Just a Little Crush (Crush #1)

by Renita Pizzitola

  “I’ll join you,” Mel said. “I hate salt water.”

  As we spread our towels, she nudged me with her shoulder. “So that wasn’t too bad.”

  I lay down. “No. It wasn’t. It’s kind of awkward though. I don’t know if I should just pretend everything is fine or if we should talk.”

  “Well, is everything okay?” She lay beside me.

  “I’m not mad at him anymore but I don’t know what that means for us.” The brim of my hat shaded my eyes and I peeked at Ryder.

  His gaze was practically glued to me. Briefly turning his head, he laughed at something then went back to staring at me.

  I adjusted my bikini, self-conscious but a little thrilled too. Sunbathing with him here wasn’t easy. I tried to relax but he had me on edge. So when Nate yelled that the food was ready, I bolted upright.

  “Hungry?” Mel asked.

  “Starving.” I stood and shook the sand off my towel then folded it.

  “Do you want to…” Mel trailed off. She glanced over my shoulder, smiled and said, “I’ll meet you up there.”

  I turned and almost bumped into Ryder. “Hey,” I muttered.

  “Can I walk with you?”

  “Of course you can. I don’t own the beach,” I teased.

  “You know what I mean. I’m not going to force you to hang out with me or anything.”

  “I know. And you aren’t. I want you to walk with me.”

  “You do?” He raised an eyebrow.

  “Yeah. I do.” I dug my toes into the sand and stared at the ground. “I don’t hate you. I was just so damn mad and, well…I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “You had every right.” He brushed sand off my side and froze. “Sorry.” He jerked his hand away.

  “That’s okay.” I didn’t mind. I loved the naturalness. The way he reached out to me with a familiarity I missed.

  “Can I ask you something?” He waited for a few people to pass then said, “If you don’t hate me, is it because you feel nothing toward me? Is it actually worse that you don’t hate me?”

  I bit my lip to hide the smile, recalling the conversation we’d had. He’d remembered why I never hated anyone, but totally missed the point in what I was saying now. “That would make sense, but no. I feel something toward you.” It had taken a ton of courage to spit that out but there was no way I could stand there and wait for his response so I walked away.

  Ryder followed in silence.

  We all sat at the table outside to eat our burgers. Ryder stared at me almost the entire meal and was extremely quiet.

  Mel handed me another beer and settled in the chair next to mine. “I think we need to have a bonfire.”

  Her brother, Chris, answered, “Hell yeah. You up for that, Briggs?”

  I glanced at Ryder. He watched me.

  “Briggs?” Chris shouted.

  “Huh?” he asked.

  “Bonfire,” he repeated. “You down?”

  “Yeah man, that’s cool.” Ryder glanced at me and I smiled.

  Mason stared between the two of us and made a little sound. He draped his arm over my chair.

  What the heck was he trying to prove?

  Thankfully Leena didn’t seem to notice, but a peek at Ryder suggested he had.

  With stiff shoulders, he glared at Mason.

  Leena announced that she was making margaritas and slipped inside. The other girls followed and I was about to join them just to avoid this awkward situation, when Ryder spoke.

  “What’s the place like upstairs?”

  Nate answered, “Replica of downstairs, just roomier.”

  “More rooms?” Ryder asked.

  “Don’t think so. There’s two and a pullout bed.”

  Ryder stared at Mason and me. “So who’s the unlucky bastard sleeping on the couch?”

  Mason smirked. “Actually, I’m the lucky bastard sleeping with Brinley.”

  My mouth fell open and I spun toward him.

  Chris shook his head. “Okay, then. I’m going to go help with the margaritas.”

  “Yeah. Good idea.” As Nate passed Mason, he muttered, “Since someone has a death wish.”

  “What?” Mason shrugged. “It’s true.”

  “It’s not a big deal.” I tried to play it off. “We always sleep together,” I added.

  Ryder quirked an eyebrow and Mason snickered.

  My face warmed. “Not like that.” Dammit. Why was I explaining my actions to him? And why was Mason putting me in a situation where I needed to?

