If I Was Your Woman 3: A BBW Camden Love Story

by Mz. Toni

  “That's what I'm tryna tell you! That bitch deserves to die, but I can't find her, shit not even ya pops can.”

  “She wouldn't need to be found if you would have taken care of her!”

  “You right, but until she’s found at least she’s out of our lives.”

  “Our lives?”

  “Man, you know what the fuck it is,” he said with a cocky ass attitude.

  “Naw, I don't know what the fuck it is, so why don't you tell me?”

  “I love you and you love me, we got a fucking baby on the way so let’s stop playing and fix this shit.”

  “Maybe if shit was different I would have taken back, but you allowed somebody to hurt our child and get away with that. I can't trust you and we damn sure can't fix this. The damage is done,” I said popping the locks on my truck.

  “What that mean, you done talking?”

  “That's exactly what it means!”

  “You know what Shante, fuck it!” he said before getting out of my truck and slamming the door. I was about to pull off but he opened the door again.

  “I’ma give you some time to get over this shit and bring ya ass home, don't make me come looking for ya ass again though!”

  “Fuck you!”

  “No fuck you, got me looking for ya lil childish ass for months. You a grown ass woman, adults talk shit out. Fuck wrong with you!”

  “Fuck out my face Kasan, you talking ‘bout talking shit out, maybe if you would have opened ya fucking mouth shit would have been different. Now back the fuck away from my car, nigga!” I screamed.

  “Yeah, whatever wit ya petty ass. Don't make me come looking for you Shante, on my mama I’ma fuck around and hurt you!” he said slamming my door.

  This time instead of waiting around, I hurried my ass up and got out of dodge. Pulling up to my apartment, I couldn't wait to get inside so I could tell my girls what happened.

  “Guess who the fuck I just saw!” I screamed.

  “Kasan…….” Camille replied.

  “Yeah, how you know?”

  “He sent me a text asking me to come by here, I ignored his ass though.”

  “I swear that nigga got some nerve, snapping on me like I'm in the wrong wit his ugly ass!”

  “Maybe you shouldn't have stayed away so long, that nigga was stressing,” Shana had the nerve to say.

  “Look here bitch, I'm pregnant, hormonal and emotional so what I’ma need for you to do is keep ya opinion to ya self and just nod ya head in agreement,” I said causing Shana to burst out laughing.

  “Uh-huh, bitch, don't do that!” Shana replied.

  “I was hurt and confused. He did me dirty, so yeah I left, so the fuck what,” I said with teary eyes.

  “I feel you, boo,” Camille said hugging me.

  “Well now that he’s seen you, you might as well go to Mama Betty’s for Sunday dinner,” Quesha said with a shrug.

  “I’ma be there, but I gotta go see her alone first. I ain't tryna have her curse me out in front of all y’all.”

  “Yeah whatever, but I gotta head home to the hubby,” Camille said.

  “Me too!” Quesha co-signed.

  “Yeah, let me go see my boo,” Shana said causing me to look at her side ways.

  “Uh-huh, mind ya business. If you were here you would know exactly who I'm talking about,” she said giving me the finger.

  “I don't give a damn. Y’all bitches can leave, but Shana you ain't going nowhere until you spill some tea!” I said dead ass serious.

  “A’ight damn, well his name is Terrence. Girl, he is fine as hell and he treats me so good,” Shana gushed.

  “I’ma need to do a background check on his ass before he can go around my nephews and niece.”

  “Kasan know him and said he cool.”

  “Girl, Kasan’s bitch ass word don't mean shit to me no more. I’ll find out on my own!” I snapped, really not meaning to. I hated that his word and advice held so much clout over my sister.

  “A’ight, I’ll text you all his info when I get settled,” she said hugging me and leaving.

  It felt good to be sleeping in my bed, even if it wasn't the one I shared with Kasan. He was on my mind heavy. I am just confused and hurt, like since when did he start loving that bitch? Was it before or after he shitted on her, or when he left her ass for me? And what about her lying about being pregnant? I just don't understand how a smart nigga can act so damn dumb.

