Don't Let Go

by Michelle Lynn

  “Yes,” Brady confirms and draws me closer to him. I love the way he lets others know I’m with him.

  “Follow me,” she says. Her voice suddenly becomes curt.

  Brady and I follow her to a table along the windows. He pulls my chair back and pushes it to the table before folding himself in his own chair. He sits, leaning back in his chair while he peruses the menu.

  Our waiter comes over and I’m thankful it’s a man. I don’t want to share Brady with any other women tonight. His name is Jonathan, and he’s an attractive older man with gray in his hairline. Brady orders a bottle of wine and I’m surprised he not only orders alcohol, but picks a specific wine without ever looking at the list.

  “Brady Carsen, who are you?” I ask, smiling over my menu.

  “Your white knight, with an edge,” he jokes.

  “I can’t help but think there is a lot more I need to find out about you,” I admit.

  “You know the true me…that’s all that matters.” He suddenly becomes distant and stares out the window.

  “Did I say something wrong?” I feel as though I hit a nerve with him. His eyes now veer anywhere but me.

  “No, of course not, Sadie.” His incredible smile comes alive again like nothing just happened. I have a decision to make, whether to put my foot down and demand answers or let it go and enjoy the evening. I decide on the latter.

  “This is way too nice, Brady. We could have gone anywhere and I would have been happy.” I honestly mean it.

  “Then I wouldn’t have been able to see you in that dress,” he confesses, peering down at my chest and then back up to my eyes.

  “And I wouldn’t have been able to see you pull off the GQ look,” I say and grin back. “In all seriousness though, this is all…too much,” I declare.

  “Do you think I did this because I think you expect this treatment?” He stares into my eyes.

  “Uh-huh.” I peek through my eyelashes, embarrassed.

  “Sadie, I did this because you deserve this, that’s all. I booked the suite and dinner reservations because I want you to always remember our first time together. The reason for this trip was because the thought of having you all to myself for the whole weekend was too tempting to pass up. So, truth be told, I’m a selfish bastard,” he laughs.

  “Thank you, Brady,” I say with genuine appreciation.

  “You are welcome. Now…end of conversation.”

  The rest of the dinner we admire the view, eat our dinner, and drink our wine, although I think I drank more than Brady. He maybe had a half a glass. It seems like a waste of money, since the bottle is practically full.

  After dinner, Brady steers me by the small of my back to the elevator and presses the lobby button. We stroll by the Falls hand in hand until we finally rest along the railing. Brady wraps his arms around my stomach and pulls me closer as we watch the water descend over the edge of the enormous oval.

  Feeling Brady’s breath on my neck brings goose bumps across my body. His tight hold of my body pressed against his hard one takes everything I have not to take him right here. As though he can hear my thoughts, he kisses my neck and moves his lips behind my ear before he whispers, “I can’t hold off any longer baby, let’s go.”

  His hand moves down and entwines our fingers, guiding me away from the massive waterfall. Our steps seem almost frantic, the hotel so far away. Brady glances over at me a few times, his eyes overflowing with pure lust. I wonder if it will even be possible for us to go slow at this point. I get my answer when the elevator doors close and we are alone in the small space.

  Brady pushes me against the wall while his lips dive to my neck and his hands roam my body. He slowly places them on the back of my thighs and I instinctively wrap my legs around him. His body is warm but the tips of his fingers and nose are a little chilled from the cold Canadian temperature. When his cold nose hit my neck, shivers shoot through my body but I don’t want him to pull away.

  “I don’t know if I can keep my promise, baby. It’s incredibly hard not to press that stop button and take you right here,” Brady says breathlessly as his lips envelop my earlobe, biting slightly.

  “Do it, Brady…take me here…now,” I beg. I want nothing more than him inside of me.

  “No…I will at least get you to our room because once I get you naked, I don’t plan on seeing you covered up for a while.” Like magic, the doors open to our floor and Brady carries me to our room, never letting me down. With my legs wrapped around him, I lick and bite softly across his neck. With every nibble, he groans and grasps me harder. I know I’m making it harder on him and I’m not sure which one of us wants this more.

