Shattering Halos

by Sunniva Dee

  Beneath the anger, Marina was truly frightened, and I hated that it affected me. The crowded cafeteria was beginning to feel too public, so I lowered my voice into a whisper. “Stop it. Gabriel is my guardian angel. He’s amazing, Marina. All he wants is what’s good for me; it’s like he’s made of love or something.”

  “Ha, he better not show you too much love!”

  My cheeks colored. Obviously, I couldn’t share everything from the night before with her. Getting up, I started toward the door. She grabbed my sleeve and tried to retain me, but I yanked free and hurried to the exit. With the doggedness of a terrier, she followed close behind, still yapping.

  “So explain to me why he dazzled me yesterday if he’s only concerned with what’s good for you? He literally forced me to back off your case. Gabriel freaking wants you, Gaia. Next thing, he’ll be looking for an artery!”

  I chuckled despite myself. Count on Marina to give even the most bizarre situation a comic twist.

  “Oh, get over yourself already. He wanted to explain to me in person, and he did, didn’t he?”

  For a second, I absently marveled at the 1950s Hollywood eyelashes I’d managed to create for her.

  “Please—make me happy, chicky. Come with me to Father Damian’s?”

  “Marina.” I shook my head, fighting the irritation. Few things annoyed me more than being manipulated. This was far overboard, and I wrenched my wrist free of her grip. From all sides, curious stares lingered on us now, and she dropped her voice to a hiss as she dug into my arms. The questions hit me rapid-fire.

  “Listen up. How can you trust that he’s not a Fallen? Why would he want you so bad if he were good? Shouldn’t he be selfless, above our kind of love? Demons are self-serving, lustful, evil, and yada, yada, yada—and Gabriel wants to be with you. What white angel would be like that?

  “Oh, and here’s a great one: have you ever heard of someone obsessed with her guardian angel? I don’t think so. That stunning freak show has dazzled you into oblivion.”

  “No, you don’t get it…”

  “He owns your ass!”

  The silence suddenly stretched on, and Marina shuddered. I had nothing else to say. I wanted her to be happy, not to worry about me. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to see her priest.

  My defeat sounded too loud in my ears when I exhaled. “Fine, I’ll go with you if it shuts you up. But just so you know, Gabriel and I are not together.”

  Marina looked truly surprised. “What? You’re not, um, hanging out?”

  “Well, he sort of is my twenty-four seven bodyguard, so he’ll be around, but we’re not…dating or anything. Apparently, it’d be kind of ginormous if we did, and not in a good way. Something about the big picture,” I added awkwardly. She snorted and rolled her eyes.

  “You don’t say? Not that I’m a believer, but if he were from the light, I betcha God would’ve sicced another guardian on you so fast it’s not even funny.”

  It was my turn to ignore her words. “Please, tell me you haven’t told anybody else about Gabriel. I’d appreciate it if you kept this to yourself.”

  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with interesting mood swings, because Marina instantly reached over to hug me. “No matter what, I never ever spill on my friends. Also, I couldn’t break this kind of news to Lucio. He doesn’t deserve any of this.”

  ****

  I spent most of the day staring blankly at the teachers. I wasn’t mad at Gabriel anymore, but the way he’d lost his cool with the new angel scared me. He didn’t seem to trust him.

  How I wished Gabriel would stop cloaking himself. I hadn’t seen him all day, and I already missed him. My stomach hurt when I thought about how amazing it felt to be kissed by him. Gabriel’s rule of no contact would be hard to uphold. I shut my eyes and stifled a whimper.

  “Gaia, are you okay?” The teacher frowned down at me.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just have a headache,” I lied.

  “Do you need the nurse?”

  Kyle studied me from the neighboring desk, and I looked away. “No, no, I’m okay.”

  Throughout the day, with the sun peeking out and flooding every surface, I began to feel better.

  Between Computer Apps and Pre-calculus, Gabriel finally materialized. He sucked the air out of me just by standing there in the nook by the band room.

  “Gabriel! What happened last night?”

  “Hi sunshine. It wasn’t safe for you outside, so I had to tuck you away.”

