Something Like Love

by Sara Richardson

  She played dumb. “What about him?”

  “I’m not as stupid as I look. I’ve known you both forever,” he reminded her. “I knew you didn’t spend the night at the café.”

  That night. Wow, that night. It would always be special to her. But she wasn’t stupid, either. “Ben’s great.” So great. With those wild eyes and that all-American grin and those jeans. He was funny and good. Strong and compassionate. A swell of emotion scraped her throat. “But we wouldn’t be great together.” Not with him living in the political spotlight and her always trying to hide from it.

  “You sure about that?” Bryce asked, taking his eyes off the road to study her face.

  “I’m sure.” Even as she said it, doubt rooted itself deep. It would go away in time, though. Especially if she kept busy. She’d work at the restaurant, work to restore her relationship with her parents. He’d go on to be senator. The currents of their lives would carry them in different directions and their weeklong whirlwind romance would be one of those distantly wistful happy memories that she’d tell her grandchildren someday.

  Someday. That’s what she counted on. Someday she’d be the director of a wilderness therapy program. Someday she wouldn’t have to wish things were different.

  Someday she wouldn’t long for what she couldn’t have.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  All this for him. Ben shook his head as Avery skidded the van into the dirt parking lot on his land. The party was already in full swing. Kev had outdone himself with the preparations. Peaked white tents stood in the center of the flower-spotted meadow. One held a buffet that could’ve rivaled the one on the cruise he’d gone on with Gracie and Julia last year. Another tent sheltered a band, jazz from the sounds drifting in through the open windows. Yet another massive tent covered what looked like fifty round tables where people milled around, sampling the fine wines and food. Despite the outdoor venue, everyone seemed dressed up, women in silk sundresses and wide-brimmed hats. The men mostly wore khakis and button-ups, although a few braved suits.

  Ben opened the van door and they all piled out.

  “Wow, Kev. How’d you manage to pull this off way out here?” He went around back to get out Julia’s chair.

  Kev followed, smoothing his hair and his wrinkled river clothes. “We’ve got connections. Had to pay some of ’em to come, but you know your mother. She said price was no object.”

  Ben hoisted J’s chair out and set it on the ground. Then he went back for his sister. “You had to pay people. To come to my event.”

  “Don’t take it personally. We wanted a big crowd. Besides, technically we’re not paying them. We gave out gift bags.”

  Yeah, he’d seen Gracie’s extravagant gift bags. “You had to bribe them.”

  “It’s part of the gig, Ben. You know that.”

  He lifted Julia out of her seat and shifted her into the chair. “You ready to party, sis?”

  She smiled, but it looked forced. “I guess. I wish Paige was here, though. I hope she’s okay.”

  Yeah. Tell him about it. He glanced at the keys still hanging from the ignition. He had half a mind to steal the van and take a joyride to the hospital. She didn’t seem to be in bad shape, but you never knew with a bump on the head. Besides that, he had a lot to say to her. The drive over had given him some time to sort it all out. Nothing fancy. But he at least wanted the chance to tell her how he felt.

  “I knew it! I just knew it!”

  Oh, boy. He looked up, braced himself. Gracie was practically sprinting toward them.

  “I knew something would go wrong,” she moaned. No one could play the part of worried mother better than Gracie. “Oh, I’ll never forgive myself for backing out. She clutched J’s hands in hers. “I should have been there for you, Julia. I should’ve been there to protect you.”

  “Good god, Mother.” J slid her gaze to the left, then right. “You don’t have to do this. No one’s even watching so you can ditch the act.”

  “How could you say that? It’s not an act.” She gave Ben a wounded look. “After all I’ve done for her…”

  J started to wheel herself away. “Paige is the only one who got hurt. Maybe you should go to the hospital and gush over her.” She eased the chair down the gravel slope without looking back.

  “Paige?” Gracie’s face looked pale. “She’s in the hospital?”