  We reach the door and I have no idea if anyone saw us, not that I care. Brady opens the door and kicks it shut with his foot. The door bangs hard when it slams shut. “Whoops,” Brady says and we both laugh before he tosses me on the bed.

  Then our eyes meet and the room is silent. He slowly takes off his jacket and places it on the chair behind him. Brady stares down at me and the way his eyes take me in almost undoes me. He crawls his way up to me and takes my hand, bringing me back up. “Sorry, I got a little out of hand there,” he apologizes.

  “No need to apologize,” I say and swing my leg over his lap, straddling him. I take his earlobe in my mouth and twirl it around with my tongue. His hands mindlessly squeeze and rub my ass. The bulge in his pants is evident as he pulls me closer and small moans escape my mouth.

  His hands roam up my back and carefully unzip my dress. Taking the strap down, he kisses my collarbone and down to my shoulder as I pull my arm out. Brady is bound and determined to take his time and I want nothing more than to relax and enjoy this ride with him.

  My dress is now scrunched up into a round piece of fabric around my stomach. I realize Brady has entirely too many clothes on. I unbutton his shirt while I stare into his gorgeous brown irises. If my eyes have as much fire in them as his, I know this night will be one I will remember for the rest of my life. He’s going to ruin me for all others.

  I place both my hands on Brady’s toned shoulders and push his shirt off, exposing his bare chest. He leans back, resting on his arms to let me admire him. I bend down and give him small kisses across his stomach and chest and he whimpers when I pull away. Scooting up, he brings me with him and slides his fingers behind my back to relieve me of my bra. Before it hits the bed, Brady’s mouth devours my left breast while he massages my right nipple between his fingers, pinching slightly. My body arches to him, desperate for more.

  He rolls me over so my back rests on the bed, him on top, making his way down my body. Pulling my dress down over my legs, he tosses it onto the chair with his coat, his eyes never leaving my body. I lie there with my head on the pillow, torn between closing my eyes to enjoy his touch or watching Brady consume my body. He starts to explore me by kissing hip bone to hip bone and pulling my panties down little by little. He cherishes me as though I’m his last present at Christmas.

  After he disposes my wet panties, his lips travel up my inner thighs and an electric current travels up to my stomach when his tongue swipes along my inner folds. My reflexes kick in instantly and I place my hands on his head to keep him there, but he takes my hands and holds them out to my sides. “Lose all control, baby. Just relax and enjoy.” I stare down at his eyes between my legs and I have no choice but to listen. I lean my head back, closing my eyes. Hearing the little groans coming out of Brady’s mouth makes it unbearable for me to hold off. The pressure inside of me intensifies and builds higher and higher. Right when all I need is his fingers in me, he raises his mouth and makes his way to me.

  “Sorry, baby. I want us to come together.” He positions himself right at my entrance and I can’t think of anything but having him inside of me. When I place my hands on his ass, I feel his pants. I tuck my hands between us and push the sides down, first with my hands, finishing with my feet. “I want nothing between us,” I whisper.

  “Me either, Sadie. Nothing…Betwee
n…Us,” he says back, staring with such intensity into my eyes, I can’t help but feel he is talking about more than just this moment.

  He slowly moves into me, taking his time, like he said he would. As he moves in small circles and kisses me gently, the build-up happens so fast I clench harder, willing myself to hold on. Brady’s hips start to move more frantically and his tongue more urgently. “God, baby…you are killing me.” Brady tips his head back and closes his eyes.

  “Please, Brady…I won’t be able to hold off much longer,” I breathlessly plead for him to tell me it’s okay to release the pressure.

  “Look at me,” he says. He thrusts deeper in me and I oblige. “Go ahead, baby…but I want you to look into my eyes and say my name.”

  Instantly, I say, “Brady.” Staring into his eyes, I watch him come unglued as well.

  “Sadie…,” he whispers and collapses on top of me.

  I wrap my arms around his chest, not wanting him to leave my body just yet. He seems more than willing to stay. He rests on his forearms and gives me small kisses. “You okay?” he asks.

  “Better than okay,” I respond.

  “Me too,” he says before he slowly pulls out of me. Rolling me on top of him, he curls me into his body. His hands lazily slide across my arms with his breath tickling my neck. Keeping his promise, I’ve never felt more cherished and loved.

