How to Bake a New Beginning

by Lucy Knott

  They continued to open a few presents while chatting away. Amanda had refilled everyone’s bowls with pandoro and custard and Dan was now topping up everyone’s coffee. Reaching Amanda, he poured her a fresh cup and gently placed a rectangle-shaped gift on her knee.

  ‘Merry Christmas,’ he said, his eyes bright with excitement. ‘Go on, open it.’ He placed the coffee pot on the wooden coffee table.

  ‘Wait,’ Amanda said jumping up and racing over to the Christmas tree. She kneeled down and pulled a similar-shaped present from underneath the tree and rushed back over to Dan. She sensed that everyone was watching them, but she felt too giddy to worry about how her sisters would twist this one.

  ‘For you,’ she said, handing Dan her gift.

  ‘Together,’ Dan said taking the package from her and sitting down next to her.

  Together they unwrapped their gifts. As each piece of wrapping paper fell to the floor, a butterfly began fluttering in Amanda’s stomach. There was a whole cage of butterflies in her stomach by the time she had finished. She was finding it hard to form words; she just sat ogling the book that she was now holding. She swallowed and looked up as she realized that Dan had stopped opening his gift and his eyes were watching her closely.

  ‘But, Dan, where? How did you? This can’t be.’ The words tumbled out incoherently.

  Dan’s face immediately formed into a dazzling smile, his eyes appearing somewhat shy. ‘You’ve had your eyes on it forever,’ he said with a small shrug, before turning back to his own unwrapping. Amanda watched him as he shed the remaining paper and looked down at the gift she had bought for him.

  ‘This is awesome, Amanda.’ He paused. ‘Seriously, this is unreal, you are incredible,’ he continued, shaking his head and putting his book-free hand through his hair.

  ‘It’s a little battered and bruised and not exactly pristine but I thought it added character,’ Amanda replied, referring to the first edition of Tristessa by Jack Kerouac that she had bought for him.

  ‘That’s exactly what I was thinking; it’s amazing,’ Dan said, leaning over to embrace her. ‘I love it.’

  ‘I’m glad you like it. I still can’t quite fathom that I am now the proud owner of a first edition copy of The Dharma Bums. You always know exactly what to get me,’ she said, pushing him away and punching him in the arm with one hand and clutching the book close to her chest with the other.

  ‘Only the best for my best girl,’ he replied, ruffling her hair playfully in lieu of a punch.

  Amanda clocked Sabrina and Louisa smirking at each other from across the room. Louisa was kneeling up, looking like a meerkat, matching Sabrina’s sly smile, as they both looked at Amanda and then back at each other.

  Amanda simply rolled her eyes and made herself comfy again on the couch, choosing to ignore her sisters’ meddling looks. Cradling her precious book, she rested her head on Dan’s shoulder and let the chatter and love that filled the room take over her thoughts. She took in her surroundings. The living-room rug was littered with wrapping paper, and boxes and boxes of all sorts of Italian treats.

  Amanda’s family knew her all too well and seemed to be preparing her for when she got home. There were cakes from Pansa, Baci, Perugina bars, Italian herbs, cheese, sausage and crossini. She wasn’t too sure she would be able to get through the airport with Italian sausage in her bag, but she sure would try. Grandpa always seemed to get away with it – maybe his luck would rub off on her and airport security would be kind.

  She watched her family laughing, eating and chatting to one another and she felt nothing but contentment. She looked over at the painting of Padre Pio hanging on the wall and whispered ‘Thank you, Grandpa. Buona Natale.’

  Chapter 19

  Grandpa’s Breaded Whitebait

  Ingredients:

  Freshly caught whitebait

  Flour

  Egg (Maybe two, depending on the catch)

  Breadcrumbs (Homemade is best, season to your liking … season like Grandpa does)

  Olive oil

  What to do:

  Clean whitebait, and let them soak in cold water for 10 to 15 minutes, then dry them off.

  Dip the whitebait in flour, then the egg, then the breadcrumbs. Pat with palm of your hand.

  Place into frying pan with hot oil.

  Cook until they turn golden brown on both sides.

