrung his hands.

  “I was chosen by the great Impoliptus himself to lead the Divvy-imps out of enslavement and into enlightenment,” said Bunny, puffing her chest up.

  Ali wasn’t so sure she bought that. But it didn’t matter, because all she had to do was get to the real Hannah and Deacon. Pretending to go along with Bunny was their best hope. “You’re saying our parents would get their bodies back?”

  “Absolutely,” said Bunny. But it didn’t escape Ali’s notice that Lockner’s face was frozen in an expression of despair. She bet that Bunny’s new spell was as poorly thought out as the others.

  “First, tell your imps to stop fighting with the kids,” Ali said.

  Bunny sighed. “Fine. Everyone let the kids go.”

  The imps who were sitting on Michael got up, and the rest let go of him.

  “You’d better tell me what goes into this spell,” Ali said.

  “Well,” said Bunny. “First we need some children. You all will do nicely.”

  “Children?” said Jonathan Yeager. “I don’t think so.” He pushed his way between Bunny and Lockner and left the party room.

  “Fairies go home! Fairies go home!” the kids chanted, following Jonathan. One kid still had part of a posterboard sign—which now just read OME—and he waved it energetically.

  “Seize them!” cried Bunny.

  The “adults” raced out of the party room after the kids.

  “Come on,” Ali cried, waving at Michael. They followed Bunny and Lockner, who followed the imps. “This isn’t helping!” she called. The brawl was starting up again. Kids were grabbing wigs off the heads of the imps who were still trying to eat. Other wigs whooshed up to the ceiling.

  The front door burst open. Mrs. Hopper walked through it. A wig hit her smack in the chest. She caught it and held it up, looking for the culprit.

  “Oops, sorry,” said Natalie Buckmaster.

  “Don’t be sorry. She’s a fairy named Follica!” said Michael.

  “My name is not Follica,” said Mrs. Hopper, dropping the wig onto the ground. “I am the real Emily Hopper.”

  Thirty-Two

  A boy Ali had never seen before came in the door. “That’s her,” said the new boy. “I want revenge on her!” He looked around the room. “And him!” He pointed at Jonathan Yeager.

  Ali suddenly realized who he was. “Jared?” He had dirty-blond hair that hung over his forehead just so, and deep blue eyes, and pale, acne-free skin. Jared was now really good-looking.

  “That’s right,” said Jared. “This fairy lifted my hex, and now she has to get revenge for me because I rescued her from the barber pole.”

  “What barber pole?” said Ali. “Wait a minute. Fairy?”

  Bunny’s eyes opened wide. She turned around and tried to get back into the party room, but Michael grabbed her by the collar and pulled her back. Bunny kicked, but Michael pulled her around to face Mrs. Hopper, who was slowly advancing, a wicked gleam in her pale old-lady eyes.

  Lockner began to tiptoe toward a hallway at the side of the dining area.

  “Not so fast, Lockner!” said Mrs. Hopper, pointing a bony finger at him.

  Lockner dejectedly plodded back to stand next to Bunny.

  “Who exactly are you?” asked Michael.

  The kids and the overgrown imps shifted into separate groups again. Mrs. Hopper’s authoritative-grandmotherness had taken the wind out of the fight.

  Mrs. Hopper surveyed the room and reached a hand up to brush back her unruly, wiry mess of gray hair. “I am Emily Hopper,” she said. “And yes, dearie”—she nodded at Ali—“I am a fairy. I suppose you children were foolish enough to believe these imps when they styled themselves fairies, as you humans do get your stories quite mixed up. Nevertheless, I can assure you that I am the real thing.”

  “Wait a minute,” said Ali. “Are you really the real Mrs. Hopper, or did you take over her body?”

  “This is my own body,” said Mrs. Hopper. “I’ve been watching over this town for some time now. All was well until I was ambushed by these uppity Divvy-imps who don’t know their place.”

  “Watching over us how?” asked Jonathan Yeager, glaring at his now-very-attractive cousin, who tapped his foot impatiently, eyes shooting lasers back.

  “When you come for your haircuts, I sprinkle you with a touch of health,” said Mrs. Hopper. “I also ward off pesky sprites who might cause mischief, wh
ich I suppose is another reason these imps came for me. Aside from my delicious stash of hair clippings, of course.”

  At the mention of hair clippings, Ali’s mouth watered. Was she ever going to stop craving hair?

  “Who cares?” said Jared. “I want my revenge.”

