Unforgivable Sin

by Isabel Lucero

  I wiggle my ankle and don’t feel anything rubbing against it. Thank God. The room has gone silent, and for some reason, that makes me even more nervous.

  “Carla,” I say quietly. “I’m not sure what you’re thinking, but I haven’t talked to Troy in a few days. We aren’t together,” I say, hoping to keep her calm.

  She doesn’t respond so I’m not sure if she’s even in the room with me. I continue moving my wrists around, hoping to get myself loose.

  “Don’t lie to me,” she says from what I imagine is across the room. She sounds a little further away.

  “I’m not.”

  “Nothing you say is going to change my mind. Troy will be with me again. I’ll make sure of it.”

  I don’t like the tone of her voice when she says that. It’s clear I’m dealing with a woman who’s having a mental breakdown. The only thing I can do is try not to make her snap even more. I’ll be calm, soft-spoken, and I’ll do and say whatever I have to.

  “I don’t want to be with Troy anymore, Carla. That’s why I haven’t spoken to him. I told him I didn’t want to be in competition with you, because I know I’d never win.”

  She doesn’t respond.

  “It’s a shame you dealt with your breakup so bad,” she says gently.

  “What? What do you mean?” I ask, still trying to get my hands free.

  “Your breakup with Troy. You took it really bad, and decided to take one too many sleeping pills.”

  My mind races. “What?”

  “Women don’t sleep well when they’re heartbroken. I know. You needed some sleeping pills, but you took too many one time, and it didn’t help you were drinking alcohol.”

  My heart starts pounding in my chest and I feel like I’m going to throw up. She’s planning on killing me and making it look like I killed myself.

  I struggle against the ties on my wrists and I can almost feel my right hand slipping out of it. I hear her footsteps getting closer, so I stop moving.

  “Where’s Christine?” I ask, hoping to keep her distracted from her plan.

  She laughs an evil laugh. “Oh, honey. Your friend Christine isn’t here anymore.”

  In a split second my head is pushed back, my neck feels like it’s going to snap as it’s being pushed over the hard back of a chair. Her hand is pushing on my forehead and when I open my mouth to scream, a bitter tasting liquid is poured down my throat.

  I gag, gurgle, and try to spit it out. Carla straddles my lap and her hand is in my hair, pulling my head back. The opening of a liquor bottle is forced into my mouth, splitting my lip. I taste something that’s similar to whiskey entering my mouth and I can’t help but swallow some of it. It burns a path down my throat and I can feel the warmth in my chest and then in my stomach.

  “Drink up,” she says from above my face.

  I cough and spit some of it out.

  “Stop,” I cry from around the bottle.

  She removes the bottle from my mouth and I cough and dry heave, my head falling to the side once she releases my hair. I feel her move from my lap and then hear her walk away.

  No longer worried if she sees me or not, I twist and tug my hands from the ties, knowing this is my last chance to get free.

  “What are you doing?” her voice asks from behind me.

  Before I can respond, she pulls my head back again and shoves a different kind of liquor container in my mouth. The glass clashes against my teeth and after she pours a good amount down my throat, the bottle crashes to the ground, and her hand clamps over my nose and mouth, effectively making it to where I can’t spit anything out.

  After I’ve swallowed everything that was poured into my mouth, she releases me and my head begins spinning. I literally feel sick and tired. My eyes can’t stay open for too long, and my body feels limp. With one last tug against my restraints, I feel one hand come free, but it’s too late.

  My body is weak. I know unconsciousness is going to take me again. She must have crushed the sleeping pills and put them into the liquor, which is probably what Christine did to my coke.

  With one hand free, my body falls mostly off the chair as I crash to the floor and succumb to the darkness.

  I’m pretty sure I hear her laughing in the background.

  Emilie: Troy, I need to know. Do we have a chance, or do you want to give Carla another chance?

  Before leaving Jace’s driveway, I respond to her message.

  Me: You’re the only one I want to have a chance with.

