Bound (Bound Duet Book 1)

by Stephie Walls

  “I told you I can’t tell you what to do with your body.” He seemed incensed that I’d suggested any options.

  “Honestly, before you came tonight, I had no idea what to do. I had no clue what I wanted to do or should do. I’ve been a total mess, plowing through emotion after emotion with no definitive answer. But, Gray, I can’t do anything else but love him now.” My words were raw, real, and exactly me. Gray left me no option the moment he named our child.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You gave our son a name. You’ve met this little boy in your thoughts and daydreams. You’re right—he’s ours. You and me. Somehow the pieces will fall into place…even if we aren’t together.” That last part stung, but I needed him to know I didn’t expect commitment from him just because of Cole. My heart danced a little at the thought of my son—our son—of his father playing with him, us adoring him, a little boy that was half me, half Gray, in the flesh.

  “So are we doing this then?” he asked tentatively.

  “Yeah, I guess we are.” I hesitated. We’d made an enormous decision in a really fast way. I wanted to believe he was content, but if he was feeling anything like I was, he was terrified.

  He leaned over, lifted my shirt, and kissed my belly, whispering, “I love you, little boy.” Then he leaned over and put his forehead against mine. Slowly, I closed my eyes before his supple lips pressed against my own. “I love you too, Bird Dog.” My heart melted at his tenderness.

  Something in Gray’s touch always ignited our connection. It was who we were together. Without words, our bodies spoke to each other, our souls merged…it was effortless. His hand grazed my cheek, embracing my jaw, slowly. He began our silent conversation, the exchange of emotions. Lips lightly touching, our eyes were closed, but I could see him more clearly this way. He laid me back on the couch taking my shirt off as he went. His hands explored the territory he had long since chartered. The bristles of his unshaven face scratched my neck as he trailed kisses toward my collarbone. With the hem of his shirt in my grasp, I blindly tugged it over his head before my hands landed on his biceps. He kept his weight off me and propped himself up with his elbows on both sides of my rib cage.

  His tongue slid into my mouth, encouraging mine to play with his, instantly shooting warmth between my legs. No one had ever turned me on with a kiss alone, but Gray sent me to the edge of orgasm with his. My lips broke away, and I opened my eyes to find his searching mine for something, an answer, a question, maybe simply understanding. I saw fear in his, but I also saw the same love that was there every time we made eye contact. It was undeniable. There was no part of me that believed distance or time could dim the light between us. Gray shifted his weight to my side, and lay down beside me with his head on my shoulder and traced my ribs with two fingers.

  He hesitated to touch my belly, staring at it in awe. Taking his hand in mine, I placed it just below my belly button and covered it with my own. He didn’t look up but left his hand there for a few minutes before he moved it to the top of my jeans. He turned his head up toward my ear, and whispered, “I want these off.”

  I granted his wish, removing my jeans as he shed the rest of his clothes. Lying back down, his hand met my hip and rolled me onto my side facing him. I loved the way he moved my body to satisfy himself, taking control, even if it was subtle. Squeezing my ass, he drew me impossibly close to him without connecting us. The kisses were intimate, endless. I had no trouble losing myself in Gray or his affection.

  As if he had all the time in the world, he slowly drew an intricate design on my back with his fingertips while continuing to make love to my mouth. It was erotic, sensual. Feeling him shift his body, he lifted his knee to a bent position and took my leg with him so it draped across his hip, preparing me for himself. He slid his hands down my back to hold my ass and moved me slightly up, closing what little distance still separated us. My hand used his butt for stability, and it clenched as he pushed forward and eased himself inside.

  There was something different about the way we were tonight. There was a bond I’d never shared with anyone. His movement was methodical, not in a mundane way, but in a way that said I belonged to him, and I always would. But he wasn’t trying to capture my body; he was taking control of my spirit.