  “Yeah.” Ben glanced at the keys again. He should be there. He really should go…

  “What happened? How bad was it?”

  “Don’t know, yet,” Ben said, eyeing his mother. Suddenly the mask had fallen off and she looked genuinely worried. “What’s wrong?” He watched her carefully. Something wasn’t right…

  Her eyes got too wide. “Nothing. I’m just…very concerned for her, that’s all. I mean, I don’t understand. How could the guide get hurt?”

  “She hit her head. Got knocked out.” The memory stirred up the nausea that had only started to settle.

  Gracie gasped. “Will she be okay?”

  “I don’t know.” He looked around. “Avery told me she’d let me know when Bryce called.”

  Gracie turned her back on him a little too fast for his liking. “I should go check on things. You’d best mingle, don’t you think?”

  “I guess.” Though the crowd spread out in front of him held little appeal. They weren’t there for him, anyway. Not really. It was another stunt. Another façade created by his mother and his campaign director. Hardly any of them knew what he stood for, why he’d even wanted to run.

  Kev emerged from a beast of an RV. He’d changed into his signature uniform—a neatly trimmed black suit, even though it had to be a good eighty degrees in the sun. “Let’s get you dressed, Ben.” He waved him up the steps. “Your mother went with a simple white button-up and those tan pants that seem to be so popular around here. They’re right inside.”

  “Great,” he muttered feeling more like a puppet than he ever had.

  Kev gave him a good pat on the back. “See you in ten. Make sure you wash up, too. You smell like the river.”

  “Will do. Thanks for the advice.”

  It actually felt good to clean up, to scrub the river off of him, along with the memories of pulling Paige out, of thinking she wouldn’t come back to him, of feeling helpless, like he wasn’t enough. He wasn’t. Not for someone like her. Someone larger than life. Brave and strong. God, look at the world he lived in. No wonder she didn’t want any part of it.

  Showered, changed, and dressed in the clothes his mommy had picked out for him, he stepped back into the fresh air. Avery passed him by.

  He caught her arm. “Any word?”

  “She’s fine.” She smiled. “No serious injuries. She’s so lucky you were there, Ben.”

  Relief unlocked his lungs. For the first time since he’d watched Bryce lead her away, he felt like he could breathe.

  Avery looked around, then leaned close. “There’s something you should know, though.”

  “What?” he asked, not liking her sad expression.

  “She quit. She won’t be working at the ranch anymore.”

  The news settled the heavy weight of guilt right back on his shoulders. “Why?”

  “Bryce told her we couldn’t launch the program.” She shrugged. “I guess she wants to move on.”

  Because of this trip. She’d been counting on Bryce to give her a shot at her dream, and Ben had ruined it for her.

  “Ben,” Kev called from the food tent. “Get over here! There’re some people you need to meet.”

  “Sorry things didn’t work out with you two,” Avery said before walking away.

  She wasn’t nearly as sorry as he was.

  For the next hour, he wore his politician smile, shook hands, held babies, posed for pictures, and made small talk about what a fabulous event it was, and how much the community of Aspen appreciated his generosity.

  Every time he met someone new, he wondered if they were there because they wanted to be or because
of the expensive cufflinks in their gift bag. He was almost afraid to ask.

  Finally Kev trotted away from his side to go hit the buffet, which had started to run low. But he wasn’t hungry. Instead of eating, Ben took the opportunity to wander away from the people and the noise and the smell of bourbon. He walked down to the river and found Julia parked next to the water’s edge.

  “Hey. You okay?” he asked, stepping close enough that he could get a good look at her face. She looked as down as he felt.

  She didn’t look away from the river. “After we get home, I’m packing up my stuff and moving away from the ranch.”

  “Pardon?”

  “I’m moving. To Dallas,” she announced, turning the wheels of her chair until she faced him. “Meghan’s been begging me to be her roommate.”

