Reading Tara (Growing Up Ashton Book 1)

by Kathryn Hewitt

  Yeah, like you can't have sex during the day or before 9. And what the Hell? My sister had a freaking kid. This was unreal.

  "I'm sorry if I worried you." Crazy Lady. "I was just at the movies and then wanted to go get food. Will’s not even home yet."

  "Was that boy there?"

  "That boy?" This conversation was getting weird. Or at least, weirder.

  "Was that boy there or not?" Did she mean Calen, and if so, why did she have it out for him?

  "Calen? Yeah, I mean he is one of Will’s friends and on the basketball team." I had decided that going with the whole we had a group hang out tactic was best. Plus, technically Will had been there. For about 5 minutes.

  "Don't think I haven't noticed how he looks at you." Oh.my.god. Was she serious? And why was my heart suddenly beating so fast?

  "I don't know what you're talking about," or what you have done with my mother because I am confused as... I was so shocked, I didn’t even have an expletive on hand to fill in the blank of my internal monologue. "If you'll excuse me, I'm exhausted and I'm going to bed." Best to end whatever…this was. With that, I turned on my heel and charged off to my room, chased by a "Don't think we're done talking about this..."

  This was unreal. My mom was acting like a mom. I sat on my bed and tried to get a grip on the situation. I had one of the best nights of my life and then come home to whatever the hell this was. I fleetingly wondered if you had to pay priests for exorcisms. Finally I decided that my mom was sleep walking and just got ready for bed. Right before I turned out the light, my phone buzzed.

  The text read:

  Sorry if you got in trouble. My bed feels too big without you. Sweet dreams.

  I had died and gone to Heaven. I rolled over and fell into a blissful sleep.

  ***

  Thanksgiving went over better than I could have hoped. Everyone in the family actually showed up, and I dug deep and found the decency not to give my brother food poisoning. I was a freaking saint.

  Calen texted me that he wouldn’t be stopping by, but he was so apologetic about it that I couldn’t hold it against him. Plus, after that surreal experience with my mom, it might be better this way. Will, of course, took off to god knows where immediately after dinner, probably just so that I couldn’t force him to do any dishes.

  The kitchen cleaned up, the leftovers put away, I realized that I was just standing in the kitchen. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I thought you were supposed to feel sleepy after that much turkey, yet I felt even more awake. I contemplated calling one of the girls, but they all had normal families and it didn’t feel right to intrude on their holiday.

  Finding myself in my room, I racked my brain for something to do. Giving up, I sat down at my desk and opened my laptop. Perusing my go-to websites, then checking my email, I eventually ran out of things to do. Suddenly, an absurd idea popped into my head.

  Quickly, I googled Calen Havenfield. The first few results were articles from the local newspaper about the basketball team, and their new hope for winning the season because of the addition of Calen. I felt a swell of pride. Several more articles down, there was something that caught my eye. Also a newspaper article, but this was from an Oregon newspaper.

  I re-read the headline twice.

  “Teen Car Crash Leaves Two Dead, Driver in Critical Condition.” I clicked on the link and was suddenly blasted with a picture of a younger Calen, a boy, and a girl. They all looked extremely happy, Calen actually captured mid-laugh. As I read on, I learned that the three had been driving home at night when they hydroplaned on a windy two-lane highway during a heavy storm. They’d slipped off the edge of the mountainside and rolled down, ending up wrapped around a tree.

  My hand had crept up to my mouth. This was a horror story.

  It proceeded to explain how both passengers were pronounced dead at the scene. The rescuers had initially thought all three were dead, but the driver had turned out to have a faint pulse. Medevacced to a hospital, several surgeries were performed and after a lengthy stay, he was released to recuperate.

  I had ice water running through my veins. Calen had been in a car accident, leaving two teenagers dead.

  And he had been driving.

  I was a cyber stalker. And, look where it had gotten me. It’s why you’re not supposed to eavesdrop, right? You might hear something you don’t want to hear. What did this all mean, and why did it make me feel so sick? My first assumption was just that I didn’t like the idea of anything bad happening to Calen. But, then I knew it was something more. I had felt like we’d grown so close, disclosing secrets and confiding in each other. This kind of seemed like a big deal.

