The Space Between

by Thompson, Nikki Mathis

  “Well, while you were waxing poetic in your AP English class, I was in the art wing of the school. I did all the sets for the school plays.” He said it like she should have known. It proved how narrow her focus was in school. Study, Brady, Lucy, Study, Brady, Study.

  “Sorry, I guess I didn’t pay much attention. It’s funny how you can go through life with tunnel vision. I’m starting to see the error of my ways…Anyway, these are amazing. Why aren’t you going to art school or something like that? You’ve got real talent.”

  “What? Pay thousands of dollars so someone can tell me what to paint and what dead guy to copy? No, thanks. Here I can paint what I want, for free.”

  “But you could really make something of yourself, be something more.” The minute she said it she regretted the words.

  “See, that’s the difference between you and me. I believe I’m somebody no matter what I do. And I choose to stay in my hometown, where the people are honest and friendly, and the streets are safe. Where I can get my momma’s chicken fried steak whenever I want.”

  He grabbed her hand. “I like workin’ for my dad, and someday the shop will be mine. It’s enough for me, Georgia. And now that I have you and a baby on the way…I don’t know, it just feels like I’ve got everything I’ll ever need.”

  She smiled and turned towards a large painting of what looked to be the back of his property, two tawny colored horses in the distance. He came behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, hands on her stomach.

  “I guess you have to decide if it’s enough for you.”

  Georgia shook herself out of the memory and turned to smile at Lucy.

  “I know I’ve said this a million times, but you don’t have to do this, ya know,” Lucy said, as she tightened the ribbon on the small bouquet she was to carry. Her own thick, dark hair was in a French twist. Her bangs swept to the side, covering one of her big brown eyes.

  “I know that, but it’s the right thing to do.” She said it with conviction and ran the tube of pale gloss across her puckered lips. She put one last coat of mascara on her long lashes, hoping it made her almond shaped eyes seem bigger. She brushed her finger on her eyelid approving, of the eye shadow she’d picked. It brought out the green in her hazel eyes.

  She’d gone over it a thousand times. Being an unwed, single mom in a small town wasn’t an option for her. She didn’t want that stigma placed on her child. It shouldn’t matter in this day and age, but it did, at least around these parts. If she could give her baby two parents under the same roof she was going to do it.

  “I guess Nate wouldn’t have asked you to marry him if he didn’t think it was the right thing to do, too. He seems to really care about you.”

  “I know. I’m sure this isn’t how he planned things out, either. And I care about him too, Luce, I really do. The more I know him, the more I like him. I know it’ll be okay. Brady…and college, well, that’s just not my reality anymore.”

  “You can still go to school. Maybe it won’t be the way you envisioned, but that’s okay. You can stray from your master plan, ya know.”

  Georgia pulled her friend into a tight hug. “I know. I know. You’ve said that a million times, too.”

  “You do look beautiful…And I know you’re disappointed about not going away to school, but I sure am glad you’ll be around. I didn’t know what I was gonna do without my partner in crime.” Their eyes were misty as they hugged again.

  “I love you, Luce.”

  “Love ya, G…Now let’s get you hitched to yo baby daddy.”

  They laughed and Georgia felt light for the first time that day.

  It was going to be okay.

  It was going to be okay.

  It was going to be okay.

  Later, her hands clasped in his, they said their vows and for a moment the lightness she felt waned. But when Nate winked and touched her cheek before he kissed her, the lightness returned. She kissed him back and meant it.

  They’d both come into this with an open mind and she was determined to do her part to make a go of it. She would love him and their child and forget the what should haves and the what could have beens. She was a wife now, and soon to be mother…just shy of her nineteenth birthday.

  They weren’t going off to a honeymoon, but their parents did pitch in for one night at a decent hotel about thirty minutes away. He went to carry her over the threshold and she patted his hand away.

  “I appreciate the effort, but somehow carrying your bun in the oven bride over the threshold is just a bit too cliché for me.” She kissed his cheek and took his hand in hers, and they walked into their room, side by side.

  The room was small and clean, not quite the honeymoon suite, but they were grateful. Nate held up a menu. “How about some room service, wife?”

  She giggled. “That sounds wonderful, husband. I’m starving.”

  They changed clothes and washed up while waiting for their dinner, two hamburgers and two orders of fries. A chocolate shake for Georgia. She craved shakes all the time now that her nausea had passed.

  They ate, then watched a movie. When the credits started to roll, Georgia became nervous. Nate said they didn’t have to do anything she wasn’t ready to do, but it was their wedding night, and she felt it was right to consummate their marriage. It wasn’t the only reason. She wasn’t lying when she told Lucy she cared for him. She could even love him one day. She felt it as they stood before God and made promises of forever. She just hoped he could learn to love her, too.

  She lifted her head from his chest. “Nate, I just wanted to say thank you.”

  His brows crushed together “What for?”

  “Just for…marrying me, caring about the baby…everything. You could have written me off and forced me to do this alone.” She crawled up onto his stomach, their faces inches apart. She kissed him, it was soft and tender. She was grateful to him. He could have treated her as used goods, only marrying her out of duty…or not at all.

