Pure Torture (Oblivion on Tour #3)

by Tania Sparks

Cody responds, desperation in his voice, “I tried to tell you that. But now I’ve gone and…”

  “That doesn’t matter Cody. You rightly thought we weren’t together any more. It’s not cheating if you’re not in a relationship.”

  Cody says sincerely, “Maybe we can make it work, we can try again?”

  I consider it for a few seconds, but I know how difficult the long distance thing was and how it made both of us feel miserable. With a broken heart I tell him, “No, long distance doesn’t work for either of us Cody, we just make each other unhappy. I think we should just call it for what it is and leave it be.”

  After a bit more discussion, we finally both agreed with heavy hearts that leaving it be was the best thing for both of us. We spent a few more minutes of polite conversation before Cody promised to let Nikki know I’d called, then we hung up.

  Since then we’ve managed to talk a few times, just as friends, but it’s always nice to hear his voice. It’s those few minutes every now and then that I cherish. I know he’s moved on without me, but I don’t ask about his ‘romantic’ activities, I don’t really want to know what he’s been getting up to. I know he’ll be hooking up with numerous girls, he’ll be partying and having fun. I still miss him so much and constantly wish that there was a way we could have made it work.

  Back here at home, I’m so relieved that college has now finally come to an end. I’ve really struggled to keep my head in the right place over the past few months. The first half of the semester had been absolutely disastrous. I had only managed to make it to about half of my classes and then being called into the Dean’s office, well that’s what scared the hell out of me. I had worked so hard for the last three years, I didn’t want to ruin it in the last semester, so I dug in deep, put in the effort and tried the best I could for the remainder of the semester. I’ve now finished my exams and I’m hopeful that I just managed to scrape through. I did a lot of extra work in the second half of the semester in an attempt to retain my grades and I hope I’ve done enough. The last two or three months have taken a real toll on my emotions and it definitely affected my school work. My tutors have been great, they know that I lost my Mom and have given me a bit of leeway and some extra chances to make up some grades.

  The weather has turned cold and wintery and it seems very fitting to my mood at the moment. The months have dragged so slowly, but it’s now Christmas Eve, college has closed for the holidays and I’m at home doing some Christmas baking. But I’m finding it’s just not the same without Mom. There used to be so many traditions that we’d do together. She and I would be in the kitchen, baking up a storm of cookies and special treats. Christmas carols would be playing and we’d both be cheerily singing along. It just doesn’t feel right singing by myself, so the dull hum of the tunes just plays in the background.

  Dad’s out in the yard, doing his normal Christmas chores and making sure that the path is clear of snow in preparation of Nikki coming home for the holidays. Nikki’s great like that, it doesn’t matter where he is in the world, whether he’s touring, recording or relaxing at his second home in LA, he always comes home for Christmas. He hasn’t ever missed a single one and it’s always fantastic to have him home for the holidays. He’s arriving later today and this time he’s bringing Trixie with him. It’ll be good to have another female around to do all the girlie Christmas things. With Mom gone I’m feeling sort of lost and having a girl to chat to might help cheer me up a bit.

  I’m taking out the last batch of cookies when Dad comes ambling in from outside. He removes his heavy winter coat and hangs it over one of the kitchen chairs, a few stray snowflakes tumble to the floor. He rubs his hands together to warm them up and rumbles, “Damn, it’s cold out there.”

  I pull out a seat for him, “Sit down Dad, I’ll get us a nice hot cup of coffee and some cookies. I’ll have you warmed up in no time.”

  Before he sits down he wraps me in his arms and gives me a warm hug, “Thanks sweetheart.”

  “No problem Dad.”

  He gives me an affection kiss on the top of my head and tells me, “I know it’s hard for you without Mom here to help you with all this holiday stuff, but I just want you to know that I really appreciate it. It definitely helps me get through this difficult time a little easier knowing that all our family traditions haven’t disappeared with the passing of your Mom.”