  “You mean, not in the way he wants.” Ryder nodded toward Mason.

  Mason narrowed his gaze. “Whole lot closer than you’re getting, bro.”

  “Are you freaking—” I grabbed my beer can and stood. “I’m going to change. Y’all enjoy your little pissing contest, but leave me out of it. Cool?” I glared at them.

  To avoid everyone inside, I had to walk around to the front of the house. As I marched upstairs I grumbled to myself, “And to think I was worried about Ryder and me getting along. Freaking boys.”

  Once in my room, I pulled a dress over my bikini and plopped onto the bed, not ready to go back out and face everyone. There was a knock at the door. With a huff I opened it, expecting an apologetic Mason on the other side.

  Ryder stood in the doorway. “Can I come in?”

  My frustration fizzled when I saw the defeated expression he wore. I waved my hand and stepped back.

  He wandered to the window and stared out. “I basically accepted it as fact that Mason has a thing for you, but I need to know, do you have something for him too? Are you two together?”

  I scoffed. “He doesn’t have a thing for me and, no, we aren’t together.”

  “Yeah, he does, and you have to be the only person who doesn’t see it if you honestly believe that.”

  “He thinks he does. He doesn’t. Our relationship is hard to explain.”

  “Look, if you two are interested in each other, that’s cool. I know he’d take good care of you. I just need to know the truth.”

  “Ryder, I don’t like him that way. There’s nothing between us. Yes, we are sharing a room, but no, not like that. He can be overprotective. And I’m pretty sure he’s trying to get under your skin.”

  “Well, that much I could gather. And I get it. He cares about you. I fucked up.”

  “Stop saying that.” After what I’d found out from Paige, I couldn’t let Ryder keep blaming himself.

  “I did.”

  “No, you didn’t. It wasn’t your fault. I know that now.”

  Ryder turned and studied me. “What do you mean?”

  “You said Noah put me on the website.” I sighed. “I believe you, which means I don’t think you’ve ever lied to me. I trust you.”

  His lips parted and he looked about ready to speak, then he snapped his mouth shut. He walked to the door. “Okay.” He left and I stared at the empty spot where he’d been.

  What the hell was that about? I’d expected something, anything, but ‘okay’? Ryder always had something to say; why now, when I’d decided to open up to him, had he decided to be the silent type? Crap. I couldn’t win today. Even though it made my stomach twist into an unbearable knot of nerves, I was going to have to approach him. We needed to clear the air in order to enjoy our vacation. Maybe we could be friends, or maybe we’d just avoid each other the rest of the trip, but I couldn’t keep doing the awkward encounters. We had to just lay it all out.

  When I went back outside, the sun had sunk low on the horizon. The girls sat in a semicircle around the fire pit as Chris and Nate piled driftwood. Ryder was missing.

  I stood next to Mason. “Walk with me?”

  He glanced up and nodded.

  I carried my flip-flops in my hand as we strolled along the edge of the water. Waves lapped against the shore, momentarily drowning my feet in sea foam.

  “What’s going on, Mason?” I lifted the hem of my dress as a larger wave crashed into me.

  “I don�
�t know. The thought of you with him is hard, seeing it…I don’t know if I can do it.” He picked up a clamshell and rubbed his thumb over the smooth inside then tossed it into the water. “You’re my best friend. We’re pretty great together. Don’t you ever wonder if there could be more?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, at some point or another I might have wondered that but, in all honesty, I know there isn’t. We aren’t meant to be more than friends, and I think you know that.”

  “Because you don’t have those feelings for me? You aren’t attracted to me.” The last part sounded like an accusation.

  “Mason, you’re a really good-looking guy. You know you are,” I teased. “And the female part of me totally recognizes that.” I nudged him. “Trust me.” I slipped my hand into his. “But the part that is your friend knows our relationship is meant to stay platonic.”

  He stopped walking and tugged my hand, forcing me to face him. “I’d never hurt you like he did.”

  “I know, and that’s why you’re my best friend.” I smiled up at him. “Mason, you’re attracted to a lot of girls but you’re comfortable with me. That’s all this is. But when things don’t work out we could never move back. And I can’t lose you. You’re too important to me.”

