Reading Tara (Growing Up Ashton Book 1)

by Kathryn Hewitt

  Right then Calen laughed out loud. I shook loose the memory, grabbed his hand again, and practically dragged him to the theater that our movie was being shown in.

  Despite the distraction of having Calen to lean against, the movie was actually pretty funny. The theater had stadium seating and he’d immediately lifted up the armrest between out seats so that we had no barrier between us. He and I both busted up laughing throughout it, and it just felt so right. I was falling hard.

  After it was done, we left to go grab a slice of pizza since we were both starving. After ordering, Will suddenly came in. I practically groaned out loud. After he came in, Sam came in. I wanted to jump for joy, so happy we had a distraction that I ran up and hugged her. I turned to Will who was none too pleased to see me.

  “I was hungry. What’s your deal?” I said. He just scowled at me. Whatever. Then he glanced at Calen. Calen stepped forward and said he’d run into me here. Will’s scowl deepened. Calen rushed on to say that it was a funny coincidence since both he and I were ordering ours for pick up. Will’s scowl lessened. Then Calen went back to the counter and said something to the girl at the cash register.

  After the four of us stood around for a few minutes, and Will insulted me a few times regarding the fact that I was ordering pizza to take home and eat alone, the girl at the front produced one box and yelled, “Tara?” I walked over. She handed me my own box and thanked me for my business.

  I thanked her in return and started to walk out. Stopping to glare at Will, I told him I’d be sure to try to serve him a piece of turkey on Thanksgiving that I’d specifically undercooked, in hopes that he’d get salmonella. He just ignored me. I walked out of the pizza place, aware that the girl had called Calen’s name, but also noticing that she seemed to be spending an awfully long time chatting with him before giving him his slices. Now it was my turn to scowl.

  Waiting just outside of the pizza place, Calen finally emerged. Sheesh. He grinned at me. First he gently took my mini pizza box and then he laced his fingers through mine. If I wasn’t so annoyed with my brother, I’d have appreciated this more. Again, Calen chuckled under his breath,

  “Don’t be so hard on Will. He too has his secrets,” Calen said quietly. I looked at him.

  “Ok, Obi-Wan.” Then after a minute or so, I continued. “If his secret is that he’s a douche, then I’m afraid that the cat’s out of the bag.” Calen laughed. I wondered how he was always so relaxed. I’d only seen him worked up twice, and he’d been mildly so. He’d only seemed to be slightly irritated the time he’d thought I was with Zach (although I still didn’t entirely understand what exactly had bothered him), and then with Dick when he’d “caught” us.

  Sometimes I wondered if we were like those opposites that they always say attract. I’d definitely be the electron.

  “I like how fiery you are, Tara. It’s one of the many reasons that I’m drawn to you.” Damn Calen and his intuitive yet soothing comments. I just shook my head. The only response that popped into my head was about how attractive and amazing and wonderful and….ok. Stop. This was all true but I was still too insecure to have the balls to say something like that, and I was still annoyed by my brother. Why did he always go out of his way to piss me off?

  Pulling me away from my negative thoughts, Calen suggested the impossible: “Would you like to come to my house for a little while?” For a split second, I thought he meant my house since the boys were there so often, I felt like they sort of viewed it as their own. Then I realized Calen actually meant his house. Wow. I had given a lot of thought about him in his room, undressing, showering…Whoa. I needed to rein myself in. But I’d never allowed myself to believe he’d actually have me over. Maybe this was an actual relationship.

  After we were settled into the car, I turned to him. “I would love to come to your house.” Then I gave him a sweet smile, hoping he wouldn’t change his mind. He stared at me for a beat. Either I was imagining things, or I had just melted him with that smile. Go me.

  We pulled up to a spacious house, it’s back edged with redwoods. From the outside, it appeared to be larger than mine. I had a pretty nice home, what with the four bedrooms, each with their own bathroom, but his only housed Calen and his grandfather. Hopefully its size would allow us a little privacy. I suddenly blushed at the thought. Glancing at Calen, I hoped he hadn’t noticed. He had a small smile tugging at his lips.