  “Who was that guy?”

  His laugh lines showed, and I loved it. I remembered the sensation of his stomach rippling with amusement under my touch. Already I wanted to break the no-contact rule.

  “He’s nobody. Don’t worry about him.” Gabriel leaned against the closed door, and his gaze softened as it met mine. “I’ll take care of you, Gaia.”

  ****

  Secret happiness began to seep in over the next days. My life shone bright and complete. After a week, I even manned up enough to apologize to Lucio. I caught him by the arm on the way out from class.

  “Hey, Lucio?”

  “Gaia.” He acknowledged me with a nod before staring off into the hallway.

  “I’m sorry about what happened at the dance.”

  “Yeah, it’s fine.” He didn’t turn to me, and his stance remained tense.

  “I didn’t mean to run off like that.”

  Brilliant, just brilliant, Gaia.

  “Sure, it’s cool. I’m off to P.E.” Lucio pulled his arm discreetly out of my grasp.

  “Right, sorry…” I watched him stalk down the hallway. As he turned for the west corridor, he shot a pained glance in my direction. His expression said more than words. Why hadn’t I understood that he felt something for me?

  Marina caught up with me as I headed to class. “What was that about?”

  “Your cousin…I think he liked me.”

  “Yeah, dick move at the dance.”

  “Thanks.”

  “No, just saying.”

  Over the next days, whenever my happiness was too obvious, Marina would glare at me and remind me of my promise to come to church. I could only imagine the fit she’d throw if she discovered the source of my bottled-up euphoria.

  During the weeks following the dance, Gabriel would randomly appear during my school days.

  In Computer Apps, I was half listening to the lecture when he materialized Indian-style on top of the teacher’s desk. Like an illusion, he leaned toward me with his back too straight for anybody but a Kirov dancer. I let my hair slide in front of my face to disguise my elation.

  “Genie,” I mouthed, and he shook his head, feigning outrage.

  He pointed at me. “You.”

  My strangled laughter alerted Marina, who slapped me on the arm. “What’s going on?” she hissed.

  From the teacher’s desk, Gabriel shimmered and sent me a playful smile that provoked my most exultant grin. “Nothing. Just this stupid Excel formula I’m fighting with.”

  Marina held my stare longer than I liked. “Bull.”

  “You’ll be a strict mother one day,” I said, and she rolled her eyes. “Hey, the eye roll’s my move.”

  “Whatever, Gaia. I’m on to you.”

  Besides Gabriel’s irrational beauty, his most prominent external trait was the way he shone. His dimming skills seemed to only go so far, but he was doing his best to spare my senses.

  My crush grew tenfold with the angel side of Gabriel tempered down and the out-of-this-world male thing ratcheted up to a devastating, off-the-chart level.

  I was dying for him but tried not to be too transparent. Occasionally, Gabriel’s stare sparkled with promises too wicked for an angel, and the thin veil over my obsession unraveled.

  One day during homeroom, I ran to the bathroom with a nosebleed. The girls’ room was empty, and Gabriel appeared, legs crisscrossed, on the bathroom counter.

  “Hey, you’re in the wrong bathroom, sir,” I said and watched him smile.
/>   “You’re here, aren’t you? It seems like the right one to me.” He winked.

  “Angels wink now?” My heart pounded in my chest.

  “We can do all kinds…” The way he tapered off left me out of breath.

  “Gabriel,” I said, already regretting the next words.

  “Gaia?” He supported his chin in a palm and trailed my nervous moves from under his lashes. The paper towel covered half of my face by now. It was blotted with red.

  “Why do I feel the way I do about you?”

  His pupils dilated. “How do you feel about me?” Shaking his head, he closed his eyes. “No, don’t tell me.”

  “I’m crazy about you!” I walked up and leaned against the counter in front of him. His sapphire stare rested on my hands then drifted slowly up my body to my face. He sat perfectly still, waiting.

  “Never mind. I don’t need an explanation. Why the hell wouldn’t I be crazy about you? You’re a freaking angel! Insanely gorgeous, nice, kind,…unbelievably wonderful—gah! You protect me and you’re with me all the time. You’re perfect in every way.”

