What Desire Demands, My Duke: A Steamy Historical Regency Romance Novel

by Olivia T. Bennet

  William suddenly felt at odds with himself. He didn’t dare to let her know that he’d been driven insane by her nonchalant behavior today. Voicing that aloud would only drive home how oddly he was acting.

  “Tomorrow,” he clipped suddenly, “you shall go on the horse.”

  Elizabeth’s jaw went slack. “I thought you said I could not mount him until I trusted him.”

  “I’ve decided to try another method with you. You say that you want to become that bold girl once again? Then prove it to me, Beth.”

  Elizabeth stood and crossed the distance towards him. She brought with her the fresh scent of lavender that threatened to bring him to his knees. William didn’t know how he kept himself still, how he kept his gaze from trailing down to her lips, her neck, and to the rest of her gown that molded to her body with every night breeze wafting by.

  “Very well, William,” Elizabeth said with small smile. “I accept your challenge.”

  He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to throw it all away, to ignore the warning bells in his head, take her by the waist, and kiss her. If only to taste her lips, to feel the press of her soft body against his. If only to remind himself of all he’d thrown away, and to long—if only for a moment—to have it back.

  Her smile slid off her face. Flickers of the same feeling coursing within him appeared in her eyes. It drove William insane to see. His hand twitched at his side, wanting to cup her by the back of her neck and caress her softly. To bend his lip to her ear and whisper all the things he wished to do to her.

  William felt he was at a crossroads all of a sudden. If he dared to do such a thing, it would only chase her away, which is what he should want. But he wanted her to remain, even if that came at the cost of suppressing his feelings.

  He cleared his throat and took a step back, turning his back to her. “If we linger out here any longer,” he said. “We might catch a chill. Let us return to the manor.”

  “Ah, yes, let’s.” Elizabeth sounded breathless. William didn’t dare to look back to see why. He only walked off, and heard when Elizabeth followed him.

  Had he remained in that position a second longer, he would have done something he would regret. William knew that and yet regret was already bleeding throughout him at the opposite. It haunted him all the way into the manor and since Elizabeth had already claimed she did not wish to eat dinner, he parted ways with her as quickly as he could and went back to his study. As soon as he was alone, he stood by the door, taking slow breaths to calm his racing heart. He felt like a fool, all of a sudden, a smitten lad who couldn’t keep his emotions in check.

  And like a smitten lad, William knew that sleep would not come easy for him tonight.

  Chapter 12

  Elizabeth’s heart was racing. She grasped the front of her gown, and made her way over to the bed on shaky legs. She couldn’t get that look in William’s eyes out of her head.

  She didn’t know if it had anything to do with the setting, with the fact that they had been standing in the middle of a beautiful garden with a romantic moon hanging overhead. But it had appeared as if…as if he’d thought of kissing her! Just like that day in her bedchamber, he’d studied her face, lowered his gaze to her lips, and even looked pained when he wrenched himself away.

  Elizabeth thought her heart might burst apart in happiness. Suddenly, there came a knock on the door and Elizabeth shot to her feet, her heart pounding against her chest. “Come in,” she called.

  Minnie slipped into the room and disappointment coursed through Elizabeth with such potency that she sank back onto the bed. Minnie must have caught Elizabeth’s expression because she looked quite alarm when she said, “My Lady? Is something the matter?”

  “Nothing at all, Minnie,” Elizabeth whispered. She put her hand against her hot cheek. “You do not have to worry.”

  Minnie nodded and drew closer. Concern still drifted through her eyes, but she thankfully didn’t address Elizabeth’s tomato-colored face. “Are you ready to prepare for bed, My Lady?”

  “Yes, I suppose that should be the best, shouldn’t it?”

  Otherwise I think I might find myself going in search of William.

  This entire day had been far too exhausting, trying to quell that urge.

  Minnie came to stand before Elizabeth as she stood. In silence, she proceeded to aid Elizabeth in getting into her nightgown, after which she lit the candles by her bedside and turned to bid her goodnight. Elizabeth didn’t miss the curious glances that had been thrown her way but she didn’t have the power to focus much on it. Right now, every ounce of her strength was going into remaining in her room and not going to find William.

  Elizabeth crawled into bed, getting under the covers. She laid on her back and stared up at the ceiling.

  What would have happened had he kissed me? Would that mean that he feels something for me again? Why did he step away?

  The questions consumed every bit of her thoughts until Elizabeth thought she might drive herself insane. She rolled onto her side, wanting to ask him all these questions. But Minnie’s words were still stark in her mind. She couldn’t latch on to him if she wanted him to grow fond of her once more. That would only lead to the opposite.

  I did not think it would be this hard. Is it so wrong to want to spend most of my time with the man I love?

  Elizabeth tried to ignore the true question that whispered in a corner of her mind.

  Is it right of me to still be in love with a man who’d left me behind without so much as a word for seven years?

