Something Like Love

by Sara Richardson

  Another onslaught of adrenaline warmed his body. He freestyled close enough that he could snag her jacket and he pulled her against him.

  Her eyes were closed.

  “Paige?” he panted. “Hey.”

  No response.

  Securing her with one arm, he pulled and kicked his way to the shore and dragged her out, her body as limp as a rag doll.

  Tremors tortured him as he rolled her onto her back and tipped up her chin.

  “Come on, Paige.” He couldn’t swallow, couldn’t stop shaking. “Come on.” Pinching her nose, he covered her mouth with his and breathed into her, again and again until he saw her chest rise.

  Her body seized, arms and legs taut. Then a horrible strangled sound came from her throat. Her eyes popped open wide. Hands clutched at her chest. Water sputtered out of her. So much water.

  The remnants of fear still clawing at his insides, Ben rolled her on her side. In between gasps of air, chokes racked her body until she threw up.

  He rocked back on his knees, breathing. Just breathing. Trembling with an empty coldness that wouldn’t go away. She’d almost died. God, if she would’ve died…

  “What happened?” she wheezed.

  He couldn’t answer because he couldn’t talk. Couldn’t utter one damn word. Couldn’t touch her. Couldn’t blink. Couldn’t feel anything.

  She shifted to her back, blank eyes staring up at the sky. Then they found his. She snapped up to a sitting position.

  “Julia! Julia! Where’s Julia?” Clumsily, she braced her hands against the ground and tried to stand.

  Ben held her down. “She’s fine,” he managed, even with the uprising of raw fear inside of him. He’d never been so scared. Never. Not in his whole life. All he could see were her eyes sealed shut. Body so still…

  “She got out?”

  “Why didn’t you?” he demanded, the fire from his throat leaking into his voice.

  She flinched. “I…I’m not sure. I hit my head. I guess I got knocked out.”

  The adrenaline had drained, but in its place rage boiled. “How could you let this happen?”

  Paige froze and looked at him, her mouth gaping. “What?”

  “You promised nothing would happen. Julia could’ve been killed. You could’ve been killed.” He pushed off the ground and paced out the energy on unstable legs.

  “I don’t…I don’t know,” Paige repeated. “The floor. It was deflated.”

  “You should’ve noticed,” he said through his teeth, because, holy shit, she’d almost died. “You should’ve checked.”

  “Everyone take it easy,” Shooter said as he walked over, carrying Julia in his arms. He set her carefully on a flat rock.

  “Paige,” she cried. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so scared.”

  Paige scrambled over to her, took his sister’s shoulders in her hands. “I’m sorry, Julia. Are you okay? Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine,” she said, wiping her cheeks with the backs of her hands. “I was barely in the water before Shooter pulled me out. I thought it was all pretty cool. Until I realized you were missing.”

  Missing. Nausea thundered in Ben’s stomach again. He turned away. He couldn’t sit there. Couldn’t look at her anymore. Not until the burn in his chest subsided. He was so torn. Between kissing the life out of her and shaking her. He started to walk away. “I’ve gotta call Bryce.”

  Before he could whip out his phone, Paige stood behind him. “Everything’s fine. I’ll just pump the floor. We don’t have to call Bryce.”

  “He asked me to. If anything happened.”

  She grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. “He what?” Shock flashed in her eyes. Something else, too. Extreme distrust.

  Ben backed away from her. “He asked me to report back on how the trip went. He had some concerns.”

  “He told you to spy on me?” Her voice weakened into disbelief, like she couldn’t believe he’d betray her, and it hit like a punch to his gut.

  “Not to spy.” But that’s exactly what Bryce had asked of him. “To take some mental notes. So he could make a decision about your program.” He braced himself for yelling, for that ferocious indignation that made her so hot, but she only whispered, “I can’t believe this.”

  Don’t say it. The words that fought for airtime were nasty, meant to punish her for what she’d put him through. He knew it. But he opened his mouth anyway. “After what I’ve seen today, I’m not sure the program’s a good idea.”

  “God, Ben,” Julia snapped at him. “Stop being such an ass.”

