The Regret (Heartache #2)

by Green, Vicki

  “I’m glad. You deserve it.” I focus back on him, remembering the last time I’d been this happy, and give him a smile. I start typing into Adam’s file again, wanting to get it done so I can workout before my next client arrives. “Jolie’s a nice girl.” My eyes shift to his and then back to the screen. “I know she didn’t have a pleasant past.” Does he know? Did she tell him what all she’d been through, what she endured? “I don’t know the specifics, but I know enough that it wasn’t a happy childhood.” Relief floods me as I lean back in my chair, unable to focus on what I’m doing any longer. “You okay, man?” I must look as pale as I feel.

  “Yeah, I’m good.” I give him a smile, but I’m not sure it was convincing.

  He stands and pats my back. “Look, I’m happy for you guys. I’ve gotten to know her pretty well over the years. If you ever need to talk, just let me know. I owe you so much, but I’ve also come to think of you as a friend.” He smiles, and I nod then watch him walk around the corner and out of my sight. He thinks he owes me. I was only doing my job yet it was more than that. Maybe we have become friends, something I haven’t had for a long time. He’s close to Jolie. Maybe having friends will help us stay together, give us support. I think we’re gonna need it.

  Chapter 10

  I feel different today. Giddy. My mood has lifted into giddiness, something I never thought I’d ever feel. It’s all due to one man. This man who has turned my life upside down, giving me the happiness I thought I’d never have. My heart stills as I update records on the computer at the front counter, suddenly thinking about the boy that I’d thought would be my happiness. Shaking my head, I try to alleviate the thoughts, trying not to delve into the unending wonders that plague me. Why didn’t he come for me? No. I refuse to do this to myself, to make myself sad again. For once in my life, I’m happy, and I’m not going to let anything take that feeling away from me. Not now. I’m in a happy place, I think as I smile.

  “Penny for your thoughts.”

  I look up at Hailey, who’s got her own smile. “Oh, nothing. Just happy,” I reply, my heart taking off as Tanner’s face appears in my mind.

  She cocks her head. “Got time for lunch?” She wants to pump me for information. Wants to know why I’m so happy. Would it be so bad to tell her? I’ve never really had a friend, except for Jase and that’s different. Don’t think about Stephen. Alena and I have become friends, but she’s been through so much and finally has her happiness. She hasn’t had much time for me, and I understand why. I mean she and Jase just got married and just got back from their honeymoon.

  I look at Hailey. Her one brow arched awaiting my answer. “Okay.” I smile. She straightens, and she smiles back. “Give me about fifteen minutes, and I’ll be ready to go.” She nods, turns, and walks towards the power bar area. I’ve only seen Tanner a couple of times this morning, both of us busy. I definitely remember before we left for work, getting up extra early to take our time in the shower. Then we stopped by Shaw’s Coffee and had our morning coffee fix as well as a blueberry muffin. Well, he had a banana muffin. I found out he doesn’t like blueberries. There so much I don’t know about him, so much I’m finding I want to know.

  Just about ten minutes later, I finished the updates I was making and walk over to Jase’s office, knocking on the door. “Come in.” I hadn’t gotten to really talk to him or Alena since they’ve been back. “Jolie! Come on in.” He smiles as I close the door behind me.

  “Sorry to interrupt but I’m going out to lunch.”

  He nods but gives me a strange look. “Mind sitting for a minute?” I look down at the chair and back up at him. I walk around it and sit down. He lays his arms on the desk, clasping his hands together. “We’ve known each other for a few years now. I’d like to say we’ve become pretty good friends.” I swallow hard, not knowing where he’s going with all this, but I try to smile. He grips his hands together then relaxes them. “I know you’re very private. I also know you’ve lived through a lot. Tanner seems like a good guy. I mean he saved my life, Alena’s life. I just don’t want you to….”

  I hold up my hand stopping him, giving him a genuine smile. He’s been so good to me. A real friend. One I needed so badly at the time. “I know. I’m being careful, Jase. I promise.” He seems to relax, at least a little.

  “Good. I just don’t want you to get hurt. I care a lot about you. You’ve helped me as much as I have you, Jolie. You were there when I needed a friend, helped me get this gym up and running, as well as helping to fix up my house.” He shifts in his seat. “I understand he bought a house?”

