Shattering Halos

by Sunniva Dee

  So this was rejection. My chest stung. Loss…oh, I knew loss already.

  If they had lived, Brandon would have helped me understand. Then Ash would have found a way to make me laugh. My heart contracted.

  This must be heartache.

  Stronger, faster, superior to me in every way, I realized that Gabriel could catch me if he wanted to, but logic didn’t factor in on this wayward rollercoaster I’d boarded.

  The inky glimmer of alleyways blurred on the way down to the docks, but no footfalls echoed behind me. Abandoned.

  I ignored the chilly drizzle seeping through the fabric of my dress. Human heaps—wet, snoring, coughing—drooped under filthy blankets and pieces of cardboard. The empty bottles scattered around them screamed of a wretched existence. I pushed forward, and when I’d lost my breath, I still ran, ran, to the outermost berth where I was alone.

  A stiletto heel cracked under me. I had time to catch the glint of the ocean before my fists slammed onto the concrete. I let my head sag to the ground. No reason to worry about the coil of hair blending with the puddle below. Desolate.

  The crunch of glass under a foot sounded painfully human. I peeked through my drenched curtain of chaos. He came toward me from the water’s edge, and no filter could have dampened the shock of his presence. I used to enjoy his amber glow, but Gabriel had stopped pretending.

  Like sheet lightning, his radiance forced itself on me, hurling every flawless detail at me, destroying me. The dazzling face drawn in a divine master’s unrepentant quest for perfection, the regal poise of a larger-than-life pagan god, the luminous waves of medusa tresses from a long-gone mythology.

  My gaze caught a slow, graceful movement, almost indiscernible in the indigo of the night. I squinted and tried to interpret the outline of what swayed, vibrant and alive, in the blackness behind him. Maybe tears smudged my vision, or maybe my imagination went into overdrive. But if it didn’t, what I saw were exquisite feathers fanned wide behind him, taller than any living being’s and tinged azure by the dark backdrop of the harbor.

  Immobilized in a feral crouch, I watched him intently as he sank to his knees in front of me. Hands moved up. They drew back the veil of my hair, exposed me, and cupped my cheeks with warmth. Bliss.

  He took his time when he scooped me up there, at the end of my world, and carried me back to the car. Silent, he buried his too-radiant face into my neck. I didn’t know how to fix the pain, his or mine, and so I looked away.

  “I ran…Why am I such a mess with you?” I whispered.

  “You panicked.”

  “Please don’t ever leave me.”

  “I never did, angel, remember?”

  “Gabriel?”

  “Yes?” From under his lashes, twinkling eyes lifted and watched me through a straying lock of pure gold.

  I shook my head and averted my gaze. “Don’t ever call me that.”

  Chapter 7 — Truth

  Gaia

  A regular man sat next to me in the car. No iridescent wings or sheet lightning splendor surrounded him. Only the dim glow and the too-beautiful profile gave Gabriel away. I slouched in the passenger seat. The pleasant calmness caressed me again. I didn’t fight it now that I knew what Gabriel was.

  “I wanted to tell you, but there’s so much I can’t explain.” He reached out and stroked my arm. Then he checked himself and pulled back. I wished he hadn’t.

  “Like what? I didn’t even know I had a guardian angel.” From the corner of my eye, I caught his sad smile.

  “All of you do.”

  “Nobody seems to be running into you guys, though. Shouldn’t you have been all over the news?” Gabriel nodded slowly. “No mortal sees us unless we reveal ourselves.”

  “When do you reveal yourselves?”

  He turned to me, his face gleaming against the dark cabin. My gaze drew to his mouth, and he watched me watch him. Outside, the trees flew by, but he didn’t slow down. His attention still remained on me. My heart slammed against my chest.

  “Whenever there’s no other way. When a human isn’t meant to leave Earth yet and needs a reminder. Or when she’s dying.”

  “Oh.” With an effort, I focused on his words instead of him. “Like at the accident.”

  “No.” Gabriel went quiet. His eyes closed for a moment before they met mine. “I didn’t exactly follow orders at the accident.”

