Undeniable Rush

by S. C. Stephens

  My newfound peace faded at precisely 4:23 in the morning, when I woke up with a jolt. Hayden was sleeping peacefully beside me in my dark room. Lying on his side with his back to me, his breath was slow and steady, untroubled. I blinked back tears as I tried to calm my shaky breaths. Considering how wonderful my evening had been, my dream had been particularly cruel.

  The dream had started out mimicking reality. Hayden and I had walked to my room hand-in-hand. We talked about the movie while getting ready for bed, then we’d crawled under the covers, curled into each other’s arms, and fallen asleep—utter bliss. But then my dream had deviated from actual events. I’d woken up mere seconds later in my dream, and Hayden had been gone; his side of the bed had been ice cold, like he’d never even been there.

  Panic had rushed through my veins as I’d searched the house looking for him. All his clothes were gone, along with his bike. Desperate, I’d hopped on my bike, and in a way that was only possible in dreams, I’d easily tracked him down. I’d found him at a street race, celebrating a victory with his lips on Felicia’s. As I watched, their kiss intensified. Then they started ripping off their clothes, right there on the side of the street. Hayden cupped her ass, massaged her breasts, and moment by moment more skin was exposed. I couldn’t look away.

  That alone would have made it a top-notch nightmare, but no, my subconscious hadn’t been satisfied to leave it at that. While I watched Hayden and Felicia passionately attack each other, my father tapped me on the shoulder. With sad, aged eyes, he’d handed me a slip of paper. “The bank foreclosed, Mackenzie. You weren’t good enough. You lost the track. And it would seem, you lost Hayden too. I’m so sorry, but you’ve got nothing now. Just like me.”

  That had been when I’d woken up. My heart still thudded in my chest as I tried to separate what was real, and what wasn’t. Hayden was here, in my bedroom. He wasn’t night-racing with Felicia, he wasn’t making out with her, wasn’t having sex with her. The bank couldn’t foreclose on the property—thanks to Hayden, I owned it free and clear. I hadn’t failed anything yet. But sadly…that didn’t mean I couldn’t fail later. If I didn’t get a steady stream of cash coming, I wouldn’t be able to keep Cox Racing going. I’d be the proud owner of an empty building. And Hayden might feel compelled to race again. And Felicia might follow him again. And this time, Hayden might not be able to resist her, especially if all we were doing was cuddling…

  No. It was just a bad dream. Not a premonition. I wasn’t going to fail…Hayden and I weren’t going to fail.

  Shucking off the covers, I got out of bed. There was no way I could go back to sleep after that mind-fuck. Hayden stirred as I stood up. He rolled onto his back but didn’t wake up. The moonlight streaming through the window highlighted his face—his full lips, his rugged jawline, the gritty layer of stubble, the tantalizing scar through his right eyebrow. Fearless, aggressive, dangerous…loyal, compassionate, loving. He was truly a marvel of a man, and I was a very lucky girl. But my dream was making me question—all over again—just how long I’d remain lucky.

  I wished I could grab my board and go surfing, but it was too cold. I needed to let off some steam, though, so I decided to go for a run instead. Careful to not wake Hayden, I changed into my workout clothes and slipped out the door.

  Being outside in the cool, crisp air helped press the remnants of my dream to the very back of my mind. It felt so good to get my heart thumping, to get my arms and legs moving. I’d been spending way too much time behind a desk recently, and not nearly enough time in the gym. A fact that became readily apparent to me when I was only a mile into my run, and already huffing and puffing. Damn it. I couldn’t let my body slip, couldn’t let the day-to-day intricacies of the business slip, couldn’t let my relationship with Hayden and my friends slip. But there wasn’t enough of me to go around. Something had to give, and wondering just what that would be, scared the living crap out of me.

  When I got back home, I felt both rejuvenated and depleted. I needed to do more, I needed to be better. Somehow.

  Hayden was up when I walked through the door. “Where have you been?” he asked. “I was worried sick.”

  God, I was such an ass. In my need to get out of the house, I’d kind of made a part of my nightmare come true—but for him. “Sorry, I had a bad dream. I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I decided to go for a run. And then I learned just how out of shape I am.” Sure, I’d made it through the entire thing, but I used to be able to do it a heck of a lot faster.

