Beautifully Done

by Riley Mackenzie

  “Stop, Asher. Just please stop.” She thrust her palms up in front of her. I froze in place, swallowing back the crackling air between us. “You’re scaring me. You have completely lost touch with your life. And I don’t understand why. Not only did you completely disregard my comments about your father, now you aren’t taking care of yourself. I heard the message. And I know you did too. Why were they calling to reschedule your yearly oncology visit? That is not acceptable.”

  “It’s no big deal, Tal. I can reschedule. You had therapy.”

  “Asher, no. It’s a huge deal! And what is making me out of my mind is that you are completely disregarding it, like you missed a teeth cleaning.”

  “I’ll call now. Make the appointment for next week.”

  “You are missing my point. AGAIN. You need to worry about you, take care of you. If not, you won’t be around to take care of anyone else. Stop worrying about me. Stop treating me like a fragile piece of glass. I am not going to shatter. I wasn’t before and I am definitely not now. If anything, this chair has made me stronger. You know better than anyone what it’s like to go through hell and back, and God knows this isn’t my first trip. Yeah, this is hard, it sucks and some days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I. Hate. This. I hate that I’m stuck in this chair, I hate that every morning I wake up and forget until I try to move, I hate that my son has nightmares but wouldn’t dare tell me, and I hear about it from his girlfriend. Most of all, I hate what all of this is doing to you. But you know what? I’m here and I’m alive. If that doesn’t give you perspective, what does? You need to live your life. Every single day. You always talk about borrowed time. Guess what, we’re all on borrowed time. And I love that you want to fix everything for the people you love, I truly do. But you can’t fix this. You can’t fix me.” She paused, looking like she was having her own internal bout. “I love you. So much. Don’t ever forget that.”

  A sick empty pit filled my stomach as my vision flooded with her parting words as she wheeled into surgery. Oh hell no.

  “I’ve made a decision. And it has nothing to do with us. Everything to do with me. And don’t think I haven’t weighed every single alternative, I have. Over and over, to the point I can’t think about it for one more second.” My jaw clenched so hard I couldn’t open my mouth soon enough before she continued. “You’ve been by my side, at my beck and call, and honestly because of you I have made it to where I am today. And I’m not just talking about the shooting, I mean with everything. You have given me this strength and shown me just how sweet life can be. But right now, we can’t do this anymore.”

  “What’s this?” I hissed, feeling my blood pressure rise and my insides burn.

  “Live like this anymore. I can’t stay…” Her eyes welled and her voice caught. The fireball lodged in my throat made it impossible to utter a word. “I have to go.”

  “Go where?” I desperately breathed through the flames, my blood now at a rapid boil.

  “I need to do this alone. I need to prove to myself I can do this … without you.” Her tears flooded her face. I didn’t move to catch them. I didn’t move to soothe her. I saw red.

  I had an iron chin, could absorb just about any shot. But round three with Tal was a complete knock-out.

  Unconscious.

  “Asher, what a surprise, honey.” She looked up from the kitchen sink as I strolled in the back door. “Everything ok?” she instantly asked.

  “What? I can’t stop by and check in?” I snipped a little harsher than I wanted to. I wasn’t ready to field a shitload of questions with no answers. My attitude needed to be checked or I wasn’t gonna have a choice. Ma never put up with my bullshit. She finished rinsing the soapy dish and placed it in the drying rack. It was good to see she had full mobility in her wrist with no residual limitations. You’d never know when my sisters were around. They didn’t let her lift a finger. I pulled the sunglasses from my eyes and leaned down to kiss her cheek.

  “Asher Evan Craig, who do you think you’re fooling? It’s Wednesday at noon, honey. Why aren’t you at work? Where’s Talia?”

  She wanted to me to visit you, so here I am. I decided six hours alone with my thoughts, replaying every detail of her walking out of my life, wasn’t a healthy option.

