Bound (Bound Duet Book 1)

by Stephie Walls

  For the first time, I genuinely believed the words I just said to him. I knew in my heart I could never be with Gray, no matter how much I once longed for him, no matter how my heart had grieved for him. He could never be what I needed, and I could never be what he wanted. I was in love with the idea of what I expected my relationship with Gray to be. I needed permanence, and Gray wanted a playmate. Brett loved me in a different way, but completely all the same. Gray was a fairytale that only existed in my mind and with each passing day that reality drowned out more of the façade I’d created.

  “I love you, sweetheart, more than you can possibly fathom.” He sealed his declaration with a kiss that caused my heart to skip a beat. His forehead met mine, and I smiled in adoration for the man in front of me.

  With my eyes still trained on his, I asked about the second part of this conversation. “You want to tell me what you meant by leaving his wife for another woman?” My irritation had eased, and now I was curious.

  He pulled back and tilted his head to the side, his brow furrowed just a hair in confusion. “He left his wife for you.”

  I snickered. “No, he didn’t. He had left months before I’d ever step foot in the DC. I didn’t start seeing him until he had moved in with Topher. I think they’d been separated for like five or six months.”

  Brett’s face fell.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  His chest heaved before he spoke. “Annie, he hadn’t left her. They were having serious problems, everyone knew that, but he was seeing you while he still lived with her. I thought you knew that?”

  “You thought I knew he was still with his wife?” I stammered the words, shocked by his revelation. “No Brett. I never would have dated anyone who was married. He told me he’d left before he met me.”

  “You didn’t question how long the divorce took?”

  “Well yeah, but Gray told me she was just dragging things out and making his life difficult because she found out about me. I had no reason to believe that wasn’t true.”

  “I think that is true, but they still had to wait through the year separation.”

  All the pieces began to fall in place: the reason for his sudden disappearance after the football game, his drinking binge after telling me he’d left her, her father showing up, her phone call to the apartment, the timeframe it took to finalize the divorce. He’d vanished to move out, drank from the enormity of his decision not knowing if he’d walked out with no reward, Abby’s dad trying to protect his daughter, Abby confirming he indeed lived with me on the phone—every bit of it lined up with the twelve months the state required a couple to be separated. His ex-wife hadn’t been any more cantankerous than any other woman who’d been cheated on—if anything she’d been a dream not confronting me.

  “I’m sorry, Annie. I really thought you knew. Maybe not at the beginning, but surely, he would have come clean in the last three years or one of his friends would have let the cat out of the bag.”

  I shook my head and bit my lip. I had a choice to make at that moment. The option before me was to allow Gray more negative headspace and beat myself up for not knowing he’d lied or choose to let it go.

  For once in my life, I let it go along with all of the implications that came with it. I hadn’t known, but there was nothing I could do to change any of that now, or people’s perception regarding it. I was in a different place, and I was going to embrace this and accept it as a gift.

  All of my friends had known about Gray getting engaged, but none of them wanted to be the one to share that tidbit with me. When I brought it up to Lynn and Jenny, they both indicated they knew, but were afraid of how I would take the news. They thought it would be easier for me to handle hearing it from Brett. I didn’t ask Lynn about the timeframe for Gray leaving his wife. There’s no way she couldn’t have known, but at this point, it didn’t matter. Starting an argument over something that took place three years ago wouldn’t change any of it. And Gray wasn’t worth losing a friend over. She’d proven herself time and again since then—I believed that was more important.

  It dawned on me how fragile my friends all believed I was. I guess in retrospect, that was what I had portrayed to them in the months after Gray and I split, but damn, that was a long time ago. I thought my progress had been as visible outwardly as it felt inwardly, but I guess sometimes it takes longer for other people to recognize your strength when they’re so used to protecting you from your weakness.

  Brett and I saw them occasionally, Gray and his fiancée, who I had kindly started referring to as Slut Muffin, not because I was jealous, but because she dressed like she should be walking a street corner. We were introduced once, but I didn’t remember her name; in the scheme of things, it didn’t matter to me—she was just another rung on the ladder. Through the grapevine, I heard he was getting married in a few months, but Brett and I never talked about it again after that night.