  I’m wondering where he’s going with this but lean back in the chair, putting my hands in my lap. “Yes. He’s fixing it up. It’s really nice.” He nods, looking lost in his thoughts. “Look, Jase. I’m okay, really.” I stand up and head towards the door, knowing I’ve held up Hailey for lunch. I open the door, look over my shoulder and smile. “Thanks for caring so much.” He looks at me and gives me a grin. “I’m going out to lunch. I’ll be back soon.” I walk out of the door, closing it behind me, and see Hailey standing in front of me tapping her foot, her hand on her hip. I smile, knowing her impatience is just one of the reasons that makes her special. I walk towards her, and we both turn to walk to the front door. “I know. I took longer.” I open the door and let her walk through before me. “I had to tell Jase I was leaving, you know?” I walk outside and we both stand on the sidewalk, looking up and down the street. “He is my boss.” A couple of cars pass by, and we start walking across towards the coffee shop.

  “Yeah, yeah. I know. Whatever,” she mumbles as we reach the shop’s front door.

  I open it and let her walk in first, anger and frustration radiating from her. There’s several people in line already so we wait behind them. “What’s up, Hailey? Why the mood?” She stares straight ahead, her lips pursing. No answer. We keep moving closer to the counter, and I wait patiently, knowing she’ll tell me when she’s ready. At least, I think she will. Since I moved here, a couple of years ago, Hailey and I really haven’t talked that much, or gotten that close. It’s not that I didn’t want to or at least try, but she’s as headstrong as I am, and she keeps to herself. Pretty hard to get to know someone when they don’t talk much to you. Finally, we reach the counter. I order my egg salad on wheat bread and an iced tea, and she orders a BLT on wheat with a bottled water. We find a small table by a window, and as soon as we sit down my phone vibrates. I reach into my pocket, swipe the screen, and see a text.

  Tanner: The bed is being delivered tonight! Celebration? I think we need to make sure it’s comfortable. ;)

  I smile, not able to help myself. I swear every time he gets something new for his house, he’s like a big kid. All excited, wanting to tell me and do something to celebrate. And when we’re shopping, he’s like a kid in a candy store. Last night he decided he was tired of us sleeping on the floor, on his makeshift bed of blankets, so we jumped in his truck and drove over to the furniture store, trying out a ton of different beds and mattresses. We jumped and rolled on the different displays, laughing so hard I almost peed in my pants, tears streaming down my face. I’ve never been so happy, so full of life. The most fun I’ve had, maybe ever. I love his playfulness. The way he grins at me, and how his eyes light up when he’s making me laugh or how his eyes darken and become full of desire for me. For me! I do that to him. I never thought I would feel this way about a man. Never thought someone could spark such desire within me, make me want him so badly that I’d die if I don’t have him inside me, holding me, feeling him around me. I never thought I would want another.

  Me: Yes! I’ll be over after I get some things from my place.

  My smile grows. I’ve almost forgotten where I am, that Hailey’s sitting across from me until I hear her throat clear. My eyes snap up, my smile still in place. Another text comes in, and I can’t help but look down at it.

 
Tanner: You should just leave stuff at my house. We both should give our notices to our landlord and just move in there, live together. C’mon. You know it’s the right thing to do. Feels right.

  I roll my eyes but my smile never falters. He came up with the idea last night, right after we had sex before we went to sleep. I didn’t tell him yes or no as I’m torn. It would be great to live with him, be in his arms every night when I go to sleep and wake up there every morning, but I’m not sure if we’re moving too fast.

  Me: We’ll talk about it later. :) Having lunch with Hailey. ttyl

  Only I don’t want to talk about it. Not for a while. I’m not ready to live with someone, especially a guy, really – not even a girl. I just need my space, my alone time, and I’m just not ready.

  “So. You gonna stare at your phone through our entire lunch?” Hailey’s voice brings me back to the present, irritation flowing with every word.

