Called Up

by Jen Doyle

  She was, actually, broken.

  It wasn’t that she was dead inside, but she had been wounded. Almost mortally so. The life had drained out of her and she’d existed as a shell for seventeen years. She didn’t even realize it until these last few months. Until she felt the pain of him walking away and realized the only one standing in the way was her.

  She didn’t need to be happy for her life to come crashing down around her.

  It could happen while she was miserable and heartbroken, while she was cursing all the years she’d wasted because she was afraid of what might happen if she tried to step out into the light.

  She’d hurt him. Disappointed him. She’d be lucky if he even thought about giving her another chance. But she also knew what she had to lose if she couldn’t get past this overwhelming fear of what lay ahead in order to just live every day with him.

  As the wind died down and she could feel Deke begin to relax as he no longer had to struggle to hold the mattress over them, she looked up at him. “You came back for me.” As she’d known he would.

  She’d just planned to get to him first.

  “I always will,” he answered, and for the first time in seventeen years, Fitz felt true peace. But she had a long way to go before she could count on that lasting.

  Sure enough, even as he smiled his eyes grew dark. “But, Fitz—”

  His phone rang, startling both of them, although she supposed she could thank their own foundation for that. They’d helped the town put up extra cell towers for this very purpose—and she was grateful for the reprieve.

  “Yeah, I got her,” Deke said once he answered. “She’s fine. Dorie?”

  Fitz closed her eyes, tightening her arms around Deke as she rested her head on his chest.

  “Okay,” he was saying. “I have to call Lo—” Fitz felt his whole body release its tension. “Oh, thank fuck. Jules and...” His head fell back against the edge of the tub as he shoved the mattress off to the side. “That thing was massive. I’ve never seen anything like it... Yeah, probably not my greatest idea.” Knowing he was looking down at her, Fitz smiled as his hand brushed through her hair. “The fishing hole. Pretty damn stupid... It wasn’t exactly a choice.”

  Fitz could hear Nate’s laugh over the phone and she smiled. Nate and Dorie knew. She hadn’t been in any state to admit it to them, but they knew. Now she just had to figure out how to tell Deke. Especially because, odds were, he wouldn’t believe her. He’d think it was because of the tornado. Maybe even that she’d gone a little crazy.

  Maybe she had.

  “Everyone’s okay?” she asked, as Deke put down the phone.

  He let his head fall back again and closed his eyes, his fingers playing lazily with her hair. “They had a big old party in the basement of the bar, Lola and Jules and the kids. They picked them all up when the first watch was issued. Everyone else is either there or checked in.”

  “And everyone’s houses?”

  He shrugged. “Unclear. But houses can be rebuilt.” And there was nothing they could do about that at the moment. Truly nothing, because he added, “Police said to stay put while they figure everything out.”

  “Really?” she asked, a smile coming over her face even though this was so not the time. “As in, we’re not allowed to move out of this nice, big tub?”

  His head came up and his eyes flashed a warning. “Fitz...”

  “I know,” she said, burrowing her head in his chest even though she wasn’t sure she still had the right. She brought her hand up to play with the button on his shirt. “I’m...” Her voice caught. “I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what else to say.”

  He didn’t answer at first. He didn’t try to put distance between them, or even stop her hand, but he held himself so still beneath her. And when he did speak, it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear.

  “Here’s the thing,” he said. “I know you, Fitz. With the exception of song lyrics—” she pulled back in order to glare at him, not the easiest thing to do given the twinkle in his eye “—you’re really good at everything you do.”

  But then even the slightest hint of a smile left his face, his gaze growing intense as he stared at her and then looked away. “It makes me think that you loving me isn’t something you want to be good at.”

  She wanted to deny it. She wanted to tell him that she’d suddenly changed her mind and she couldn’t care less about this job because all she wanted in life was to give him the happily ever after he deserved.

  But she couldn’t.

  “You’re right,” she said, voice raw. “I don’t. I really don’t want to be in love with you.” He tensed up again. Pulled back even as she held on. “But it turns out I suck more at fighting it.”

  It wasn’t a choice. Just like Nate had said—like Deke had. Not that that helped matters in anyway.

  To her surprise, he laughed softly as his arms tightened around her. “I think that might be the most honest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  She straightened up suddenly. “That’s what you need from me?”

  His eyes went dark as his hands framed her face. “I need you not to lie to me because you think I won’t like the truth.” She started to pull away, but he held her in place. “Can you do that, Fitz? Because I can’t—”

  “I think I’d rather die than watch you walk away from me again,” she whispered, cutting him off. She didn’t even realize she was crying until she tasted salt on her lips.

  Apparently that was a good next step because she was suddenly being hauled up the length of his body and he was kissing her and his hands were on her and it felt like maybe she had died and gone straight to heaven. Except, as long as she was on a roll with this honesty thing she needed to see it through.

  “Wait,” she managed, bracing her hands against his chest. Pulling back from him felt like one of the hardest things she’d ever have to do, as hard, almost, as saying, “I want this job, Deke. And I don’t know if I can give you the things you want.”

  His face completely unreadable, he asked, “What exactly would those things be?”