  It stunned me to think he’d committed to someone else after such a short time, but not because I wanted him—I just wanted him to want me. But that was a dangerous game to play and a trap I didn’t need to fall into—she and I were as different as night and day. It was evident just by looking at the two of us. This was sheer jealousy, not an actual desire to be with him. In some twisted way, I think I’d hoped to make a permanent relationship move first, so he felt the sting of watching me walk away for good, but that was petty. That thought process would do nothing more than hurt a man who loved me the way I deserved to be loved. I had to let go of the animosity I felt toward Gray and how he’d ended things. I didn’t admit to thinking about Gray to anyone, not even my friends—it didn’t matter that it was all vengeful thoughts that resulted in his humiliation and self-loathing—I needed to let it go. When we saw him, I smiled, always attaching myself to Brett in an intimate show of affection and devotion, both for Brett and myself.

  Epilogue

  Three months to the day after he had proposed, Gray was in a church in Easley, South Carolina on a gorgeous September day. I pictured him standing there waiting for the ceremony to begin and imagined how dapper he’d look in a tuxedo. I had desperately wanted to go with Brett, had even talked to my psychiatrist about it, but in the end, my doctor and I agreed I had no business being there.

  Brett left an hour ago in a beautiful gray suit, and I hoped he hadn’t seen the sadness in my eyes when he hugged me. This was the ending of an era. This was the final culmination of several pivotal years of my life. Gray was marrying another woman. I wanted him to be happy and have all his dreams come true, but it was a bitter pill to swallow that it was someone else. I didn’t want Gray the way I had two years ago, but I had always wanted Gray to want me back. The thought that I would get to reject him at some point had carried me through some really low times, but this would end that sadistic fantasy.

  When the phone rang, I expected it to be Brett but was shocked to see Gray’s name on my caller ID less than five minutes before his wedding was set to start.

  “Hello?” I answered softly. I’d been crying but hoped he didn’t notice. I kept my voice quiet as I waited for him to say something.

  “Bird Dog…” The sound of my nickname on his lips nearly broke me in two. No matter how hard I tried, he still lingered in the back of my mind. Our memories, those we shared together, floated to the surface.

  “Hey, Gray.” The sorrow was evident in my voice. I couldn’t stop the hiccup or the crack of emotion as his name crossed my lips. I wasn’t surprised he didn’t ask me why I was crying, he should’ve known, but even if he didn’t, at this stage in the game, he wouldn’t question it. The real issue was why he was on the line with me to begin with. “Why are you calling me?”

  “Do you still love me?” His question was blunt and straight to the point.

  I’d asked myself that question repeatedly over the last year but wondered why he needed that answer now, of all days and times, why this instant did he want me to profess my undying love to him.

&
nbsp; “What?” I choked on the word and then thought of him standing in a church in a tuxedo with another woman waiting to meet him at the end of an aisle. “Aren’t you getting married today, Gray?”

  “How did you know I was getting married today?”

  “Your fiancée invited all the guys at the DC—that would include Brett. I was supposed to be his plus one.” My voice was flat, exhausted like someone had kicked the emotional shit out of me and I had quit fighting. He had heard this tone before, and he knew my fatigue was his fault.

  “Is Brett here?” His voice filled with sudden panic. “Shit, wait, are you here with Brett?”

  As much as I wanted to be in the congregation today, I couldn’t find a single productive reason for my attendance and thus stayed home.

  “Brett is there. I’m not. As much as I want to support you and want you to be happy, I simply couldn’t watch you do it. I couldn’t see you commit your life to another woman…but I’m sure it will be beautiful.” The tears began to fall, and I couldn’t help but cry—soft and muffled, but it was there—and there was no doubt he heard it.

  “Annie, please tell me you still love me. Tell me to walk out of here right now, to come home to you. Please, Annie, tell me you want me as much now as you did then, and I’ll leave, no questions asked. I’ll walk out of this chapel, get in my truck, and come straight to you.”

  His confession shocked me, or rather his revelation, knowing his fiancée and my boyfriend were mere feet away, but it just wouldn’t be Gray if he did it any differently. Here was my chance to twist fate, to change destiny.

  “Annie, I’m running out of time.”