  Meghan? Her flighty friend who worked at a hair salon? The idea was so ridiculous that he laughed. He couldn’t help it. “Meghan can’t take care of you.”

  “I don’t need someone to take care of me,” she said, her hands fisted, face red. “And I won’t stay at the ranch and watch you ruin your life for me.”

  Ruin his life? “What the hell are you talking about?” She wasn’t ruining his life. He was doing a pretty damn good job of that himself.

  His sister shook her head like she couldn’t believe what an idiot he was. “You never would’ve gone after Paige like that if it wasn’t for me.”

  She had a point. That wasn’t the first time he’d gone for a swim on a rafting trip. Usually that was part of the fun, part of the thrill. But with Julia in the boat…everything felt more out of his control.

  “And do you even want this, Ben?” She looked at the crowd that milled around the tents. “Do you want to be a senator?”

  He’d never lied to his sister, but there was a first time for everything. “Of course I want it.” Faking conviction was harder than it sounded. “I mean…I wanted to do it for you, J.” For her and with her. He could give her a voice…

  “And what about Paige?” she asked quietly.

  He looked down at his hands. “She wants nothing to do with it.” And he didn’t blame her. Look at all of those people up there. Look at the show he had to put on for them. Much as he hated to admit it, Gracie was right. “She’d never be happy in that world.”

  “Neither will you.” J crossed her arms in the same pout she’d relied on since she was three. “I thought you wanted this for you, Ben.”

  That was because he’d led her to believe he wanted it, that he held all of these political convictions. Like a good Catholic, he’d been careful to never let his doubts show.

  “I can’t watch you go after things you don’t really want just so you can prove yourself to me.” The tears in his sister’s eyes jabbed at his heart. “You’re a good man. The best brother in the whole world. You didn’t get in that car with Kacy that night. I did.”

  His jaw locked. He didn’t want to talk about this with her. Didn’t want to hear her blame herself. “You were a kid. You didn’t know.”

  She shook her head like it didn’t matter. “I’ve made peace with it.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I love my life. And I love you too much to sit there and watch you ruin yours.”

  His mouth opened but he couldn’t say one damn word. Her sweet sincerity tangled his throat. “But what about all the work you’ve done? What about the bill?” She’d spent so many hours on it…

  “We can lobby,” she said, shaking her head like she couldn’t believe his ignorance. “We have plenty of connections between you and Gracie. We’ll find another senator to introduce the bill. You deserve to be happy.” She used her shirt to dry her tears. “You should be with someone like Paige. You shouldn’t be holed up in a DC office and sitting through endless sessions that don’t do the country much good, anyway.” She peered up at him, no longer the girl whom he’d sworn to protect. She’d grown up. She was wise and gracious. And right. Always right.

  Every day Julia chose to be brave. Now it was his turn. Drawing courage from his little sister, he stood. She was right. It was time to let go of everyone else’s expectations of him, to let go of that driving desire to prove himself to the world. To her. She was offering him his freedom. And he knew exactly what he wanted to do with it. “I have to withdraw from the race.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.” And that wasn’t all. He looked around them at the rolling acres of land they owned. A land trust was great, but they could use it for something even better. Something that would change lives instead of laws. They could push all kinds of legislation, but that wouldn’t stop tragic accidents, it wouldn’t stop terrible diseases like the one that had killed Paige’s grandmother, like the one that was eating away at her mom. “We can donate all of this to Paige. Let her run her program here.” Let her give the gift of hope and beauty to people who needed it most.

  “Are you serious?” J squealed, her happy self again. “Ben, that’s perfect! I could help! I could work there and—”

  “Whoa…easy.” He crouched to put the brake on her chair so she didn’t go rolling right into the river. “It’s only an idea. A lot would have to happen first.”

  “It’s the best idea in the world.” For being confined to a chair, the girl sure could bounce. “Can we really do that? Give her the land?”

