by Nicky Shanks
I’m losing control.
I scream his name somewhere in between his hard grip on my breasts and his nails raking down my back once he couldn’t hold on anymore. The water has gotten so cold that our bodies are the only things giving off heat in the bathroom, but that doesn’t stop him from gripping the round flesh of my ass and finishing so brilliantly that chaos erupts in my mind.
I can’t catch my breath.
I dry heave beneath him as he tries to compose himself enough to pull out of me. I feel him leave the space and he pulls me upward, clutching his arms around my shivering frame.
“Jesus, baby.” His voice is strained and low. “I guess we didn’t wait two weeks.”
I cough when I try to laugh. “What a little sneak.”
He looks down at me and I swear I see tears in his eyes, but there may be a slight chance it’s water from the now-freezing shower. He releases me and grumbles something before turning off the water. He tries to hide it, but I can see the blush in his cheeks. I know him better than that. I like when Oliver is vulnerable because it means that he’s letting me in to see sides of him no one else gets to see.
“Are you feeling okay? How are your stitches?” I fumble around in the steam to find the side of his body. A little blood trickles down his hard stomach. “Oliver! We ripped one of your stitches!”
He laughs, and it makes me angry. “It’s a little scratch, come on. Don’t worry about me.”
I wave him off and let him help me from the slippery shower. I don’t even care that I’m naked and cold; the way he picks me up and places me on the shaggy bath mat seems so effortless. I know I’ve been basically stress eating lately, but the wobbly bits on my body don’t seem to matter to me as much as his chilled lips pressed against mine without warning. His rough fingers grip the flesh on my ass and squeeze; the electric jolts start pulsating again, and I know I have to stop him or we’ll never leave this bathroom.
“I have to get dressed.” I laugh as he tries to keep his grip on my elusive body. “I thought you had things to work on while I’m gone?”
“I do.” The sound of sandpaper fills the air as he scratches his jawline. “I need to shave and then it’s all business for me. Which reminds me…” He brings down a towel and wraps me inside of it. “I know you start classes on Monday, but we still have to move into the new house.”
Oh. I forgot about that.
Let’s just focus on one problem before we add another, shall we? Like that piece of paper that’s simmering inside my brain.
I have to find out what to do about it, and Staci and Nora are going to help me.
This is just like Brandon to stake a claim on me when he has absolutely no right.
Oliver won’t be happy when he finds out I’m keeping this from him, but it’s his rules that I’m following, after all. He wants to keep his own secrets safe, so I only feel it’s fair for me to do the same. I hardly think he’ll find solace in knowing I’m keeping this kind of secret from him. Not when something this big is going to blow his mind into oblivion.
He’s never going to trust me again.
I frown. “Can we put a pin in the house? I want to get things settled before we dive into something else, okay?”
I hold out my toothbrush for Oliver to squeeze paste onto. “I get it, sunshine—I really do. Are you sure you want to put a pin in that? This place isn’t five minutes from campus like the new house is. You’ll have a longer commute.”
“I don’t mind a drive.” I hardly want him to see me spit the used toothpaste into the sink, but I have no option but to hold my hand next to my lips and quickly wash it out.
His eyes are hooded and he doesn’t even seem to notice. “How long do you want to wait?”
I don’t have an answer for him.
“Oliver, let’s just talk about it later.” He notices the chill in my voice—this conversation will always be looming over us, tapping on our shoulders and making a mockery of me until I give in. “I don’t want to fight before I go to meet Staci and Nora.”
“We aren’t fighting.” He turns my body to face him and takes my hand into his. “I just don’t want you to start being afraid to live life again because of some bumps in the road.”
“You nearly died!” I fight back angry tears. “That’s hardly just a bump in the road! Why can’t you take this seriously?” The shrillness wrapped inside my fearful voice startles him. Oliver knows me—he knows that I let things build inside of me until I explode. He knows how to push those buttons just right, but I know he means well.
He still has a very funny way of showing it.
His teeth sink into his bottom lip. “Okay, just calm down. I’ll do it your way, don’t worry.”
“Are you just saying that to make me happy?”
Oliver blushes and smirks, looking down at his feet. It takes him a few seconds to have the courage to look back into my eyes. The fire has settled between us and he’s giving me the space I need to think about things before I end up spewing word vomit everywhere only to regret it later.
Score one for Oliver.
“I’m not telling you what you want to hear, Julie. We’re fighting for no reason, so I’m letting it go so we can move on and not let this ruin our day.”
Score two for Oliver.
My mouth feels like it’s super-glued shut. I force my heavy lips to move, making some awkward sound before choosing my words carefully. I’m still so surprised that I’m afraid of opening my mouth and erasing every good thing that’s just happened.
“Thank you.” I blow out so much air that his hair moves a little. “And I’ll give you an answer tonight about moving, okay?” I squint my eyes playfully to lighten the mood. “Since we’ve already broken the no-sex rule from the doctor way, way too early…”
His laugh crashes into my sentence. “I told you that I’m fine. Look…” He bares his side and I’m looking more at his rippled, wet stomach than his broken stitches. “There’s no more blood and it was only one stitch, see?” He points to the top of the wound and smiles. “I’m okay…you’re going to have to let me be a normal person and do things. That’s how I’m going to heal and be as strong as I was before.”