  We got out and he led me inside, briefly explaining that his grandfather mostly dominated the first floor, but that the second was essentially his. I was a little more than envious. He had this whole floor to himself and he didn’t have to play wife, mom, and maid. As I tried to shake off the envy, he stopped mid-step and turned toward me. He immediately gathered me in his embrace and pulled me against him, his soft breath tickling my face, and kissed my cheekbone. I wondered what I had done to deserve such attentiveness.

  Releasing me, he took my hand and led me through the living room and into the kitchen. I had no idea where his grandfather was, but he didn’t appear to be around since the majority of the house was dark, and Calen flipped on lights as we needed them. The kitchen was beautiful, an open layout with an island in the middle. It was sparsely decorated, the walls white and the counters granite. It looked like all top of the line appliances, mostly stainless steel, and I wondered how much Calen and his grandfather cooked.

  “My grandfather is rather particular about things. He tends to only like the best, thus this kitchen. I don’t really understand it since he only cooks once in a while and I,” Calen suddenly looked a little embarrassed, “am a lost cause. I can probably burn boiling water.” I smiled and shook my head. Men. “My only request: a top of the line microwave.” He grinned and pointed at it. He could have all of the frozen burritos his heart desired, I thought to myself and laughed quietly. Opening one of the cabinets, he extracted two plates and grabbed a handful of napkins off of the counter. Swinging past the refrigerator, he grabbed two sodas, sticking one in each of his pant pockets. Balancing the plates on top of the pizza boxes, he shot me a very cute smile and gestured back towards the living room. I walked in the direction he’d pointed toward, but slowed to let him pass me once we were there.

  Calen continued, leading me upstairs and into a den. It had luxurious dark leather couches with warm blankets folded over the back, and a low cherry wood coffee table. He gestured for me to sit, which I did, and he settled in next to me. I felt nervous but kept reminding myself that this was Calen, the guy I’d been seeing, and to relax. As we ate a bit of the pizza, I took in more of our surroundings. Very well decorated, it was both formal while being comfortable. The TV was a huge flat screen, and I briefly wondered why the boys bothered with my place.

  “I haven’t invited anyone over here since I moved,” Calen explained. I could appreciate that. Those guys would suck all the niceness out of this room with their sweat and their stench and their filthiness. Besides, I’d kill to have more than just my room to feel free in.

  “At least you have your running,” Calen said. I looked at him. It seemed like a non sequitur.

  “Yeah,” I mused, “I do. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane.”

  We continued to talk while we ate our pizza, Calen managing to eat his in about 5 seconds...typical dude. Finally, I was stuffed.

  “So what should we watch?” He asked. Damn. We were going to watch something? I had other things on my mind.

  “I’d like to see your room.” He said I was the driver? I’d be driving this little bus right on into his room.

  Smiling, Calen led the way out of the den and down the hall, opening a door. “Princess?” he said as he invited me in. His room was a bit larger than mine, but not quite as packed. There were very few personal mementoes, but the room was decorated with masculine tones, dark blues and browns predominating. I did notice one framed photo on his desk, next to his laptop. It was a picture of a young man and young woman, both terribly attractive, and both smiling like there’d never been a
happier day in their lives. The woman had dark hair and a complexion that made me wonder if she was mixed race. Her smile was dazzling and there was something familiar about her. The man, I realized, looked like Calen, handsome and masculine with stunning Spring Green eyes. These must be Calen’s parents. How could two such vibrant and happy people have died so young, leaving behind their only son as a toddler? It was almost too tragic.

  He noticed me looking at the picture and at first, I felt like I’d overstepped my welcome a bit. Perhaps this was a little too personal for Calen. Luckily he just smiled and told me that they were his parents. “Your mother was beautiful, but then I guess she’d have to be, considering…” I gestured toward him. He just smiled. It was truly amazing how Calen was the perfect amalgam of his parents. Talk about genes doing all the right things.

  Finally turning away from the picture, I trotted over and jumped up onto his huge bed. After bouncing, I righted myself. It was quite high, so I’d sort of had to take a running jump, which only caused Calen to crack up. I shot him a look of artificial scorn, then lay back, basking it the largeness of the bed. I spread out like a starfish and, closing my eyes, sighed. I could get used to something like this.