  He was. He was being a complete asshole, but he couldn’t seem to rein it in. Because it wasn’t worth it. Losing a life. And he couldn’t see past Paige’s closed eyes. He’d spent three days with her and he already couldn’t imagine his life without her. It was too much. Too intense. If he pissed her off, maybe he could walk away without feeling anything for her.

  “I will call Bryce,” Paige spat at him.

  Shooter stepped to the middle of their circle. “Everyone chill out.” He gave Paige a pointed look. “I already called Bryce. When I saw Ben giving you mouth-to-mouth.”

  “Great, Shooter,” Paige wheezed. “That’s great. Now we’ll have another scene with the damn fire department.”

  “I told him it looked like you were conscious. Didn’t sound like he was gonna call in the big guns.”

  “He probably should.” The words earned Ben a death glare from Paige. He threw up his hands. “What? You were practically dead. Might be a good idea for the paramedics to check you out.”

  “I wasn’t practically dead. I choked on some water, that’s all. I’m fine.” She stalked away from him with an extra sway in her hips and damn his libido, this wasn’t the time to get turned on.

  “Come on, Shooter.” She snagged his sleeve. “We have to take care of the boat.”

  “Or you could sit down,” Ben called, knowing it was in vain. “And maybe…I don’t know…rest, seeing as how you almost died.”

  She flipped him the bird, then busied herself with righting the overturned raft.

  He plunked himself on the rock next to Julia. He’d never felt so tired. His muscles ached like he’d run a marathon, but at least he wasn’t shaking anymore.

  Speaking of shaking…Julia’s head started swiveling the second he sat down. “What?” he asked her.

  “That was smooth, Ben. Real smooth.” She whapped the back of his head like an exasperated Italian mother. “You saved her life, for crying out loud! She would’ve been all yours. All you had to do was be the hero. Hug her, give her some love. Instead you were a complete jerkwad. That’s about five steps lower than an asshole, in case you didn’t know.”

  “Only five?” He hunched over and rested his elbows on his knees, stared at the swirling river. “I don’t know what happened. I lost my head.” It was true what people said about shock. You never knew how you’d react. Some people cried, some threw up, some went mute. Apparently, he got madder than hell. “It freaked me out, J. I can’t imagine if she’d…I mean what if she hadn’t made it? What would I do?”

  “So it wasn’t that she almost died. It was that you almost lost her.” His sister smiled softly. “Don’t you think that means something, Ben?”

  “It would if she wanted to be with me.” It would mean a whole hell of a lot. No woman had ever gotten such a reaction out of him. No woman had gotten this far under his skin. “But she’s made it pretty clear she doesn’t think it’ll work.”

  “Are you kidding me?” J pursed her lips and gazed at the sky, a silent why do men have to be so stupid? “If she didn’t care about you, you wouldn’t have crushed her heart five minutes ago. And you did.” She brandished a finger in front of his face. “You crushed that woman’s heart. If she didn’t want you, she wouldn’t care what you thought about her.”

  She had a point. But even if that was true, even if Paige cared, he’d screwed up so royally that she’d never forgive him.

&nb
sp; The program was the one thing she wanted in life. And he’d told her she shouldn’t have it. He glanced up the shoreline and found Paige. She crawled on the boat’s floor, hands running over the neoprene, searching. Her supple cheeks had hardened into the mask she’d worn the first few times he’d met her. “It doesn’t matter. It’s too late. She’ll never give me another chance.”

  “Oh, please. That’s a total cop-out,” J grumbled.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Benjamin Hunter Noble the third,” J purred like Scarlett O’Hara. “I do believe you’re afraid. Maybe even more afraid than Paige.”

  He only looked at her. No use denying the obvious. He’d ridden bulls and had broken a wild stallion. But he was still afraid of a girl.

  “Well, don’t worry, dear brother. Lucky for you and Paige, I’m not afraid. Give me some time. I’ll help you come up with a plan to win her back.” His sister’s eyes glistened with the prospect of a happy ending.

  He wished he had her faith.

