The Future She Left Behind

by Marin Thomas

  Then Vern had cosigned the bank loan so he could buy the garage. No one had ever before done anything like that for him. He’d finally had a chance to do something positive with his life, and he hadn’t wanted to let Vern down, so he’d cut himself off from others and avoided socializing except for the AA meetings. Then his mother had come back into the picture. He’d considered ignoring her—payback for all the heartache she’d caused him—but he hadn’t, because he’d needed to prove to himself that she no longer had any power over him and that nothing she did or said would make him want to take a drink. But it wasn’t long before he’d been tested again when Katelyn returned to town and made him realize that cutting himself off from people had only made him weaker, not stronger.

  Vern had helped him understand that he was the only person responsible for his drinking, and Katelyn had made him acknowledge that only he could give himself permission to take risks and live again.

  It was time he began doing the things he wanted to do and not the things he thought he should do. Go where he pleased. Be with the people he cared about. And do it all without taking a drink.

  If he didn’t believe he deserved anything better than what he had right now, that’s all he’d ever aspire to.

  And that wasn’t good enough. Not anymore.

  He walked across the street. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t picture Katelyn living in a house like this. He rang the bell. After a full minute, he knocked. When no one answered, he turned the knob, and the door swung open. He stepped inside and blew out a quiet breath. The furniture was gone, but it didn’t take much for Jackson’s imagination to picture the opulence that had once filled the spacious home.

  A thud above his head drew his gaze to the ceiling. He climbed the stairs to the second-floor landing, where the soft strains of country music escaped from the room at the end of the hall. He paused in the doorway. An empty moving box was tipped on its side in the middle of the room beneath a crystal chandelier. His gaze shifted to the fireplace, where he envisioned Katelyn sitting in front of a roaring fire on a cold evening.

  “Jackson?” Katelyn walked out of the closet. Her white T-shirt was covered with dirt smudges. Her face was shiny with perspiration. Her hair limp.

  She looked beautiful.

  Her mouth curved in a sassy smile. “If I’d known you were in the neighborhood, I’d have put on makeup and done my hair.” She rubbed her hands on her jeans. “You’re a long way from home.”

  “I needed to tell you something.”

  Her attention swung to the box on the floor. “You could have called.”

  “I wanted to see you.” Make sure you were okay.

  She shoved her hands into her back pockets and shifted from one foot to the other. Maybe she felt as uncomfortable as he did in her bedroom.

  “I’m sorry there’s nowhere for you to sit.”

  “That’s okay.” What he’d come to say wouldn’t take long, but he hesitated in getting to the point. “Do you need help packing the rest of your things?”

  She shook her head. “I’m almost done.”

  A glint in the carpet caught his eye. He walked over to the fireplace and picked up a shard of glass, then looked at Katelyn.

  “I threw a wine goblet against the fireplace the night I read Don’s breakup letter.” Her gaze softened.

  “For what it’s worth, Katelyn, I’m sorry you have to go through this.”

  “I know.”

  He set the sliver on the mantel. “You have . . . had a beautiful home.”

  “I did.”

  Standing next to the fireplace, he could see into the master bath. There was an obscene amount of marble everywhere—floors, shower, bathroom counters. “Will you miss this house?”

  “No.” She walked past him and stared out the French doors, which opened up to a balcony. “After everything that’s happened this past summer, the house feels different. Claustrophobic. I’m not comfortable here.” She shrugged. “I never was.”

  “Birdie gave me the painting of the garage.”

  “This time when I left, I wanted you to have something nice to remember me by.”

  His pulse skidded to a halt. “So you’ve decided you’re not coming back?”

  “I haven’t made up my mind about anything yet.”

  Maybe he still had a chance.

  “Sonja Doyle, the manager of the art gallery in Dallas, wants two of my charcoal sketches.”

  “Which ones?”

  “The Fourth of July celebration in the park and my mother’s birthday party at Doris’s.”

  “That’s great,” he said.

  “Sonja gave my name and number to a friend of hers who manages a gallery in South Carolina. He called yesterday and asked me to send photos of my work.”

  “Your dreams are finally coming true. I’m happy for you.” And he meant it.

  “I couldn’t have done this without you, Jackson.”

  He had to touch her. He closed the distance between them and brushed his fingers across her cheek. “I want you to know something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You did the right thing when you broke up with me after you left for college.”

  “How can you be sure?” Tears filled her eyes.

  “Don’t cry, Katy.” He expelled a long breath. “If we’d stayed together, my drinking would have become an issue, and I’d have always worried that you’d leave me for someone better down the road.”

  “If I’d stayed, maybe I could have saved you.”

  “That stuff happens in fairy tales, not in real life.” He took her hands in his. “I want you to believe that I’m going to be okay with or without you.” He held her gaze, letting her stare into his eyes so she’d see the truth.

  “What matters most to me,” he said, “is your happiness. You were happy this summer when you were sketching. I want you to feel free to come and go in Little Springs and not have to worry about me or my feelings. We can be together or we don’t have to be. I’m happy in Little Springs running the garage. And I’ll still be happy doing that whether you’re there or not. Whether we’re more than friends or not.”