  “Yes, yes,” said Mrs. Hopper. She stood on one foot and pointed a long finger at Jonathan Yeager. “Make him as ugly as he made his unpleasant cousin.”

  In the next five seconds, a look of horror overcame Jonathan’s face. Soon the same look was etched onto an acne-filled, grotesque-featured face being clasped in ungainly, pock-marked, fungus-fingered bony hands. “My face!” Jonathan howled. “Oh, it’s not just my face!”

  “Now her,” said Jonathan, pointing at Ali.

  “What? I didn’t do anything to you!”

  “You said you’d give me your fairies and you didn’t. I was supposed to get my wish, but you lied to me.”

  “You’ve got your looks back,” said Ali. “And I would have given you the fairies if I had them. I didn’t know they were going to do the parents-replacement spell. I didn’t get my wish either!”

  “She makes a good point, dearie,” said Mrs. Hopper.

  “I don’t care what she says,” said Jared. “You promised me revenge.”

  “Hmm, I did promise,” said Mrs. Hopper. “But I think I’ve paid you back enough. You did deserve that hex, you know. No, I’m not going to hex the girl. I’m going to set things right.”

  “How exactly are you going to do that?” Ali asked.

  “Easy enough, dearie,” said Mrs. Hopper. “I’ll cast the Divvy-imps out of your parents’ bodies. Then I’ll return all the children to their natural states—except that boy, of course.” She pointed to the sobbing Jonathan Yeager. “He’s rightfully hexed. I’ll return the rest of you to your natural states—as if the imps never were un-enslaved—and then—”

  “Hey!” said Jennifer, jumping up onto Ali’s shoulder. “I got my wish fair and square. You can’t take my good looks away from me!”

  “And look how it turned out for you,” said Mrs. Hopper.

  “It turned out fine,” said Jennifer. “It’d be nice of you to make us big again, but you have no right to take away our wishes.”

  “Yeah,” said Natalie Buckmaster, pushing in front of Jonathan. “We earned them.”

  “That’s right,” said Michael. “I grew my fairies—I mean imps.”

  “They earned their wishes,” said Ali, thinking that she’d earned hers too and then some. She’d definitely never trust a magical creature ever again. She’d learned that the hard way. Maybe I did get a little smarter, she thought.

  “The imps should never have offered wishes,” said Mrs. Hopper. “Bargaining with children is unnatural—it upsets the balance of just deserts. No, I’ll return the children to their natural states and erase their memories of the whole sequence of events. Everything will go back to normal.”

  The kids burst into protest. “Erase our memories? She can’t do that!”

  Ali agreed. She wanted her parents back, but there had to be some other way. No one was going to take away their hard-earned wishes or erase their memories if she had anything to do with it.

  “Erase our memories!” said Jared. “I never agreed to that!”

  “Shut up, dearie,” said Mrs. Hopper.

  “No, I will not shut up!” Jared yelled. “Listen up, everyone. We’ve got magic ourselves. She called it child magic, and all I had to do was rub my head with my writing hand and hold my foot with the other hand.” He demonstrated, hopping and nearly falling.

  Child magic, thought Ali. Of course the imps had failed to tell the kids that. She had lots of reasons not to trust Jared, but the angry look on Mrs. Hopper’s face confirmed that he was telling the truth.

  “Quick, do it!” Ali shouted. “Everyone!” She whipped off her own shoe and sock.

  Michael pushed Bunny away and did the same.

  Ali, who was left-handed, rubbed her tuft of hair with her left hand and grabbed her left foot with her right hand. She had to think of some words to say, fast. “Repeat after me . . . um . . .” Hair. Hair. No, not hair.

  “Run away fast!” Michael shouted.

  That was it! “Run away fast!” Ali repeated.

  The other kids joined in. Ali felt the power around them—a glowing aura. It was holding them up on their single legs, helping them balance, directing their energy against Mrs. Hopper.

  “Children change back!” cried Mrs. Hopper, balancing effortlessly on one foot.

  Jared ran to join the other kids. “Run away fast,” he yelled.

  “Children change back!”

  “Run away fast!”

  Ali was starting to sweat. Neither side seemed to be winning, and even with the “child magic” or whatever it was, balancing on one foot wasn’t easy. She couldn’t keep this up forever.

  “Louder, everyone!” Michael boomed. “Run away fast! Run away fast!” All the kids shouted together at the top of their lungs. It was so loud that Ali wanted to cover her ears or run away herself, but she yelled along with the rest of them.

  “Children—” Mrs. Hopper began. “Oh! Oh!” Her other foot dropped to the ground. She leaned forward and clenched her fists as if fighting against a giant wind.