  Sabrina was having a lovely Christmas Day so far. In fact, she had had a lovely few days. Part of her felt guilty for allowing herself to be happy so soon after Grandpa’s funeral, but she couldn’t help the fact that Levi had eased the pain in her heart. She still missed Grandpa like crazy but having Levi here had made her want to focus on the good. He would ask questions and listen to her speak about her grandpa and Italy, and he grew to understand her passion for the place the more she shared her stories.

  In her state of focusing on the positive, she had tried to push all thoughts of work out of her mind until she got back to California. Thinking about it now just made her stomach twist into knots and she didn’t want to dampen the holidays with thoughts of Lydia and job hunting. It had been quite some time since the family had enjoyed a holiday with her aunties. If she remembered correctly they had visited for Easter once but she had been young and didn’t remember too much.

  Being around the table together for breakfast and for lunch had been an absolute delight and not just because of the luscious crepes or the melt-in-your-mouth whitebait and squid, but because of the immense sense of happiness she got from watching Nanna so full of life, talking, arguing, cooking and sitting with her sisters after all these years. She was savouring every bite and every moment.

  ***

  Sabrina was sitting by the Christmas tree. After opening presents and scarfing down bowls of pandoro, Amanda and Zia Sofia had whipped up a fresh batch of zeppole, which she was happily demolishing while playing a game of Jenga with Louisa and Luca. The Italian came out in her when she played any sort of game; she wanted to win.

  Unfortunately for her Luca being full-blooded Italian meant his competitive streak was hard to beat. She didn’t stand a chance – the man was a Jenga master. Subsequently she resigned to losing and chose to enjoy observing Louisa and Luca in Jenga warfare while eating her weight in zeppole.

  She took a huge bite of the fluffy Italian doughnut, chewing it slowly and allowing the flavours to dance on her tongue. Amanda made them beautifully at home but here they tasted exquisite. It had to be the most mouth-watering zeppole she had ever had the pleasure of tasting. Distracted by the zeppole she hadn’t noticed Levi and Dan walk back into the living room. They had stepped out a few minutes earlier for somewhat of a private conversation.

  ‘Bri,’ Levi said looking rather serious. She immediately freaked out, stuffing the rest of the zeppole into her mouth and promptly choked on the powdered sugar. ‘Are you OK?’ Levi asked, gently bending down to tap her on the back as she coughed.

  She shot to her feet, narrowly missing smacking her head on his chin and looked around anxiously for a napkin before managing to pull herself together, almost, and speak. ‘Yes, I’m fine. Why are you looking at me all serious? What’s wrong?’ she spluttered, uncharacte‌ristically.

  ‘Well, Dan and I were just talking and well, I don’t know whether this is the right time but with it being Christmas and all we thought it might be nice – you know like a weight off your shoulders…’ He paused, taking a deep breath. Again, it wasn’t like Levi to be nervous. ‘Would you be interested in being our manager, please?’

  Sabrina didn’t register at first. Her hands were still sticky, distracting her from fully comprehending what Levi was saying. ‘What do you mean? I was fired, Levi. I’m sorry but Lydia will probably not take too kindly to me asking for my job back. She’s not even replying to my emails.’

  ‘Yes, I know that, but I don’t mean that. You do remember we walked? We don’t report to her company any more either, remember? What I mean is, we do this together, no big company, no outside
interference from people who don’t get us, just our business – we build it together. You can have some time to think about it if …’

  Coming up empty-handed in her search for napkins, Sabrina took a moment to lick her fingers and dust the powdered sugar off on her red and gold festive jumper, giving herself a second to let what Levi just asked sink in. She squinted her eyes and looked at Levi then at Dan, whose shoulders seemed scrunched up around his ears and whose demeanour was far from cool-hand Dan. She replayed Levi’s words in her head again before a shriek erupted from her lips.

  ‘Oh my gosh, yes, yes. I’m an idiot. Yes, I would love that. That’s an awesome idea. Oh my goodness, wow, thank you so much.’ She squealed throwing her arms around Levi’s neck and then pouncing on Dan. ‘Thank you so much, Dan, this is fantastic. Thank you for believing in me.’

  ‘You did a great job for us, Sabrina. I don’t think the whole media company was really our thing. This way we keep it in the family, focus on the music and everyone wins,’ Dan said, seemingly a tad relieved himself that she had said yes. His shoulders relaxed significantly.