  Hayden’s expression softened as he walked over to me. “You had a bad dream? Want to tell me about it?”

  Biting my lip, I shook my head. “No.” I didn’t even think I could get the words out.

  For a moment, he looked like he was going to press me, but then he changed his mind. Smiling, he wrapped his arms around my waist. “Except for the last 30 minutes or so, spending the night with you was incredible. I slept better than I have in a long time.” His smile shifted to a frown. “I’m sorry it wasn’t quite so peaceful for you.”

  Lacing my arms around his neck, I shook my head. “It was a great night, and I’m glad it happened.”

  Hayden cocked an eyebrow. “Will it be happening again? Soon?”

  I stifled a sigh. “It will happen again, but… I’m not sure when. I’ve got a feeling I’ve got some late nights at the track in my future.”

  Hayden’s smile slipped some, then he grinned. “Maybe I’ll pack up my new bed and put it in your office. We’ll just live at the track until things settle down.”

  A part of me thought that was a great idea, but I knew having him there twenty-four-seven would be entirely too distracting. Especially once he was done “working” for the day. “Thank you, but no.” Leaning up, I gave him a kiss. “I need to take a shower and get going, but thank you for the wonderful evening.”

  “You’re kicking me out before breakfast?” he asked, his face a mixture of playfulness and seriousness.

  “Unfortunately, yes. As always, I have so much to do…”

  Hayden didn’t object any more, but I could feel his disappointment crawling across my skin. God, I hated letting people down. Especially him.

  * * *

  I’d like to say things settled down over the next few weeks, but no, they really didn’t. It seemed like there were a thousand little fires that I needed to put out, sometimes hourly. The last batch of tires I ordered were completely wrong when they came in. They weren’t even motorcycles tires, which really made me reconsider staying with my vendor. The contractor I’d hired to repaint the outside of the buildings—so Cox Racing looked successful instead of dilapidated—kept finding new things to charge me for, like the window he’d inadvertently shattered with his ladder.

  Keith was still on a rampage about our two teams being on the track at the same time. My phone rang at least three times a day, and I had to waste time listening to Keith complain that so-and-so was messing with so-and-so’s times. Like my guys were purposely slowing down his riders or something. Every time I told him my guys had every right to be out there whenever they wanted, and he’d just have to get used to it. His response was, “Then you’ll have to get used to me calling you.” I dreaded every time the phone rang.

  One of the treadmills in the gym wasn’t working, and neither was one of the toilets in the locker room. The vendor who we purchased nuts, bolts, and sparkplugs from suddenly went out of business, and I desperately needed to shop around and find someone else. I needed to update everyone’s bikes and leathers with the new sponsor logos we’d acquired, but I was putting it off, since I hoped to nab some more before the season started. And on top of all that, every five minutes, someone walked into my office wanting to talk to me about…something.

  “Kenzie, you’re not going to believe what happened yesterday.”

  Glancing up at Nikki in my doorway, I said, “People stopped stealing Kevin’s lunch? Because I’m really tired of hearing him complain about it every day.”

  Nikk
i snorted, like that trivial—but distracting—annoyance was funny. “No, Myles and I went to the baby store.” Her face took on a dreamy expression. “You should have seen him, Kenzie. He knew exactly what to buy, exactly what not to buy, and then he paid for everything with the money Hayden gave him for his bike. It was pretty…incredible.”

  Dropping into a chair in front of my desk, she let out a long sigh. “It also reminded me just how unprepared for all of this I am. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

  Join the club. Brushing aside that thought, I gave her an encouraging smile. “Well, it sounds like Myles does, so…don’t worry about it. He’ll take care of everything.”

  She gave me a dry expression. “That’s your advice? Let the man take care of everything?”

  With a sigh, I ran my hands back through my hair. It was greasy, which reminded me… I hadn’t showered in a couple of days. Gross. “No, I’m just saying…don’t stress. It will be fine. You’ll figure it out.”

  Studying my face, she seemed to understand that I wasn’t really talking about her. “You okay, Kenzie? You seem…anxious or something. And you haven’t touched your bike in days. Are you going to take her out soon?”

