The Space Between

by Thompson, Nikki Mathis

  “Get undressed and the doctor will come in to discuss the procedure.”

  Procedure. That was nice and innocuous. She found it interesting no one used the ‘A’ word. That was fine with her…But whether anyone actually said the word or not, it was clanging loud and clear in her head, and probably would for the rest of her life…her scarlet letter.

  She sat in a thin paper gown, waiting. Cold and sweaty. How was that even possible? Lucy looked pale and scared. Georgia imagined she had a similar look. They’d been taught all their lives this was a sin. Sex before marriage, abortion, all of it. Most girls her age thought the sex before marriage thing was a gray area, but abortion not so much. Georgia had become the statistic their pastor had warned them about Sunday after Sunday. But the Bible was written in a time when girls got married freakishly young, so it was easy to say wait until you’re married. Tell that to a thirty year old woman, yet to meet Mr. Right. So, Georgia figured losing her virginity at eighteen was pretty old by biblical standards. Georgia wasn’t even sure what she believed anyway, but she sure as hell didn’t want to shame her parents who believed with all of their hearts. That’s why they could never find out.

  Lucy took Georgia’s hand in hers and squeezed. “It’ll be okay.”

  “Will it, Luce?”

  “Yeah, it has to be. God wouldn’t want you to waste all those smarts he put inside your pretty head.”

  Georgia smiled at her attempt to lessen the guilt that was forming a knot in her chest. She knew her friend didn’t agree with what she was doing, but she was there holding her hand despite that fact. That’s what made Lucy her soul mate and confidant in all things.

  While the doctor explained the procedure—his delivery, as sterile as the walls—Georgia’s hands began to shake. Moments later she was bent over the trash can emptying the contents of her stomach. She told herself it was morning sickness.

  Hours later the two girls sat on the curb, their hips touching and their hands entwined. Both sets of cheeks were wet with tears.

  “Well,” Lucy said, sniffing, wiping her index finger under her eyes.

  “Well,” Georgia answered. They looked at each other and laughed.

  “I guess I’m gonna be cool Auntie Lucy.”

  Would her decision have been different if Brady had come to her house the night before the clinic instead of weeks after? She couldn’t let herself go there. He’d cried on his knees, arms wrapped around her waist and cheek on her stomach, begging her to take him back.

  “Georgia, baby. I made a huge mistake. My dad’s been on my ass non-stop about distractions and giving my studies 100 percent. But I told him this morning, that without you it doesn’t mean anything. You…you are my everything. Please forgive me…please. I’m miserable without you. I love you…please.”

  She let him hold her— absorbing the feeling of his arms, their strength and warmth. A single tear fell from her dark brown eyes. He wouldn’t love her when he heard what she’d done, what she had to do.

  “Brady, stand up. I can’t say what I have to say with you on your knees.”

  He wiped his face and nodded, looking nervous and hopeful at the same time. Once they were settled on the porch swing—they swung in silence. Georgia wished with all her heart that things were different, that she could tell him yes and fall into his arms. Regain her lost virginity and give it to him with a full heart and no regrets. But wishes were things of fairy tales. And this…her life…was the furthest thing from it. It felt more like a tragedy of her own design.

  “Brady, I love you more than anything.” He sighed, one of relief. She put her hand on his knee.

  “I don’t know how to say this.” She looked up at the peeling paint above her and started to weep. Brady pulled her into his chest and kissed her temple.

  “It’s okay. Everything is okay now. We’re together. Don’t cry, shhhhh.”

  “It’s not okay, Brady. I screwed up and I can’t take it back.”

  “What are you talking about? G, what happened?”

  She pulled herself out of his arms. “After you left me I was devastated. That’s no excuse, but I was. I had too much to drink one night at one of the bonfires down at Miller Lake, and…”

  “G, if you slept with someone else because I broke your heart, then I deserve it…I wanted our first time to be together, but we’ll just pretend it never happened. It was just the once, right?”

  “Yes…just the once.”