  I grabbed my phone and logged into my Facebook, something I hadn't done in months. I didn't want them tracking my ass through that messenger shit so I deactivated my page. Call me crazy, but you can't tell me the government and crazy ass ex-boyfriends ain't on to our every move thanks to Facebook.

  Going to Kasan’s page, I was surprised to see that he still had a picture of us kissing as his profile picture. I went on my page and changed mine to my ultrasound picture. Within minutes my phone was blowing up with notifications, family and friends threatening to whoop my ass for having them so worried and others congratulating me on my pregnancy.

  After thanking and replying to as many as I could, I checked Keisha’s page. Yeah, we were friends on some petty, nosey bullshit. Her dumb ass was smarter than I thought because she hasn’t posted shit since the night I found out she was staying in that house. It’s cool though. I play no games and I wouldn’t stop until I found out where she was. Getting another notification, I saw that Kasan’s ugly ass had shared my picture. He didn't even know what we were having for sure, but he replied to all the comments informing them it's a boy. I felt like being a petty Betty so I went to the comments and kindly asked his ugly ass why he stole my damn picture.

  Chapter Six (Kasan)

  Damn, I can't believe Shante is pregnant with my baby. This is supposed to be a happy time for both of us, but instead she wants to hold grudges and shit. I know I fucked up, and if I could go back and change that shit I would. I guess I had more feelings for Keisha than I thought, because when Shante gave me that ultimatum I couldn't do shit but think about Kassandra and that I would be taking the baby from her mother. I’ve killed niggas, even a couple trifling bitches for less than what Keisha’s nasty ass did. That shit is easy when you don't have a connection with them, but me and Keisha got history and years in, even after everything she did.

  After thinking about how hurt and betrayed Shante must’ve felt that night, I made up my mind that Keisha had to go and I would just take the baby. When I got to her crib, all her shit was packed and she had got ghost. I rode home only to find out that she had dropped her daughter off on my doorstep. When I was driving to her crib, she must have been driving to mine. I picked up the diaper bag and car seat and walked into the crib.

  Ever since that night I'd been trying to find a place for the baby to go. I know what it may seem like to Shante, but I swear on my life that after that bitch left her own fucking child I got no more love or respect for her. Now I done fucked around and lost my girl and my unborn. Seeing Shante look so beautiful with her glow and baby bump had me thinking about her heavy, that was my baby in there. Today I was driving to New York to talk to my cousin Alicia about taking Kassandra, at least until her stupid mom popped back up. Pulling up to my cousin’s house, I hopped out grabbing the baby and her car seat out of the car. I walked up to the door, rang the doorbell and waited.

  “Hey, lil cousin!” she said when she opened the door, giving me a big hug.

  “What’s up?” I said, walking into her house. It was even bigger than the one I shared with Shante.

  “You want something to drink?” she asked.

  “Naw, I'm good.”

  “Okay, well straight to the point then. I'm not sure if you have any other prospects, but you know how bad me and Joe want a baby. We’ve been trying for years,” she started.

  “You don't have to sell me, I know you and Joe are good people and would be some good ass parents if given the chance.”

  “She’s so beautiful, can I hold her?” she asked with teary eyes.r />
  Handing her the baby, I watched as she rocked and kissed baby Kassandra. I knew without a doubt I was making the right decision.

  “I don't know if or when her mom will come back for her, which is why over the phone I told you…..”

  “To not get attached,” she finished. “I know what you said, but look at this face, how could we not?” she said with a smile.

  “Okay, well we talked about her condition over the phone and I have her medical records right here,” I said placing a folder beside her.

  “If that isn't your baby how were you able to get her documents?”

  “I've been involved in everything since she’s been born. I took on the role as her father even before her mom disappeared,” I said honestly.

  “You don't have to worry about her, she’s in good hands, Kasan.”

  “A’ight, well I guess I’ma head out then.”

  “You don't wanna say bye?”