  I felt a little stung. Why hadn’t he told me? This was a huge event in his life, and it hadn’t been that long ago. I told myself that maybe he didn’t like talking about it. Or maybe I had allowed myself to get too wrapped up in whatever I thought was going on with Calen and me. I’d even neglected Sarah. Sarah! MY Sar-Bear!

  Had I been too vulnerable with him? I knew he wasn’t just using me for a cheap thrill, considering he refused to, as he seemed to feel, ‘take advantage of me’ that night. And I’d wanted him to take advantage. Badly. My mind veered off topic and I wondered about why everyone always referenced teenage boy hormones as being so off the charts. I was proof that it went both ways.

  I dragged my mind away from the mental image of a shirtless Calen. I needed to focus on this recent discovery. I guessed it wasn’t a secret, seeing as I just had to Google him to read about it…so why hadn’t he told me? Was I being unreasonable? At least it explained why he drove such a nice new car.

  I searched myself and determined that I wasn’t condemning him for the fact that he had been driving. It was a horrible story, and my heart hurt for the parents of the other two kids, but I had a hard time holding Calen responsible. From the article, it sounded as if the wreck hadn’t been avoidable, or at least that the driver wasn’t held at fault.

  The driver. Calen.

  I suddenly let out a sob. He’d almost died. I might never have met him. And who knew what kind of emotions he carried locked up inside him. Guilt? Regret? Fear? What good was I to him if he couldn’t turn to me for solace, or emotional support? And how could I get him to talk about it, if he didn’t even know that I knew? Would he even want to talk about it?

  My phone rang and I jumped. It was Calen. Feeling horrible, I didn’t answer. I needed a minute or ten to get a hold of myself.

  ꧁18꧂

  The following Saturday, I went for a run. I spent the day before sequestered in my room, leaving only to make a turkey sandwich. Twice. I didn’t think I’d be eating turkey for a long time after this.

  I couldn’t stay cooped up in there any longer. My phone glared at me, as if asking why I hadn’t called Calen back. He probably thought I was being a bitch, and well, I kind of was. I just couldn’t figure out what to say to him. So I ran. And ran. Mile after mile and still I couldn’t clear my head. The two passengers’ faces had been plaguing my mind. I kept picturing them when I closed my eyes. And a younger Calen, laughing, so carefree. I could briefly get him to access that part of himself, but only occasionally. Otherwise he was so much more reserved and controlled than that. It made me sad. Was this a part of him that was lost as a result of this horrific accident?

  When it became obvious that no amount of hitting the pavement was going to erase my tension, I returned home. But, I had at least made a decision. I was going to call Calen when I got home. I needed to see him, needed to remind myself that he was real. Otherwise, I had no real plan. Perhaps that was for the best.

  Walking through the kitchen, I realized how wobbly my legs were. I guess I sort of overdid it. Suddenly, even just walking hurt. I slowly started through the living room and realized we’d had another invasion. It looked like today’s video game of choice was some kind of battle for Earth, since the guys were controlling spaceships that shot lasers. Typical.

  I slowed as I sensed Calen. Looki
ng towards him, his eyes almost glowed. God, they were beautiful. As we made eye contact, he ran his hand through his curly hair. It had grown a bit since I’d met him, and I was definitely enjoying the longer look. Yet the whole time, his expression never changed. It was almost as he was daring me to do or say something. I was frozen.

  Will, finally noticing that I was standing there, glanced at me and then immediately back at the TV. “Nice sweat-stache, Tar.” I heard Paul laugh and the moment with Calen was broken. I dragged my hand across my upper lip.

  “Whatever, Jerkface.” I shot Will a withering look and briefly pictured the time that our toy poodle Fancy had run up and bitten him in the ass. I could almost hear his girlish scream. I actually did hear a choked laugh come from Calen’s general direction. He turned it into a cough but I wasn’t fooled.