  He sits down at the table and absent-mindedly starts to flick through the newspaper sports pages that have been left on the table after this morning’s breakfast. I know he misses Mom like crazy too. You can see it clearly in his eyes, he looks sad. Most of the time he does a pretty good job of putting on a brave face, but I can tell he’s struggling to come to terms with our loss and is trying to hide his devastation from me as much as possible. But every now and then, I get an insight as to how he’s really feeling. Like the other night, well after midnight I came down to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I discovered him, fast asleep in his armchair, blankets wrapped around him as he clasped onto a photo of Mom in his hand. It’s so sad. He’s struggling with Mom being gone and Christmas time just emphasizes the heartbreak we’re both feeling.

  I wish there was something I could do for him, but nothing I could ever do will bring Mom back. So I do what I can to make things bearable, I try to stay positive, not show how devastated I am. I try to stay strong and over the past few weeks have kept doing all those traditional Christmas things that Mom used to make so special for all of us.

  As soon as the coffee is ready I pour us each a large mug and place them down on the table along with a plate of still-warm cookies. I sit down next to Dad and we run through the small list of chores that are still to be done this afternoon before Nikki arrives. It’s difficult for both of us and I guess by keeping ourselves busy, we’re keeping distracted.

  We’re almost finished our coffee when I hear a car door slamming out front. Dad and I look at each other in confusion. We hadn’t been expecting Nikki until later this evening, surely it couldn’t be him arriving this early, it’s only mid-afternoon. We both stand up and start walking towards the front door to investigate who our visitor might be. My excitement starts to build as I hear Nikki’s distinctive rumbling voice and Trixie’s jovial chatter floating up the path.

  I open the door to see a grinning Nikki strolling up towards us. I run down to him and jump into his arms. I give him a big welcoming hug and lots of butterfly kisses to his cheeks. I’m so pleased to see him and I’m surprised that after feeling so sad before, I’ve already started to feel a slight glimmer of happiness.

  “Good to see you too Kitty!” he exclaims happily. After spinning me around in circles he gently puts me back down onto the ground and ruffles my hair playfully.

  I step away from him and turn to Trixie and give her a big welcoming hug too. I’m just about to turn around and head back indoors and out of the cold when I look further down the path towards the town car which is still parked out front and hasn’t pulled away yet. The back door slowly opens and a familiar black boot hits the sidewalk. My senses are instantly on high alert and a shot of adrenaline shoots though me. That boot is quickly followed by another and then a hot as hell tall frame unfolds from the car. He straightens and stands up. Holy crap, Cody’s here too! What an incredible surprise. My heart races in excitement. Our eyes meet and a reserved smile crosses his face. He runs his fingers through his hair and slowly rakes his gaze over me from head to toe. I can practically feel his eyes undressing me. I return the gesture and run my eyes slowly over him. He’s wearing blue jeans and a big black leather bomber jacket over a faded grey T-shirt. His mohawk has grown out and his shaggy brown hair falls over his face, making him look even more like the sexy bad-boy he is. The electricity is definitely still there between us. Although we’ve been purely platonic friends over the past few months, now we’re back within touching distance, the sparks of mutual attraction are definitely zapping between us. Damn he looks good. I’m instantly reminded of what an incredible
effect he has on me. My heart skips a beat and my body instantly reacts, my nipples harden and tingles start to tickle across my skin. I’m so thrilled that he’s decided to come home for the holidays.

  He secures his gaze intensely on mine and rumbles, “Hey you.”

  “Hey.” I reply coyly as happiness floods through me.

  Then just as quickly as I feel elated, my emotions come crashing back down to reality. Shit, he’s not alone! A gorgeous red haired, alabaster skinned beauty climbs out of the car and quickly attaches herself to his arm.

  What the hell!

  The look on Cody’s face turns to one of doubt and perhaps even embarrassment, I think that maybe he even shrugs, but I’m so dazed that I can barely concentrate. Cody and I just stare at each other. I don’t know how to react or what to say. After a long awkward silence, Dad encourages us all to move inside and out of the cold as he marshals us up the path and into the house. My head is spinning as I try to process this very unwelcome surprise. Maybe she’s someone from the record label? My heart is pounding loudly and I can hear the blood rushing in my ears.