  “So what are you saying?” she whispered.

  “There’s room for both of us in Little Springs if that’s where you want to be. The town might not look like much to outsiders, but it’s in our hearts. It’s where you found your passion to draw. And it’s where I found the courage to stay sober.”

  Her teeth worried her lower lip. “If I come back, I can’t make any promises to you.”

  It took more strength than he’d imagined to force the words out of his mouth. “I’m not asking for promises.” More than anything, he wanted her to give him . . . them a second chance, but the only way to show her he meant what he’d said was to prove he could be happy without her.

  “I’ll think about it,” she said.

  Jackson’s heart beat steadier than it had in years. He nudged the box with the toe of his shoe. “You sure you don’t need help hauling anything out to your car?”

  “I’m sure.”

  He walked to the bedroom doorway, but stopped when she called his name.

  “Jackson.” She smiled. “Thank you for coming.”

  He’d chickened out of going after Katelyn when she’d left for college, and he wasn’t making the same mistake again. “Take care of yourself.”

  • • •

  “Hey, watch that hose, kid!” Jackson yelled at Gavin, who was spraying the high school girls instead of the soap on the car. He smiled when a petite blonde smacked Gavin upside the head with a soapy sponge.

  “I think my son has a crush on Jennifer,” Layla said, walking over to Jackson. “I can’t thank you enough for letting us use your business for the soccer team car wash.”

  “Happy to help the kids earn money toward their new uniforms
.” Brian had asked Jackson for help with the fall fund-raiser, and he’d said yes, looking forward to an opportunity to engage socially with others.

  “Have you heard from Katelyn?” Layla asked.

  He shook his head. They hadn’t spoken since he’d left St. Louis three weeks ago. It was the end of September, and he had no idea when or if he’d hear from her. He and Katelyn might never get a do-over, but he’d always be grateful for the time he’d spent with her during the summer. Because of her, he’d begun letting people into his life again.

  “How are your classes going?” he asked Layla.

  “Who told you I went back to school?”

  “Birdie.” He grinned. “She stops by the garage every now and then to complain about the new checkout clerk Walter hired.”

  “Sharlene wouldn’t be so bad if she’d stop complaining about her husband all the time.” Layla waved her hand. “I won’t lie. Going to school while working is difficult. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t depend on Brian to keep tabs on Gavin.”

  “He’s a good kid.”

  “I know. I’m lucky to have him.” She pointed down the street. “Walter’s bringing his car in. I better tell the boys not to mess with my boss.” Layla walked off and Jackson went into the garage to find more dry towels and caught Shirley snuggling with Vern on the couch.

  “They need sign spinners to stand on the corner. Why don’t you two make yourselves useful?”

  “Maybe after our break,” Vern said.

  “You’ve been sitting around since you got here.”

  The couple had returned to Little Springs a few days ago after secretly getting hitched in Dallas. Birdie hadn’t figured out how Vern had overcome Shirley’s reluctance to marry, but neither of them was spilling the beans. Sadie had thrown a reception in her beauty shop for the couple this past weekend, which Jackson had attended. He’d hoped Katelyn would return for the celebration, but he’d been told that she’d already flown to South Carolina to meet with the owner of an art gallery when she got the news, and that Shirley’s son hadn’t shown up because he’d been overseas on business.

  “Is Birdie here?” Shirley asked.

  “I haven’t seen her,” Jackson said. “Vern, if you fetch the outdoor cooker from the church, I’ll send Gavin over to the store to buy burgers and dogs. We can charge a buck apiece and give the money to the soccer team.”

  “Great idea.” Vern popped off the couch, but Shirley caught his arm. “That’s too much of a bother. Let me write a check for the uniforms.”

  Vern coaxed Shirley to her feet. “Don’t be a party pooper.” The older couple left the garage and Jackson took more towels out to the boys, thinking he’d be up until dawn doing laundry after the fund-raiser.

  • • •

  When Katelyn arrived at her mother’s in Little Springs, no one was home. She left her SUV and the U-Haul trailer she’d towed across three states parked in the driveway, then walked around to the front yard, where she spotted all the activity taking place at Mendoza Auto. When she reached the bottom of the hill, she noticed the posters advertising a car wash.

  She strolled along Main Street, taking in the scene. The Hot Tamales had set up their band beneath one of the church tents and were playing an Elvis song. Shirley and Vern danced to the music. Brian and Layla were kissing in the shadows on the side of the garage. Ginny was guarding her pies on the bake-sale table. Sadie braided a teen’s hair while a group of young girls watched. A car turned into the garage and the boys waved the driver forward. The older man had barely gotten out of the front seat before Gavin sprayed the hood with water. And right in the middle of all the chaos, Jackson stood grilling hamburgers and calling out food orders.