  He looked out at the water for a moment, then leaned in and kissed me.

  I stepped back but he moved forward. He moved his lips over mine and coaxed them to part as he slipped his tongue inside. While his mouth was soft and warm, his kiss sweet and gentle, it did nothing for me. Actually the opposite.

  I placed my hands on his chest and broke the kiss. His eyebrows pushed together and he studied me.

  “Huh,” he said.

  “Oh my God.” I laughed. “If you say I’m a bad kisser…”

  He grinned. “No. It’s not that. It’s just, I think you’re right.” He started walking again and pulled me along.

  “You felt nothing?” I tried to hide my smile.

  “Well, I felt something, but it was a whole lot of physical and not a lot of emotional. I always thought it’d be big. You know? Like I’d just know when I kissed you that we were meant to be.” He shrugged. “And I was so drunk the first time I did it, I can’t remember much of it.”

  So he did remember the drunken kiss. I chose not to rehash that and said, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. We’re meant to be friends. Nothing more.” I squeezed his hand before slipping mine free. “Now, clearly you have the hots for Leena, so quit wasting time trying to piss Ryder off and give her the attention she deserves.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’m still not too sure about the guy.”

  “Well, I am. So leave him alone.” With a playful glare, I nudged him. “Let’s go back.”

  As we walked, our friends came into view. Ryder had joined the group.

  The bonfire flames cast shadows onto his face. He tilted a beer can to his lips, looked at Mason then me. Pinching his lip ring between his thumb and forefinger, he sighed.

  Mason wandered over to Leena, tugged her hand, pulling her from her seat, and plopped into her chair. As he cradled her in his lap, she giggled and threw her arm over his shoulder.

  Ryder’s gaze jerked away from them and moved to me.

  With a small smile, I offered him a shrug.

  “Have my chair,” Chris said. “I’m going on a beer run.”

  The seat opened up next to Ryder.

  “Thanks.” I nibbled my lip as I sank into the chair.

  “So,” Ryder said.

  “So,” I repeated.

  “He kissed you.”

  “You saw that.”

  “Yep.” The fire crackled in front of us and the flames danced as a light breeze fanned them. “But now he’s with her?”

  “He and I are finally on the same page. The kiss confirmed that.”

  “Interesting.” He stood and motioned with his head for me to follow him.

  My stomach swirled. This was the conversation I’d been wanting, yet now that it was here, it filled me with anxiety. I stood and followed him. The crashing of waves replaced the laughter and crackling fire as we walked farther away.

  “So what page are we on?” he finally asked.

  “That’s what I’d like to figure out.”

  We’d stopped along the water’s edge. Other than the tiny whitecaps, it looked black under the night sky.

  He stared out into the ocean. “Well, you know where I stand.”

  “Do I?” I glanced at him. “When I left your room that day, you couldn’t even look at me.”

  “That’s what you thought?” He sat down on the sand, arms draped over his bent knees. “No, Brinley, I couldn’t stand to watch you walk out of my life.”

  “You tattoo painful memories onto your body. I’m one of them.” I sat down next to him.

  “I tattoo moments I never want to forget. Mistakes, mine and others’. You’re not a painful memory. My mistake is. Hurting you is my mistake. It’s my pain.”

  I reached out and held his hand. “How about we not call it a mistake. Let’s call it a misunderstanding.”

  “I’m not sure I follow.”

  I shifted onto my knees and faced him. “Don’t be mad, but I know what you did.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Paige told me.”

  He looked away.

  With my hand on his cheek, I guided his face back toward mine. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me.” His gaze dropped.

  “Going to your stepdad is a big deal. I don’t understand why you would bargain with him over me. Your mom needs to know the truth. You can’t carry this around anymore.”

  “The thought of people reading that fucking article and judging you, thinking I’d used you…I had to stop it. I couldn’t live with myself if I hadn’t.”

  “I’m sure it wasn’t an easy thing to do, so thanks.”