  Nate pulled his head back. “Georgia, you don’t have to thank me. You may not know this yet, but I don’t do anything I don’t want to, or without thinking it through. And I sure as hell don’t want you sleeping with me out of gratitude.“

  “It wouldn’t be out of gratitude. I want you, Nate, just because.”

  “Just because?” He grinned.

  “Ugh, don’t make me spell it out.”

  “What? No fancy words in that head of yours?”

  “No, nothing fancy. It’s simple and straightforward.” She sat up and pulled her night shirt off. Nate was tracking her moves with heated interest.

  “Ya sure?” he asked, hands stilled just short of her body.

  She nodded, the corner of her lip tucked in her teeth.

  He was gentle— a stark contrast to that first night after the bonfire, where hands were urgent, movements hurried. Now, on their wedding night, he whispered words of tenderness and possession. Learning every inch of her skin.

  A soft bed beneath her and the new life inside her—it was as close to perfect as she could’ve ever imagined. It was at that moment she knew she wanted to make Nate happy. Not one day would pass that he would regret marrying her. Her own regrets she could deal with.

  She’d often remind herself of the silent vow she made to herself that hot day in September—that what if’s had no place in her life. But sometimes the reminder was not enough. Especially on those nights when the room was dark and warm. The ceiling fan and the soft snores of the man she’d built a life with. Those nights when sleep was hard to come by and she was left with only time to think.

  ~Chapter Four~

  Georgia turned down the soft pink sheets and hoisted her three year old daughter into bed. The deep hum of Nate’s voice from the room next door brought a smile to her face and a pleasant warmth to her chest. The changing cadence of his voice meant only one thing—he was reading. Their eldest daughter had a love of books, only rivaled by her own. Her current obsession was Harry Potter, and Nate read to
her every night without fail. Father-daughter bond in living color.

  “Momma, I want Daddy to read me.”

  Georgia brushed back a blonde curl from her little girl’s face, still damp from her bath and smelling sweet, like lavender shampoo.

  “Baby, he has to read to sissy and that book is for big girls.”

  “I a big girl, Momma!”

  “I know, I know. But not quite as big as Sissy. Besides, Momma wants to read to you. Okay?”

  She nodded. “Okay, Momma.”

  “What book do you want tonight?”

  Her little mouth crunched to one side, pensive, then said, “Night night moon.”

  “A fine choice, Bonnie.” She grabbed the book from the white dresser, brushing her fingers on the crystal knobs. Georgia sat on the edge and opened the book.

  “Kitty pwease, Momma.”

  “Oh, sorry…Now where is that silly little kitten? Kiiiittty, where are you kitty?” She made a play to search the sheets and covers, then started to make a small meowing sound.

  “Der, Momma, she’s right der!” Her bright blue eyes wide.

  Georgia pulled out her daughter’s stuffed companion. Bonnie squeaked and pulled the kitten into her gowned chest. “Kitty!”

  The story was read and kisses were given.

  “Love you much, princess.”

  “Love you much, Momma.”

  “I’ll send Daddy over to tuck you in. Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the unicorns bite.”

  She leaned against the door frame, watching Nate read to their first born.

  Amelia Marie Bristol came into the world with eyes wide open. After a very brief but hearty scream, she stilled and seemed to take in the sounds of her surroundings. That should have been their first clue. Her curiosity to this day knew no bounds.

  Amelia had enraptured everyone—Nate and Georgia were no exception. Even Georgia’s mom displayed a level of tenderness she never knew existed. She had Georgia’s brown hair and her dad’s blue eyes. A perfect mix.

  “Knock, knock.”

  “Awe, Mom, they just found the Marauder’s Map. Please, just one more chapter,” Amelia begged, pushing up her tortoise shell glasses.

  “Sorry, baby, we mere muggles need our beauty sleep,” Georgia said as she approached her daughter’s full sized bed. Very different from her sister’s feminine color palete, Amelia’s room was done in green, white, and blue. She fell asleep every night with a glow in the dark solar system above her bed, her shelves filled with books.

  Amelia made a face and then looked to her dad.

  “She’s right, baby girl. It’s almost 8:00 and you have school in the morning. The great thing about books is that they won’t tell the story without you.” He leaned and kissed her cheek.

  “Plus, there’s a little lady and a kitten waiting for a kiss from daddy,” Georgia said, rubbing his back. He smiled over his shoulder, then kissed Amelia once more.

  “Good night, baby. Love you.”

  “Good night, Daddy. Love you most.”

  Georgia smiled and leaned in for her own kiss. “Goodnight, angel.”

  “Night, Momma. Love you.”

  “Love you.”

  “You wanna a drink?”

  “Is a cowboy bowlegged?” Nate said as he walked into the kitchen, now pajama clad.

  “Uh, not sure, but I guess that’s a yes,” Georgia said, laughing. She was drying the last of the dinner dishes, kids now sound asleep, still wearing the clothes she’d put on at 6:30 that morning.

  “Do you wanna know why we’re bowlegged?” He slipped his arms around her and whispered in her ear. “Come back to the bedroom and I’ll show you.”

  “Oh, really?”