  * * *

  Boats don’t just deflate. Paige ran her fingers along the slippery creased floor, feeling for any abnormality, a hole, a tear, a snag. Nothing. She found nothing. Shoulders shuddering, she rocked back and sat on her heels. Her lungs felt like they’d been filled with gravel, scratchy and heavy. Breaths squeaked in and out, but they didn’t fill her, didn’t calm her.

  Ben was right. This was her fault. She should’ve noticed the floor had gone soft. She should’ve noticed they were taking on water. If she would’ve done her job, she could’ve pulled them over to the shoreline and pumped the floor before they’d hit the rapid. But she’d been too distracted, and Julia could’ve been killed. If Shooter hadn’t been right there…

  Bile splashed up the back of her throat. She fought the rising tide of nausea and reached for her water bottle to submerge the doubts that crept up.

  After what I’ve seen today, I’m not sure the program’s a good idea.

  Tears burned her eyes and brightened the sunlight. The program wasn’t an idea. It was her dream. The only thing she’d poured her whole heart into for the last five years. It was what had given her hope that her life could be worth more than her parents made her believe it was.

  “Hey.” Shooter tapped her shoulder.

  Blinking hard, she peered up at him.

  “You sure you’re okay, Paige?” His eyes wouldn’t meet hers. And how could she blame him? He’d pulled out Julia while she had to be rescued herself. He’d done her job. Bryce was going to kill her.

  “Looks like Bryce is here.” He nodded in the direction of the road.

  Sure enough, the Walker Mountain Ranch truck sat on a dirt pull-off and her boss jogged toward them.

  “Great.” She shifted to her butt and scooted to the edge of the raft. “Guess it’s time to face the music.”

  Ben appeared, carrying Julia. He settled his sister next to Paige and knelt down in front of her.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  She stared hard at the sand, at the colorful pebbles strewn around her sandals. “I’m fine.” She was. Physically, anyway. Her head ached, her lungs hurt, but it was nothing compared to the arrow in her heart. She’d told him everything. Things she’d never told anyone else. After everything he’d said to her, after everything they’d shared, he had no faith in her.

  He rested his hands on her knees and looked in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “It was my fault,” she whispered, her throat burning. “I shouldn’t have talked you into Julia coming on the trip.” She’d been so caught up in wanting to prove to everyone that she could turn the wilderness into a safe place for anyone. But this only proved she had no control out here.

  “It was an accident,” Ben insisted firmly. “Don’t put this on yourself. I shouldn’t have said that. I was scared—”

  “What the hell happened?” Bryce huffed, as he skidded down the embankment.

  She shook off Ben and stood to prove that she was fine. “We flipped. The floor deflated. I didn’t realize it until we were headed in.”

  “It deflated?” He walked to the boat and ran a hand over the floor. “It’s a brand-new boat.”

  “Yeah.” She already knew he wouldn’t find anything. She’d looked. She’d felt the whole thing over.

  “How’d you miss that, Paige?” A reddish hue made him looked sunburned, but she’d seen it enough times to know he was pissed.

  “I should’ve caught it.” She couldn’t tell him that she was too distracted with Ben. She didn’t want Ben to know, either, because he’d made it pretty obvious back there that his feelings didn’t go quite as deep as hers.

  “It wasn’t her fault,” Julia snapped at Bryce. “She was amazing.”

  Bryce looked at Shooter and raised his brows like he wanted confirmation.

  “I didn’t notice the floor, either,” Shooter said with a sympathetic glance at Paige.

  “Yeah, well, you weren’t the trip leader.” He posted his hands on his hips and focused on her again.

  “Julia’s right.” Ben stepped up to Bryce. “It wasn’t her fault.”

  Oh. Sure. Now he wanted to defend her. A little late for that.

  “She told me it was her fault,” he shot back.

  Ben spread his arms in a surrendering gesture. “Everyone’s fine. That’s all that matters.”

  Bryce didn’t seem to agree. “Shooter said you were unconscious. Ben pulled you out?”