  The memories of the years we were together and those we’ve known each other flashed to the forefront of my mind as I considered what he asked. The good times, the bad, the way I loved him, and the bond we’d always shared crashed before me like images on a movie screen. I never imagined he would end up with someone else. Never in the years since we met, did I think either of us would end up anywhere but together.

  Silence filled the line. This was typical Gray—in some weird way he was telling me I was his last thought before he committed to this woman. I never thought in a million years he would put me in this situation again, the one to ruin another relationship.

  “I can’t do that. If you don’t want to marry her, then you need to make that decision for you, not because you think I’m going to be here to save you. I’m with Brett, Gray. You made that decision for me. You didn’t allow me any say in the matter. You dumped me ten minutes before your friends arrived to move me out. I will always love you—no one else will ever love you the way I do. You and I both know that, but I won’t be the reason you run out on another woman.”

  That wasn’t the response he was expecting. He’d always believed all he ever had to do was tell me he had messed up and I’d come running back to fix it. He thought with a little coaxing and some Gray Dearsley charm, I would succumb to him. I always had. My only saving grace was he wasn’t here to touch me, or he’d try to communicate in a way he’d be able to tell me everything he was trying to say.

  “What are you talking about running out on another woman?”

  “Gray, I know you were still living with Abby when we started dating. I didn’t know it then, or even while we were together, but I know it now, and I won’t be that woman again. So, if you want to end things with…shit, I’m sorry, Gray, I don’t remember her name. Anyway, if you don’t want to marry her, then don’t, but do it on your own accord, not because of me.” I had accepted my fate.

  “Who the hell told you I was still living with Abby when we started dating?”

  “Gray, sweetheart, Brett tells me everything.”

  “Jesus, thanks, Brett. The man doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body, but he’s fiercely protective of you. That one tidbit ensured you would never cross my path again; you’d never be a home wrecker. I was Brett’s only threat; he knew it, and he quietly eliminated me without me knowing he was doing it. Touché.”

  I ignored his diatribe about Brett telling me Gray’s secret. Gray should have told me years ago—his lie had caught up to him. “I’m here if you need someone to talk to later, Gray. I need to go, though. My willpower just isn’t that strong. I hope you make the right decision.”

  “Bird Dog…”

  Cutting him off, I said, “I love you, Gray.”

  I hung up the phone and promptly turned it off. I knew he’d call until I caved and answered. I left him on his own to make that decision.

  (To be continued in Freed…)

  Acknowledgments

  When I set out to update this story, I thought I was merely going to tighten up the writing, give it a new synopsis, and a pretty new cover. I allowed for two weeks to complete this project. More than six months later, I had scrapped over 50% of the original story, removed entire points of view, changed the tense, and taken it from an erotic read to contemporary romance. And that was just the first of two books. It’s been a labor of love and one I’m proud to finally release, but it didn’t come without sweat, and even more tears.

  Leddy Harper. Never have I received a manuscript back with more red corrections than black text. And I pray to God, I never do again. Thank you for having the courage to tell me how much work it needed and giving me the time to get over myself and embrace it. #AlphaBeta #MyWhore #MyPerson

  Mistress Linda. “You only get one chance to re-release a book. You better make it good.” I’ve eaten those words countless times throughout this process, but they’ve also been a driving force. #Whips #Spanks #3

  Magoo. Everything I do is for you. #MyLittleChicken

  The Mister. When I came to you in tears over how to proceed, you told me to write the story my characters wanted me to tell…and whether it was successful or not, you had my back. Thank you for always reminding me #NotIFbutWHEN

  Readers & Bloggers. Without you my stories have no life. #ThankYou

  About the Author

  Stephie Walls is a literary whore - she loves words in all forms and will read anything put in front of her. She has an affinity for British Literature and Romance novels and an overall love of writing. She currently has eight novels out, four short stories, and two collections; all provocatively written to elicit your imagination and spice up your world. She has another novel on its way to bookshelves. Be on the look out for Freed on May 10, 2017!

  Connect with Stephie:

  @StephieWalls

  StephieWalls2014

  www.stephiewalls.com

  stephie@stephiewalls.com

  Also by Stephie Walls

  Beauty Mark

  Fallen Woman

  chimera

  Metamorphosis

  Compass

  Strangers

  Freed (coming 5/10/2017)