  Upstairs, I headed into my bathroom, contemplating Calen’s look. What had it meant? Was he angry? Was he currently picturing me in the shower? God, what was wrong with me? Now I was picturing him in the shower. I quickly switched the water to cold. Yep, that did the trick.

  Since it was too cold outside for wet hair, I blow dried mine. Then I painstakingly straightened it with my flatiron. Then, I reorganized my closet, finding several articles of clothing that I had forgotten I even had. Clearly I was stalling.

  Grabbing a little casual grey wool sweater dress I’d found while ‘shopping’ in my closet, I pulled on some leggings for warmth. Finishing with my Uggs, I glanced in the mirror. I actually looked pretty cute. Definitely too cute for my plan to sit around the house and do nothing.

  Right then, my phone buzzed.

  Meet me outside.

  Uh oh. Were we going to have to have a talk? I hated talks. And I still didn’t know what to say. But, I did kind of want to see him. Maybe do more. My wandering thoughts in the shower were still lingering. I felt my cheeks flush.

  I walked down the stairs, just as Will was coming up. As I descended, I attempted to do so somewhat delicately, lest Will feign surprise and inform me that he’d thought we had a herd of ponies exiting the upstairs. The type of animals seemed to vary, but the message was always the same. Tara, you sound like a thundering collection of large pack animals. I did not understand why tormenting me gave him such pleasure.

  I went outside and there was Calen, leaning against his car, his arms crossed over his glorious chest. This didn’t seem promising. Before I could reach him, he pushed off and started toward me.

  “Let’s go for a walk.” Personally, I didn’t feel like walking and suddenly felt silly for wearing a dress. “We wont go far. And you look lovely. As always.” How did he do that? I just stared at him.

  As we walked around to the back of my house, he reached toward me and grasped my hand, threading our fingers. My house backed up against a small wooded area and it appeared that that was where we were headed. Secluded could work in my favor…unless this was a talk I wasn’t interested in having.

  “Too many prying eyes at your house,” was all he’d say. When we were just inside the tree line, no longer visible from my house, he turned to me. He cupped my cheeks into his hands. Suddenly we were kissing, kissing as if we’d never stopped at his house. These were not shy kisses, they were demanding and slightly frenzied.

  When we finally pulled apart, we were both gasping for breath.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. I wasn’t. “I had to do that, Tara. I was worried the other night, when I didn’t hear from you. I worried that I’d lost you.” He pulled me against him, holding me in an embrace that reminded me of the night that he had saved me at the cabin. “I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Calen.” I didn’t quite understand what he was talking about. He seemed to relax, though, so I knew I’d given him the answer he’d been hoping for.

  “Come over tonight. I want you to come over tonight, Tara. Please.”

  “Ok.” I was a little speechless, first from the kissing and then from the ardor with which he’d implored me to come over.

  Recapturing my hand, he led me back to the house. When he tried to release it as we got closer, I refused to let go. Screw Will.

  ***

  After I’d come home from his place that night, I lay down on my bed, my head spinning. Every moment with Calen was mindblowing. Even when we were just sitting around, shooting the shit, it felt so right. I closed my eyes as I dozed off. My last conscious thought was that I hadn’t remembered to ask about the accident.

  ꧁19꧂

  Time marched on. Calen and I were still not “out” but we were also not quite as active about hiding our feelings. Sarah finally got to know the truth, handing me my ass, again, but she was happy for me. Will still didn’t seem to have caught on, but I suspected that had more to do with his self-centeredness than Calen’s and my efforts. Thankfully, my mom had returned to her non-alien invaded shadow self, not mentioning my staying out late, or Calen, again. I just checked that whole run-in off as a fluke and all but forgot about it.

  Christmas was around the corner, and thoughts of my dad had begun nagging at me again. I couldn’t help but try to imagine what he was doing. I’d long since stopped wondering about the ‘why’ of everything. I had spent too many nights crying instead of sleeping, to still be dwelling on that. Sometimes my heart really hurt for my mom. If it was this hard on me, I couldn’t fathom how it was for her. It would just be easier to be compassionate if she wasn’t so inaccessible.