  Closing my eyes, I let out a long exhale. “I want to, Nik. Trust me, that’s all I think about when I’m up here, but I just…don’t have time.” As if to punctuate my point, my phone started ringing. Knowing it was most likely Keith, I let it ring. He could vent to my voicemail.

  Nikki’s brows bunched in concern. “I almost hate to ask, but…how is the search for my replacement going? My temporary replacement.”

  I felt the strength leeching from my muscles as I thought about that problem. Thankfully, John was spearheading the search, but I was making inquiries too. When I could. “Nothing yet, but…we’ll find someone.” We have to.

  Nikki’s face was apologetic. “I’m so sorry for adding to the chaos, Kenzie. You know I didn’t meant to.”

  Giving her a smile, I nodded. “I know.” My smile grew as I thought about what she’d originally told me. “Baby shopping, huh? Is Myles…okay about the whole last name thing then?”

  She swished her hand. “Oh yeah, I took him to Oysters and we worked it out. Of course, we worked it out by me getting him completely plastered, so he’d agree to anything I said, but he’s fine with it now. He even thinks it’s his idea.” She laughed. “Sometimes not being able to drink has its advantages.”

  I laughed at her answer, then sighed. “I wish I could have seen that.” I wished I could run Cox Racing and have a life.

  “Yeah,” Nikki said, her voice wistful. Then she glanced around the room before saying, “We almost kissed at the baby store.”

  My eyes widened. “Really? How…what happened?”

  She scrunched her face in an expression of confusion. “I honestly don’t know. I was thanking him for buying everything, because I’d kind of been freaking out about how to pay for it, and then suddenly, our eyes locked…and he leaned forward, I leaned forward…” She stared right through me, lost in the memory. “My heart was racing, and I thought I was going to die if he didn’t touch me…” Shaking her head, she snapped herself out of it. “Then a car honked at us to get out of their way and the moment was over.” Scrunching her face in annoyance, she put a hand on her stomach. “I don’t know what sparked it…honestly, I think it was all the hormones this little mutant is pumping into me.”

  Her denial made me smirk. “Right. No actual feelings there, just a hormonal imbalance.”

  Her eyes narrowed as she studied my expression. “Quit trying to play matchmaker, Kenzie. You suck at it. Both you and Hayden suck at it.”

  “Hayden talks to you about Myles?” I asked, surprised.

  She rolled her eyes. “No, Hayden tells me I should stop denying my feelings and take a chance on love…blah, blah, blah.” She stuck her finger in her mouth. “You’ve turned him into such a sap. I can’t believe he was ever a rebel.”

  I grinned at her comment, then chewed on my lip. “How is he?”

  Confusion marred her features again. “What do you mean? You see him as much as I do, don’t you?”

  “Not really. Not as much as we’d both like.” Pausing, I shook my head. “I was just wondering if he’d said anything about the fact that we haven’t…done the deed yet.”

  Nikki pursed her lips. “We’re not really best buds who talk about our sex lives, Kenzie. But…he does take really long showers…” A long sigh escaped me, and Nikki quickly added, “He doesn’t seem unhappy, if that’s what you’re worried about. He just seems…in love. All smiley and crap. It’s kind of annoying actually. Maybe you could get in a fight with him? Make him a little more…broody. Then maybe he’ll stop trying to set me up with Myles.”

  A much-needed laugh escaped me, and I let the guilt go. “I’ll see what I can do,” I told her.

  Even though she was keeping me from things I needed to do, I missed Nikki when she left. In the span of just a few minutes, she’d eased my worries, made me laugh, and made me feel like I wasn’t pushing a huge boulder up a steep hill. I wasn’t entirely sure I’d reciprocated the feeling and eased her stress, but honestly…she was fooling herself if she truly thought that near-kiss with Myles was caused by the baby. Ridiculous and stubborn. I could relate—Hayden and I had started much the same way.