  I look up at Hailey. My smile still plastered on my face. It’s like I can’t get rid of it no matter how hard I try. “Sorry,” I tell her as I set my phone down on the table. I take a bite of my sandwich, but suddenly I’m not hungry anymore. “So, what’s got your dander up already today?” Her brows raise as she tries and gives me an innocent look. I’m not buying it.

  “Why whatever do you mean?” She drinks her bottled water, sets it down on the table, and picks up her sandwich, taking a bite.

  My smile is replaced with a smirk quickly. “Knock it off, Hailey.” Her eyes widen with my sudden display. “I know I don’t know you all that well but I can tell when your snarkiness comes out that something’s bothering you, so out with it.” Now I raise my brows, showing her I can play this game. I’m actually rather good at it. I’ve had quite a bit of practice over the years. She has no idea what she’s up against. “I mean it. Give me your best shot.” Sitting up straight, I square my shoulders, raising my chin up at her. She shifts in her seat, becoming uncomfortable, but then mimics me.

  “Yeah, well. I’m just not so sure Tanner’s right for you.” I swallow hard, not sure I like what I’m hearing yet curious as to why she’d say it. “I mean. You haven’t known him that long, and we really don’t know that much about him. He’s been a mystery ever since he came into town, and now he bought a house? Setting roots?” Her brows lower as she becomes serious. “You don’t know what he might be like, Jolie. He might be a bad guy. Don’t you think you’re moving kinda fast?” She leans back in her chair, folding her arms over her chest. She’s right, of course. However, there’s something about him that tells me she’s wrong, that he wouldn’t hurt me. I know that’s her fear but not only mentally but also physically. She’s worried.

  Leaning my arms down on the table, I soften. “Hailey. I get where you’re coming from and truthfully? It makes me feel good that you’re worried about me. I’ve not had someone care about me like that in a very long time. Are we moving fast? Maybe. I know it’s only been a few months but what is the time limit for feeling something for another person? Is there some universal calendar that decides how long you should wait until you really like someone or fall in love? I think our mind and hearts should decide when the time is right – when it feels right. Does that mean they could be wrong? Absolutely. But without finding out, how would you ever know, no matter how long it is?” Her face changes. A look of concern is still there but also a slight grin. “Look. I know you’ve been through a lot in your past.” One of her brows raises. “I don’t pretend to know what but I know it was bad. We all have our pasts, things that make us what we are today. Some of those things we regret, but we learn from them. Still, even though some can make us stronger, some can weaken us as well, not allow things to be a part of our lives. I know some regrets we can’t ever get over, but if we don’t try, don’t let them take over our lives, never letting us be happy, then we miss out on so much.” Her grin dissipates, her arms lower to her sides.

  “How do I do that, Jolie?” Her voice is low as she leans forward. “How do I let go of all the hurt, the bad memories? How do I trust again?” My heart clenches for her.

  “I ask myself that all the time, feel it in my soul. Trust isn’t something that’s easily obtained, but if we don’t try to do it, give it a chance, we’ll never know if can. It’s hard. I know. Sometimes you just have to try harder.” She leans back in her chair, and I do as well.

  “I know I should. I’m just not sure I can.”

  I give her a small smile. “Do you trust me? Jase? Alena?”

  A smile plays on her mouth. “As much as I can. Does that count?” Her lips move up more.

  My smile grows. “That’s a start.”

  We both dig into our sandwiches. The silence is comfortable between us. She’s smart and is stronger than she thinks. We both are. She lays the last half of her sandwich down and takes a drink. Tipping the bottle towards me, she gives me a smirk. “Oh, and by the way. Don’t set me up with Barrett. I’ll work on my trust issues but putting us together like that isn’t going to help. I know you’re just trying to help but what do you know about this guy? How do you know he’s safe?”

  I shrug. “Tanner knows him and I trust Tanner.” I lie. I do trust Tanner, mostly. There’s just things I don’t know about him. Things that make me curious and there’s always a nagging feeling there’s something familiar about him or something I can’t put my finger on. There’s no doubt I’m attracted to him. I can’t stop thinking about him, wanting to be near him, yet there’s a slight fear inside me too. Something I can’t place.

  She snorts. “Yeah, and we all know Tanner so well.”

