Don't Let Go

by Michelle Lynn

  Chapter 28

  The ten minute drive seems like an hour. Everything I want to say overflows in my brain. I consistently change and revise my speech, making sure I use the right words. I park next to Brady’s Camaro, so I know he is still here.

  I practically run into the sliding doors before they open, and am finally where I should have never left an hour ago. My squeaky footsteps echo in the hallway as I swiftly walk toward the waiting room.

  When I enter the small area, I’m thankful they’re there and not in Vince’s hospital room. Maura is fiddling with her phone next to Grant, while Brady’s head is tipped back with his eyes closed. Kara is right next to him with her head on his shoulder, and I want to scream at her to get the fuck off my man. A huge sigh comes out of my mouth before I realize it and Brady’s head pops up. Maura and Grant look up, while Kara continues to sleep on Brady.

  “Sadie,” he says and rises to his feet. Kara’s head falls with a thud down onto the chair when he walks toward me, waking her up.

  “What the fuck?” she questions, holding her head with her hand.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Brady,” I tell him.

  “Let’s go, guys. Give them some privacy,” Maura instructs, standing up. She and Grant both start to leave the room but Kara stays put.

  “Kara?” Grant turns around, waiting for her. She reluctantly gets up and follows them out.

  Once they are all gone, I grab his hand, leading him over to a chair. I kneel down between his legs and place my hands on his face. “I’m here to stay. I will wait in this waiting room if you want, but I will not leave this hospital without you. I love you and whatever you go through, I go through. We will do this together, Brady. You no longer have the option to do this alone,” I lecture. His eyes are on mine but my Brady isn’t there, it’s a hollow man in front of me. “You can ignore me, push me away, and yell at me, but I will come back to you every time to stand by your side. I will hold your hand, hug your body, and soothe your worries, but I will not walk away. I will not leave you,” I finish speaking and a tear rolls off his cheek. He stares down at me and a horrible feeling flows through me that maybe this was a terrible idea. Maybe he doesn’t want me anymore.

  I lean up, softly kissing his lips, tasting the salt from his tears. He doesn’t respond to my affection so I slowly pull away, embarrassed. Then Brady puts his hands on the back of my head, drawing me to him. He gives me a gentle kiss on my lips, raising me up and pulling me into his lap. Kissing his way to my ear he whispers, “Thank you.”

  I stay in his lap with his arms around me and mine around him. The three others make their way in eventually, quietly sitting on the other side of the room. A doctor comes in a little while later and informs Brady and Maura that they can go in and see their father. Maura puts everything in her purse and walks out of the room. I take my seat next to Grant but Brady walks over to me, holding his hand out. I look up into his eyes and I see no sign of the angst that filled them moments ago. Placing my hand in his, he lifts me off the chair and leads me toward the door.

  Vince looks comfortable lying in the bed beside the IV attached to his arm. Maura and Brady walk to either side of the bed and I keep my distance in the back of the room. I don’t want to push too much; this was a big step for Brady. Maura takes her father’s hand, squeezing it while talking to him. Brady leans back in the chair, staring at his dad. With all three of them in the room, the similarities are uncanny. I can’t believe I knew all three of them separately but never realized they were related.

  The doctor tells us that he should be okay but needs to be closely monitored. Then he hands some pamphlets to Maura regarding rehabilitation facilities. The nurses come in and insist we all go home and come back in the morning. They say there is nothing anyone can do; he just needs his rest.

  The five of us file out of the hospital. Brady follows me to my dorm to drop Jessa’s car off and then we go back to his place. It’s early morning when we finally crawl into bed. Brady positions me on top of his chest again, undoing my ponytail and letting his fingers seep through my blonde hair.

  “I’m sorry for tonight, Sadie,” he whispers, and I slowly pick up my head.

  “I know,” I say in return.

  “It might take some time for me,” he admits.

  “That’s okay,” I reassure him. “I’m not going anywhere.” I lay my head back down on his chiseled chest.

  “I didn’t know it was possible to love you even more,” he says casually, continuing to play with my hair.

  Picking up my head, I stare into those caramel eyes that have given me so much in such a short amount of time. “Me either,” I say in return, grazing his chest with small kisses.

  Brady and I are on our way back to the hospital. Maura is meeting us there with her husband. The three of them want to confront Vince about admitting himself into a rehab facility again. I opt to stay in the hall, out of courtesy for Vince. Brady is actually smiling when he comes out, telling me he agreed to go. I wrap my arms around him, happy for all of them. Then he tells me the bad news. He has to leave right after finals to take him up to a facility in Michigan and he will be gone for four days, returning Christmas Eve. Although I’m going to miss him, I think I have an idea that will keep me busy. I just need to find some recruits to help me out.

  One week later, I’m anxiously awaiting Brady’s return. He expects me here since we will have a full house tomorrow. We are hosting my mom and grandma, Maura and her family, Grant, and Jessa, along with her family. Jessa’s family came here to visit her for the holidays. Rob went home a few days ago and he invited Jessa but she declined, wanting to be with her family.