  No one else bothered me for the rest of the afternoon, and time surged forward in leaps and bounds. Before I knew it, the windows were showing me that it was pitch black outside. Surprise and disappointment flooded me. While Nikki and Myles didn’t always remember to say goodbye, Hayden never failed. Until tonight. Loneliness hit me so hard, I almost debated staying at work until morning. Maybe I could actually get caught up if I didn’t sleep.

  Annoyed that work was my life now, I pushed away from my desk. Hadn’t I vowed to maintain balance when I’d first reopened the business? As I’d quickly learned, that was easier said than done. I had a grudging, newfound respect for my dad.

  Feeling like I could sleep for a thousand years, I turned off my light, and trudged my way down to the garage. All the lights were on when I got there, and I cursed my careless employees. “Damn it, guys. Power doesn’t grow on trees.”

  I was about to flick the lights off when a voice answered me. “Sorry about that.”

  Spinning around, I saw I wasn’t alone. Hayden was still here. In his leathers. Holding my bike. “Hayden, you scared me. What are you doing?”

  His grin was a mile wide as he pushed my bike over to me. “You’ve been so busy, you haven’t had time to practice. I seem to recall the two of us fitting in racing at very inappropriate hours, and you seem to be done with work for the day, so…what do you say? Race me or chase me?”

  Tears stung my eyes as I stared at him in utter disbelief. “You stayed down here, all alone, waiting for me to finish?”

  He shrugged, like it was no big deal. “I didn’t have anything else going on.”

  Running over to him, I tossed my arms around his neck. “Yes! God, yes, I’d love to race you.”

  With a laugh, he put one arm around me. “If I would have known you’d be this excited about it, I would have suggested it a while ago. Actually, I feel kind of guilty for not thinking of it sooner.” Pulling back, he gave me an apologetic grimace.

  Shaking my head, I brushed off his apology. “I’m just glad you thought of it now. I’m gonna change, then we can head out there.” I kind of felt like we were at an event, about to compete for real. Damn, it had been way too long.

  I changed into my leathers in record time. I’d been a little worried they’d be tight, but I hadn’t been eating as much as I should, and they were actually a little loose. I made a mental note to pack bigger lunches. I was so excited to get on my bike, I ran back to Hayden. He was grinning when I skidded to a stop in front of him. “I’ve haven’t seen you smile that hard in a long time. Ready for this, twenty-two?”

  I practically ripped my bike out of his hands in answer. Hayden laughe
d as he grabbed his, then we made our way out to the track. Adrenaline started pumping through my veins as I anticipated the thrill we were about to experience. There was nothing in the world like this sport. Expect maybe being in love with Hayden.

  Surprisingly, when we made it out to the track, we could hear the sounds of bikes racing. We weren’t the only ones here. Hayden and I looked at each other through our helmets, and Hayden shrugged. He didn’t know who was out there, so he hadn’t planned on this being a multi-person event.

  Two bikes suddenly came around a corner, almost neck and neck. I frowned as I recognized the motorcycles…and the team colors. Rodney and Felicia. What the hell were they doing here this late at night? Annoyed, I started my bike and chased after the pair; I heard Hayden start his bike a heartbeat behind me.

  Even though I was chasing a couple of people I didn’t entirely care for, the thrill of being back on my bike, back in the thick of things, made a huge grin break out on my face. The brightly-lit concrete surged underneath my wheels, and the vibration of the road traveled all the way up my arms, activating every cell in my body. My core tensed, and my legs instinctively gripped the bike. It felt like coming home.

  I caught up to Rodney and Felicia in no time, then I ducked low…and prepared to pass them. It took a moment for my window to open up, but once it did, I punched it. They both glanced my way when I shot through the middle of them—they hadn’t even known I was following. They both slowed down, but I didn’t slow with them. I was too ingrained in the moment, too excited to be racing someone—anyone. I didn’t want to stop now. Keeping low on the bike, I maintained my speed. They’d either decide to chase me, or they’d pull off the track; I kind of hoped they decided to pursue me. I needed a win.

  After a few moments of focusing on the road ahead of me, I risked a glance back. All three of them were there—Hayden, Rodney, and Felicia—and they were all gunning for me. Laughing, I refocused on track, on maintaining my lead, my high. I raised my hand to signal three more—that’s how long they had to catch me.