  ‘That means no hanky-panky in the office, you two,’ Amanda added, from her spot on the couch.

  ‘Cover your ears, Mum and Dad,’ Sabrina shouted, throwing wrapping paper at her big sister and blushing slightly. ‘Dan, would you please control that one?’

  Dan shrugged, putting his arm around Amanda. ‘Where would the fun be in that?’ he said, laughing.

  ‘Exactly,’ Amanda triumphed, looking up from her precious book.

  ‘I promise we’ll be on our best behaviour,’ Levi noted, nodding at Mum and Dad and pulling Sabrina in for a hug.

  Mum and Dad were laughing and Sabrina couldn’t believe how giddy and light she suddenly felt.

  ‘I’ve got a job, I’ve got a job, Nanna,’ she declared to her nanna and her aunties who were watching everyone with adoration. She hugged her nanna tight, breathing in her sweet rose scent. The family had congregated around Nanna, all bar Amanda who still had her nose in her book. They stood in the middle of the room between the mounds of wrapping paper and empty bowls and espresso cups, hugging and kissing one another.

  ‘Go get the Limoncello and Sambuca?’ Nanna shouted as she kissed Levi on the cheek.

  ‘Good idea, let’s celebrate,’ Dad said.

  ‘Wait,’ Louisa yelled, ‘I have some news too.’

  Sabrina turned to look at her baby sister, as did the rest of the family. Louisa took Luca’s hand in hers. Sabrina could see Luca was standing tall, his shoulders back. He was beaming at her baby sister, a dashing smile that reached his eyes. ‘Luca’s sister owns a boutique in Amalfi and she has the opportunity of a lifetime next year, to put on a small show for Milan fashion week and, well, she wants me to help.’ The excitement in Louisa’s voice was clear as her words came tumbling out in rapid fire.

  Amanda rose from the couch at an impressive speed for someone who had just scoffed half a pandoro cake and grabbed Louisa with umph.

  ‘Let’s not throttle our baby sister now,’ Sabrina said, loosening Amanda’s grip and wedging herself in between her sisters. They all looked at each other for a few moments.

  ‘What do you guys think?’ Louisa muttered, her arms squashed by her sides thanks to Amanda’s grip. Sabrina saw Mum wipe away a tear, then she looked at Amanda and back to Louisa. At once the girls started jumping up and down on the spot squealing to the high heavens.

  ‘Bloody hell, Lou, you are going to knock the socks off fashion week. Congratulations,’ Amanda said, still bouncing up and down.

  ‘This is amazing news, chickpea. You are going to blow them away,’ Dad said. One by one everyone hugged Louisa and Sabrina. Dad shook Luca’s hand before turning to shake Levi and Dan’s, offering congratulations from before. Then he turned back to give Sabrina a big hug. ‘Congratulations, sweetheart, I’m proud of you. I have a good feeling about this one.’

  Sabrina wasn’t a hundred per cent sure if he was referring to Levi or the fact that she was going to be her own boss and officially in control of one of the hottest bands in the world, but it didn’t matter, as for once her heart had a good feeling about both.

  Chapter 20

  Grandpa’s Hot Chocolate

  Ingredients:

  About 4oz bittersweet chocolate (Perugina or Lindt 70% cocoa)

  2 tbsps cornstarch

  1½ cup milk

  ½ can condensed milk

  1 tbsp vanilla (Eyeball it; I’m sure Grandpa uses a dash more)

  Ladyfingers

  What to do:

  Stir all ingredients except the ladyfingers together over medium heat until it becomes thick.

  Serve nice and hot.

  Probably don’t need biscotti with it as it’s quite sweet but as Grandpa says, ‘A biscotti or two won’t hurt.’

  The moonlight cast a sublime glow across the sea below it. Once again a stillness descended on the Amalfi Coast. Nowhere in the world could you hear your own thoughts or feel the power of your existence like you could in Orzoro. Standing at the top of this mountain with nothing but sky and sea around her Sabrina thought of how love brought them here, of how the love she felt for her grandpa and her family felt as powerful as the view she was looking out to. Its magnitude was breathtaking and the strength of the love in her heart often took her breath away.