  I hear the Camaro pull in the driveway and it takes all my self-control not to run down the steps and jump into his arms. Instead, I scramble around the room, making sure everything is in its place. I toss a few pillows on the bed and re-position his guitar in the corner and a picture of me and Theo on the dresser.

  Grant and Jessa have been a huge help these past few days helping me re-decorate the third-floor master suite for Brady and me. We have painted it a misty blue and I bought a brand new white comforter, along with white and black drapes. Although I can’t change the memories of this room for Brady, I hope by us making new ones in it, he will be able to move on.

  “Sadie!” he calls up from downstairs but I stick to my plan, keeping quiet. His footsteps make their way up the stairs as I bite my lip in anticipation. God, I have missed him these last four days. It is the longest we have been apart since we got together, and I honestly don’t remember what it was like not having him in my life.

  I hear him stop at his bedroom door, “What the…” he says. Surely he is confused seeing all of Jessa’s stuff in there. His footsteps quickly turn toward the second staircase.

  I lay myself on the bed and strike my best sexy pose, even though I’m still wearing jeans and a t-shirt. As his steps become louder and closer, my heart wells in dire need and desire. When his face reaches the top and I see the faux-hawk, brown hair of my boyfriend, an ache fills inside of me.

  “What’s this?” he cautiously asks. “No…really?” he questions as his eyes search the room. He walks toward the closet, seeing my clothes on one side and his on the other. Then he ventures into the bathroom and sees my toothbrush alongside his.

  Coming out of the bathroom, he looks at me again. He silently asks me with his eyes and I give him a small nod of my head, making him smile widely. Finally, Brady jumps on the bed and kisses me. “You sure?” He backs away from me a little.

  “I’ve never been more sure of anything,” I respond, pulling him down to me.

  Epilogue

  Grant

  It feels weird being back at this house after so many years, but I’m glad I could get used to it again with Sadie here first. I laugh when I think about how I thought she was the girl for me that day in the library. We seemed to fit, like two peas in a pod, but she was already taken. And not by just anyone…it had to be my arch nem
esis, Brady Carsen.

  We used to be best of friends, Brady and I, but when my asshole dad took away his mom, he couldn’t forgive me. I couldn’t blame him; I hated myself just as much. But when I moved in with Kara’s family, I missed him. Feeling more alone since my mother had died, I comforted myself with girls. Whichever girl showed interest had a chance with me. That’s when things went completely disastrous between Brady and me.

  He was dating this girl, Jen Kramer. They had only been on a few dates but at a party, she showed some interest in me and I took her upstairs, only to have Brady walk in on us. Jen and I were completely naked in the middle of having sex so there was no denying what was going on. Brady stormed toward me and I let him hit me as many times as he wanted. I deserved every punch. Not only for what I did with Jen but because of my dad, too.

  Once we started college, he joined The Invisibles and I joined a fraternity, sealing our separate ways for good. Last year, when I started seeing Mr. Carsen asleep on the park benches and passed out in alleyways, I knew I had to take care of him. Don’t get me wrong, Mr. Carsen always loved his drinks. They used to have the most amazing parties when we were little. Brady, Maura, Kara, and I would run around playing tag and hide-n-seek while our parents got trashed.

  I never thought about it then, but Mr. Carsen always seemed to be passed out on the couch at some point before the end of the night. But after my dad took away his wife, Mr. Carsen drank all the time. When I moved in with them, I remember Brady sleeping in the chair next to his bed to make sure he didn’t get sick or calling the university, informing them he was ill. That’s why I left to go live with Kara’s family; I couldn’t handle seeing what my father had caused.

  “Hey you.” Jessa nudges her shoulder into mine, interrupting my journey down memory lane.

  “Hey,” I respond, gently nudging her back. The smile she gives me takes all of my control not to throw her over my shoulder and stomp upstairs. I have to keep reminding myself she is taken and I will never again take another guy’s girl, even if I hate the asshole. “They kind of make me sick,” I joke, nodding my head toward Sadie and Brady, who are currently wrapped in each other’s arms while kissing. God, I’m a jealous bastard.

  “Yeah, I don’t know what I’m going to do when I live here. Maybe I should have stayed in the dorms for my last semester,” she laughs, flashing that one dimple in her right cheek that has been driving me crazy for days.

  From the moment I saw Jessa at my fraternity party, she has consumed my every thought. When Sadie asked if I would help her paint the third floor, I jumped at the chance when she told me Jessa would be helping as well.

  As we walk over to the table to sit for dinner, I casually act like it was a coincidence we ended up next together, when in fact I have been thinking about how I was going to maneuver it most of the day. I pull the chair out for her and she smiles at me, clearly taken back by the kind gesture and my heart breaks, knowing she’s never been cared for like she deserves. I push it back in and stare at her exposed neck, where the small scripted words ‘free’ are tattooed along with black birds flying around it. I’m curious if she just liked it or it means something, but from what I know of her, I think it’s the latter. Her ear piercings up and down her right earlobe are clearly visible with her pixie-cut hair style. We couldn’t be more different in appearance, but then I look at Sadie and Brady and they are just as different. I don’t remember ever wanting someone like I want Jessa. I sit down next to her and grip my napkin so my hand doesn’t disobey and grab hers.