  I was acutely aware of every inch of him that pressed into me, pulled out, back in, out. I wanted more, yet I wanted this to go on forever, to be lost inside of each other, connected. Tossing my head back, I arched my body forward, to feel him inside at exactly the spot that drove me to heights I couldn’t reach without him. He knew what I was searching for and angled his body to give it to me. He buried his face under my ear, growling through his release. I couldn’t hold back my own. Loudly moaning, I joined him at the peak before sliding back down the mountain with him. We lay there for a while, still silent, his arms wrapped around me, and I cuddled into his side.

  Then.

  Gray did something he’d never done before.

  He un-tucked me from his body, got dressed, and said he was going home. I sat there, watching him as he put his clothes on, while I sat naked on the couch, but the scenario was surreal—a dream—a nightmare. Gray had never left right after sex. Never. My heart rate was still elevated—that’s how soon after finishing he left. Last time had been because of the pregnancy test, but there was nothing sending him out the door now. This was the distance he needed, but I just felt used. He didn’t kiss me goodbye. He didn’t tell me he loved me. He simply made his way toward the door before he turned to me.

  “Bird Dog, are you going to get up and lock the door behind me?” He said it as though our relationship had never been more than a booty call.

  Like a zombie, I rolled off the couch, completely naked, and watched him leave before locking the door once he was through it. When the tears started this time, I couldn’t stop them. They were like a flood after a dam broke, and there was nothing I could do to hold them back. This was not the man I loved. This was not the man I had spent two years of my life with. I didn’t know who this person was.

  Chapter Ten

  Gray and I had never had casual sex, he’d never gotten up and left me without so much as a conversation, but something in his eyes was wild and confused. The turmoil in his features was evident as was the anxiety as he dressed. But I had no idea what was causing it. I tried to be everything he needed me to be, to give him the space he asked for, but the fact still remained, I was carrying his child. He didn’t have to tell me, I already knew, that level of commitment scared the hell out of him. He refused to talk much about any of it and internalized the panic he felt at an eighteen-year commitment he couldn’t get out of once the baby was here.

  The first couple weeks after we decided to keep the baby, I tried to keep Gray involved. I’d made sure he knew about doctor’s appointments and told him about everything I read—usually via text unless he stopped by one night after going out, which happened more often than I cared to admit. I became his last call and rued the day Leeann Womack ever sang that damn song. I deserved better; I knew I did, but both of us knew I’d take whatever I could get from him—which was pathetic. I had never strayed, not that it would be all that easy being pregnant, but I had never had any desire to try. Somehow, I stayed on his leash, and each day I allowed him to beat a little more of the life out of me. He ignored my calls, sent me to voicemail, didn’t see me as often as he should have, and had yet to make it to a single doctor’s appointment. I was sure he was seeing other women, but thankfully, I hadn’t had any confirmation of that.

  He’d gotten so good at not being who he should have been, for Cole or me, that I had virtually stopped contacting him. Every once in a while, I’d send him a text, but it was rare. I didn’t see much point when he wouldn’t bother responding. He’d show up at my apartment a couple of times a week when he left RipTides in the middle of the night. Pathetically, I always let him in and never denied him sex—taking whatever scraps of himself he offered. He promptly passed out after ge
tting off and then left before I woke up in the morning. Yet I never complained and never demanded more. I was broken; he saw it in everything I did. But I’d keep enduring, and I’d allow him to take me for granted. I kept hoping something would change if I kept loving him—more than anything; I wanted more for Cole.

  I knew he thought about Cole. He talked about him to Topher and Lynn. I found it odd he discussed our baby with friends and coworkers but never me. That little bump on my tummy should have been a reminder every time he saw me, but he was usually three sheets to the wind and thinking with his dick instead of his brain. Lynn hadn’t been kind to him regarding her thoughts on his behavior. She was a constant reminder, an obnoxious bug in his ear, of what he did, but his response was always the same. He was just getting the itch out of his system, playing around with his friends—and other women I assumed—until the baby got here, so he’d be a good daddy to his son. He swore he planned to take care of me once the baby arrived and be everything he needed to be. But he’d never made those proclamations to me, and Lynn was adamant it was total bullshit. He justified his behavior to Topher, Lynn…anyone who’d listen, but more importantly, it was how he justified it to himself. He was headed down the same path his dad had taken with him, and I couldn’t make him see anything differently.