  It was the only thing she couldn’t answer and didn’t care to. Matters of the heart was not something that could be defined clearly and if she attempted to do so, she would only drive herself insane.

  But thinking about the look in William’s eyes was enough to do the same. After a while, Elizabeth couldn’t take it anymore. She got out of bed, picked up one of the candles by her bed and made for the door.

  She needed to find him. As for what she would say, that was something she’d figure out along the way.

  Elizabeth made her way to his study first, and after knocking for a while, she went in to see that it was empty. At a loss now, and not wanting to disturb the servants, she retraced her steps, trying to think of the places he might be. The manor was far too large for her to check every room.

  As she continued on, Elizabeth began to lose her confidence and she still hadn’t thought of what she would say when she saw him. In the center of a long hallway, she drew to a stop and sighed, nearly putting out her candle’s flame in the process. She should return to her room, she thought, and simply try to sleep.

  There is very little point in this.

  The moment the words crossed her mind, Elizabeth noticed a sliver of golden light peeking out from under a door a short distance ahead. Curious, she drew closer and began to hear muffled grunts, as if someone was fighting.

  Elizabeth approached the door slowly. She noticed that it was not fully closed—a single push would reveal whoever was making those sounds on the other end. Her began racing, sensing who it might be. Her mouth went dry and with a trembling hand, she pushed against the wooden door.

  The room was bathed in candlelight and its reddish-orange glow escaped past the threshold when she opened the door. Elizabeth saw nothing but those candles at first and so she inched closer, peeking around to take in the rest of the room.

  What she saw made her heart stop in her chest.

  William was in the center of the room—wearing nothing but a pair of trousers. Sweat glistened off his broad muscular back, moving with every prance he made forward, with every jab of his arm. It took a moment to realize that he held a fencing foil in his hand and was whipping the dangerous-looking sword around as if it was nothing but a useless piece of metal. The power with which he wielded the weapon, the control that trembled through every exposed muscle of his back, had heat pooling in the pit of Elizabeth’s stomach.

  She knew that she should step away. She knew that watching a
half-naked man practice his fencing in the dead of night was the very last thing she should do as a lady. But Elizabeth could not find the strength in her. She could neither enter the room nor could she exit. Only stand there with her mouth agape, her tongue drying at the sight before her.

  William was completely oblivious to her presence. He moved so swiftly, his agile feet twirling him around the room with lethal precision. He continued to jab towards the end of the room, then whirled around, raising the foil before him. He paused, his eyes darting to Elizabeth.

  Elizabeth didn’t stop to think. Gasping, she stepped away from the door and pulled it closed behind her, wincing at her stupidity. He’d clearly seen her and even if he hadn’t, her closing the door would surely draw his attention.

  She squeezed her eyes shut as embarrassment rocked her, turning her back to the room. Somehow, she knew she wouldn’t be able to escape. And a part of her wished she wouldn’t have to.

  After a moment, Elizabeth’s heart sank when the door opened behind her. “Did you think I would not see you?” came Williams’s deep voice.

  Elizabeth bit her lip, reluctance turning her limbs to lead as she turned to face him. Whatever excuse she’d had on the tip of her tongue dissipated at the sight of him up close. His chest was well defined, hard, and glistening with a lovely sheen of sweat. The outline of his midsection appeared to be cut into six parts and Elizabeth had to resist the urge to run her hands down the ripple it created.

  “Have you taken your fill?”

  Elizabeth snapped her eyes back to his face. There was no expression there, and it only made her embarrassment deepen.

  “I-I’m sorry,” she stammered, looking away. She prayed he wouldn’t see her blushing but also knew it was fool’s hope. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I was looking around the manor for you and when I saw the light under the door, I grew curious as to what was going on—”

  “Why?”

  Her eyes darted up to him. “Pardon me?”

  “Why were you looking for me?” His foil was still in his hand and it touched the floor when he leaned one shoulder against the door jamb. “I thought you had intended to retire to bed early.”

  She nodded slowly, licking her dry lips. She couldn’t gather her thoughts, not when his bare chest was literally within touching distance. “I had,” she managed to say. “But I found that I could not sleep. I’d hoped for some company, but now that I see that you’re busy, I shan’t bother you any longer.”

  Elizabeth swiveled on her heels, desperate to make her escape. She barely took a single step when his hand clamped onto her wrist and whirled her back around with very little force. His green eyes appeared as dark as thunderclouds as he stared down at her. “You cannot possibly think that you can simply walk away after you’ve ruffled me like this?” he asked, though it didn’t sound like much of a question.

  “W-what do you mean?” The touch on her wrist was beginning to burn, sending tendrils of heat throughout the rest of her body. He was closer now, the heat of his own enough to drive her insane.

  “Everyone is asleep, Beth,” William said to her, his voice a low rumble that made her nipples pebble against her nightgown. “And so should you. Yet, you come here wearing nothing but your nightgown to see me.”