  Nikki starts to explain to Dad that Cody had nowhere to go for Christmas as his folks had unexpectedly gone out of town. Nikki asks Dad if it’s okay if Cody and Sasha stay here in the spare room and spend Christmas with us. Holy crap, Cody and Sasha together in the spare room – I guess she’s not from the record label then!

  My mind has short-circuited and everything feels sort of out-of-focus and fuzzy. I have the sensation like I’m under water because I can’t really make out the rest of the conversations going on around me and I can’t take anything in. I’m think I’m in shock. I can’t even look at Cody as we all slowly shuffle indoors.

  We make it through to the sitting room where everyone starts making themselves comfortable. The next thing I know Sasha is stepping up to me and wraps her arms awkwardly around my shoulders. She smells of too much sweet perfume and of sickly stale cigarette smoke. In a shrill posh accent she drones, “So nice to meet you darling. I’m Sasha, Cody’s girlfriend. You must be Kitty, Nikki’s baby sister.” She pretentiously air kisses each of my cheeks.

  Girlfriend! Holy crap Cody has a girlfriend! How did I not know about this?

  I definitely don’t hug her back and in fact I don’t even respond. I’m in complete and utter shock and pretty close to a complete meltdown. I know Cody and I are in no way a couple and for the past few months we’ve been nothing but purely platonic friends. But I thought we were good friends and as a good friend shouldn’t I have known that he has a girlfriend? At least if I’d known before he’d arrived I could have prepared myself, I could have processed all of these emotions that are whooshing around frantically in my head. I would have had time to sort myself out before being confronted with Sasha right here and in my face. But as it is at the moment, my head is in chaos and I’m a complete mess.

  Sure, I knew he’d be playing around with groupies and what-not. I mean, I knew what Cody being on tour would mean. At the end of the day we had both agreed to call our relationship quits, but a girlfriend – that’s a whole different story. And even more so, it’s a girlfriend that he’s brought home for the holidays. She must be special to him. Shit!

  Dad walks out into the kitchen then quickly returns with a plate of the cookies that I’d been baking. He announces, “I’ve put the coffee on, should be ready soon.” He holds out the plate and starts to pass the cookies around. The guys both appreciatively grab a few cookies each and start to stuff them into their mouths.

  Dad holds out the plate in Sasha’s direction. But her face screws up and she squeals, “Oh, no, not for me!” She slaps her own ass, “I have to stay looking trim and pretty for my Cody and all.”

  She looks straight at me and with a very phony looking smile and with more emphasis than is necessary she purrs, “Isn’t that right Kitty.” She purposely grabs Cody’s hand and places it straight on her ass. What the hell! Cody embarrassingly removes his hand and frowns at Sasha with a look of warning. So inappropriate!

  It’s probably just me, but this girl is already grating on my nerves. Does she know that me and Cody were once together? I definitely feel some strong hostility from her. I don’t like her and I usually like everyone! My emotions were already all over the place with Mom not being here for Christmas and everything being so different these holidays. Then having the excitement of seeing Nikki and Trixie, followed by the total elation of realizing that Cody’s here too, then only to have my emotions crash and burn when I comprehend that he’s brought his ‘girlfriend’ with him. A girlfriend that I didn’t even know existed. This is so not okay.

  Sasha tries to engage me in some meaningless conversation, but her voice is whiney and her words are laced with an undertone of bitterness. Surely I’m not the only one picking up on her attitude towards me. I try to avoid her and I don’t pay her any attention because the only thing I really want to say to her is “What the fuck are you doing with my Cody!” So although I know I’m being extremely rude, I just completely ignore her.

  Before I lose it completely I excuse myself to go to my bedroom. I need some space to get my head right. I need to figure out who this girl is and what she means to Cody and at some point I need to speak to Cody alone so I can find out why the hell I didn’t know about her before now. But not right at this moment, right now I think I’d say something I’d regret and I don’t want to make a scene or make a fool of myself.

  Once I get to my room I close the door behind me and flop face down onto my mattress as tears start to trickle freely down my cheeks. I feel down, totally deflated and as confused as hell. My emotions are in complete turmoil. After a few minutes of wallowing in self-pity there’s a quiet knock on my door.