  “I’m not so perfect anymore.”

  I raised my hands and supported them against the mirror on both sides of his neck. Gabriel sat immobile, eyes glittering. I leaned closer, swallowing the lump in my throat.

  “Not so perfect,” he whispered. His scent enveloped me. Our breaths mingled warm in the tiny space between our lips.

  “I don’t want to be good, Gabriel.”

  With his gaze penetrating mine, he vaporized as the restroom door opened behind me. I held my breath and strained to retain the vision of him while he vanished particle by particle. I squeezed my eyes shut after he was gone and forced myself to relax.

  “Are you okay?” A freshman stared at me from the door. The bloody paper towel lay in a wet heap in the sink, and I was still leaning against the mirror. She hesitated in the doorway.

  “Yeah, thanks. I’m good.”

  ****

  The next day, Marina chattered away at my side as Gabriel rounded the corner and walked toward us. I didn’t slow down, but kept my eyes fixed on him until he smoldered an inch from my skin. Gabriel held my gaze until we were so close that he could have kissed me. When he faded away, only the heady tinge of verbena persisted.

  Another morning I watched Kyle and Cody fight over whose backpack hadn’t made it to school when Gabriel emerged from behind a car. He sauntered toward us, his eyes gliding up to meet mine without blinking. Then, his gaze slid away from mine and into a cool focus on the horizon. In the moment he passed me, a lone, electrifying fingertip reached out and almost traced the back of my hand.

  Gabriel humored me by staying visible during lunch hour. He would sit with his arms crossed and his head resting against the windowpane. A brushstroke of Bahama azure blazed from beneath half-closed lids as he squinted at me like an idle cat, and I would try not to stare too blatantly at an “empty” windowsill.

  He was spoiling me, but I needed more. I craved his constant visibility, and whenever I begged for it, he chuckled softly and clarified heavenly policies I’d rather not learn.

  Soon, I started taking the bus to school, blaming the price of gas. If Marina and Lucio left before the school bus, I’d miss my ride home on purpose and jog away from the school grounds. My destination would be the cemetery at Sunset and Parker, where Gabriel waited for me in the parking lot.

  His car became one of the few places we could talk without being discovered. For twenty precious minutes, I’d lounge next to a tangible Gabriel. I couldn’t imagine a better way of getting home from school.

  Seated sideways in the passenger seat, I sat on my hands so they wouldn’t wander while I watched him drive. Twinkling eyes stayed on the road ahead of us, and I relished the little, luscious smile that played around his mouth when I prattled on about everything that crossed my mind.

  During these peaceful spells, I talked more than I had since the accident. There was something about the unspoken encouragement, the absolute lack of judgment. Whatever I blurted out seemed to interest him.

  “I mutate into a full-on chatterbox around you, Gabriel. How do you not get sick of this?”

  “Why does that surprise you? You’re marvelous.”

  No way. He did not just call me “marvelous.”

  My happiness swelled and threatened to morph into bliss. Wouldn’t I eventually burst? “For a guy who’s been with me every second of my life, you’re easy to amuse,” I laughed.

  Gabriel gave me so much, and yet I wanted more. My cravings grew with each passing day. One afternoon on our way home, I sent him a look from under half-closed eyelids. “Hey you, angel. Why don’t you rip your eyes off the road and let the car do its thing? You could check me out instead.” My voice came out appropriately husky and seductive.

  His reaction hit me the second I spoke the last word. The car skidded to a stop in the dead center of the street, and his movements blurred so fast I couldn’t even perceive them. Shocked, I squinted up to discover him hovering over me, frozen in place, his fists crushed around my headrest.

  Gabriel’s breath steamed across my face, and I sensed his thighs angled taut on the outside of my hips. In a space so impossibly crammed, he somehow managed to keep himself away from my skin.

  Fire and ice. From the heart of glacial blue irises, his pupils seethed ember hot. Gabriel exhaled his demand, a barely audible hum gusting by my ear.

  “Don’t. Tempt. Me.”

