Private Pleasures

by Lawrence Sanders

  Do you care for me, dear?"

  "Would I be here if I didn,t?"

  He held me tighter and nuzzled at my neck. "We must respect each other," he crooned, "and love each other. I want to tell you my innermost feelings, and I want you to tell me yours. I want us to be truly intimate, Mabel, to share all our secret thoughts and dreams."

  Meanwhile that insane bed had warmed up, was going faster, and we were bouncing up and down like acrobats on a trampoline.

  Herm had trouble hanging onto me.

  "Just to cuddle with you is so wonderful," he said, speaking louder because the bed was beginning to sound like a meat grinder.

  "I've wanted a romance like this all my life. I know now that if there can be warm understanding between a man and a woman, that's the most marvelous thing in the world."

  "Herm," I said, "how do you turn this goddamned thing off?"

  "You and I can create a whole new world of two," he babbled on, still with that sappy smile. "I want us to become so loving that nothing, not even death, can ever part us. Oh, Mabel, Mabel, Mabel, I love you so much.

  "When?" I yelled. "When?"

  He hugged me tighter to keep me from being bounced off.

  "Snuggling like this," he shouted in my ear, "is the answer to my dreams. I want to spend the rest of my life being. the best, the truest, the most loving friend you've ever had. I want tall "Shit!" I screamed, and got off that galloping bed. I staggered a moment, caught my balance, and headed for the door.

  As I ran down the corridor, I heard his echoing wail, "I love youuuuuu!"

  EYEWITNESSTESTIMONY made a meet with Teddy O. on Wednesday morning, this is September 2, and I says to him, "Teddy, I'm sick and tired of futzing around. Let's do it today."

  "Yeah," he says, "it's about time. I figure about one o'clock will be best. The Fiddler dame is usually home then."

  "How do we do it?"

  He shrugs. "Nothing fancy. We just bust in and ask her politely to give us the name of her boyfriend, the chemist with the ZAP pill."

  "And if she clams up?"

  "Then we unclam her," he says, grinning. "Believe me, she'll talk.

  Either the easy way or the hard way."

  "Okay," I says. "Let's leave here at noon. Maybe we'll grab a burger and some fries first. We'll go in your car. Are you sure you won't need any backup?"

  "I'm sure," he says.

  I phoned Mabel Barrow on Wednesday morning, figuring to get her out of the house by tricking her into coming to the Bo-teek to look at a new shipment of lingerie. But she said she had a lunch date and couldn't make it.

  So when Jessica and Willie showed up at Hashbeam's in jess's car, I told them what had happened.

  "But she said she'll be gone all day," I added. "So there's no need to change our plans."

  "Good enough," Willie said. "As long as the kid is there by himself."

  "Look," I said, "I don't want to sit here all day sucking my thumb.

  Give me a call after it goes down and let me know what's happening."

  "I'll phone you," Jess promised. "Now give me the keys to your Taurus.

  You got enough gas?"

  "Full tank," I assured her. "Listen, I wish you guys the best of luck."

  "Piece of cake," Willie said, and I hoped he was right.

  I brought all my stuff over to the Barrows' garage on Wednesday morning after Mother left for work. Chet had already brought his things down, so we were all ready to go. But Mrs. Barrow was still in the house, and we talked about how we could run away while she was there.

  "We didn't think of that," Chet said. "How are we going to call for a cab if my mom is here? She'll want to know what's going on." , Then we saw my father wave to us, and he left in his car.

  "Now we can move all our stuff to my house," I said, "and call a cab from there."

  "Gee, I don't know," Chet said, and I could see he was worried. "Mom could be looking out the window and see us leave."

  We were still talking about what we should do when Mrs. Barrow shouted from inside the house and said she was going shopping and would be home in time for dinner. So we waited until she drove away, and then we went into the Barrows' kitchen to phone.

  I drove Laura's car with Willie the Weasel in the passenger seat.

  He wasn't saying much, and I could tell he was going over our scenario in his mind, figuring how to react if something went wrong.

  "No rough stuff, Willie," I warned him.