  “Naw, I'm good. If you need help with anything call me,” I said before heading out the door.

  Nobody will ever know the bond I formed with that little girl and how hard this shit was for me. No, I didn't want to say goodbye because I would have fucked around and changed my mind.

  I got in my car and headed back to Camden. When I got back to the city I stopped by my mom’s crib to check on her.

  “Ma, where you at!”

  “Boy, what I tell you about screaming in my house?” she said with her hands on her hips when I walked into the kitchen.

  “My bad, what you doing?” I asked, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

  “I oughta beat ya ass, you know that right!” she said, smacking me in the back of the head.

  “Damn ma, what you do that for?” I asked, rubbing the back of my head.

  “You out here being fucking stupid. That bitch Keisha killed my grand baby, but you parading her baby around!”

  “It ain't like that, ma.”

  “So she ain't shoot that girl and kill y'all baby?”

  “She did but…”

  “But my ass!” she said and smacked me again.

  “I fucked up and I know that, but she ain't even letting me fix the shit.”

  “Can you blame her? Y'all dumb niggas today boy, I tell ya,” she said shaking her head.

  “You saw her?”

  “Yeah she was here, she looking real pretty too,” she said with a smirk.

  “I just want her to hear me out. I gave the baby to Alicia and Joe. I'm trying to do the right thing.”

  “You should’ve done the right thing when it happened, you acting like you love Keisha’s old hoe ass.”

  “I got love for Keisha, but I'm in love with Shante.”

  “Boy, that girl done cheated, lied about carrying ya child, shot ya fucking girlfriend, killed ya baby and tried to pin her fucking baby on you, but you still got love for her? Get ya stupid ass out my house!” my mom snapped.

  She’s never called me stupid so many damn times. Now my mom was kicking me out of her house that I pay the bills at. I got up and headed out the door feeling like straight shit. As I sat in my car with Shante and my baby on my mind, I checked my Facebook. I had shared a picture of her ultrasound and you couldn't tell me I didn’t see a dick on that picture. I couldn’t help but laugh at Shante’s petty ass talking about I stole her picture. Shit, it was my baby too and I was a proud daddy right now so fuck what she was talking about. I pulled off and headed to Shante’s house. I needed for her to hear me out.

  Chapter Seven (Shante)

  Cleaning my apartment, I couldn't get Kasan off my mind. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him and wished he could be here with me. Part of me felt stupid because after everything he’s done how could I still love and miss him? The more I thought about him the more I cleaned. It was a stress reliever for me, believe it or not. Sitting down to take a break, I turned on Pandora, grabbed my peanut butter ripple ice cream, and at that moment I was in heaven.

  I was relaxing and enjoying my ice cream when I heard a knock at the door. I walked to the door and looked through the peephole only to find Kasan standing there looking sexy as hell. I contemplated not opening the door, but then I remembered he was crazy as hell and would continue to knock until I answered. I opened the door and watched him as he stared at my swollen belly. I guess he was still in shock.

  “Can we talk?” he asked.

  “I guess,” I said opening the door wider. I sat on the couch, grabbed my ice cream and continued where I’d left off before he knocked.

  “Where you get that from?”

  “Where you think?”

  “I didn't buy that,” he had the nerve to say, and with an attitude at that.

  “I have my own damn money, Kasan. I bought it myself,” I said rolling my eyes.

  “You have to eat healthy for my son.”

  “So you came over here to talk about what I eat? Umm, you can go!”

  “Naw, I wanted to talk to you about us.”

  “What about us?” I asked nonchalantly.

  “Yo, stop fucking playing. I fucked up and I'm sorry,” he said kissing my forehead. I was so weak for this man and that pissed me off.

  “You hurt me, Kasan,” I said sadly.

  “I know, and I’ll spend the rest of my life fixing this shit if I have to. I love you, Tae baby and I know you still love me,” he said kissing my lips lightly.