  “It’s o-kay…it’s okay.” He went to pull her to him once more, but she stopped him.

  “That’s not the worst part. I got pregnant. I thought I could get rid of it, I tried. I went to a clinic and everything.” He pulled his hands into his lap, realizing what she was trying to say.

  “I’m keeping it, Brady. And…I’m marrying, Nate…he’s the dad.”

  “Nate Bristol?” It came out so light, she almost missed it in the buzz of the cicadas.

  “Yes. It was him.”

  “Do you love him?”

  She shook her head.

  “Then how can you marry him? How are you going to keep up with your classes with a husband and a baby?” His voice was gaining volume and ire.

  “I’m not going to school this fall, Brady. I’m staying here.”

  “What? No! How could you throw it all away? I can’t let you do that. Come with me. You could start classes and have the baby, then your mom could take care of it while you finish school. We’ll think of something, just don’t throw your future away, not for one night. Damn it, Georgia.”

  “I’ve thought of all of that. I’ve thought of every possibility. But Nate wants me to stay here so he can help. He wants us to be a family.” She wished she could have sounded more enthusiastic, but all she felt was pain.

  “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t broken up with you none of this would have happened. We would be together and going to college next week…together.” He stood up and pushed his dark hair out of his eyes. “What about your scholarship?”

  “I gave it up. They’re going to give it to someone else. I still want to go to college, Brady. It’s just going to have to wait a bit. I’m not giving up my dreams, just delaying them.”

  He pulled her up to her feet and pulled her into him. She cried into his blue t-shirt until there were no tears left.

  “I love you, Georgia. I wish…”

  “I know, me too.” She lifted her lips to his. She had to have one more kiss, one more moment of happiness with him. Once he walked down her sidewalk and into his truck, he was hers no longer. The finality of that realization was almost too much. She cried as she kissed him, her tears mixed with his.

  She raised her hand as he pressed his against the driver’s side window, just before he drove away.

  She would feel anger towards him for a long time. If he’d only had the courage to stand up to his dad. But, eventually she’d realize that her decisions, mistakes or not, were her own to bear.

  She sat on her front porch, third step from the top—her usual spot. Her chin resting on her knee, as she looked out into the yard, seeing nothing defined, as the colors of the grass and sunset blurred together. Panic and numbness were battling for dominance. She prayed numbness would win out.

  She thought about the last few months—the changes, the mistakes. To be at such a crossroads at such a young age was overwhelming. She’d always had a good head on her shoulders. Reliable and responsible in equal measure. How could one lapse of judgment negate all of it? That was the crux of it, actions had consequences. She would now have to live with those consequences whatever path she chose.

  “You wanna get out of here?” Nate asked, kicking the dirt before meeting her eyes.

  “And go where exactly?” Georgia finished her latest beer and tossed the cup in the corner of the truck bed. She’d lost count hours ago. The party numbers were dwindling, but she found herself not wanting to go home. It may have had something to do with her charming companion, who proved to be a very handsome diversion. />
  “Just a few miles from here there’s the perfect spot to see the sunrise.”

  She tilted her head back, noticing the night sky wasn’t as black as it was the last time she took notice. She’d stayed out this late, might as well go the distance.

  “Luring a girl away from the party with promises of sunrise, huh? Well, lucky for you I’m a sucker for sunrises, sunsets too, as a matter of fact.”

  She let him take her hand, and hopped off the back end of his truck. She lost her balance, but righted herself against his chest. Her nose brushed his shirt. He gripped the fabric at her waist, his nose against her temple. Her eyes closed for a second…he smelled really good. She decided she’d go with him because she trusted him for some reason. He was a good guy, she could tell. Watching the sunrise with him, what could it hurt?

  She huffed and grabbed a piece of grass, placing it under a ladybug’s legs. The red shell made it’s way up the blade and onto Georgia’s finger. Her mouth lifted.Weren’t ladybugs supposed to be good luck?

  “Where were you a month ago, huh?”