  We drove the rest of the way in silence. Goose bumps lingered under my sweater, and my heart raced. Every now and then, I stole a glance at him, but he was unreachable. My throat kept closing, urging me to cry. The last thing I needed was to increase the tension between us, so I held back.

  At my house, he opened the car door for me. He sent me a dark look as I fought to get out of the seat. I couldn’t conceal how my body trembled when he crossed his arms instead of helping me out.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  Gabriel shook his head wearily and closed his eyes.

  Don’t close them. I shouldn’t have…

  “No, sunshine. I’m sorry.”

  I wanted to stroke a cheekbone, skim a full lip, but knew he wouldn’t let me. At the door, I turned to look back at him. He hadn’t moved. Gabriel stood infinitely still with his hands balled tight by his sides, a golden deity meeting my gaze…defiantly.

  Off-kilter, I fumbled for the doorknob and fell inward thanks to my mother.

  “Who on Earth was that?”

  Nice. Let’s find out how much more complicated my life can get.

  If I’d paid attention, I would have known she had the entire month of December off. A little late to change my fate now that all five feet three inches of her had me in a stare-down. My mother was a continuously busy and happy person, but boy, you didn’t want to be in the vicinity when she soured.

  “Hi, Mom. Yeah, a friend drove me back from school.”

  “Gaia. That is a dreamy-looking boy.”

  Come again?

  Confused, she tilted her head a little, as if forcing her motherliness back in control.

  “Who is he, and what does he do for a living? And no stories Gaia Samuelle, because I’ll see straight through them. Cut to the chase right now.”

  Ah, and she’s back. Yay.

  “Mom, please.”

  The lock clicked behind me—she locked him out like a criminal! Then she grasped my hand, led me to the kitchen, and made me sit. One of her infamous, loaded silences hung between us as she took her time pouring me chai tea.

  She stirred in maple syrup with ominous deliberation while I concentrated on not erupting into nervous laughter. As expected, she picked up right where we’d left off once she was done. The questions she fired off sounded like statements.

  “What’s his name?”

  “Gabriel.”

  “Gabriel. What’s Gabriel’s job, Gaia? Don’t even try to tell me he’s in high school. That boy is at least twen
ty-one.”

  This was not moving in a direction I was comfortable with, and I certainly had no answer she would buy.

  “Mom…I don’t know.”

  She didn’t take it well. “You don’t know how old he is? Why do I not believe you, Gaia? About twenty-three is my guess—way too old for you, missy. No daughter of mine is going anywhere with him, and that’s for your own good.”

  Unable to defend myself, I groaned, exasperating her some more. Her fairy-sized stature tensed.

  “I’m having a chat with your father, and he won’t be happy. What does a twenty-five-year-old man want with a seventeen-year-old girl, you think?”

  “I turned eighteen weeks ago, Mom.”

  She hated the reminder. “Don’t interrupt me! You have no idea; you’re so not prepared for this. Please inform Gabriel that you’re not allowed to see him, all right? Find a sweet high school boy.”

  “Hey, he’s a friend and wouldn’t try to trick me into anything. Plus, a little trust in your adult daughter would be nice. I’m going upstairs.”

  My mother started pacing, her breathing suddenly louder.

  Ah, yeah, should’ve kept my big yapper shut.

  “Well, forgive my bluntness, but he devoured you out there. This Gabriel is not planning for the two of you to be friends, that’s for sure, and by the looks of, uh, him, he’s used to getting what he wants. I’m putting a stop to this, Gaia, even if it takes involving Dad and a shotgun!”

  I took the stairs in three leaps, escaping before the need to snicker out loud overpowered me. What were the chances of her “putting a stop to” my guardian angel, and with a shotgun no less?

  I fell onto my bed, laughing and crying. I was in the midst of a small breakdown when a familiar tranquility wrapped around me. I peered up and found Gabriel standing by the window. Closer, I thought, and almost imperceptibly, he shook his head.

  Chapter 9 — Caught

  Gaia

  “Marina, you’re relentless!” I stared at my friend across the table. How many times had we had this conversation? I’d rather spend my time with Gabriel than go to Marina’s church to be force-fed the theoretical version of him.