  With a deep breath, she eased back a little farther. “Staying in Inspiration. Helping you with the bar.” Her voice caught at the unexpected lump in her throat. “Having a family.”

  He was so quiet for a minute that she was pretty sure she’d done it. Gone and ended the best thing that ever happened to her because of all those broken pieces bouncing around inside. But then his hands were in her hair again and he was tilting her head up.

  “Maybe I don’t want the things you think I do.” Gruffly, he added, “Maybe I just want you.”

  This time she knew full well the tears were coming. She could feel them build up inside her so suddenly they had no choice but to overflow. “What?”

  He seemed a little emotional himself. “And maybe we could actually talk about the things we want instead of assuming.” He grinned. “And by ‘we’ I mean you.”

  Completely unexpectedly, she laughed. Given all the tears involved, it probably wasn’t very pretty. And it didn’t stop her from hitting him in the chest. “Well, maybe,” she said, “we could also acknowledge I’m not the only one in this relationship with things to talk about.”

  His eyes went mockingly wide. “Did you just say we were in a relationship?”

  “Schmelationship is too hard to pronounce,” she answered. Then she hit him again. “And you’re deflecting.”

  This time his reply was utterly serious. “You’re the only one who’s ever called me on that.”

  Given the look in his eye, she went still. “Is that a good thing or a bad one?”

  His eyes drifted down to her lips and then came back up. “I guess it depends on how you look at it.”

  Now it was her turn to stare, especially as she felt him go hard beneath her. As
his hand traced its way over the curve of her breast. “And how exactly are you looking at it?” she asked. Kind of breathless, truth be told.

  “Right now?” He tipped her chin up. “As a good thing. A very good thing.”

  The smile that came over his face was one of the best things she’d ever seen. “Okay,” he said. “We can talk about anything you want.”

  They would. Later. At the moment, though, there was only one question on her mind. “Could we be done talking for now?” She tilted her hips ever so slightly. Since they were, in fact, still crammed together in this tub, she felt every glorious inch of him against her.

  He laughed. “Did you have something else in mind?”

  She took his hands in hers and pushed them up over his head. Stretching out along the length of him, she savored the feel of his body against her. “I’m thinking right now I need you to make love to me.”

  Almost since the moment they’d begun sleeping together she’d been waiting for the moment it would end. For the first time, she allowed herself to believe that it was only the beginning.

  “Love, huh?” He grasped her hands tightly. “You can look me in the eye and say that?”

  She nodded, making sure not to so much as even blink as she whispered, “Love.”

  For a minute he stared at her and the fear came crashing over her again. Until he smiled and said, “Well, okay, then.”

  That he had a condom didn’t surprise her. But how the man managed to strip her of the rest of her clothes and most of his in the confines of the tub while holding her wrists in his hand she’d never know. He did have his talents. But she didn’t care. Because the moment he slid into her, she knew she was home.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Three days later, Deke was still marveling that the damage the tornado had left in its wake had been minimal.

  Well, manageable. Roofs had come off a bunch of buildings downtown, and windows were blown out everywhere. The hail made its mark. But it was mostly the southwest corner of town that had been hit, which was largely farmland. A few old barns had been taken out, a grain silo, and about eighty percent of Ella’s fences, although her house and barn were still standing and her horses had been spared. All the buildings out there had damage of some kind, irrigation systems would need to be replaced, and mid-September was a pretty fucking bad time for entire crops to be gone. But the foundation would help with all those things and people would get through it.

  The fear of what could have happened if Fitz had driven through that tornado reared up and hit him at unexpected times, even as the details faded away. She had survived, though; they both had. Things might not be moving forward the way he wanted them to, but they were still here on this earth and he was beyond grateful.

  They hadn’t talked yet. Not the way they needed to. They’d both been so busy over the last few days that they’d fallen into bed exhausted, barely even having the energy to, well...

  Okay. He’d never not have the energy to make love to her, especially while he was still living on borrowed time in terms of her being in his bed. Though she’d postponed her trip, she hadn’t called it off. She’d also been talking to Sam off and on for days and in front of Deke. She did seem to have gotten the message about opening up. He knew from Lola, though, that she was looking at condos in Chicago. Signs of a happy future weren’t good. But he’d decided to live in the dream for a little bit longer. No need to force it, right?

  And if that wasn’t a load of bull, there was a bridge that had landed in the middle of a cornfield he’d be happy to sell.

  “Deke!”

  He looked up to see Mama Gin standing with someone in a suit, probably another one of the insurance adjusters. Turning the food truck over to Josh—if this wasn’t a time for a good old-fashioned barn raising, complete with free food and beer, then when was?—he headed over.

  “This is who I was telling you about,” she said, her hand going to Deke’s shoulder. “Max Deacon, I want you to meet Dan Samson.”

  Shaking hands, Deke nodded as the other man said, “Gin’s been telling me about you for a while, but I haven’t had the chance to meet you before now.”

  Deke resisted the urge to ask what on earth Mama Gin had been telling this guy, not to mention who the guy actually was. Instead, he said, “Well, I guess I’m glad to hear that. I hope most of it is good.”

  “What I hear is that she’s grooming you to be Inspiration’s next mayor,” Dan said.