  It flew across the yard, taking with it Georgia’s smile. She heard the screen door open and then her mother’s voice. “Dinner’s ready. Come wash up.”

  “Coming.” There’d be no eating for her tonight. And wash up? Nothing would wash away the filth she felt. She supposed there was nothing to be done but to go inside. The longer she waited, the harder this would be to get off her chest. And she had to, it was killing her.

  Georgia walked into her house, thinking for the millionth time that she wished her dad would replace the tile. It was a mustard yellow, which may have been en vogue in the seventies, but had long since become an eyesore. That jutting against the brown shag carpet was an added bonus. Grumbling about her parents’ lack of interior design skills did little to distract her for what came next.

  Her mom and dad were sitting at the table holding hands, preparing to say a prayer. Her mom gave her a look, letting her know that she better sit her butt down in the next thirty seconds or there’d be hell to pay. Oh, if her mom only knew.

  Georgia sat down, but didn’t take their hands. Her parents unbowed their heads and looked at their daughter, who now had tears on her cheeks.

  “Gelly, what is it?” her dad asked.

  She’d gone over the delivery time and time again, each time taking a different approach, but for the life of her she couldn’t remember a one.

  “Daddy…Momma…I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just say it.” They waited. She wiped her face.

  “You’re going to be grandparents.”

  She let out a breath, bracing herself. People talk about the wrath of God, it was nothing compared to her momma.

  ~Chapter Three~

  Georgia faced the window. The grass stood yellow and dry below a cloudless sky. It was a hot day, without a stitch of wind, confirmed by the flags lying limp on the pole outside. Lucy pulled the zipper up the back of Georgia’s dress. It was simple and unadorned, falling to her mid-calf. Satin slippered feet, for comfort, and so she didn’t tower over Nate. She fingered the small strip of cream colored lace just below her breasts, then smoothed the material over her still flat stomach. Her mom placed a dainty sprig of delicate white flowers into the bun at the nape of her neck.

  “Can you at least pretend this isn’t the worst day of your life? Damn, Georgia…sorry, Mrs. Abernathy…but for Pete’s sake, fake a smile or something.”

  Georgia shook herself and threw her shoulders back. “Sorry, Luce, I was just lost in my thoughts. I am happy, or at least I’m getting there.”

  “I’m gonna see how much time we have ’til the ceremony. You look beautiful, Georgia Beth.” Georgia’s mom kissed her on the cheek, leaving them alone in the small, shabby room behind the sanctuary. Her mom’s attitude had warmed to the idea of a baby once Georgia told her there’d be a wedding. Her parents had also married young, but didn’t have Georgia until much later. They’d had difficulties conceiving, a proclivity she obviously hadn’t inherited.

  It was a far cry from the humiliating conversation at her parent’s dinner table a few months back.

  “Didn’t I tell you, you mess with boys, you’d get pregnant. Didn’t I?”

  “Yes, Momma.”

  “Guess you’re not half as smart as you thought you were after all.”

  “No, Momma.”

  “Well, Miss High and Mighty, looks like you’re just white trash like the rest of us.”

  The words stung worse than the cigarette smoke that pulsed and swayed above her mother’s dark bouffant.

  “Yes, Momma.”

  “Go easy on the girl, Bette. Can’t ya see she feels low enough without you makin’ her feel worse?” Georgia gave her dad an anemic grin, grateful for any help, no matter how small. But there was no standing up to Bette Abernathy. Her daddy knew it as well as she did.

  So, she sat stoic and resigned.

  “No, Vernon. I’ll do no such thing. I haven’t even begun to give this girl a what for…laying with a man before marriage. It’s a sin. You’d think she never listened to a sermon.”

  On and on it went. The extreme disappointment was expected and deserved…And she could deal with it, because there was no way their disappointment was greater than her own.

  “Shit. I thought she’d never leave. Sorry, but your mom makes me nervous as hell.”

  “She has that affect on people,” Georgia said over her shoulder, managing a wry smile. She smoothed the sides of her hair, then pressed in the backs of her nana’s pearl earrings.