  “Run away fast!” the kids shouted.

  She spun around and crouched down like an Olympic sprinter on the starting block.

  “Run away fast!”

  Bang! Mrs. Hopper bolted through the door and ran into the street. As she ran, her hair came off of her head and landed in a gray pile. Bald-headed, she ran straight through the parking lot of the auto shop across the street, and in only a few seconds, she was out of sight.

  The kids stopped chanting, let their feet drop to the ground, and burst into cheers.

  “And don’t come back!” Ali yelled. She stared at Mrs. Hopper’s lost wig. “Doesn’t anyone around here have real hair?”

  “I guess not,” said Michael.

  “La la laaaaa!” Natalie sang.

  “And grow our luscious impy hair back!” a voice shouted.

  “Who said that?” Ali asked, looking around.

  “Oh no,” said Michael. “Bunny must have done her spell while we were fighting Mrs. Hopper!”

  There, over by the hallway that Ali supposed led to the kitchen, was Bunny in the bald, wigless body of the mayor. Next to her stood Lockner, holding the headless Happy Rat by his arms. Bunny pushed Hannah and Deacon in front of her. Both teenagers were wearing obvious wigs.

  A series of popping sounds came from around the room. What had Bunny been trying to do? Duplicate all the parents so they could have bodies of their own.

  Pop! A second mayor exploded out of the side of the first one. The second body didn’t completely separate, though. Instead, it hung slack and unconscious from Bunny’s side. The only apparent difference between the two bodies was that the copy had a thick head of red hair.

  “Wake up, you idiot!” said Bunny, shaking the lifeless doppelgänger.

  Pop! A second body sprang out of Lockner’s back, toppling him with its weight. He flailed around like a tipped turtle.

  “The wigs, Ali!” Michael cried. He raced toward his brother.

  The wigs! Ali raced toward Hannah and collided with the speeding Michael. She fell backward onto her bottom. Ouch! That really hurt.

  “Ali! Are you okay?” Hannah reached down to help her up.

  Deacon reached down to help Michael. “Whoa, bad fall, bro.”

  Ali caught Michael’s eye. As one, they grabbed for their siblings’ heads. This time the wigs came off in their hands.

  Hannah clasped her hands to her bare head.

  Deacon’s eyes opened wide.

  “Noooooooo!” Bunny cried. She and the other “adults” vanished with a loud pop, lifeless duplicate bodies and all.

  “What is going on?” the Happy Rat moaned.

  “What have you done?” Bunny shrieked.


  “We don’t want to be small!” a voice cried from the floor.

  Ali looked down. There were the imps, huddled together in a bunch, as tiny as they had ever been. Did that mean her parents were back in their bodies? She sure hoped so. And she hoped they had only one body each.

  “Hair.”

  “Hair.”

  “Hair.”

  The tiny cries spread like a wave through the whole flock.

  Thirty-Three

  “It worked!” Michael exclaimed.

  “Where did everyone go?” asked the Happy Rat, rubbing his eyes.

  “What happened to my hair?” Hannah asked, sounding more bemused than upset.

  “I think your head looks beautiful,” said Deacon, gazing down at her lovingly.

  Ugh. Even under the influence of magic, those two had the power to make Ali sick. But she couldn’t worry about that. Even though Bunny was small again, she could still be a lot of trouble. The imps could make all the kids small like Tyler and Molly and Jennifer. Tyler and Molly and Jennifer!

  “Jennifer! Are you guys okay?”

  “Not quite,” came a squeak from behind Ali.

  “Hold still,” said Michael.

  Ali did.

  Michael plucked Jennifer from the back of Ali’s shirt and set her back on Ali’s shoulder.

  “I could have been squashed!” she said.

  “I think I was,” said Tyler from the backpack.

  “I’m sorry!” Ali cried. “Just hang on. We’re still going to figure out a way to make you big again—with all your hair.”

  Just then, the front door burst open. Two tiny figures came into view. They marched into the middle of the room.

  “Who are you?” Ali asked.

  “I am Impoliptus,” said one of the imps. His voice, though small, boomed through the room. “And this is my sister, Sky.”

  “See!” Sky cried, opening her tiny arms wide.

  “The Great Imp!” a voice squeaked.

  “The Great Imp!” other voices repeated.

  “Where is Bunniumpton?” Impoliptus loudly demanded. “I surmise it was she who just attempted and botched an Un-Parent-Parent-Duplication-Un-Imptimization-Final-Freedom spell?”