  Katelyn soaked in the homecoming scene. She hadn’t told anyone of her decision to move back to Little Springs. After Jackson had left the house in St. Louis, she’d cried. An ugly cry—the kind where snot poured out of her nose and her eyes swelled shut. No matter how hard she’d tried, she hadn’t been able to shove her feelings for Jackson or the memory of their relationship into a quiet corner of her heart and then shut the door on it. For good or bad, her creative energy would forever be tied to him and this place. It had taken a lot of courage to accept the truth—that the only way to fulfill her dream was to go back to the future she left behind.

  Katelyn had always blamed Little Springs for holding her back. But this town and all its inhabitants had nurtured her passion for drawing. The young girl had left the small town, but the small town had never left the girl.

  Jackson glanced up and she knew the moment he saw her—the burger on the end of the spatula dropped to the ground at his feet.

  He set the spatula aside and walked toward her. They met in the middle of the street. The commotion around them went on: kids shouting and laughing, Birdie singing, Vern and Shirley dancing, Layla and Brian kissing. Walter conversing with Gary. Ginny serving a slice of pie to Jackson’s mother, who sat in her wheelchair, watching Sadie style the teens’ hair.

  “You’re back,” he said.

  “For good.”

  “And us?”

  “I can give you one day at a time.”

  His mouth widened into a smile. “I can do one day at a time.”

  “Are you available to help me move into my new place next week?”

  “What new place?”

  “I bought the O’Malley house by the railroad tracks.”

  “No kidding.”

  “It’s a fixer-upper, but we could work on it together.”

  “I’d like that.”

  Katelyn wrapped her arms around his neck and released a heartfelt sigh when his lips brushed hers and a locomotive whistle drifted in her ears.

  The train had been a driving force, moving Katelyn through the stages of her life. If she hadn’t left Little Springs, she would never have understood that her artistic ability was deeply rooted to this special place and the people inhabiting it. As long as she followed the tracks, the train would always lead her down the right path.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Special thanks to editors Danielle Perez and Sarah Blumenstock for your expertise in fine-tuning and polishing Katelyn’s story. Thank you to the fabulous team at Berkley—the copy editors, the publicists and the members of the art department who helped bring this book to life.

  To my agent, Paige Wheeler, thank you for your guidance and brainstorming help from beginning to end on this project. I appreciate all the support you’ve given me through the years.

  To my author assistant, Denise Hall, who has been a huge supporter of my books through the years, your encouragement and friendship mean the world to me.

  Last, I want to thank my husband, Kevin, for putting up with the crazy hours that come with my job. My children, Thomas and Marin—I’m so proud to be your mother. The world is a better place with both of you in it.

  QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

  As a teenage girl Katelyn couldn’t wait to escape the small town of Little Springs, Texas, and only later in life does she realize that the one place she thought would stifle her creativity actually nurtured it. Did you have similar thoughts when you were Katelyn’s age? Later in life, did you end up back home or have you made a new home somewhere else? How does where a person is from impact where he or she will go in life?

  Katelyn’s relationship with her mother-in-law is trying, to say the least. How would you characterize their feelings toward each other? Use specific examples from the book to illustrate your points. How does their relationship change throughout the story? Do you have a good relationship with your mother-in-law (if you have one)? If not, what do the two of you disagree about, and how do you handle those disagreements?

  Katelyn doesn’t regret choosing to be a stay-at-home mom and raise her children, but her divorce does wake her up to the realization that she’s lost part of her identity and that sh
e set aside her aspirations when she decided to put her family first. Many women feel the same way when they marry and have children. Have you ever forgotten what you believed in? What you stood for? What was important to you? If so, how did you find your way back? What are some ways a wife and mother can put herself first without feeling guilty?

  Growing up, Katelyn watched her mother and father struggle financially and she knew she wanted a different lifestyle for herself. But what does “having it all” mean? Is it different for each woman? And what kind of a price does it come with? What price did Katelyn pay for having it all?

  Katelyn’s impending divorce makes her face painful truths about herself and her marriage. We’ve all made decisions we regretted, but have you ever suffered through the consequences or stuck by your decision even when you knew doing so would make you unhappy?

  Birdie admits that she was jealous of Katelyn’s artistic talent, because her sketches reminded Birdie of her own lost dreams. Do you believe it’s possible for a mother to be both proud and jealous of her daughter?

  Getting involved with an old flame can be exciting and scary at the same time. What are some of Katelyn’s biggest concerns about getting involved with Jackson again? Why is Jackson leery of getting serious with Katelyn? Is he nervous about getting his heart broken a second time? Are you satisfied with where their relationship stands by the end of the book?

  If Katelyn had stayed behind in Little Springs and continued dating Jackson, do you believe his drinking would have sabotaged their relationship? Do you think that by the end of the book Katelyn has enough confidence in herself and her dreams to continue pursuing her artistic passion? Or do you think that she will revert to her old ways? Use specific examples from the book to illustrate your points.

  It’s not uncommon for a woman to change her hairstyle after going through a major life change such as a divorce or the death of a loved one. What do you think made Katelyn decide to finally change her hair? Have you ever made a drastic change to your appearance and if so, what was it? Did it make you feel better? More empowered? Or did you regret it?