  Hearing Calen softly chuckling, I felt a light caress on my cheek. Then I felt his breath on my face, my bangs dancing slightly. I opened my eyes and saw Calen leaning over me. Apparently the look I gave him was enough since he quickly climbed up. He ended up lying next to me.

  “Jeez, Woman, you’re hogging the bed,” he said jokingly. I laughed and stretched out more. The reality was that I couldn’t take up most of the bed if I’d tried, but it was still funny.

  I rolled toward Calen, curling up against him. His bed smelled wonderful, just like Calen, and I had a flash back to when he’d given me my hat back. It was a gloriously fresh, woodsy scent and I closed my eyes and inhaled. Every new thing I did with Calen, I assumed would be the first and last time I’d have the privilege of, so I’d learned to take in as much as I could. This was too good to last. I didn’t deserve him, but I wanted as much of him as I could get before the inevitable.

  Calen slipped his arms around me and hauled me to him, pulling me up so that I was lying on top of him. Our bodies were flush. His green eyes seemed to blaze, his complexion glowed, and his features seemed to be those found in art. I was embarrassed to even be thinking these things, but Calen made me feel this way when I looked at him.

  He reached up and delicately directed my chin down so that we were looking each other in the eye. Fine by me.

  “Tara. Listen to me,” he said. Uh oh. Maybe not fine by me…. “You are a beautiful woman, one who inspires me with your strength. Please do not forget or deny what I’m about to tell you. I could convince you in other ways but I respect you too much.” Was he saying he could screw me into submission? He didn’t have to go there because I was already in submission. Emotional submission.

  “Stop thinking. You’re messing with my head,” he said as he squinted. Confusing. “Tara. Please. You are beautiful. I find you incredibly attractive; I have to actively keep my hands off of you. And, most importantly, you are strong and brave and I admire you.” He inhaled deeply. “You are worthy of me. In fact, I’m not worthy of you.” I sucked in a breath. “Please, you hurt me whenever you think that you’re not worth my time. You physically hurt me. Do yourself a favor and stop that line of thinking. And if you care for me at all, do me the favor of stopping that line of thinking. Don’t make me beg.”

  I just lay there, dumbstruck. That was the sweetest thing I had ever heard. I wanted to curl up and cuddle those words to my chest. Suddenly, I got scared. Maybe Calen was mentally ill or something. Maybe he imagined me to be better than I was.

  Calen shot straight up on the bed. I smothered a startled scream as I rolled off of him as he stood up and whirled toward me. I sat up on my knees since I was not the type of girl to be unsure, confronted, and overall confused, while lying down.

  “Tara! Cut this out! You are amazing. I’m learning that I need a daily lesson in self-control just to be around you. PLEASE listen to me. I can’t make you believe me…I just can’t live with that.” I ignored that confusing statement since this whole exchange was entirely confusing.

  Since we were at a stalemate, I allowed him to pull me back into his arms. We started kissing. I inhaled sharply when I felt his hands move under my shirt, splaying across my ribs. His touch was feathery at first, and then it became firm. I continued my exploration of his chest, following his lead and daring to venture underneath his shirt.

  His breath caught, and I pulled my hands back. Maybe they were cold? He quickly grabbed my hands and placed them back on his chest, underneath his shirt. Ok, I could work with this. I stifled a grin. I rose up on my knees and pressed my lips firmly to his, lifting his shirt which he quickly helped me remove. We tumbled back down onto the bed, him lying on his back. This was further than we’d gone, but I was into it.

  Wow. Calen’s chest was better than I had imagined. I kind of just stared at him, which prompted him to grin. That grin made me want to tackle him…in a good way. He had a scar running halfway across his stomach, low but just above the waist of his pants. I drew my finger across it and he sucked in a breath. Then I leaned down and kissed it. He seemed to have stopped breathing.

  I reached down and pulled off my shirt. Using the fiery look in his eyes for courage, I crushed him and kissed him. Hard. He groaned into my mouth as I pressed my body against his. I was wearing a bra, but enough of our flesh was in contact that we were both humming with electricity.