  She doesn’t respond.

  I quickly put the car in reverse and begin my journey to her house. We have too much to talk about to be doing this not talking to each other shit.

  Right as I pull up outside her apartment, my phone alerts me of another text message.

  Emilie: I want to meet you. I’m at work. Can you meet me here?

  I look up at her house and notice she has lights on inside. I wonder why she’d leave them all on like that if she’s at work. Maybe it was a mistake or she was in a rush. I quickly type in a response saying I’ll be there soon, and head back in the direction of her job.

  When I arrive, I rush in through the front door, the bell alerting the two people inside of my presence. I don’t see Emilie, though. I stride over to the counter where a girl is behind the counter, cleaning up something that’s spilled onto the floor.

  “Excuse me. Is Emilie here,” I ask.

  She looks up at me. “Um, no she left a while back.”

  My brows furrow in confusion. “What do you mean? When?”

  She looks at a clock on the wall. “Had to have been about three or four hours ago.”

  “Are you sure she didn’t come back? She just sent me a message saying she was here.”

  “I haven’t seen her,” she responds, shrugging her shoulders.

  “Can you check her office, please?” I ask.

  “Sure,” she says, looking around like she’s a bit uncomfortable by the request.

  A minute later she’s back, giving me a sad smile. “Sorry. She’s not here.”

  “Okay,” I sigh, running a hand over my head. “If you see her or hear from her, can you tell her I was here and looking for her?”

  “Sure thing.”

  I turn around and rush back to my car. What the fuck is she up to?

  When I finally make it back to her house, all of the lights that were once on are now off. I get out of the car and make my way to the front door. She has to be here, and if she’s not here now, she was. With a glance back at the street, I notice her car isn’t parked out in front of the complex. Sometimes if there isn’t a free space, she’ll park on the other side, so she still may be here.

  I bang on the front door four times with my fist.

  “Emilie,” I call out.

  After a few seconds, I bang some more. I don’t know why she’s acting like she wants to see me and talk, and then sending me on a wild goose chase at the same time. I call her phone, but it goes instantly to voicemail.

  When she doesn’t come to the door after a few minutes, I chance turning the knob to see if it’s unlocked. The knob turns and I push it open just a little before calling out to her.

  “Emilie? It’s Troy,” I say, not wanting to alarm her.

  There’s no response. The house is pitch black and completely silent.

  I step in and reach for the light switch that I know is near the front door. When the light fills the room, I glance around before entering the house completely and closing the door behind me.

  “Emilie? You here?” I call out.

  I walk through the entryway, past the kitchen, and into her living room with no sign of her. Usually she kicks her shoes off in the living room, and her purse is usually thrown on the dining room table, but I don’t see any of those things. Moving through the hall, I find my way to her bedroom and hope to find her asleep in bed.

  When I flick on the light, I find her bed is empty and made perfectly. With a defeated sigh, I turn to leave but something catch
es my eye. I see some broken glass on the floor on the other side of her room, near the bathroom.

  I begin walking towards the mess and notice there’s a lot more glass than I thought. A whole bottle has broken, and another bottle lies next to it with some alcohol still inside. I know Emilie likes to have a few drinks when she goes out, or when she’s hanging with her girlfriends, but she isn’t a whiskey drinker, and I don’t even know what the other bottle of liquor is since the label’s been pulled off.

  I hope she didn’t drive after drinking all of this. With my heart in my throat I pull my phone out to call Jace. I need to see if Adrienne has heard from her.

  As I hit send I push open the bathroom door and see Emilie lying on the ground, her back facing me. I throw the phone to the ground and rush over to her.

  “Emilie, oh my God, what did you do?” I exclaim as I kneel at her side.

  Her face is completely white, and there’s vomit on her mouth and on the floor beside her.

  “Emilie! Oh God, Emilie,” I cry as I touch her face.