  Brady keeps me naked for the rest of the night. We stay in bed, entwined in the sheets while fingers graze across each other. Our talks have started to bring up more questions regarding our pasts, so I don’t know why I’m surprised when he asks me about Theo. I should have expected it.

  “Sadie, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but what happened to Theo?” Brady asks while his fingers flow through my hair with my head on his stomach. The way he refers to Theo by his first name and not as my brother or my twin, makes me realize how much Brady cares for me.

  I sit up and Brady follows, leaning against the headboard. Releasing a couple breaths, I finally start to tell him the story of that fateful night.

  “Let me start by saying that Theo was the charismatic one. Where I was shy, he was outgoing. He was funny, smart, and good-looking. A combination for disaster,” I say, glancing up at Brady. He holds all three of those characteristics as well but holds himself together much better than Theo. “Anyway, Theo was the younger twin but anyone who knew us would think differently. He protected me in every facet of our lives. In high school, when we started going to parties, all the guys knew not to touch me because of Theo. He was Mr. Popularity and the spineless guys wouldn’t dare cross him. So I spent most of my high school holed up in an artist studio with a couple of true friends.” Brady pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head.

  “I wanted to go to a different college than him. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Theo, but I wanted to spread my wings without him near. My parents wouldn’t hear of it, demanding we both go to Drayton, their alma mater. Of course, I agreed and Theo and I attended there. I told him before we went that I wanted my space and he reluctantly agreed, but warned if anyone hurt me that it would be the end of him. Luck was on my side when we got placed in dorms on the opposite sides of campus. Other than a few run- ins, Theo and I co-existed in college amicably. But when we both pledged our parents’ fraternity and sorority, things got tricky.” I pause for a moment. I know I have to tell him my whole story. I would want the same from him.

  “There’s something I haven’t told you yet.” I pause, trying to get the courage to tell him. I take a deep breath and continue, “I was kind of overweight in high school and college. Probably about thirty pounds heavier than I am now. So, it’s not like the guys were in line waiting for me.” I peek my eyes up to him. I want to see his expression. His eyes are filled with sympathy. “So after pledging, we started running into each other more in social settings instead of the planned dinners we would schedule on our own. I don’t want to give you the impression we never saw each other. Theo and I were close; we talked about everything, except dating. Well…my dating. We talked about his girl issues plenty.” I smile, remembering Theo’s revolving door of girlfriends.

  “Siblings…I get that,” Brady says, making me believe he must have at least one. I smile up at him and bring his hand in my lap to play with his fingers.

  “There was this guy, Craig McKnight, who was in Theo’s fraternity but he was older than us by two years. He was the first guy to show interest in me, which I thought was the best thing ever. He asked me to a formal and I accepted, which pissed Theo off and he came over to my sorority house, asking me to decline. He told me that I could date anyone, but not someone in his fraternity and definitely not Craig McKnight. I can still recall our conversation,” I whisper and a tear falls from my eye.

  “Please, Sadie, he’s a jackass,” Theo begged.

  “No, Theo. I told you, you have to let me date.”

  “I will set you up with anyone else, Sadie. He is only looking for one thing,” he argued.

  “Am I not attractive enough for a guy to want me, Theo? Am I not hot enough that Craig might actually want to take me on a date?” I spat back, angry that he didn’t think a guy would want me for anything other than sex.

  “God, Sade, that’s not it. There are tons of guys who think you’re hot and would love to go out with you. I just get to them first,” he joked. I walked over to him and placed my palm on his cheek, “Let me handle it, Theo. If he gets handsy, I will call you…like always.”

  “Promise me, Sadie,” Theo demanded.

  “I promise.”

  “It was a promise I would come to regret making,” I say to Brady and wrap my arm around his neck, burying my head.

  “Don’t tell me anymore, Sadie. It’s okay…it can wait.” Brady runs his hand over my hair, rocking me back and forth.

  “No, I want to tell you. I just need you to hold me, is that okay?” I ask, wiping tears from my eyes. He remains silent, but pulls me closer and firmer against him.