  I can’t help the laugh that bubbles up from my throat. “Uh, trust?” I laugh. We both start laughing until my sides hurt. We finish our lunches, a little more lighthearted and a little closer. She’s a nice woman, one with underlying issues. Who doesn’t have those? Half an hour later, we say our goodbyes, and I go back to the gym while she goes to work at the gas station. Why she wants to work there I’ll never understand. She says she does it for her dad, although she loves cars, loves to figure out what makes them tick. Guess everyone is unique in their own way. I love that she looks like a sexual woman, works out, but works on cars, not afraid to get her hands dirty. I like her and her snarky attitude.

  I go back to work and have a few clients then manage the front desk, all the while keeping an eye out for Tanner. He cornered me once in the small office upstairs as I was updating one of my client’s files. Kissed me silly. So many times my heart fluttered with the grins he’d give me in passing or a wink here or there as I’d look up from the front counter when he’d walk by. My heart escalates every time he’s near. I have it bad. He’s all I can think about. I almost even gave out the wrong change to someone when I saw him standing over by the power bar, talking to one of his clients. I was mesmerized by his muscles showing on his bare arms and his broad chest, some of his colorful tattoos peeking out from above his tank top. I couldn’t help scanning down to his slim waist and then his muscular legs. Yeah, it was a bit embarrassing when the customer cleared their throat, and I had to read their change to them. Correctly. Of course, she understood, looking over at him too. I guess my jealously reared its ugly head as I coughed loudly, and I’m sure the look on my face wasn’t friendly.

  At six o’clock, I went upstairs and ran on the treadmill for half an hour then went down to the women’s locker room and took a shower. I had blown dry my hair and put on some light makeup, and then I put everything into my bag. I grab my phone and notice a text, my mouth turning into a smile as I see who it’s from.

  Tanner: Can’t wait to see you

  I don’t want to stop looking at the text but finally put my phone in my pocket, smiling all the way out to the back door. As I open and walk out the door, I stop immediately when I see Tanner leaning against his truck holding a bouquet of flowers. My eyes instantly well up, my heart stops beating.

  “You
see, I’m not sure if anyone’s ever brought you flowers before and by the look on your face I’m thinking I’m right.” He smiles. “So I kinda wanted to be the first.”

  I’m not sure what I love more, that he’s so thoughtful to bring me flowers, or that he’s looking all sexy leaning against his truck, freshly showered, long legs with one foot crossed over the other. I let out the deep breath I’d been holding and walk slowly towards him. He holds out the flowers to me, and I grasp them but then lean up and kiss him hard. His arms wrap around me, his hand moving under my hair, holding the back of my head. I’ve not felt this close to someone in a long time. I’m terrified yet excited all at the same time. He presses his mouth hard against mine, and I pour all the emotions filling me into this kiss. He has no idea what this one simple act means to me. It’s not just that he brought me flowers. It’s that he thought of me, took the time to get something he thought I’d like. It’s the fact he felt I have never experienced this before, and he wanted me to. Gave it to me. Made me feel things. He grins against my mouth, one of his hands cups my bottom and squeezes.

  “You’re welcome. Now, if we don’t go, clients are gonna get a show in the back of my truck.” I let out a laugh and steady myself back down on my feet. “Wanna take your bike home, and I’ll drive you to my house?” I nod, not able to speak, my emotions keeping me at bay. “Okay, let’s go.”

  I give him my flowers to keep for me. Not a good idea to have them on my bike, and I don’t want to them to get ruined. He follows me back to the apartment building and waits for me in his truck as I take my bag inside, take out the clothes that need to be washed and put some clean clothes inside. I’m smiling the entire time I get everything and carry my bag with me back out into the hallway, locking up, wondering why we even have apartments here anymore. We’re never here. I start walking down the front steps, looking at his truck sitting there, and think maybe it’s safer this way. Safer because you still have fears that something bad will happen. It’s true. I do. Just like I told Hailey at lunch, I’m trying to trust Tanner, give him the benefit of the doubt, let him show me I can trust him, except there’s still something about him that’s in the back of my mind that gives me some misgivings. I hope I’m wrong. I have so many regrets in my life already, ones I won’t ever be able to get over. I don’t want to have any more.