  I know if I was standing my legs would have gone weak. I missed his touch and kisses so much. As I looked at him contemplating what to do, Pandora blared out Nicki Minaj’s, Grand Piano.

  Am I just a fool? Blind and stupid for loving you, am I just a silly girl? So young and naive to think you were, the one who came to take claim of this heart, cold hearted shame you’ll remain just frame in the dark. (And now the people) The people are talking the people are saying that you have been playing my heart like a grand piano.

  Am I Queen of fools?

  Wrapped up in lies and foolish truth

  What do I see in you?

  Maybe I'm addicted to all the things you do

  Cause I keep thinking you were the one who came to take claim of this heart

  Cold-hearted, shame you'll remain just a frame in the dark.

  As he whispered sweet nothings into my ear with promises of never hurting me again and being the best dad he could be, I couldn't help but think it was all bullshit. Was I being a fool, was I being young and naïve? As tears fell from my eyes, I thought about my baby girl and the fact that she never stood a chance. I pushed him off me and stood up and looked at him.

  “Get the fuck out!”

  “Yo, why the fuck you trippin’?” he snapped.

  “Who trippin’? I ain't trippin’, I'm just using my brain instead of my heart!”

  “I ain't gone’ keep doin’ this shit. Either you forgive me and make this work or fuck it!”

  “That's no problem boo, do you!” I snapped back.

  “Fuck you mean do me? I'm here tryna work shit out and you ain't lettin’ me!”

  “I don't forgive you Kasan, not by a long shot!”

  “So I should move on then?” he said.

  “I guess so,” I said walking to the door and opening it.

  “You got that!” he said, taking one last look at me and walking out.

  When he left I held back my tears. I love that man with all my heart, but I love myself more. That didn't stop me from crying myself to sleep, but I would get through this and over him, if not for me then for my baby.

  ****

  The next morning I woke up bright and early to meet Camille to help her with her wedding, which was only a week away. After getting showered and dressed, I headed out the door. When I got to the boutique Camille told me to meet her at the bridal shop. I got a little emotional looking at all the dresses in the window. You couldn't tell me a year ago that I would be pregnant and not with Kasan. We were supposed to be engaged and happy right now. Walking into the shop, Camille was sitting down waiting for me wi
th a young girl who was very beautiful.

  "Sorry I'm late, boo!" I said hugging her.

  "I don't care about that, I'm just glad you’re here," she said with a smile.

  I felt bad that I let my anger stop me from being there for my best friend. I didn't get to help her plan her wedding in no way shape or form and I felt horrible about that. I didn't even get the chance to have my bridesmaid’s dress made like all the other girls. I ended up buying a dress that was the same color and saying fuck it.

  "Is this the dress?" I asked, pointing to the blinged out wedding dress in front of me.

  "Yes, but I want you to meet someone before I try it on," she said, grabbing my hand and walking me over to the girl she was sitting with.

  "Shante, this is Cherish, Cherish this is my bestie!"

  "It's so nice to meet you, Camille told me so much about you."

  "I haven't heard about you because I been MIA for a while, but it’s nice to meet you, Cherish," I said.

  While Camille went into the dressing room, me and Cherish talked. She told me who she messed with and I think I met him once or twice. What really surprised me was when she said she was seventeen. She presented herself as much older.

  `"When are you due?" she asked with a smile.

  "I'm due in November," I answered, rubbing my six-month belly.

  "Aww, I remember being pregnant with my twins,” she said with a smile

  "Oh, I didn't know you had children," I said, surprised.

  "Yeah, they’re five months," she said happily. That hit a sore spot for me. I was trying to be strong for this baby inside of me, but I couldn’t help but want to cry.

  When Camille walked out she looked drop dead gorgeous. The dress looked specifically made for her body and I loved it. As tears fell from my eyes I got up and hugged her.

  “Oh my God, you look so pretty best friend!”

  “Aww, why you crying, boo?” she asked wiping my tears.

  “You just look so pretty and I'm so happy for you. I'm so sorry I let my anger for you stop me from being there when you needed me the most.”