  “She couldn’t make it. I flew.” Partial truth. The sale of the plane wasn’t finalized until the weekend and seemed like the safer way to go. Last thing my mother needed to hear was that the love of my life just boarded a plane to go halfway across the country for an undisclosed amount of time. And the only reason I didn’t head West—the only reason I let her slip through my fingers—was her final words sitting like a lead pipe in my chest. She gave me no choice but to stay behind. Nothing I said or did would have stopped her, nothing. Tack loaded her into the back of a cab and she was gone, leaving that lead to slowly corrode, eating me alive. Literally cell by cell I was dying inside.

  “Well, Dad will be happy to see you.” She took a glass from the cabinet, dipped it under the tap and handed it to me.

  “Thanks.” The water acted like an acid singeing my open wound. I fisted my sternum and rubbed to soothe the burn. It did nothing. “Sorry I haven’t been in awhile. Too long, actually. I figured I’d come now, since we aren’t gonna make it this weekend after all.”

  “When I spoke to Tal the other day she sounded surprised when I mentioned the party, but said she would talk to you, that you’d try.”

  “Yeah, well, something came up last minute.” That wasn’t a total lie either.

  “Oh okay.” She leaned against the counter and squinted her softly wrinkled eyes. She wasn’t going to tolerate my edginess much longer. “By the way, it was so wonderful to hear her voice light and cheery again. She seemed happy, excited to be getting around more. And she’s even back to work a little. That’s amazing. After everything, she’s persevered…” Ma shook her head and replaced her smile with a look I couldn’t pin down. “So I was surprised to hear that Constance moved to Florida.” Shit, I really didn’t want to go there. “Good, hopefully she’ll stay. Your father and I never condoned their disgusting behavior, and I’m sure you’ve questioned over the years why we were ever friends. There’s an old saying: ‘Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer’…”

  Revulsion—that explained the look on her face. And I was sure my expression was a mirror image.

  “We want you to be aware that we don’t know all the details, nor do we need to, but if we had known-”

  “That’s the past, Ma.” That part was done; it was history, and as far as I was concerned, it could stay there. But I appreciated my mother’s clarification, and even though she feigned naivety, she was a sharp knife. She knew Tack wasn’t Chase’s and she obviously knew Jack Colton’s reputation.

  “We agree—never to be discussed again.” I was relieved she tied together the loose ends. And it made sense. My dad was one of the only ones who wasn’t dicked over by that bastard. My blood boiled just thinking about him, the only thing slightly cooling was hearing her say “we.” Dad was barely coherent these days, definitely not having reflective conversations over tea and biscuits, but they’d always be a we to Ma.

  “Anyway, back to your incredible, beautiful woman, you must be so proud of her. A lesser person could have easily slipped into a deep depression, but not Tal. She’s always had such a positive outlook on life.”

  She had no idea she just inserted her very sharp knife and twisted. She was going to be devastated to learn that Tal and I were no longer together, but that wasn’t happening today.

  “Isn’t this Emma’s actual birthday?” I changed the subject.

  “It is and I’m picking her up in a couple of hours from nursery school. I’m sure she would love to see her Unkie Ashy. Listen…” She went for her purse dangling on the chair. “I’d love to chat longer, you know I would, but I have book club with some ladies. Dad should be in the family room, why don’t you head down?” It was nice to see my mom still took part i
n things she enjoyed and her life didn’t completely revolve around my dad.

  “Sounds fun, Ma. I’ll be here when you get back.”

  “Good, sweetie.” She smiled and blew me a kiss.

  I sighed deeply and went in search of my dad. With one question lingering … good day or bad day? I stopped at the doorway and listened. His voice was strong. He seemed relaxed. He was carrying on a conversation with his nurse. She lifted her head at my approach and smiled. Standing immediately, she went to Dad’s side, waited for him to finish speaking and leaned over to gain his full attention. “Mr. Craig, you have a visitor, your son is here.”

  “Hey, Pop.” I gave his shoulder a squeeze, but instead of muscle, all I felt was bone. The physical decline was steadily following the cognitive. I rubbed my sternum again and looked toward his caretaker. “I’m sorry I don’t remember your name.”

  “It’s Susan. What kind of lawyer are you, your memory is for shit?” Dad joked. I grinned. Good day.