  Staring at the creamy pizza pie in the sky, Sabrina thought of their grandpa and how she missed him so. ‘Well, it’s not exactly how I envisioned coming back to Italy would be after all these years,’ Sabrina professed.

  ‘I guess you truly never really know what the future holds, do you? Grandpa always told us that – and that we must live each day to its fullest, thankful for the moments and memories it provides. I think I may have lost sight of that a little bit since attempting uni. You were right, Brina, I didn’t enjoy being a receptionist. I stopped believing in my dreams. Italy has given me a new life at a time I needed it most,’ Louisa said.

  The three of them were sat on the balcony staring out in the same direction, the moon bright and full, reflecting in the deep blue of the sea. Louisa’s words comforted Sabrina. Not just her acknowledging their argument a mere few weeks ago, but in that her baby sister was listening to her advice.

  ‘God, it’s going to be tough being away from you all again. I don’t even want to think about it,’ Sabrina said, pulling her red zigzagged collar tighter around her neck. ‘But at least it won’t be too long this time,’ she added airily, scooping up a plump marshmallow from her mug and popping it whole in her mouth.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Amanda asked, turning to look at her and choking on her hot chocolate.

  ‘I’m coming home,’ Sabrina said, smiling. She turned to look at her sisters. Both Amanda and Louisa’s eyes glistened in the beige moonlight, their pupils dilated and twinkling under the fluorescent glow.

  ‘Are you being serious?’ Louisa said, not taking her eyes off her.

  ‘Yes, I mean it won’t be right away. I think at least two to three months while I get everything sorted with the apartment and tie up all the loose ends with the boys. There’s a few gigs I want to put together for them in the US before I leave. But yes, I discussed it a little with Levi this evening and he doesn’t see why I can’t base myself in Manchester. Plus he knows we have quite the respectable music scene, so he thinks it will be good for the band,’ Sabrina explained, playing with the second marshmallow that was swimming atop her hot chocolate.

  ‘That’s amazing news, Brina,’ Amanda said. ‘Are you happy to be coming home?’

  Sabrina shuffled in her chair so she was no longer twisted, but instead facing Amanda and Louisa.

  ‘Of course I am, I wouldn’t have said it otherwise. California isn’t really for me – all that talk of yoga and smoothies; a girl needs her fish and chips every now and again. And in light of everything that’s happened, I want to be closer to you all and spend more time with Mum and Dad and Nanna,’ she replied, holding her head up, determ
ined not to cry and instead thinking of the positives to moving home now.

  Grandpa had been proud of her and her job. He wasn’t mad at her for being away and he would be happy that she was going home now to spend time with the family. She fought with the anger that bubbled inside her – he was supposed to be there too when she finally moved back. She tried to dispel those negative emotions. It would not do well to dwell on the past. Besides it was now that mattered – the minutes in front of her. Her grandpa would always be with her. She needed to keep living and make him proud. Italy had given her that time for pause and she knew she was making the right decision.

  ‘About that, I’m super happy that you are moving home but I was thinking … Do you think we should suggest to Mum that Nanna stay here?’ Louisa asked, twiddling her thumbs together around her mug.

  ‘But we’d miss her. She can’t stay,’ Amanda said quickly, causing a silence to wash over the girls. They sat in this silence for a minute, staring out across the water. Occasionally a car could be heard on the roads miles below them, the engines wheezing up the steep paths or the horn sending out a warning to cars coming round the bends. ‘I’m sorry, that was selfish of me,’ Amanda continued, with a heavy sigh. ‘You’re right, she’s been so happy with her sisters. Two and a half weeks is hardly enough time to catch up on the last twenty years. It would break my heart to separate them again now.’

  ‘That’s what I was thinking, Amanda. I know you’d miss her, but well, I thought I might stay here for a little while too. I know fashion week isn’t until next year, but I feel content here and there’s so much of Italy I want to see. Giulia’s shop is gorgeous and she says I can work there; plus she says I can go home whenever I need to as I can sketch from home too, so it wouldn’t be too much of an interruption. It would be nice to get my bearings here and get some inspiration. And that way if Nanna does want to go back to England after a few months, I can bring her back. And if she does stay, we know she’ll be happy: she has me and it’s not too far for you to travel,’ Louisa said, with optimism in her voice, though she was looking at the floor.