  “G, please, cheer up. It’s not the end of the world. Try to look at it as less shot gun, and more…serendipitous.” Georgia raised her eyebrow at her friend. “What? You’re not the only one with a few brain cells, ya know.”

  “I’m well aware of your brain cells, my friend. I’m just not used to you displaying them with such…alacrity.”

  “Okay, ya got me, I don’t know that one. You’re still brain supreme, but I’m hotter.”

  “Agreed.” Georgia couldn’t beat Lucy’s olive skin that never paled.

  “All I’m saying is, you could do way worse than Nate Bristol…Half the girls in town are pissed that you took the most eligible bachelor out of the marriage pool.”

  Georgia nodded in agreement, not mentioning the fact that most of this pool was made up of high school dropouts, druggies, and a not all there boy they called Binky. He lived on the edge of town with his grandmother. He liked to wear capes.

  She knew she was being dramatic, and that Nate was indeed a catch. If the past month had proved anything it was that Nate was a great guy. He’d taken the news of her pregnancy with grace, dropping to one knee with confidence after several minutes of contemplation, leaving Georgia to chew the side of her mouth in a quiet state of panic. She wasn’t sure what she expected of him, but it wasn’t a marriage proposal. She’d refused at first, saying it wasn’t necessary. She’d already messed up her future, she didn’t want to do the same to him. He let her ramble and just smiled, never leaving the ground. When she lost steam, he said, “I hope my words are enough until I can get a ring.”

  And with that, she nodded.

  She was surprised to discover that he not only was handsome, but that he was also not unfortunate in the brains department. In fact, he’d surprised her on many levels. She smiled to herself remembering two nights before.

  “Come on, Georgie, I need to show you something.”

  He pulled her hand toward the large storage shed at the edge of his parents’ land. They had two acres of pasture land with nothing to speak of but grass, a small pond, and a few mesquite trees.

  They’d just had dinner with his parents, both of which were excited about the upcoming nuptials and eventual birth of their first grandchild. Rachel and Ned Bristol were both warm and loving, salt of the earth kind of folks. They welcomed Georgia with open arms. That had helped immeasurably, and convinced her that maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as she first thought.r />
  “Nate, not so fast. I’m in sandals!” She laughed as he practically dragged her.

  He finally stopped in front of the silver door made of sheet metal with a rusted iron frame. It had a three foot tall B surrounded by the same rusty colored iron.

  He paused with his hand on the handle. “What I’m about to show you is not something I let people see, but seeing as how you’re about to be my wife, you’ll have to be privy to all my dark little secrets.” He grinned and planted a smacking kiss on her cheek. He’d been doing that a lot, kissing her. But that was it. They’d both agreed against heavy physical activity until they got married. The hypocrisy of their unborn child growing in her tummy during that conversation was not lost on either of them.

  She nodded and crossed her heart. He seemed satisfied and raised the lock. The metal reverberated and scraped when he pulled the large sliding door. It was dark inside—the now open door didn’t offer much light since it was dusk. The buzz and pop of the lights being turned on revealed a cavernous interior, much larger than she’d expected. The ceiling was vaulted with large wooden beams. Her eyes took in the rest of the space and a sound of surprise slipped from her now gaping mouth. Dozens of canvases filled the room—on the floor, on easels, hanging from metal cables suspended from the ceiling.

  “Nate, are these yours?”

  “Did I paint them? Yeah.”

  “Oh my god, they’re fantastic. I had no idea you were—”

  “More than just a dumb hick working in his dad’s garage?” He meant it to sound teasing, but she could hear the underlying accusation.

  “Yes, I mean, no.” She puffed out a frustrated breath. “I don’t think you’re a dumb hick, but I am surprised you’re so artistic.” There were paintings and sketches in every size—landscapes, cities, native American women weaving baskets. The subjects were varied, but she noticed most looked to be inspired by the country terrain surrounding their town.