  She is completely limp and unresponsive. I rush back to my phone and dial 911. While the phone rings, I glance around the bathroom and see a bottle of prescription pills on the sink. There’s no label on that either.

  “Fuck!” I roar right as the dispatcher picks up.

  “Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency,” the female voice says.

  “My girlfriend is unconscious. I’m pretty sure she’s accidentally overdosed.”

  I say accidentally, because I can’t imagine she’d do this on purpose.

  “Okay, sir. Where are you located?”

  I spout off the address I memorized a while back.

  “Is she breathing, sir?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer as I kneel back down next to her.

  I watch her chest and don’t see it moving. I put my ear next to her nose and mouth and think I feel a faint amount of air coming from her.

  “I think so. Not well,” I say while my own breathing is out of control.

  “Okay. Make sure she’s on her side. What did she overdose on?”

  “There’s some alcohol bottles on the floor and a bottle of pills on the sink, but it doesn’t have a label.”

  “Okay, sir. There are officers on their way and an ambulance as well. Just stay on the phone with me. When did this happen?”

  “I don’t know. I just found her.”

  “What’s your name, sir?” the calm voice asks me.

  “Troy. Troy Thompson.”

  “Okay, Mr. Thompson. Help will be there soon.”

  Time goes by the slowest it’s ever gone. I feel like I’m just watching my poor Emilie slip away from me, and I’m unable to do anything. When the paramedics arrive, they kick me out of the bathroom while they do what they need to do and get her on a stretcher.

  I watch as they move her from the bathroom, her usual slightly tanned skin is now as white as a porcelain doll, and her normally shiny, soft hair is matted, and soaked with vomit. I can’t see her beautiful and vibrant blue eyes that are ordinarily so full of life.

  Was this because of me? Did I cause this? Was she so upset with me for thinking I’d been entertaining Carla that she did this to herself?

  When they load her into the back of the ambulance, I’m in my car and following them to the hospital. I have to make sure she’s okay. She has to live through this.

  I hit the button on my steering wheel to call Jace through the Bluetooth connection and relay the information I have to him so he and Adrienne can meet me at the hospital.

  After I park the car, I run into the emergency room and right to the front desk.

  “They just brought my girlfriend in here. She’s overdosed.”

  “Okay, sir. You can’t see her right now. Give me her name, and when we know something, I’ll let you know. For now, you have to have a seat,” an older woman with red hair says to me.

  “Her name is Emilie Watson.”

  “Okay,” she says with a nod before turning back to her computer.

  I walk over to the seating area, but I’m unable to stop pacing. Thoughts of Emilie drinking and taking pills fill my mind. My last time with her flashes in my head as well. She was so hurt and upset when she had found that note. A note I didn’t even know existed.

  After a while of me pacing, sitting, and then pacing again, Jace and Adrienne rush in through the sliding glass doors. It’s obvious that Adrienne’s been crying, her eyes are red and a look of sheer panic has taken place on her face.

  “What happened? Do you know anything, yet?” she asks.

  “No. They haven’t told me anything yet,” I say, shaking my head. “All I know is what I told Jace on the phone.”

  “She wouldn’t do this, Troy. Emilie would never try to kill herself.”

  I nod my head. She always seemed too strong to ever give up on anything, especially life. Adrienne turns around and rushes to the desk.

  “Excuse me. Do you have any new information on Emilie Watson? It’s been half an hour, you have to know something,” she says, panic and anger in her voice.

  “Who are you, ma’am?” the redheaded lady asks with annoyance.

  “I’m her best friend, and the only family she has. I’m her next of kin, and I have the right to know what’s going on,” she says firmly.

  “When we know something, we will let you know. Please have a seat,” the lady says just as firmly.

  Adrienne scoffs and returns to the seating area.

  “Troy, Jace said something about Emilie texting you right before you found her. How’s that? I thought she lost her phone.”