  "Nah, Jessica," he said. "It's not my style. I've got a scam all worked out. The kid knows me, see, and thinks I'm a friend of his dad.

  So I'm going to tell him his old man was hurt in a lab accident and is asking for him."

  "You think he'll fall for it?"

  "Sure he will. Then once he's in the car, I can handle him."

  "I hope you're right."

  "Trust me. And as soon as we get to your place, I'll phone Barrow at Mcwhortle's."

  "It's tricky, Willie."

  "It's a sure thing," he said.

  "The last time someone told me that, I got busted didn't i, had to pay a fine, and was lucky I get tossed in the slammer." ,you worry too much," he said.

  Tania and I waited in the garage until my mom drove away. Then we went into the kitchen and phoned the cab company. Tania wanted to do the talking, so I let her. She gave the man our address and told him to hurry. She was real bossy.

  He said it,ll be about twenty minutes," she reported. "So now all we have to do is wait."

  "Maybe we should move all our stuff out to the curb," I said.

  "No," Tania said. "Someone might see us and ask where we're going.

  We'll have the cab pull in the driveway and we'll load up right here."

  "Listen, Tania, do you think you should call your uncle and tell him we're coming? He might be out."

  "He can't go out," she said. "He's in a wheelchair and never goes anyplace. But maybe I'll phone anyway and- tell him we're on our way."

  So she did and talked to her uncle a few minutes. Then she hung up and said, "He's there, and everything's okay."

  "Are you sure he'll give us the money?"

  "I know he will," she said. "He promised, and I trust him."

  We were standing outside in the driveway, watching for the cab, when a Ford Taurus pulled up in front of our house. A man and a woman got out and came walking toward us. I recognized the man. He was the guy in the silver Infiniti who said he was an old friend of my dad. , Tania phoned me a few minutes before noon on Wednesday and said she and Chester Barrow were all packed and ready to go, and she had already called for a cab. They would be out at my place within a half hour to pick up the hundred dollars.

  That was the worst news I could have heard. I had planned to tell Herman about the kids' intention to run away when he came for lunch on Thursday. But now I only had thirty minutes to figure out what to do, and I admit I was totally flummoxed. So I called Cherry and explained the situation.

  "How do I handle it?" I asked her. "Give them the money or try to talk them out of it or what? I need quick advice, doc.

  She was silent a moment. Then, "I can cancel my afternoon appointments, Chas. I'll have my receptionist tell them I have a family emergency.

  It's a half-truth. I think I better come out to your place. Perhaps I can help you with the kids."

  "God bless," I said. "I write books for children, but this is something beyond me."

  "I'm on my way, she said.

  I hung up thinking what a true-blue woman she was. I realized then how much I had come to depend on her. Not just for offering to help with Tania and Chet, but for doing her damnedest to make me a whole man again. It took this crazy emergency to make me see it.

  I made up my mind right then. She might say no, but if I didn,t at least try, I didn't want to imagine what my future would be like. They don't give you medals for regret.

  Jessica and I got out of the car, and I saw Chester Barrow standing in the driveway outside his house.

&nbs
p; There was a little girl with him.

  "There's the boy," I told Jess.

  "Who's the girl, Willie?" she asked.

  "Never saw her before," I said. "A complication, but I can finagle it.

  Let's go."

  We walked up to the kids, and I took the boy by the arm.

  "Hiya, Chet," I said. "How you doing?"

  "Okay," he said, looking at me.

  "Listen, I got some bad news. Your dad's been hurt in an accident at his laboratory. He's been taken to a hospital, and he's asking for your mother."

  "She's not home," he said.

  "Then you better come along with me," I said, tugging at his arm.

  "Your dad should have family with him."

  "Don't go, Chet," the little girl said. "Phone the lab first and see if he's telling the truth."

  I knew right then it was going to go sour if we didn't move fast.

  "Jessica," I said, "hold the loudmouth until I get the kid in the car."

  Jess got a good grip on the girl, and I started to drag the boy toward the Taurus.

  "Is this a snatch?" he asked me.