  It devastated me to find out he still hadn’t told his mom about the pregnancy. She’d be elated to have a grandchild on the way, not to mention a wonderful grandparent, but for whatever reason, he hadn’t told her, and it wasn’t my place. He hadn’t bothered going with me to break the news to my parents who were even more ashamed than they had been after the trial, so I sure wouldn’t be the one to tell his. Maybe he was being a wimp, expecting my dad would have had him up by his balls ensuring there would be no more kids in the future, or if he hadn’t gone because I didn’t insist on it. I didn’t see the point in making it an issue—his attitude went right along with everything else he was doing these days, so I let it go. My parents went apeshit crazy as expected ranting about how they’d look in the community and the horror I would bring to the Teasman name. I dealt with it and then went home. The next day, I saw Gray at the DC, and he had asked me about my evening. He hadn’t bothered to check on me or go with me, so I just looked up into those blue eyes I used to love, which now tormented me, said, “Not well,” and moved along in sad indifference.

  I hadn’t seen him since and hadn’t bothered to contact him. It had been a couple days, but he and I both used our friends to keep tabs on the other. I wanted to think he was more intentional about it, but I could have kept trying to contact him, I just didn’t bother. I could get the same information from Lynn who had gotten it directly from Topher or Gray. And as much as I hated admitting it, having become friends with Topher’s little sister had given me even more insight. It was another relationship Gray hated, but Scarlett was amazing…and she hated her brother’s best friend for what he was doing to me. He was using my friends as lifelines to me, even though he could have had it on his own if he’d get his head out his ass. Between Lynn and Scarlett, I was sure he got an earful, but it gave him a false sense of intimate knowledge into my life. The truth was, regardless of how we tortured each other, that connection between us still existed, something bigger than Cole. It was present before he was conceived. Gray felt it, too. No matter how hard either of us fought to escape the other that force was greater than either of us. It scared the hell out of me to think I’d never have anything more fulfilling than what I currently experienced, but it was my truth, my reality.

  My friends had been trying to get me out of the house, and I’d been successful at avoiding them, even for my birthday, but somehow, Scarlett talked me into going to De Shield’s down the street from my apartment. I figured I needed to eat, and it was a casual hole-in-the-wall, so I didn’t have to put on anything other than a tank top, jeans, and Docs. It took no effort, which was good because I wasn’t putting forth any. Glancing in the mirror, my cheeks were pink, and my hair looked better than it ever had, thick and shiny. Gray had been right; it was much darker than it had been a couple years ago. It fell in soft, loose curls around my shoulders and down my back. I opted to pull it up into a ponytail for simplicity as my doorbell sounded.

  When Scarlett and I walked in the restaurant chatting, I instantly stopped speaking when we rounded the hostess stand. I couldn’t have prepared myself for the sight I saw as the girl showed us to our table. Not fifteen feet inside the door sat Gray with some little chippy who couldn’t be more than nineteen or twenty. She was pretty cute, but the dull look in her eyes indicated her intellectual capacity. My guess was, she put out, and Gray had willingly accepted what she had to offer. She didn’t even have to open her mouth for me to know she was a fling he didn’t have to put any thought into.

  Scarlett stopped at their table, and I felt the irritation oozing off her. The girl at the table was yammering on and on about shit Gray wasn’t the least bit interested in and didn’t realize we were standing there listening to her drivels. My friend didn’t wait long to make her presence known.

  “Hey, Gray, fancy seeing you here. Who’s your little friend?” Normally Scarlett was as even-keeled as Topher, never angered, never raised her voice. She was a live-and-let-live kind of girl, but tonight, she saw red, and the sarcasm dripped from her words. Finding Gray at this table with another girl, she acted like a catty bitch.