  “We went to the formal, which was in some fancy hotel in the city. I drove up with Craig and another couple, who were both older than me. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep with him, but I wanted this date more than anything. Craig was the perfect gentleman all evening until the end, when he dangled some room keys in front of my face. I knew what he expected, but I honestly didn’t think he would be mad when I denied his advances. I don’t know if I was being naïve or just plain stupid, but I agreed to go up to his room. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going, except another sorority sister, Lexi. She just winked and told me to have a good time. Once we got in the room, Craig took off his jacket and cornered me. He was probably six foot three inches and two hundred and fifty pounds. I didn’t stand a chance against him.” Brady’s body tenses against mine and I instantly massage his fingers to relax him.

  “So, I kept trying to get out, while he kept coming at me. At one point, my dress got ripped from him grabbing it and me pulling away. I don’t know what his true intentions were or if he would have gone ahead with it. Just as I thought I had nowhere else to go, I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Craig pounded on the door, but I pulled my phone out and called the one person I trusted with my life, Theo. He didn’t answer the first time but after a text and another call, he picked up, panicked, thinking the worst. Little did he know, he was right.”

  T - “Where are you Sadie?” he asked, frantic.

  Me - “Room 458,” I revealed, thankful I noticed it when we walked in.

  T - “Just stay locked in the bathroom. You hear me, Sadie?” he asked sternly.

  Me - “Yes, please, Theo…hurry.” Craig pounded again on the door.

  “The door started to bow a little and I worried Craig would get in before Theo could get there. I don’t remember how long it was before I heard fighting and yelling, and I knew that Theo had arrived. From what I could hear, there were more guys than just him. I unlocked the door to see Theo hit Craig in the jaw. Craig had Theo in weight but Theo w
as comparable in height. The two went at it, while some other fraternity brothers tried to get in the middle. It was a combination of Craig’s friends and Theo’s friends, but they were all fraternity brothers so many of them seemed confused on who to help. The two of them kept going at each other. Theo kept saying to stay the hell away from his sister and Craig kept yelling back that he should stay out of it. I just wanted to curl up and cry. Then Craig said, ‘I just wanted to see what screwing a fat chick was like.’ And Theo came unglued. He wouldn’t stop hitting him. It was a rage I had never seen in him before. He threw himself on top of Craig, throwing punch after punch, until a couple of the guys pulled him off. He eventually shrugged it off, watching Craig for any movement before coming to me.” Brady’s body is now a ball of knots.

  “Theo wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to my feet and took me out of the room. He put me in the backseat of his car and drove me and his date home. He tucked me into my bed and whispered ‘Never listen to them, Sadie. You are beautiful and one day you will find the perfect guy, I promise.’ I look up at Brady, seeing now that Theo was right. He smiles down at me and wipes a tear from my eye with his thumb.

  “The next week, Theo was jumped by Craig and a couple of his friends. They beat him so badly, they put him in a coma. My parents had to sign the papers to turn off the life support machine. The doctors said there was so much damage to his brain, he would most likely never wake up and if he did, the damage was so severe…” I trail off, not able to give all the horrific details.

  “Oh Sadie, I’m sorry baby,” Brady says, kissing the top of my head.

  “That was a year and a half ago.” I continue, not wanting to accept his apologies for something that was my fault. “After he died, I stayed home that summer. I tried to release my anger, guilt, and sadness by working out at the gym. That and rarely eating, I ended up losing weight. My parents forced me to go back to Drayton that fall. I wish I would have had a spine and told them it was too painful, but they are firm believers that you jump back on that horse. Craig and two of his friends had gotten arrested and sentenced for manslaughter, but I was still a part of the sorority and it was across the street from the fraternity. Eventually, all I did was get drunk to help me forget. Then guys started showing interest in me since I lost the weight. More wanted to sleep with me, so I let them. Sleeping with them made me feel comforted and safe like I did with Theo. It is hard to understand, but losing him was like half of me disappeared and I was desperately searching to fill the void with every guy who showed interest. Theo and I shared everything. We co-existed through life together, each living the same thing at the same time. He was my brother, my twin, and my best friend.” I finish, suddenly feeling sleepy.