  I almost laughed out loud. That kid had been watching too many crime shows on TV. "Yeah, it's a snatch," I told him, talking tough. "And I , got a big gun. I'll blow your head off if you give me any trouble."

  I pushed him into the backseat and climbed in after him.

  Jessica released the girl and came running. She got behind the wheel, and we pulled away with a chirp of tires.

  "How much ransom you going to ask for?" the kid wanted to know.

  I was in my office on Wednesday morning, working on a reformulation of Cuddle. After what Greg had said about the objections of the FDA, I realized a perfume or cologne containing a sex hormone could never be marketed commercially. That did not mean, of course, that I could not produce a limited amount for my private use if the sample I had given Herman to try had the desired result of modifying his behavior.

  I was preparing to go down to the employees' cafeteria for lunch when my phone rang. It was my daughter, so excited she was almost incoherent.

  "Tania," I said patiently, "I can't understand a word you're saying.

  Now just slow down and tell me why you're calling."

  "They just took Chet Barrow away!" she shouted.

  "What? Who took him away?"

  Then she told me a man and woman had pushed Chet into their car and driven away with him.

  "They kidnapped him," she said, and I could tell she was trying not to cry. "And the woman held me, and I tried to kick her and bite her, but I couldn't. She really held me tight, and I bet I have bruises tomorrow."

  "Tania, where are you now?"

  "I'm in our house, in the kitchen."

  "I want you to stay inside. Lock all the doors and windows.

  Don't go out and don't let any strangers in, no matter what they say.

  You understand?"

  "Yes, Mother. Should I call 911 and tell them what happened to Chet?"

  "I'll take care of it, dear. You just stay inside."

  "Can I call Daddy's office and tell him?"

  "Yes, you can do that. And I'll tell Mr. Barrow immediately.

  We'll be home as fast as we can get there." I hung up and rushed down to Greg's private lab.

  I worked all Wednesday morning on the final ZAP Project report.

  I left the Conclusions section blank until I had tested the testosterone pills hidden in my study at home. Those were the only tablets I had produced, and I didn't intend to make more until I had observed their effects on myself.

  My phone rang shortly after twelve-thirty. I did not recognize the man's voice.

  "Mr. Gregory Barrow?"

  "Yes. Who is this calling, please?" lilt,s not important. What is important is that we're holding your son, Chester."

  "What are you talking about?"

  "Your son has been kidnapped, Mr. Barrow."

  "I don't believe it!"

  "Would you care to talk to him? just a minute." , I waited, frightened and trembling. Then, "Hi, Dad," Chester said cheerfully.

  "Are you all right, Son?"

  "Oh sure. They haven't hit me or anything. They just pushed me in a car outside our house and drove me here. It's a snatch, Dad."

  "Chet, put the man on again."

  After a moment he came back on the line and said, "Satisfied, Mr.

  Barrow?"

  "You hurt him, and I'll kill you, I said.

  "No need for threats," he said calmly. "We have no intention of harming the boy-if you agree to our terms."

  "How much?" I asked hoarsely.

  "Not money," he said. "Just a few of the ZAP pills.

  I caught my breath. "How did you know about that? "

  "What difference does it make?" he said. "That's the ransom, Mr.

  Barrow. You hand over a few testosterone pills to us, and the boy walks away unhurt.

  You refuse, and I can't guarantee his safety. Think it over. I'll call you in about an hour, either at the lab or at your home, and give you instructions for delivery.

  I suggest you refrain from informing the police. That wouldn't be smart, Mr. Barrow." Then he disconnected, and I sat staring at the dead phone in my hand. There was a pounding on my lab door. I unlocked it, and Marleen Todd rushed in.

  " Greg, " she said in a stricken voice, "Tania just called and said something dreadful happened to Chester."

  "I know," I said. "I've got to get home."

  "I'm going with you," she said.

  Willie sat in the backseat, hanging on to the boy while I drove.

  I was afraid the kid might scream or start crying but he was no trouble at all. He just kept asking how much ransom we were going to demand.

  To tell you the truth, I think he was en)oying it, like it was a big adventure he could brag about to his pals.