  “I…”

  “I’ve been trying my hardest, Beth, to stay away from you. You do not seem to want to make this easy for me.”

  “How can I when I only want the opposite?” she asked in a breathless whisper. Something was building within them, a tension that seemed to charge the air with smoldering intensity. Elizabeth felt something building in her, something weakening her knees and making it very difficult to think straight.

  “So damn stubborn,” he murmured, just as his eyes dipped to her lips.

  Elizabeth didn’t care about the curse. She didn’t care about anything other than the fact that he was moving closer to her, that his head was dipping towards her. Without thinking, she closed her eyes and eagerly anticipated what was to come.

  The press of his lips against her was gentle at first, exploratory. As if he was waiting for her to protest or to pull away. But that was the very last thing Elizabeth wanted. She wanted more of him, every inch of him she could get. The feeling threatened to consume her entire being.

  As if he read her mind, William gave her exactly what she wanted. He slid a large hand around her waist, pulling her against his chest. His sweatiness should have repulsed her but it made her longing grow deeper, made her desperate to run her hands against his broad chest and cup the back of his neck. She felt bold in that moment, spurred on by the intense feeling she could now recognize as sexual desire.

  It was that desire that sparked her insides with heat when William slipped his tongue past her lips. The feeling was foreign to her, but she followed his motions, swiping her tongue against his, letting him pull her lip in between his teeth. Allowing him to take control of the kiss the same way he seemed to be taking control of her body.

  The hand on the small of her back traveled up her spine while the other arm banded around her and pulled her in. Elizabeth found her fingers in his hair, tangled between the black strands the way their tongues tangled with each other. Her throbbing nipples strained against the fabric of her nightdress and Elizabeth was no longer anxious thinking that he might see. Now, she wanted him to know just how her body was reacting to his touch. She wanted to see how his body was reacting to hers.

  His hand slid over her shoulder just as his lips broke away from hers. With his other hand, he brushed her hair out of the way and kissed her gently underneath her ear. Though the kisses were gentle, it spurred on the longing, had her panting in his hold.

  Until his lips began to descend. Until his hand brushed at the collar of her gown to reveal more of the skin there. Suddenly, Elizabeth remembered her terrible scars.

  Elizabeth jerked out of his hold with such force that she was left breathless. She took a step away from him, panting.

  “Beth?” His eyes were shadowed with confusion, and perhaps a twinge of worry. It would have made her happy to see him feeling tender emotions towards her, but she only felt like running.

  “I’m sorry.” Her eyes filled with tears and she was certain he could hear it in her voice. She couldn’t think of a single explanation as to why she’d pulled away. She only turned and hurried back down the hallway, wanting to leave him behind before he saw the tears run down her face.

  A small part of her wanted him to follow. The larger part was happy that he didn’t, happy that he hadn’t seen the nasty scar that laid on her collarbone. If he had, Elizabeth didn’t know what she would have done with herself.

  She didn’t stop until she made it back to her bedchamber and flung herself onto the bed. She curled into the pillows and sobbed, hatred for herself coursing through her.

  She hated her scars. She hated how insecure it made her feel. She hated how timid she’d become after letting that insecurity overtake nearly every aspect of her life. She hated the fact that her growth over the past few days no longer mattered.

  She hated, above all, that William could not possibly love a lady that was as marred as she. All those thoughts consumed her as she cried herself to sleep.

  Chapter 13

  The next day, Elizabeth wasn’t sure how she was going to face William. She’d considered simply remaining in her bedchamber, feigning an illness if she had to, but she didn’t want to risk him coming all the way here to see her. She would feel a little better seeing him in a space that was less intimate than a bedroom.

  Harold and a few maids had delivered the first of the finished gowns to her that morning and so Elizabeth was no longer dressed in William’s stepmother’s gowns but one made specifically for her. It was a rose-colored morning gown that paired well with a silvery-pink shawl and her white gloves. Elizabeth couldn’t stop herself from fidgeting with the ends of her glove as she made her way to the dining room.

  Harold met her at the base of the grand stai
rcase with a bow, holding out a white bonnet. “His Grace would like to see you the gardens, My Lady.”

  “The gardens?” Elizabeth echoed with a frown. She took the bonnet from his hands in bemusement.

  “Yes.” Harold straightened and gestured with his hand. “If you would follow me.”

  Without waiting for a response, he turned and began to lead the way. Elizabeth followed, her curiosity overshadowing her reluctance and embarrassment for brief moments. The overhead sun bore down on everything underneath it with no remorse and Elizabeth was suddenly happy Harold had provided the bonnet. Though, she supposed it was probably William’s doing.

  Harold led her down a graveled path, passing between rows of shrubbery lined with perennial flowers, lavender mixed in among them. The light flowery scent drifting in the air served to lift Elizabeth’s spirit somewhat and as they veered down a flagstone path leading up a gentle incline, she took to admiring the beauty of the flora around her.