“You are a strong person.” I wink at him and smile.
“That’s such a Julie thing to say.” He laughs and twirls me around, the towel spinning like a ribbon around my body. “Okay, so…tonight. You’ll have my answer?”
I cross my fingers over my heart in an X-pattern. “I promise.”
“I trust you.” The words he says before he walks into the bedroom to dress bounce off of the walls inside my head.
I trust you.
I should have asked him to repeat that so when he finds out I’m betraying him and lying…giving into his rules again…maybe he’ll choose to forgive me.
I have to get rid of this problem before he finds out.
Chapter Four
Casey
I expected tears to fall down my cheeks when Julie squealed the car from the parking lot; she’s trying to get as far away from me as possible, and right now…I feel like shit just enough to understand.
I just screwed everything up.
I told Oliver a deep Jackson family secret that I was fine with keeping.
I showed my cards and somehow Oliver knows I have a thing for Julie.
I hit Julie in the eye—on accident. But still. I hit her. There’s no coming back from that. I just lost a brother, a best friend and someone who genuinely cares for me over nothing. Over a stupid crush that I know, deep down, is a lie because I’m so fucking lonely.
Lucy.
Shit.
She’s storming off through the crowd and I come out of my fantasy just in time to catch her before she gets into a waiting cab. The feel of her hot skin on my palm as I grab her arm excites me.
“Lucy, wait,” I plead, but she glares directly into my eyes.
“I’m not stupid, Casey. I know when it’s time to get out, and this was a huge indicator.�
� She rolls her eyes before she slams the door in my face. She doesn’t bother looking back at me as the cab rolls through the now-thinning crowd. I’ve watched two women drive away from me in the last five minutes.
There’s nothing I can do now but go home.
Alone.
Oliver got in some good punches to my jaw; I rub it as I walk past the doors of the bar and toward my car that’s parked down the street. A woman steps out of a raggedy-ass van parked damn near in the bushes and I think she’s going to pass me on the sidewalk, but her lanky body stops a few feet in front of me. Her green eyes peer knowingly into mine, and I freeze.
I know this woman.
“You’re the nurse from the hospital.” I allow myself to wave. “Thanks for the snacks. My friend woke up—”
She cuts me off. “I don’t give a shit about Oliver Jackson.”
“Well, then. That makes two of us.” I shake my head and snicker. “See you later.”
Her bony fingers grab my wrist when I walk past her. “I’m here to talk about you, Casey.”
I snatch my wrist from her and jump back a few steps; I don’t remember telling her my name when she handed me all those snacks. Julie must have told her or something…there’s a logical explanation for this, I’m sure, and I’m just messed up.
“I have a proposition for you.”
“A…what? Oh, I see.” I start to nod and chuckle, nervously looking around to see if anyone is watching. “Look, I may not be able to keep a girlfriend—or get the one I want, for that matter—but I sure as fuck don’t need a prostitute.”
The woman slaps me in the face so hard it stings. “Don’t talk to your mother that way.” I hold my face and she shakes her head back and forth, frustrated. “I hear you know a little something about my secret.” She moves closer but doesn’t dare come within slapping distance again. “And I hear that you also told Oliver about that little secret.”
“What the fuck, lady?” My voice is hoarse. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
She growls and gets into my face. “My name is Veronica Newson, and my son is Oliver Jackson. You’re aware of him, right? The kid you just fought in the damn parking lot of a bar? Yeah, you know him…you’re in love with his little gold-digging bitch.”
I nearly lunge at her for speaking about Julie that way. “Listen, I don’t know what you want from me, but FYI, Oliver wants nothing to do with me right now.”
“Because you two are fucking idiots.” She scowls. “You were both raised like guppies, not piranhas.”
This is fucking weird.
“Okay, I have to go. It was nice…no, it was weird meeting you.” I scoff and jerk from her grasp again. I’ve had enough shit today—I don’t need my supposed birth mother verbally attacking me in the middle of the street.
Although I’m not surprised.
I hear her call to me from where I left her. “I can help you take Julie from him.”
This makes me stop dead in my tracks.
Why do I want Julie? She does bring sunshine to a dark mind—Oliver is right about that. There’s something just so…warm and comforting about her that I lose myself whenever she’s around me.
Oliver doesn’t deserve someone like her.
I find myself walking back to the woman and looking down at her rubbery, pale skin. This is not what I pictured my birth mother to look like at all. I know she’s a drug addict, but come on, she’s literally a walking poster for an anti-heroin campaign. Her stringy, bleach blonde hair washes out her already pale skin, and her lips are so cracked that it’s hard to look at them.
“I’m listening.”
Her lips lift into a smile and it hurts to look at the gaps from the teeth that she’s missing. “I knew that would getcha.” She laughs and pats me on the shoulder. “I’m going to help you win your little shared girlfriend. You’re just gonna have to trust me.”