  “Hey, Susan, nice to see you again. Hope the big man’s behaving.” She giggled and seemed completely smitten with her patient. “I’ve got it covered here if you’d like to take a little break.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Craig, he’s been asking for you.” She gave that knife another three sixty. Guilt sucked. She rubbed my dad’s arm again. “I’ll be back in a little while, enjoy your time with your son.”

  I needed to make sure we were paying her enough. She was so sweet and perfect for him.

  “Haven’t seen you much,” he mumbled, focusing back on the television.

  “Busy, Pop, but I’m here now. What’s going on lately?”

  He was still focused on the static in the background.

  “Same old. Maggie’s always on my case, telling me I work too hard.” I chuckled at his dig. He never missed an opportunity, yet we all knew he didn’t mean a word of it, he worshipped the ground Mom walked on. It was refreshing to see his humor still coming through. I missed our time together. I missed him. “Got the girls ripping through here like tornadoes most days.” I laughed out loud this time. My nieces were driving him crazy. “How’s the business?” My dad always liked to check in on how things were going at the firm. He always enjoyed throwing a business strategy tip or two my way. I socked those away and damn did they come in handy.

  “Pretty good. Cut back a bit to take care of Tal, but I’m coming into some more time on my hands.” I left out that this time was not my choice. I didn’t give a damn about the success of my firm or lack thereof. I was focused on how each passing second sucked more than the last. And each minute without her was like reliving the last vertical incline on your bike over and over again, never reaching the apex.

  “I left you in charge. I don’t want you slacking, you’re responsible for making money for both of us.” He laughed.

  What? My stomach sunk. Shit.

  “What’s going on with Trish? I thought you two were better.” Double shit. Trisha was my uncle’s wife.

  “Dad-”

  He cut me off. “I’ve told you before, Joe. Life is a balance.”

  Fuck, he bounced back, way back. He was speaking to his brother. “Dad, it’s Asher. I was talking about Talia. She was hurt.”

  “Of course she’s hurt. You’re hurting her. You aren’t giving her the balance she needs. You’re the only one to blame, Joe. Trust me I know it’s easier said than done, but she will love you more if you back off,” he rambled, obviously giving my uncle marriage advice. I had no idea my aunt and uncle ever had any problems. This was my cue to nod and agree. He didn’t need to be corrected. There was no reason to fluster him. “You’re smothering her.”

  “Smothering her,” I repeated, speaking over the piercing echo inside my head replaying Tal’s final words as she left for Arizona. ‘Let me go, so you can find yourself, Ace.’ I clenched my eyes shut, those two words stabbing deep into my already raw erosion.

  “You have to let her have her own life. She needs freedom. Let her try, fail, and try again.”

  Smother.

  To choke, to douse, to overwhelm, to strangle, to suffocate.

  To extinguish.

  A light, a flame, a blaze, a heavy foot stomping it out.

  He continued, “There will always be a speed bump or two, even a road block, but if you concentrate on moving forward, moving past that obstacle, continue on your path, your love for each other will pave the way.”

  I stared at my dad, trying to remind myself that he was speaking to my dead uncle, giving him advice on how to fix his relationship, not mine. Yet I found myself answering anyway, “But my path ended.” It ended when Talia left. She was the only way I moved forward. She was my ride. Where was she now? Not trying to overcome this hurdle.

  “Your path never ends, son. It just heads in a different direction, just keep following it, it will always bring you back.” I blinked. I was so lost in my own thoughts and my father’s words, wanting his advice to hold true for my relationship that it could have been minutes or hours, I had no clue. “Asher!” he snapped, “where’s your gorgeous blonde?”

  My chest constricted. ‘Find yourself, Ace.’

  “I was wondering the same thing.” My mom sat down on the couch next to me.

  “Unkie Ashy, Unkie Ashy.” I blinked again and I was nose to nose with Emma. Her eyes were as big as saucers. They were back already. How long had my dad and I been talking? “Unkie Ashy?” Her bony little knees were digging into my thighs and her hands were resting on my shoulders, when she cocked her head to the side and asked, “Where’s hers?” She wiggled down from my lap and spun around in a circle scanning the whole room in search of Tal. “Where’s hers?”