  “I hit my head.” Humiliation worked its way up her neck and seeped into her face. It was so ridiculous. A guide having to be rescued.

  “Avery’s on her way,” Bryce said. “She’s got the van. She’ll give everyone a ride to the party.” He snagged her shoulder. “We’re going straight to the hospital.”

  She jerked away. “You can’t make me go to the hospital.”

  “You were unconscious, Paige.” Ben steered her back to Bryce. “You weren’t breathing. Maybe it’s best…”

  She whirled to face him, too many emotions clashing—fear and desperation and this strange sense of longing. Damn him. “Now you’re going to act like you care? After what you said earlier?”

  His shoulders slumped. “I wasn’t thinkin’.”

  Bryce placed a hand on Paige’s back and nudged her in the direction of the truck. “We’re going to the hospital. Avery’ll be here in five minutes.”

  “It’s not necessary,” she insisted again. She didn’t have time for the hospital. “I can fix this, Bryce. Give me another chance. Have Avery bring out another raft. We can still finish the trip.”

  “No.” He opened the door for her. “I’m not risking anything else. Julia could’ve been seriously injured, Paige.”

  Tears gathered in her eyes. “I know.”

  “You could’ve been seriously injured.”

  “But I wasn’t. No one was.” She looked up at him, still hoping. Couldn’t he give her another chance?

  “Get in the damn truck,” he growled. “We’re going to the hospital.”

  And that was when she knew. He’d made up his mind. It’d only taken one accident to wreck her dream.

  With a hard knot forming in her throat, she slid into the truck.

  Moose whined in the back, scratching on the window like he wanted to climb into her lap. She wished he could. The dog always seemed to know how to make her feel better.

  Bryce got in and slammed the door hard. He shoved the keys in the ignition and gunned the engine.

  “You’re not going to let me start the program. Are you?” she asked, staring at her hands.

  “Sorry,” Bryce sighed. “I ran the numbers. There’s no way it’ll work.”

  “You’re not going to make it work,” she corrected, but she wasn’t angry. She had no right to be. It had never been his vision, only hers.

  “It’s not what we’re about,” he said, watching the road as he pulled out. “It’s not our brand. It’s not what we’re trying to do. And insurance costs for a program like t
hat are astronomical.”

  She stared out the window at the passing landscape, the colors of the mountains blurring together. So that was it, then. No more discussion. A strange sense of calm came over her. Someday. She would make it happen. She had to make it happen. It didn’t matter if it took her twenty years, she’d find a way. It was something she could contribute to the world. A chance to make her life matter. Bryce wouldn’t take that from her. Ben wouldn’t take that from her. But right now, her family needed her. She could go back and remedy her regrets. Rebuild something with her parents. Or maybe build it for the first time.

  Drawing in a breath for courage, she looked over at Bryce. “Consider this my two weeks’ notice.”

  He eased the truck to the side of the road. “Don’t do that. Don’t quit.”

  “I’m so thankful for everything you’ve done for me, Bryce.” She bit into her lip so she wouldn’t cry. “Your family gave me a place when I didn’t have one. And I’ll always be grateful for that. But I need to move on. Mom has MS and they need me at the café. It’s time for me to let go of the past.” Forget about the disappointments, the unmet expectations. Those things had done nothing but hold her back. “I’ll work there until I can figure out how to fund the program myself.”

  Bryce stared out the windshield as though holding back an argument. Finally he turned his head, his eyes sad. “You’ll always have a job. If you change your mind. You know you can always come back.”

  “I know.” She forced a smile to lighten the mood. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope I won’t have to come back.”

  “You won’t.” He reached over and mussed her hair, still her true big brother. “I know you, Paige. You’ll find a way to make it happen.”

  She held on to those words, stored them away. “I hope I can still come for Elsie’s dinners.”

  “Always,” he said with a grin. “She’ll blame me, you know. For you leaving.”

  “It’s not your fault.” She understood. Not that she loved his answer, but she understood. “You’re right. You and Avery have built something amazing together. But it’s not a therapy program.”

  “What about Ben?” Bryce pulled the truck out onto the road again.