“Trust you?” I yell, and it echoes through the street. “That’s rich coming from you.”
“Calm down, you little heathen. I just want the money that’s promised to me, and Oliver is holding out. If I help you take her from him, maybe I can convince him to pay me to help win her back. I won’t, of course…”
My throat feels like it’s bleeding. “So this is all about money?”
She nods like it’s nothing.
“There’s no fucking way it’s going to work.”
She releases a deep sigh, and I can hear the rattling of her chemically tainted organs crying for some sort of freedom. “It’s a good thing you’re good-looking,” she snarls, “because your fucking brains sure as hell aren’t what’s keeping you out of trouble.”
“And if I say no? What’s stopping me from telling Oliver right now?”
Her hand stops me from dialing my phone. “I saw the way you two fought back there. You’re jealous of him always getting everything: Money. Girls. Popularity. I know you, Casey. I’ve watched you over the years just like I’ve watched Oliver. You grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth too, but it’s not enough for you anymore. I can help you get what you want.”
I lick my lips and stall before I make a stupid decision. She’s playing my emotions like a fucking fiddle.
“I don’t want to do this,” I whisper into the wind. “I can’t let you do this.”
“I just want the money, boy.”
I can’t believe I’m even considering this.
“What am I supposed to do? Julie won’t talk to me—she told me she never wants to see me again. Oliver won’t let me near her after what happened, for sure.”
Veronica laughs and it sounds like smoke will puff out any second. “You let me worry about that. You start by getting your brother back on your side; just be ready to save her when she needs saving, you hear me?”
Before I can ask her what she means by that, she gets into the van and smacks the side with a few loud bangs. A man drives her away but doesn’t bother looking at me as they pass like she does.
So much crazy shit has happened in the past hour that I just want to go home, take a hot shower, and drink an entire bottle of tequila while I drown in my sorrows. Cliché, sure. Do I care? No. Honestly, I could use a little downtime to relax and think about where I went wrong. I had everything with Nora I could possibly want, and I crushed it by sleeping with Heather.
Or rather—letting Heather sleep with me.
I didn’t say no, though.
I could have—should have—pushed her off of me.
The echo of my real mother’s voice bounces inside of my head. I’ve known about my adoption since I turned eleven, but my parents asked me to keep it a secret in public. I never questioned why they’d want that, but judging from the meeting I just had with the real woman I originated from…I can see why. I wonder if they even knew she was—and still is—a money-hungry shell of a person.
It’s always about money.
I relax on the sofa in my apartment once I get there and kick my shoes off, putting my feet onto the coffee table. I sigh; I can’t get Julie off my mind. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something about her that makes me feel…good.
I’m not a fucking unicorn!
Her voice pulsates in my ears.
She fucking hates me. Of course she does, after what I did. I didn’t mean to, but I punched her in the eye. Not that anyone will believe me, but I was aiming for Oliver and he dodged my swing just as Julie tried to get in between us. Then Lucy realized that I’m a bigger fucking mess than I initially told her about and ran away.
Maybe I can get her back, at least.
My thoughts sicken me. I’ve never treated women like objects before now.
I grab my phone from the table and stare at it blankly. What am I going to say to her? Should I lie and keep my feelings for Julie a secret? Oliver always told me to keep my secrets safe—at least, the ones that would only cause me personal harm. He’s good at that, keeping secrets.
At the funeral, I tried to tell Oliver about everything
I knew, but he acted like I was a stranger. To be fair, I was the most drunk I’d ever been. I mean, Oliver is my brother and I was trying to tell him. Once I found out about it, I stole Oliver’s toothbrush and used a mail-in DNA test to confirm that Oliver and I are actually blood related, and I know who my father is—that’s the part that no one would know except me and Veronica, our mother. But hell, I’m not sure she even knows who my real father is.
That’s my secret. No one is going to squeeze that one from me.
Oliver doesn’t deserve Julie and he doesn’t deserve the money that Vic left him, but he does deserve to have good memories…not of someone who’s been his best friend for twenty years destroying his entire life with one large swoop. I mean, I already want his girlfriend.
Lucy’s name pops up on the screen and I hesitate to text her.
Casey: Hey, can we talk?
I wait for an hour before she responds at all.
Lucy: I’m five minutes away. I’ll come to you.
I jolt up from the sofa and race around, picking up the apartment before she arrives. She’d just been here hours before, so I’m not exactly sure what nonexistent mess I’m trying to clean up, but when she knocks on the door, my palms start to sweat and I can’t focus.
“Casey, come on…let me in.” Lucy’s voice is muffled from the other side of the door. I have to force myself to open it and see her disappointed face staring straight at mine. “Okay, talk.”
I scoff. “Well, at least come inside.”
She rolls her eyes and steps a few feet pass the threshold, carefully watching me like I’m going to pounce on her any minute. I keep a safe distance and linger next to the sofa. The air between us has gotten so awkward that I regret asking her to speak to me.