  Deke still wasn’t entirely sure she’d been serious about that. She had put him in charge of the town’s disaster recovery task force, though, which had him leaning toward yes. To his surprise, he was finding he actually liked it—was pretty good at it. Even according to Peggy’s dad, who had come up to him this morning and clapped him on the back while saying so.

  Plus it would help him be somewhere other than his bar 24/7 once Fitz left town. So that was good.

  Deciding to stay as neutral on the subject as possible, however, Deke smiled. “I can’t imagine anyone filling her footsteps.”

  Which earned him a sharp laugh from Dan as the man nodded past the food truck. “Looks like a party, not a disaster area.”

  Deke just smiled. “My sister loves little kids.” Which was a lie. Lola actually wasn’t a big fan of anyone under the age of ten, unless she was related to them or close enough to it, i.e., Jules’s kids. But she was great with them. Between her and her new nanny, they practically had a camp going while the adults worked at picking up debris and rebuilding the barn.

  “She actually doesn’t,” Mama Gin said, blowing his lie out of the water. “Deke can be pretty persuasive.”

  Now he did raise his eyebrows. “No more so than the next guy.”

  They made a little bit more small talk before Mama Gin and the man moved on. Shaking his head, Deke had turned back to the food truck when Fitz came up next to him.

  “Why were you talking to Dan Samson?”

  “You know him?” Deke asked.

  A frown on her face, she nodded. “He’s the governor’s chief of staff.”

  That made Deke do an actual double take. “The governor? Of Iowa?”

  “Uh-huh.” She looked around, her eyes surveying the progress. She’d been the one to come up with the idea of bringing everyone together as soon as the police said it was okay to go ahead; he’d been the one to propose using the barn raising party as a theme. They made a good team. They really did.

  “This really doesn’t bother you one bit, does it?” she said.

  He looked down at her, not sure what she was referring to at first. But then he saw the way her eyes uneasily skimmed the crowd. Because, yes, everyone had turned out today. Even Peggy and her parents, all the Rotary Club and the Jaycees. And pretty much down to the last of them, they were obviously curious about him and Fitz.

  Rumors were rampant as one would expect given the various scenes in the bar the day of the tornado. And God knew, Fitz hated being the center of attention. So, well, Deke knew exactly how to take the focus off her. Having spent nearly his whole life playing that part, he went ahead and put on the required show. Raising his arms up over his head in a stretch, he said, “The ladies love it when I take off my shirt, too, but I’ll save that for later. A nice little pick-me-up for the end of the day.”

  He dropped his arms when Fitz gave a surprisingly sharp jab to his side. “You’re awful.”

  But she laughed, and that was all he wanted. “I know, baby,” he said, running with it. “You want it for yourself, but sometimes you’ve got to think about the greater good.”

  That time she almost snarfed the water she was drinking. After wiping her mouth with the back of her wrist, though, she got very serious, very fast. In fact, he was pretty sure she’d started crying. “Angel...”

  “Oh, God, please don’t,” she said, ducking h
er head and turning toward him so no one else would see. It took everything he had not to wrap his arms around her and pull her all the way in. Since she was deliberately keeping from touching him, though, he’d give her the courtesy of the same no matter how hard it was.

  He wrapped his arms around himself instead. “Peggy hates you, you know,” he said, ignoring the pain that flashed through her eyes as her head suddenly came up. He nodded. “Suzie and Rayna, too, I’m pretty sure.”

  “I seriously have no freaking idea who Rayna is,” she muttered before her eyes came to his with a glare. “Is there a point to this?”

  He nodded at that as well. “I’m pretty sure that with those three exceptions, you are Inspiration’s most beloved citizen.”

  “What?” This time her gaze went to the crowd—who were all, yes, still watching—before coming back to him.

  “They revere Nate,” he said. “They think Jason’s great with the kids, if a little spacey. Some of them might still think Wash is a scary black dude, but mostly they’re grateful he’s kept the Hawkins farm local. And me, well...” He shrugged. “Mostly they think it’s time for me to grow up and maybe do something with my life.”

  “Seriously?” she snapped. “Do they not get what you put on hold so you could help Lola? That you’re probably the best Little League coach this town has ever seen?” Her voice got louder as she built up momentum. “That you almost single-handedly take care of the people in this tow—”

  “Fitz,” he said, a little surprised at how fiercely she’d leaped to his defense. Because that wasn’t what he’d been going for, not one bit. He couldn’t deny it gave him a bit of a rush as he got back to his point, though. Which was, “But you? They pretty much just love you.”

  She shook her head. “They don’t, Deke. And it’s oka—”

  “I’m the town bartender,” he said, smiling down at her. “I hear things.” As in pretty much everything, including the odds of Fitz staying in town. Mrs. Bellevue was one of the few holdouts, declaring that Fitz came from strong if not entirely trustworthy stock. But everyone else expected she’d be gone by Harvestfest. The good-bye party they were planning had the potential to be the biggest event this town had ever seen. That wasn’t something he wanted to dwell on, however. “I’m pretty sure everyone out there is just waiting on my signal to give you a huge, town-wide group hug.”