  “How can you not…? Never mind, what do I know about you guys?”

  A twirl of golden hair slid across his face, and I remembered its silken texture. My fingers twitched to tuck it away. I knew I shouldn’t, so I hugged myself instead.

  “No, you’re right. I’m not sure how I came up with the idea. That night was the night you should have died, but instead I saved your life.”

  “God, can you imagine my father’s reaction if I told him? ‘You were right, Dad. Me, surviving, did defy logic, because…Ta-dah! An angel swooped in—’” Anxious laughter bubbled out of me. Gabriel met my gaze, soothing the emotions winding me up, and I fell silent.

  “I don’t think a guardian has ever done what I did before.”

  “Do you regret saving me?” My question snuck out so serenely, as if the answer meant nothing. He blinked, eyelashes eclipsing the glimmering blue. “It was selfish of me.”

  “How could that be selfish?”

  “You would have been happy in Heaven.”

  “Well, I’m glad,” I said, but then, my stomach dropped. “Why didn’t you save my friends?”

  “Because we don’t save lives.”

  “You did with me!”

  “For the first time in history, Gaia.” He avoided my stare. “I should have been punished. I don’t know why I wasn’t.”

  “Hey now, come on. Tell me it’s what you guys do for a living.” Gabriel’s laughter stole out, hushed as a breath. He shook his head. “Gaia, I can’t believe we’re discussing this.”

  “Really?” I wanted to be upset, but his presence asserted itself like a fairytale. Anger seemed irrelevant.

  “No, it’s just that we don’t interfere in our humans’ lives. All we do is comfort you. We give solace and strength. Courage. When your friends died at the accident, their protectors stayed with them to alleviate their transition.”

  “Was Chris okay when he…left?” Said out loud the question sounded absurd.

  “Of course, Gaia.” Surprise crossed his face as he examined my expression. “All of them were happy. Everybody is.”

  “Happy…Wow, this is mindboggling.” Tears began to pool in the corners of my eyes. “Why did you show yourself to me when you’d already decided I wasn’t going to die?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “Oh please, I saw you.”

  Instead of replying, he pulled off to the side of the road, put the car in park, and reclined his seat. With hands crossed behind his neck, he leaned against the headrest. Above us, the roof peeled away on the convertible, obeying some tacit command. Gabriel lay perfectly still and stared off into the sky, his irises luminescent.

  “Gaia, I don’t understand how you saw me. I never intentionally showed myself.”

  The rain had ceased, and around us the foliage shed water with gentle drumming sounds. The stars pressed out from behind the clouds.

  “So you’re supposed to be close, but not visible?”

  “Yes, but ever since the accident, I’ve had to consciously enforce invisibility around you.” His gaze drifted to mine before they returned to the sky.

  “Hmm. What about Marina? She had no problem spotting you.”

  “I was never visible to anybody at the dance. Once you glimpsed me and demanded an explanation, I had to involve someone else.”

  “Why?”

  Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut, and I watched those beautiful, pink lips contract. I wished I hadn’t asked. This was pain, and I had caused it. When his eyes opened again, his irises shone in a surreal cyan blue.

  “Because I can’t stand your suffering. The least I could do was
to give you someone to share your secret with.” My heart expanded and felt lighter.

  “I wish your plan to involve Marina had panned out better.” He nodded, chuckling at my expression.

  “Why Marina, though?” I asked. “Couldn’t you have involved Luna or my mom?”

  “Marina keeps the secrets she’s entrusted with. You are her best friend, and she’s fiercely loyal to her loved ones.”

  “She went off the deep end tonight, though.”

  That sad smile played over his lips again. I wished I could exchange it for a happier one.

  “I hadn’t expected her reaction.”

  “Why was she so upset with you, Gabriel?”

  “I can’t read her mind.”

  “Oh right, how silly of me.” I rolled my eyes. His thoughts were somewhere else, so my sarcasm didn’t register with him.

  “I’ve never had to cloak myself before.”

  “Oh, with your other humans, you mean?” My voice came out strange.