  “I’m definitely gonna look into it,” he promised. There’d be a million details to work out. And one more hurdle…

  “But first I have to tell Gracie.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Someday…

  Someday she’d be able to walk through the door of the High Altitude Café without dry heaving. That day was not today, unfortunately.

  The smell of charred meat and sizzling grease descended on her like a cloud, holding her in its heavy haze. It wasn’t only the smell that made her sick to her stomach, though. It was the nerves.

  The place was packed with the dinner rush, which meant all hands on deck. Every member of her family would be there. Right inside the door, Paige scooted off to the left and slipped behind the coatrack to watch, to get her bearings. Pete moved from table to table, chatting with the customers, charming the pants off the women, judging from their ruddy cheeks and flattered smiles. Obviously, he played the part of the manager today. Out of all the Harper siblings, he had the most charisma, not to mention the most star power with the older women. Something about those dimples.

  On the other side of the restaurant, her other brother Paul manned the bar like Tom Cruise in Cocktail. He’d actually studied the old classic, a favorite of his from the eighties, and learned how to flip and toss the bottles of liquor just like Tom had, although he didn’t have Tom’s lady-killing smile or slender body. He was big and beefy, like Dad.

  Her sisters Penny and Pearl both floated about, taking orders, running food, and bussing the tables, in between catching up on the local gossip, judging from the way Pearl kept gasping and waving her hand in a No-way.-Are-you-serious? sort of gesture.

  Back in the kitchen, behind the scenes, Dad no doubt stood at the grill, while Mom walked the line, sampling the food, judging the presentation—how many ways were there to make meat look nice?—while their part-time kitchen staff slaved away in the steam and heat.

  An echoing hollowness yawned inside of her, taking up the space in her lungs.

  She’d quit her job. And she felt like a stranger here.

  Her siblings all had their places. They fit in. Not only that, they loved working there, loved the food, loved the chance to gab with the patrons. This was home to them, but it never had been to her.

  She exhaled a breath. But that was her fault. Maybe instead of expecting her parents, her brothers and sisters to make a place for her, she should’ve made a place for herself.

  On the outskirts of the camaraderie, she watched carefully and listened and finally felt it—the something bigger that kept her parents coming in every single day for the last thirty years. It was the laughter and the hugs. The hearty handshakes
and whacks on the back. It was the way people shouted hello all the way across the restaurant. The low hum of country music playing the in the background.

  The High Altitude Café was a gathering place. It might not be a wilderness therapy program that would change the lives of people with disabilities, but it had a purpose. It brought people together. All those years, it’d been her choice to stay on the outskirts of her family. She could’ve asked her parents for more. She could’ve given more, herself.

  She’d been too afraid. Ben was right about her. She feared so many things. Him. That penetrating connection they had. She feared that deep connection with her own family. It required so much, too much risk. She’d made sure her family couldn’t reject her. She’d shut them out.

  And it was time to open herself back up.

  Working here would never be her dream, but it would make her part of the family. And that was something she’d always craved, too.

  Stepping out from the shadows, Paige headed straight for Pete. He’d be the easiest one to start with. He’d never really given up on her the way the others had.

  She caught up with him right outside the kitchen doors. “Hey.”

  He whirled, somehow keeping the large tray balanced on his palm perfectly steady. “Hey yourself.” A smile brightened his eyes. “To what do we owe this honor?”

  “I’m here to work.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I quit my job. Need to make some money.”

  The tray wobbled and dipped to one side, but he righted it before the empty glasses cascaded to the floor. Concern rounded his eyes. “Paige…you didn’t have to quit.”

  She rested her hand on his arm to calm the worry in his eyes. “Yes. I did. It’s time for me to move on.” If she stayed at the ranch, she wouldn’t be moving forward. At least if she eventually found a better-paying job, she could work toward her dream. “I can’t stay here long-term.” Because they wouldn’t pay any better than the ranch. “Just through the end of the off season, then I’ll help you hire someone else.” And maybe she’d look into using her kinesiology degree…