  “Yeah,” I call out numbly.

  “It’s me, Trixie, can I come in?”

  “Sure,” I reply despondently.

  What I really need is my Mom, but I guess Trixie is a good alternative and I’m really appreciative of her concern and friendship. I absolutely need a girl to talk to. I sit up and wipe my eyes as she opens the door and peaks her head tentatively inside. She sees that I’ve been crying and walks in, closing the door softly behind her. She sits down on the bed next to me, puts her arm around my shoulder and asks caringly, “You okay sweetie? It must be really hard on you, this being your first Christmas without your Mom and all.”

  I snuggle into her shoulder and wrap my arms around her waist. I mumble, “Yeah, it’s really difficult. The holidays just don’t feel the same. I’m doing my best to keep up the normal traditions, mainly for Dad’s sake, but I miss her so much.”

  “Is that why you’ve been crying?” she asks cautiously.

  I stumble on my words. I’m sure Mom being gone has contributed to my mini breakdown, but that’s not the real reason I’m upset. I reply somberly, “Yes. No. Well…”

  Trixie, being the perceptive person that she is, states simply, “It’s Cody, isn’t it?”

  I just groan in response. I barely want to admit that to myself, never mind to someone else. I’m so confused.

  She squeezes me tightly and looks me in the eye, “You still have feelings for him don’t you?”

  I groan again, then ask, “How long have him and Sasha been…” I can’t even bring myself to say the fact that she’s his girlfriend.

  Trixie responds as she emphasizes her answer by ensuring her eyes are staring straight into mine, “Not even a couple of weeks Kitty. It’s not serious or anything. I don’t even know why the hell she’s here to be honest.”

  I look at her a little confused and very skeptically. A couple of weeks is unquestionably not a long time to be with someone before bringing them home for the holidays. That seems like a really big step to me. Why would he do that without being serious about her?

  Trixie sees my confusion and continues, “In fact Cody doesn’t even really seem to be that into her, but she just sort of hangs around…” She grins, shrugs her shoulders then adds, “…a bit like a
bad smell really.” This makes me chuckle. I knew having a girl to talk to would do me good.

  Trixie pats me comfortingly on my knee and seeing that I’m a little bit happier she stands up and starts walking towards the door. She nods her head towards the sitting room, “Come on back out Kitty. You’ll see for yourself that she’s just a tagger-on, not really a girlfriend as she likes to call herself. Besides it’s simple to see that she’s not that important to Cody. The way he looked at you when he saw you, he’s never looked at her that way. In fact he never looks at anyone the way he looks at you. It’s like you light him up Kitty. He can hardly keep his eyes off you.”

  By this stage Trixie has reached the bedroom door. She turns and looks back to me. She is silent for a few seconds then says, “He hasn’t been happy either Kitty. I know he misses you like hell. If you two could find a way to make it work…” She snickers then adds, “I’m absolutely sure you can take that bitch.”

  Trixie makes me laugh. She has a way of cheering me up and I’m glad she came home with Nikki. I feel like she’s the big sister I never had. She’s not a replacement for Mom, but it’s nice to know she’s here for me.

  I don’t know why I feel a ridiculous need to defend Sasha but I respond, “I’m sure she’s really not a bitch Trixie, she seems perfectly…” I grin wryly and shrug uncertainly, “…lovely?”

  Trixie smirks and in a ridiculous posh accent says, “Yes, she’s just lovely darling.”

  Trixie walks back to the bed and sits back down next to me again. She offers me some more insight as she continues. “She’s a bit phony if you ask me Kitty, she’s only nice to Eve and me when the guys are around. If it’s only us girls she practically ignores us, apart from a few snide remarks every now ’n then. The guys can see right through her too and they’ve all tried to tell Cody to get rid of her. We all think she’s a bit of a gold digger, only in it for the fame and money, but Cody just shrugs his shoulders and ignores us. It’s like he’s given up. Don’t get me wrong, when he’s on stage he’s as awesome as ever, and he still puts everything into his writing, rehearsing, sound checks and all, but if he’s not working on his music he’s turned into a real shitty, sulky bastard.”