  Gabriel turned fully and looked at me. His eyebrows lifted. “Right…”

  “How many others have you had?”

  “I don’t know, thousands.”

  Holy. Crap.

  I leaned my forehead against the window, trying to hide the flare of jealousy.

  “Gaia.” A gentle hand reached around and pulled me back toward him. I couldn’t meet his stare.

  “They were humans that lived before you.”

  “Girls?” Why did I sound sulky? Oh, right, because I was a terrible actress. Gabriel’s quiet laughter drizzled over me. “Babies. Some growing into women and others into men. Many never grew up.”

  “Did they see you?” Did you kiss them?

  Gabriel didn’t reply at first. Then the back of his hand traced my cheekbone down to my mouth.

  “No, I didn’t.”

  My breath hitched. I must have heard wrong. His gaze focused on my lips, and my gut clenched.

  He let go of me too fast. An arm hid his expression as he fell back into his seat. I leaned over, my palm molding to his face. I needed him close.

  When it slid down his neck, a muffled groan slipped from him. “Please don’t touch me, Gaia.”

  “You started it.”

  “I know—I won’t. We have to stop this.”

  “Crap! You’re not making any sense—you know that? This is bullshit!”

  Gabriel pushed his seat up and faced me, his irises shimmering like water. “Gaia. I don’t know why the archangels haven’t come for me, but humans and angels—” He cut himself off, then continued. “I screwed up. Since I’m still with you, they must have given me another chance.”

  And just like that, I transformed into pure instinct all over again and jumped into his lap. Clearly I could not be trusted near this—this…angel.

  The steering wheel jabbed into my back, but I barely noticed. The pain was just another reason to get closer, much closer to him. My fingers slid into his hair, tangling with it. I tugged him to me and pressed my mouth against his.

  Gabriel reacted immediately. He crushed me so tight that my breath wheezed out. The seat lowered underneath him, and he pulled me with him, devouring my mouth.

  “We can’t be together?” I panted.

  “No, we can’t.”

  “Never?” Desperate, my tongue found his. He shook his head against my mouth. My stomach burned with need.

  One at a time, I forced the words out in clipped gasps. “I can’t ever touch you again?” Gabriel groaned. I could feel him under me. So male, so alive.

  “No.”

  I want him so much it hurts!

  Gabriel’s eyes opened beneath me. He rocked me closer, and I moaned.

  “Will you be visible to me?”

  “Sometimes.” The tiny suckling noises as he feasted on my lips sent fire straight to my womb.

  “Please, promise me you’ll be visible always.”

  His hands moved up to my face and held me out from him. The kiss he gave me was too light on my lips, and I shuddered.

  “No, not always. But I promise that you will see me every day.”

  I absorbed the kisses, lucid enough to know they were the last ones I would ever receive from Gabriel.

  ****

  My house was dark when we pulled into the driveway. I reached out and skimmed his face with my hand one more time.

  Gabriel’s eyes closed. His sigh made me want to cry. I touched his lips, and he puckered them against my fingertips. When I cupped my palm over them, the damp breath sieving out between my fingers finally made the tears come.

  “Shhh.” Serenity hugged me again. “Remember, I’m always with you. No matter what.”

  “I know,” I whispered. A drop fell on my face, then another. I looked up at the sky opening above us.

  “It’s them telling me the time is up, Gaia.”

  “No, it’s rain—just rain.”

  He tensed in his seat, and I followed his stare. In the distance, a large shadow glided across the sky. It sped up and closed in on us fast.

  “Gabriel, is that a bird?” My reflexes were too slow. Suddenly I was airborne, and we landed on my doorstep. With his arms encircling my body, Gabriel faced the pearlescent shape that settled lithely on the gravel.

  “Back. Off,” he growled, but the figure kept sauntering in our direction. Gabriel put me behind him, shielding me against the front door. I caught a glimpse of cobalt blue strands and a flash of a smile over Gabriel’s shoulder.

  “Protecting what’s yours, Gabe?” Musical laughter reached me, accompanying a brief glimpse of feathers. Gabriel straightened in front of me and blocked my view.