  “She’s not here, baby.”

  “Yes, she is. Hers is here. I have her. I have Barbie.” She jumped around waving her little arms. “Hers is here.”

  “Come here, come here, you silly girl. I need to give the birthday girl a big kiss. Did Mommy let you open the present I sent you?”

  “Yes,” she shouted and spun around again.

  “What did Uncle Asher get you, Emma? You didn’t tell me!” God forbid Grandma wasn’t in the know.

  “A huge,” she spread her arms as wide as they would go, “Barbie castle and it even fits Unkie Ashy’s Barbie. Yeah!” She twirled again and ran out of the room.

  “Where are you going, darling? Stay here.” My mom went to chase after the little bugger.

  I waved her down. “I’ll go, you stay with Dad.”

  I followed the pitter patter down the long hall and into one of the guest rooms, now turned playroom.

  “Here hers is. See. Hers is here. Unkie Ashy’s Barbie is the most beautiful Barbie ever.”

  There in her little hand was a Barbie. But it wasn’t just any old Barbie. This Barbie was securely fastened to a bright pink wheelchair with sparkly silver rims. “Momma said her name is Becky. I don’t call her Becky. I like to call her Teeps.”

  “What do you mean you’re not coming? It’s opening day.” Lil was hard to say no to, especially when she talked hockey.

  “I don’t know, gorgeous. I’ve got a shitload of work to catch up on. Not making any promises.” I wasn’t lying. I had two months worth, to be exact, and I wasn’t promising anything. Who knew how the hell I’d be feeling in six hours? Each day without Tal was its own shit-show.

  “Ash, I’m not taking no for an answer, you love the Bruins as much as I do. You got us the box! And you’re not gonna come?”

  “Tarzan bought you the box. And I said I’d try.” Somewhere along the line Tara and Avery got bumped down, and Lil assumed position right behind Molly on the pain-in-my-ass scale.

  “Maybe in theory, and I love him for it, but we both know he’s lucky he knows there’s a puck involved. I know you picked it out. Besides … Tack and Paige are coming.”

  Not cool, she was fighting dirty. And Tack was too stubborn to admit he was struggling with Tal’s decision. It would be good to see him. Even if it was only two weeks ago, I still mis
sed the kid.

  “Fine. I’ll be there.” I hung up, pissed that I caved so easily.

  Twenty minutes after face-off I strolled into the arena, straight from the office and still in my suit. The crude smell of the ice mixed with tap beer failed to affect me for some reason. I was here to make an appearance, check in with Tack, and get the hell home. I wasn’t feeling it. In fact, I wasn’t feeling much of anything since Tal left.

  Lil’s executive suite was on the sixth floor past the Lounge, a scene beyond scenes. “Asher Craig, is that you, stranger?” A familiar voice called after me. I turned around and smiled, my gentleman kicking into gear. “Yeah, I’d know that killer smile anywhere.”

  Angie or was it Andie? Shit.

  “How’ve you been?” In this situation I usually went straight for the cheek kiss. I opted for the fake hug.

  She sipped her red wine, swiped her side bangs, and batted her seriously long lashes. She was prettier than I remembered. Auburn red hair, dark emerald eyes, and a rack that would make any dick twitch.

  “Busy, business is finally taking off. In fact, I could probably use a little representation, if you’re interested.” The way she folded her arms, careful not to spill her wine, propping her already bountiful cleavage in my face, I doubted she was asking for help with her… “Remember I’m a personal shopper. I have several girls working for me now.”

  “Right. Sure, call the firm, one of my associates would be happy to help you out.”

  “What? I’m not worthy of your attention?” She seductively licked her full lips and I realized how easy it would be to take her home and fuck her seven ways from Sunday. Wouldn’t even need to waste the cab ride or miss the game, there were a dozen private bathrooms on this level. It would definitely be a way to snap me out of this funk. After all, Tal left me, gave up on us. Tal.

  “Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure I owe you an apology, counselor. I never meant to stand you up that night. Of course I know where you live.” She repeated my text response. “I got a little caught up, you know how that happens sometimes, I’m sure I can make it up to you.”