  Luckily, Brady starts talking, alleviating me from this pain for a short time. “Hey, everyone. Sadie and I want to thank you all for coming.” He stares down at her and she smiles warmly back up to him. “We want to play a little game and I hope that you all don’t mind, but we feel like we have so much to be thankful for this year, we want to hear yours. I’ll start,” he says and I want to kick his ass for this impromptu game. “I’m thankful that I am no longer am alone. That I have my one and only by my side forever and always. Never let go, babe,” he says, bending down and kissing Sadie. Can this get any cornier? Do they have to keep flaunting their newfound love?

  Sadie stands up. “Never, Brady,” she says to him, grabbing his hand. “I want to thank Jessa for dragging me to that god-awful bar where my white knight with an edge saved me. I know I ran away that night but never again. I’m here, forever and always,” she says and Jessa smiles toward them. I didn’t know that’s how they met.

  Everyone at the table starts standing up, thanking other loved ones or events that have happened. It’s getting closer to my turn and my stomach is filled with butterflies. I’m not usually shy to talk in front of people, but the way Jessa glances at me every time someone says what they are thankful for, I worry I will fumble over my words. Maura’s five year-old son knocks me with his elbow, telling me it’s my turn. I have no idea what that little man is thankful for since my head has been everywhere but at this table.

  I nervously scoot my chair out from the table. “I’m thankful to have an old friend back in my life.” I stare at Brady who nods his head, smiling. Then I pull out Jessa’s chair for her and she stands up.

  She looks around the table before her eyes land on me. “I’m thankful for new friends,” she says, winking at me.

  My heart races at the thought she might want me as much as I want her. Too bad we have two things against us: she has a boyfriend and ever since Lizzy, I don’t do relationships.

  Grant’s Story Coming October 2013

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  Michelle Lynn

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  Here’s a sneak peak at another Michelle Lynn’s novel - LOVE ME BACK

  Chapter 1 – 11 years old

  “Madeline Dolores Jennings!” Bryan yells teasingly at me from the bottom of the hill.

  “What do you want, Bryan Otto Edwards?”

  “Hey, I’m just joking, Maddy.” Bryan runs up the hill, throwing his arm around me. “You knew it had to be coming; I have been holding it in all day since Kenna slipped at lunch.”

  I hate the days my mom “works late”. It entails me having to walk up the grassy hill from my grade school to my brother Jack’s football practice with the other latchkey brothers and sisters of the football heroes of our small town. There are four of us that make the trek every day.

  Mackenna Ross is my best friend and our polar opposite personalities only enhance our different qualities. She is free-spirited, whereas I am more conservative. She speaks her mind and I keep my thoughts to myself. We share a love for tennis, swimming, and the game MASH (mansion, apartment, shack or house), where we try to map out our perfect lives.

  Our brothers are teammates but not the best of friends. In fact, they have been known to fight with each other on several occasions. The most recent battle is over a girl… Cindy Rydel. I don’t see what is so intriguing about her, but I am not a seventeen year-old hormone-induced boy either. It doesn’t matter to Kenna and me that they don’t get along, so long as it doesn’t keep us away from one another.

  Jack glances up to the bleachers on his way to the field, giving me a wave as he checks to make sure that I made it safely across the hill from our school. I wave back and take my seat next to MacKenna. She already has her notebook out, wanting to go first. We keep all of our MASH games in a binder, marking stars next to the lives we want. I grab her notebook, flipping to the next blank page.

  “Alright Kenna, four boys?” I
ask.

  “Let’s do five today. I can’t decide who to leave out, Jackson or Tyler,” she says, tapping her lips with her finger.

  “Fine, five,” I reply. Mackenna never changes the cars she desires or where she wants to live, but the boys’ list is forever rotating between the boys in our school.

  “Ok, well my usual four boys and…” she pauses, glancing over to the field next to us where the latchkey boys are tossing a football around. “Bryan,” she says, spitting it out so fast I barely catch what she said.

  “What?” I scream at her. Two days ago, Bryan told her that her butt is big, and now she is picking him to be her future husband?

  “Maddy! Shhh…it’s my choice. Write it down,” she says, pointing to the paper with her neon-green painted fingernail.

  “Alright, but I don’t understand you at all.” I shake my head back and forth, writing it down and hoping that the rotation eliminates him. I love Mackenna but Bryan is a jerk; I would not let her marry him.

  Luckily, Mackenna ends up married to Tyler, living in a shack in California with eight kids, and driving a Range Rover. I am happy Bryan was eliminated in the third round.

  “Not my best life but I’ll take it. I got my Range Rover.” Mackenna shrugs her shoulders, moving her eyes toward the grassy area again but quickly turning back toward me. “Your turn, hand it over,” she says, holding her hand out.

  I dig through my bag and pull out my purple binder, handing it over to her.

  “Maddy, this time you cannot put Trent down four times; you have to choose other boys.” She starts writing MASH across the white sheet of paper.

  “I only did that once, Kenna.” I look over at Trent throwing the ball to Bryan. “Plus, I don’t like him anymore,” I say, trying to convince myself as much as Mackenna.