  He flipped me over onto my back, looking down at me. His face was the epitome of beauty, I couldn’t tear my eyes away. “Oh, Tara.” He closed his eyes, inhaling as if struggling with some internal debate. Opening them, he whispered to me, “You are so beautiful.” Then he kissed me slowly. Lovingly. I melted.

  Finally, he pulled back.

  Reaching for my shirt, he handed it to me.

  “Baby, I think I’d better take you home now.” I couldn’t decide if I was pissed that he’d ended our make out session or if I was thrilled that he’d called me ‘Baby’. I just stared at him. Then I sat up and pulled on my shirt, not knowing what else to do.

  “Tara? Are you ok?” he sounded concerned.

  “Yeah…Yes. I’m fine. I’m sorry.” I didn’t really know what to say. I was torn between feeling elated and rejected. He just frowned.

  “Tara! Why are you sorry? I’m sorry that I didn’t stop us from going so far. I’m sorry that I feel like I have to take you home when I’m dying to have you lie next to me for the night. I never should have brought you here. It is too hard to take you home.” He looked away.

  Suddenly I felt a surge of strength. A surge of Me, really. I pulled him to me, one hand holding the back of his head and the other to the small of his back, kissing him deeply. Pulling apart, we looked at each other. We breathed. Finally I released him, but looking him in the eyes, I reached out and stroked his cheek. He rolled over and lay back on the bed as I peered down at him, openly admiring the view.

  “Calen. Now you need to listen to me.” He looked slightly cautious. “You are not the one who ‘let it go so far,’ I did. And except for the fact that you have amazing self-restraint, I’d probably have taken it further. I can’t say that is admirable, but with you, I have a hard time saying no.” He blinked.

  I continued. “Yes, I will let you take me home now. But not until you promise me that I will get to see you again soon, alone. There are no loopholes where it counts that you’re hanging out with Will. It has to be you and me. Together.” He stared at me, and if I didn’t know better, I’d assume he was actually feeling something for me.

  Then he scowled.

  “Tara! God. You piss me off sometimes.” Yikes. Well that wasn’t very nice. Suddenly I was glaring at him and if I could believe my eyes, he looked a little wary. Damn, I must be scarier than I realize.

  Letting it all go, I dropped back down to
ward him and he caught me gracefully. I grasped his face, forcing him to look me in the eye. Then I kissed him, first gently, then fervently. He responded in kind. I suddenly gathered up my courage and pulled away, taking a deep breath.

  “Calen. I understand you feel the need to protect my virtue. Take me home now, if that’s what you want. Just know that what I want is you.” The look he gave me could have scorched wood. I suspected that my words were a little more upfront than he’d expected, but at the moment, I wasn’t concerned with that. I wanted him to stop beating himself up for some nonexistent infraction he felt he’d committed. He seemed to debate internally for a moment, but then just sat up, shaking his head and laughing softly.

  Leaving his house, I still felt intimidated by the grandness of it. It wasn’t so much the size, or the style, but more that it just looked like someone who lived there was invested in keeping it pristine. I hated to acknowledge it, but my scrubbing and Windex-ing wasn’t enough to keep our house pristine. I tried my best, but it was tough. Deciding that come tomorrow, a few hours were going to be invested in getting down and dirty, and NOT in the good way, we walked out. How awkward that after the night we’d shared, I was pre-occupied with toilets and bleach.

  Once we’d pulled up to my house, I leaned toward the driver’s seat and kissed him goodnight. I didn’t think I could ever get tired of kissing him. Everything about him was just so right. Finally I pulled away, gasping a little.

  “Thanks,” he said. I just smiled. Then I climbed out and went into my house. Still feeling the softness of his lips on mine, I nearly screamed when my mom was sitting on the stairs, in the semi-darkness.

  16

  "Where have you been and why are you so late?! Do you know how worried I've been? And, I know you've been out with That Boy!" Since when did I have a curfew??? She hadn't given two shits about me in a Long Time and suddenly I had broken a rule? Excuse me?! "Staying out this late with boys only leads to trouble."