  He kissed her neck. “Yes, really. Come on, the kitchen’s clean enough.”

  She smiled and threw the yellow dish towel onto the worn but spotless formica counter. “I was just thinking I needed to get out of these clothes.”

  “I can help you with that. I’ve been touchin’ metal all day long. I need to feel something soft.” He lifted her shirt and rubbed his rough fingers on the skin of her stomach.

  She pulled away and walked towards their bedroom. “Well, I’ve got all kinds of soft things for you to touch.”

  Their bodies had a ritualistic rhythm. Kisses, touching, soft whispers and muffled moans. It was rarely mind blowing, but always satisfying. They loved and respected each other and their sex life reflected as much. They were easy to laugh and reluctant to fight. When Georgia was itching for a throw down, he would approach disagreements with a passive calm.

  It frustrated her at times. Sometimes things were a big deal to her. Like when she was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store years back and Marnie Davis looked at her daughter in the cart, then down at her pregnant belly and said, “Weren’t you supposed to be a doctor or somethin’?” Or the time Nate left for a two day hunting trip with his buddies only to return four days later with only a bruised face and a hangover to show for it.

  Fights meant there was passion, and she wanted passion at times. Occasionally she wanted him to lose his temper, shout, anything to show he had a fire in his belly. Too many times she heard, “It’s no big deal, Georgie.” Sometimes she just wanted a little more…just more.

  Nate was an even keeled, laid back country boy through and through. It wasn’t a bad thing…it was just…it was hard to explain. If she considered the alternative—an alcoholic asshole, quick to anger and prone to physicality—she couldn’t complain. But comparisons didn’t really serve a purpose in her life. She could only go with what worked for her, in her reality, not in some “well it could be worse” scenario.

  Her reality was that they’d been thrown together by one night of irresponsibility and beat the odds by loving each other despite their forced hands. Not to say there’d been no bumps in the road, there had been. Two young kids adjusting to parenthood, and each other. They had the support of their parents, and their church—not privy to, or turned a blind eye to, the whole shotgun wedding detail. But for the young couple, the support and excitement from their close friends made all the difference. Georgia had Lucy, and Nate had a whole slew of buddies that took her in as one of their own. They’d all grown up together, so it wasn’t like she was a stranger, or a mail order bride.

  Georgia circled her palm on the steamed mirror. Once she had an adequate field of vision she rubbed lotion on her shoulders and arms. She tilted her towel wrapped head as she ran her hands over her stomach. Her body had held up nicely after two kids, thanks to her height and youth. She was never going to have her eighteen year old body back, but she didn’t really want it. She would keep the new curve of her hips and the added cup size gladly. Nate never complained…about anything.

  Speaking of, she needed to get him his drink. She quickly got dressed, the soft cotton pajamas a welcome change from the jeans and turtleneck she’d been wearing. The heat from the bathroom dissipated when she opened the door to their bedroom. She sighed and shook her head when she heard Nate’s soft snores filling the room.

  “Well, guess the cowboy wasn’t so bowlegged after all.” She pulled the covers over his legs and kissed the sandy curls at his temple. He was definitely handsome. A strong nose that didn’t dominate his face. Nice full lips and dimples when he really smiled, which was often.

  She was hours away from sleep, so she went out into the living room to the best sound she’d heard all day—silence. Maybe she’d take the time to look at online college programs…again. She’d gone to the community college a few towns over while she was pregnant. It wasn’t that bad, in fact she was happy to be taking college courses no matter where. But, by the time she had Amelia and got a routine down, the spring session was well under way. She had every intention of going back in the fall. She tried, both her mom and mother-in-law helped with the baby. But juggling a new baby, a new home and husband, plus all the course work proved too much for Georgia. Nate said that once they had enough for daycare, then she could
go back full time. That day never came, but she couldn’t have parted with her little girl, even if they had the money.

  That’s how she, the Valedictorian of West Plains High School, ended up with two kids and no college degree by the time their ten year high school reunion rolled around. No one made her feel less than just because she had babies instead of a college degree or a career—in fact, it was old news. Feeling less than…she did that all by herself.

  It wasn’t as if she regretted her girls. She didn’t, not for a second. It wasn’t about them. It was about her and the inner drive that fueled her since she could remember. Emerson Elementary spelling bee champ three years in a row, project leader, debate team captain, science club vice president, the list went on and on.

  Her academic accomplishments defined her for so long that without them she wasn’t sure she had an identity, outside of wife and mother. It was a small town, most people stayed behind and made their lives…she wasn’t most people. At least she wasn’t supposed to be.

  So, it was by choice she’d stood in the corner of the gymnasium, nursing a glass of white wine, while Nate held court, ever the class favorite. Brady Carmichael was also in attendance, bombarded, with flirtatious advances from the women and questions about what it was like to work for a state senator from the guys. She’d catch Brady staring at her and she was quick to look anywhere else. She became quite familiar with the wood grain of the floor.

  “Close your eyes.”

  “If I close my eyes I won’t be able to see the sunset. You know how I love a good sunset.”

  “I do…Just, come on, G.”

  “Oookay…They’re closed.”

  “Tell me about your dreams.”