  “It wasn’t a difficult choice. Nothing in my life has come as naturally as protecting you.”

  My heart swelled and I knew there was no going back from a fall like that. And it had been way too long since I’d kissed Ryder. As I leaned forward, my phone blared from my pocket. Stupid, freaking phone. But I could think of only one person who’d be calling.

  “I’m sorry, it might be my grandma.”

  I dug it out and stared at the unknown number. Not again. My heart rate sped.

  “Hello?”

  “May I speak to Brinley Dawson?”

  My stomach sank. “This is she.”

  “Hi. This is Karen calling from Memorial Hospital. You are listed as a contact for Elizabeth Dawson.”

  “Yes, that’s my mom.”

  “Well, Elizabeth came into the ER with a laceration on her leg. It’s been treated but we’re holding her here until someone can pick her up. She’s intoxicated and we can’t release her unless we know she has a safe ride home.”

  How many nineteen-year-olds got the call to pick up their drunk parent? “I can pick her up, but, well, I’m three hours away.”

  “Is there anyone else we can call?”

  Grandma was out of state visiting my great-aunt Sarah, so there was no way to call her. Which was probably for the best. She didn’t need more stress. Mom had alienated most of her friends over the last several years, and Mason, the only friend I’d even consider asking, was at the beach with me. “No. But I can leave now and be there in a few hours.”

  “Don’t worry. A few hours of sleep won’t hurt her. Paperwork might get a bit tied up too. I’ll take care of it. Just get here when you can. If all else fails, she will be sober by morning and we can send her home then.”

  “Okay, but I’m on my way. Please call me if anything changes.”

  I hung up. My throat tightened. I could get over my trip being ruined, but how did I tell Mason? Maybe he could ride home with Leena and lend me his car. My eyes stung. I sensed Ryder staring but I couldn’t talk just then. How would I explain to everyone why I had to leave? They’d all find out. Everyone would know
my mom was a drunk. My lip trembled.

  “Brinley?” Ryder said my name with such tenderness it broke me.

  Tears rolled down my cheeks. I buried my face in my hands and tried to stop them.

  His arm went around me and he pulled me against his chest. With a gentle hushing sound he tried to soothe me, but more tears fell.

  Anger, embarrassment, resentment, hopelessness all coursed through me, battering my insides.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “Mom.” I sniffled. “She’s fine. Just hurt herself. But she’s drunk. The hospital won’t release her. I have to pick her up.”

  “I’ll drive you.”

  “You can’t do that. I can’t make you leave. Mason will lend me his car. I’m just so frustrated. I—I don’t even know why I’m crying.” With the palm of my hand I dried my eyes. “It’s stupid. I’m sorry. Please don’t tell anyone. About any of this.” I sat upright and blew out a puff of air. “I feel like such a spaz.”

  “I’d never tell anyone. And you’re entitled to be upset. I’m driving you.” He wiped my cheek. “Tell me when you’re ready, and we’ll go.”

  My eyes welled again. “Dammit.” I fanned my face. “I really don’t want to ruin your spring break. I’m fine. Honest. I can drive back.”

  “The only thing that would ruin my spring break is you leaving. I wasn’t even looking forward to this trip until you showed up. I don’t care where I spend it. If you want to come back after your mom’s out of the hospital, we will. If you’d rather stay there, that’s fine too. Now, if you just don’t want me around…”

  “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  “Positive.”

  “I don’t know what to say.” Patting my cheeks, I asked, “Is it obvious I’ve been crying?”

  “A little. If you want, you can tell everyone I was reciting moonlight beach poetry and it got you all choked up. I think they’d buy it.”

  I laughed. “Hmm, not sure.”

  “Okay fine, how about we tell everyone we had mind-blowing sex that left you in tears. They’d definitely buy that one.”

  My face warmed and I was glad it was too dark for him to see. “Or we could just say you reduced me to tears with your really bad suggestions.”

  “Ouch. I thought the last one was a winner.” He grinned and grabbed my hand. “Come on. You don’t look like you’ve been crying anymore. You do, on the other hand, look like you’ve been blushing.”