  When we got to my place, we hustled him inside and closed all the venetian blinds. Our original plan was to tie him up in case he got any ideas of making a break for it. But he was so well behaved we didn't have to use the clothesline I had bought. I brought him a Coke and some Doritos and he thanked me politely.

  Nice kid.

  Willie called Gregory Barrow at the lab and let him talk to his son a minute to prove we had him. Then he told Barrow we wanted the ZAP pill and would call again in an hour to tell him how to make the drop.

  "Let him sweat awhile," Willie said after he hung up "My Dad don't sweat," the kid said.

  Willie said, "Doesn't." I thought that was funny.

  I got myself a vodka and a club soda for Brevoort. Then I phoned Laura at Hashbeam's like I had promised and told her everything was copacetic.

  We were all just sitting there waiting for the hour to pass when my front door bell rang.

  "Don't answer it," Willie said in a whisper. "And everyone keep quiet." just to make sure, he got a grip on the Barrow boy and put a hand over his mouth.

  The bell rang again, a good long ring, but we sat there without making a sound.

  Then suddenly my front door burst open. It was locked and chained, but there was a splintering sound, and I thought it was coming off the hinges. It didn't, but it swung wide open, hung crazily, and the elephant who had put his beef to it came stumbling in. And right behind him was a little guy wearing wirerimmed glasses.

  I knew who those bums were.

  Believe me I've busted through heavier doors than that one. So Teddy O. and me go barreling in, and there's this classy-looking head, Willie Brevoort, and a little kid, a boy who was maybe ten years old, about that.

  "Well, well, well," I says. "May we join the party?

  No one says a word.

  "I bet you're Jessica Fiddler," I says to blondie. "Am I right?"

  She doesn't answer.

  "And what's your name?" I says to the kid.

  "My name is Chester Barrow," he says, "and I have been kidnapped. I think you should call the police and these people should go to jail."

  I loo
k at Teddy O and he looks at me.

  "Kidnapped?" I says to the boy. "Why should they do that? is your daddy rich?"

  "They don't want money," he says. "This man phoned my father at the laboratory where he works and told Dad he wants some kind of pills, and when he gets them I can go home."

  I grin at Teddy O and he grins at me.

  "Beautiful," I says. "Just lovely. And is your daddy going to hand over the pills?"

  "I guess," the boy says. "This man told my father he'd call him again in a little while and tell him how to deliver the pills."

  "Stoolie," Willie says.

  "Hey," I says, "watch your language. He just wants to go home. Am I right, kid?"

  "Yes," he says, "and they should go to jail."

  "They certainly should," I says. "Willie, phone the boy's daddy and tell him to deliver the pills here." He doesn't make a move.

  "Teddy," I says, "persuade him."

  That guy was some slick operator. With one fast swoop he's got the sharpened ice pick out of the ankle sheath and he's holding the point under Brevoort's chin.

  "Make the call, Willie," I says gently. "Tell the chemist to bring the pills here."

  "Very well," he says.

  Teddy O. looks disappointed.

  After I left Herman Todd at that funky motel, I drove home as fast as I could. I had never been so humiliated in my life. I mean, after the way he, pitched me, I was primed for a world-class hump, but he turned out to be all talk and no do. All I got was an earful of caring, respect, warm understanding, and cuddling. What kind of bullshit is that?

  When I got home, Greg, Marleen Todd, and Tania were standing in the driveway talking and all excited. They filled me in on what had happened, and I almost fainted. My first thought was that God was punishing me for going to the motel with Herm. I was. glad we hadn't screwed, or maybe I'd never see Chester again.

  "Greg," I said, "what are we going to do?"

  "Wait for the phone call," he said grimly, "and then do whatever they want to let Chet go."

  "Maybe we should call the police."

  "No," he said, "definitely not."

  Then Marleen saw a pile of bags and suitcases stacked just inside our garage door. "Tania," she said,,lwhat is your overnight bag doing out here?"

  The girl started crying. "Chet and I were going to run away," she sobbed.

  "Oh my God," her mother said, flopped to her knees, hugged Tania, and started crying herself. Then I started crying. What a scene that was!