  At first, he didn’t answer her. His eyes shifted to me, then down to my ever-growing belly accentuated by my fitted tank top and low-cut jeans. The bump was subtle but there, and he was fully aware of the life growing inside me. I offered him a hesitant smile before glancing at his date. I waited for his answer.

  “Hey, guys, this is Erin.”

  Erin smiled at both of us, not having a clue who we were, then said hello.

  He forced his attention back to my face. “Hey, Annie. How are you?”

  I hated the way he said my name. It wasn’t who we were—never had been. It took everything I had not to mention it, but I took the high road. “Good, I guess.” I didn’t have a clue what to say to him or who this girl was. I hoped he felt like a complete jackass sitting there on a date, with his ex-girlfriend, pregnant with his son, standing next to him. Unable to bear the tension any longer, I pushed Scarlett forward to the table the hostess had waiting for us. “You guys have a good night. It was nice meeting you, Erin.”

  Unfortunately, the hostess hadn’t put us far enough away that I wasn’t able to hear their continued conversation. As I sat down, Scarlett ordered drinks and, Erin asked him, “Who are they?” Her voice was kind and innocent. I’m sure she was a nice person, but I wanted to gouge her eyes out—Gray’s too.

  The voice that had comforted me, loved me, and made me happy so many times responded to his date’s questions. “Scarlett is Topher’s little sister.” He paused and glanced our direction before finishing. “And Annie’s my ex-girlfriend.” His tone was glum and melancholy.

  Her next question threatened to send me into orbit if that motherfucker lied.

  “Is Annie pregnant? She’s tiny, but has a cute little bump on her tummy.”

  “Yeah, she is.” He didn’t offer her any more information, but that didn’t stop her innocent inquisition.

  “I bet that hurts.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her place her hand on his as she continued to talk. “Is that why you guys broke up? She cheated on you?”

  I was livid and swore to God if he didn’t tell her the truth, I would.

  “Hell no! Annie never cheated on me. It’s my baby.”

  My heart filled with false pride. The waiter brought our drinks and took our order. Scarlett said something to me, but I shushed her to indicate I was listening to what was being said at the other table. She took note and honed in on their conversation as well.

  “Oh, wow. I had no idea. I bet you’re excited.” Oddly, Erin seemed genuinely happy for Gray. No one in their right mind should be happy finding out their date had another woman pregnan
t. “But if you guys are having a baby, why did you break up?” Erin was visible from my seat, but I didn’t have to see her face to hear the confusion in her voice.

  I was surprised by his honesty when he answered. “I moved out right before Annie found out. We’d been together for about two years after I left my wife. I needed some space, so I moved in with Topher. I don’t think Annie ever had any intention of telling me she was pregnant. I found out accidentally. She’s the type to try to do it all on her own and never ask for help. When I found out, we both took time to think about it and decided to keep him. We still talk, and I see her some, but we’re both living our own lives.”

  “It’s a boy?” she asked with animation.

  The next sentence out of his mouth shattered the heart he’d just filled. “Yeah, his name is Cole.”

  Somehow, in that one sentence, I’d felt more violated than I had knowing he was having sex with another woman. He’d shared personal, intimate information with this…this random girl—information we hadn’t discussed with anyone else. None of our friends even knew the baby had a name. In my mind, sharing that was a violation of trust I couldn’t handle.

  The tears came freely, and I didn’t stop them. Scarlett was aware we needed to leave.

  “Gray,” the girl motioned to him, “she looks really sad. Do you think you should go talk to her?”

  He could see my tear-stained face from his seat, and he was well aware I didn’t cry in public. It was a sign of weakness. He likely thought it was the hormones because he’d never admit to himself he tortured me by being with another woman while I carried his child.

  “Nah. I need to leave her alone. I’ll talk to her later.” Just like that, he brushed me aside, a woman he’d adored at one point in his life, and the baby I was carrying.