  My dad had been a lawyer, a fairly successful one. I guess in theory, he still was a lawyer. After the fact, I was thankful for this, since when he left, he also essentially left behind all of his assets for us. Without his bank accounts, we’d have drowned long ago. I tried to be as responsible with the money as I could, but the family had needs. And, I was only 17.

  I realized that I had been zoning out, since Jenny was snapping her finger in my face. I was in Bio, and Sarah was behind me, Lisa and Jenny flanking me. The only upside to my Bio teacher was that he let us choose our own seats.

  “Tara!” I looked at her and quickly caught on that I’d been out to lunch. She must have been talking to me. Then I realized it was worse than I had thought! The teacher had actually called on me. I quickly looked up front and Mr. Sherwin was staring at me expectantly. In fact, I sensed that the entire class was staring at me.

  “Ummmm…” Thankfully I heard Sarah as she leaned forward and whispered in my ear.

  “The Kreb Cycle?” I asked, the uncertainty ringing in my voice. He looked a little disappointed.

  “Yes, Ms. Ashton. But if you could deign us with your attention from now on, we’d all greatly appreciate it.” He moved on. God. I glanced over my shoulder and shot Sarah a grateful look.

  Jenny leaned over and whispered in my general direction, “Now that that’s out of the way, let’s address the real question.” She gave me a look, and her face read Evil all over it. Uh oh. Real question? Jenny shared a conspiratorial look with Lisa, before returning her attention back to me. Smoothing her straight hair, she seemed to be drawing this out intentionally.

  Then she pounced.

  “So what, exactly, is going on between you, Tara Ashton, and the new guy, Calen Havenfield? Actually, the Hot new guy?” She was suddenly leaning across the aisle, almost in my face. I could only laugh, mostly out of uncertainty. I shot a glance at Mr. Sherwin, but he was preoccupied with humiliating another student.

  Lisa took over as if sensing that if they wanted answers, a different tactic was needed. "We know you've been seeing each other on the regs..." She looked at me expectantly, lifting her eyebrows in excitement. I turned around in my seat again but this time, my look was much more hostile and directed toward the only person who I assumed had betrayed me. Sarah yelped. “Sarah knew?!” Now I was dealing with indignant Lisa. Shit. I guess I’d just exposed Sarah, when all along she’d been keeping my confidence. Oops.

  I was torn between proudly announcing that yes(!) Tara, stupid Tara, was dating Hot Calen…and holding
what Calen and I had close to my vest. They were all staring at me. I finally cracked. My face broke into a huge goofy grin and before I could say anything, Jenny squealed.

  “I knew it! Lisa, didn’t I tell you? You can just see it when they look at each other.” You could? I had better work on that. Jenny rushed on, “I mean we never really see you two interacting at school, but on occasion when you pass in the hall, it’s like electric!” It was ‘like’ electric. I just had been laboring under the assumption that it was Calen’s and my private electricity, not realizing that others might pick up on it. Hmm.

  The bell rang and we walked to lunch. The girls were herded around me, begging me for details. Sarah wasn’t, but that was only because she already knew them. Well, some of them. Some stuff was too sacred to be shared. When we sat down, Sam was already at our table, since she had a different fourth period. Jenny and Lisa practically exploded and began talking over each other as they filled Sam in. She looked pretty impressed, and that was saying something.

  They were all being so loud that I was feeling a little self-conscious. I glanced around the cafeteria and noticed several people during my sweep: Calen raised his eyebrow at me, Will seemed to be glaring at Bobby, Zach looked a little confused, and Bobby was just outright staring at me. They were all far away enough that there was no way they could hear what we were talking about, but I was still not comfortable with the volume of our conversation.

  Working hard, I changed the subject. I asked Sam if she was dating anyone new, since she’d been a little MIA recently. She squinted her eyes a bit, but then just shook her head. Jenny seemed to think that was an entrée into a lengthy discussion of how she wanted to shake her college guy loose, who was now turning out to be a little clingy and not that cool. Sucks for him, I thought. I then turned my thoughts back to Calen. Before I knew it, lunch was over.