  “I guess she found it. She wrote me earlier asking if we had a chance or if I wanted to give Carla a chance instead. I responded and then showed up at her house, and her lights were on. She wrote me again saying she was at work and wanting to meet, but when I got there, nobody had seen her for hours, so I drove back to her house. When I pulled up, the lights were off, and she wasn’t answering the door. I tested the knob and it opened. I thought maybe she just wanted to ignore me, but I had to talk to her.”

  Adrienne’s brows are furrowed and she’s shaking her head. “That just doesn’t make any sense to me. I mean, why would she do that if she was planning on talking to you? What was your response to giving her a chance?”

  “I said I only wanted a chance with her.”

  “She couldn’t have drunk that much alcohol and taken that many pills in such a short time to be in the condition you found her in, from the time she was writing you until you showed up.”

  “I know. I don’t understand any of this,” I say, shaking my head.

  “I’m sorry, man,” Jace says, putting his arm around my shoulders. “She’ll be okay. We have to believe that. She’s a fighter.”

  I only nod my head before allowing it to fall into my hands. My knees bounce up and down while I sit in a chair and wait for news about Emilie. My sweet, fun-loving, and vivacious Emilie.

  Why didn’t I make more of an effort to talk to her? I should have stayed at her doorstep. I should have done more. I could have prevented this.

  Emilie, who was always so full of life, is now almost completely lifeless a few rooms away.

  I hear footsteps approaching and my head shoots up. A doctor walks into the waiting area with a somber look on his face. My heart drops to the pit of my stomach, and I can’t seem to make myself stand up.

  I look over to Adrienne who looks just as worried.

  “Ms. Miller?” the doctor asks.

  Adrienne stands up and walks towards him with slow and nervous steps. I can only sit there and watch as he delivers the news to her.

  Jace places his hand on my back in comfort, and I watch as Adrienne lets out a loud sob, her hand going to her mouth.

  Jace rushes over to her and pulls her into an embrace as she cries into his chest.

  What was left of my already broken and ruined heart now shatters into a million pieces.

  I watch from outside t
he hospital window as Emilie’s friend crumbles into her boyfriend’s arms. A victorious smile stretches across my face, and as much as I want to be with Troy, I know my time will come. He’ll need someone to comfort him, and I’ll be there. I’ll always be there. I run my hand across the glass directly behind him before turning and leaving.

  When I get back to my house, I start deep cleaning it. I need to vacuum, dust, and throw away a lot. Nothing can ever tie me and Emilie together. Nobody would ever know we knew each other anyway, not even her.

  This never had to happen. She forced my hand and pushed me to such dramatic actions. How fucking dare she talk about me to her friends! She didn’t know me, she never did. Who is she to judge me? She’s nobody special, and she’s definitely not better than me. Why would Troy ever want her? She’s pathetic and weak. He needs somebody strong by his side, somebody who would fight for him, and somebody who would do whatever was necessary to have him in their life.

  She gave up so quickly on him. So afraid of mine and his history that she didn’t even try to fight for their relationship, which is exactly what I had hoped for. Emilie was right to be afraid; she just didn’t know that she needed to fear me.

  I couldn’t believe my fucking ears when Troy began telling me he’d moved on and wanted to be with her. I wanted to throw up just listening him talk about her like she was some sort of precious jewel. He got my hopes up with talk of forgiveness and making my favorite for meal. I’d never have guessed it was because he was about to break my fucking heart. But I know that with her out of the way, he’ll come back to me. She was just clouding his vision with that new puppy love shit.

  However, I was sure to portray the understanding ex-girlfriend. I had to say I was happy for him and that I was happy with just his friendship, and how I’d always be there for him.

  Fuck that! I’ll never just settle with being his friend. We are meant to be a couple, even if he doesn’t realize it yet. He has no idea how much I need him, and how much has gone into my plan of us being together.

  When he left me after finding me and Rob together, I was devastated. I knew I was in the wrong, but I never thought I’d be without him. I knew that my fling with Rob wasn’t anything serious and looked forward to a life with Troy.