  “Hey man, come on.” The stranger sounded seductively pouty. “Move over a tad—I just want a real peek at the goodies that have you all twisted into a knot.”

  Gabriel took a step back against me, and his hands clamped my hips, holding me still behind him. Pressed against his back, I felt Gabriel’s snarl vibrate through me as it grew into a roar. “I said back off!”

  “Gabriel—” I began. The door blurred as it opened and slammed shut, and without warning I found myself inside the house…alone.

  I stared at the wooden panels inches from my face. No sound came from the other side. I tried to turn the knob, but the door was locked. I fiddled with the latch, which showed no sign of budging.

  No way. He’s locked me in!

  Furious, I stalked through the house and out the kitchen door. I crossed the back yard, looped around, and reached the driveway in one minute flat. By then, it was too late. Raindrops and silence was all they had left behind.

  Chapter 8 — Damage Control

  Gaia

  “Gaia, we need to talk!”

  Story of my life, much?

  I hadn’t expected a wide-eyed Marina to stare me down first thing in the morning. She tended to burst into her first class while the teacher called roll, so this confrontation should have hit me much later.

  Unfortunately, my new kind of luck had Marina lying in wait behind the cafeteria door. All claws, she pounced at me as soon as I entered. Creases from her pillow still marked a cheek, and agitation kept her puffy eyes round as she hauled me to a table. I’d have a monster on my hands once she woke up enough to discover her missing makeup. Her Betty-Boop slippers still snuggled her feet too.

  Damage control, and pronto.

  I rummaged through the backpack and pulled out my “first aid kit” as she shoved me into a seat in front of her. Grumbling, I glanced up at the clock. If she wanted to, she could have at me for fifteen agonizing minutes before the bell rang. Damn me and my early arrivals.

  The path of least resistance seemed like the smoothest choice, so I handed her a hairbrush and waited for her to tear into me. The brush went through Marina’s hair in automatic strokes while she stared me down.

  What did I do to deserve this again?

  “Am I your BFF?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Dude, seriously. Do you trust that I o
nly want the best for you?”

  “Yep. Yep-yep.”

  I pulled out the mocha-colored eye shadow from my emergency kit. God knows where the courage came from, but I started layering it above her intent glower.

  “Listen to me, Gaia!”

  “I am listening. Geez…”

  Her shoulders relaxed. I finished with the mocha color and moved on to a lighter latte for the arch below her eyebrows.

  “Okay, so my family’s Catholic, right? We believe in Jesus, the Virgin Mary, the saints, angels, demons—everything.”

  “Uh-huh, yes.”

  Her espresso-colored irises would stand out nicely with green eyeliner. I whipped mine out and began shaping her eyes.

  Marina continued. “Since I know quite a bit about them, I recognized him yesterday. I don’t think you Lutherans have the same kind of relationship with them?”

  “With who?”

  “Demons, dammit! This is important!”

  “True. No association with demons. Call me antiquated, but I doubt you Catholics can change my mind on that one. Just boring old me, I guess.”

  “Okay, okay.” Marina shut her eyes, trying to curb her impatience, and I suppressed a snort. Taking advantage of her closed lids, I corrected the eyeliner. Then, I started dabbing my favorite rose-colored rouge at the high points of her cheekbones.

  “I don’t even know where to start, Gaia. I’m so worried. Please come and meet the priest at our church?”

  “What the…? Calm down, girl! I don’t need a priest. Gabriel explained everything yesterday.”

  “Really? Did he tell you he’s a demon?”

  “No, he didn’t because he isn’t! Has anybody told you how out of your stupid mind you are?”

  Marina was mad too now. She slapped away the rouge brush and leaned into me. My fingers shook a little as I unscrewed the mascara lid.

  “Oh, so you think he’s from the light? Well, get this: demons are fallen angels. They can totally be super-beautiful, like Gabriel—”

  “And only demons are beautiful?”

  Ignoring me, she pressed on, freight-train style. “—plus they’re super-evil. He’ll exploit you so bad you won’t remember your own name when he’s done with you. They’re the servants of the devil!”