In Too Deep

by Dwayne S. Joseph

  After Brian’s suicide and Abe’s resignation, I felt like a queen on the throne. I thought I was untouchable. Whilice moved out, Brian was no longer in my way, and I didn’t have to worry about my affair with Abe coming out at work. Everything seemed to be going the way it always should have.

  But then my secret was revealed.

  I’d been using cocaine for a little over two years. I’d started after a business meeting with a client that I didn’t want to lose. I invited him out for drinks after our all-day meeting, to celebrate what I hoped would be his signing on the dotted line. I took the contract with me. While we sat at our table, I tried to discuss my business plan further and forecast for his company. Well into our third glass of champagne, it was obvious that the last thing he wanted to do was talk shop. I’d been through the drill before, so I endured his flirting and touching of my thigh, and then went with him to his hotel. That wasn’t the first time I’d slept with a client for their John Hancock, so it was no big deal to me. I figured it would be as easy as one, two, three. I’d go in, ride him for a couple of minutes, lying about how good he felt and how he was making me feel until he came, and then leave him with a smile and my contract signed. If there was any one thing I’d learned from my years as an ambitious and determined woman in the male-dominated world of business, it was that you had to do whatever was necessary to climb up the ladder. It was all very routine, really.

  Unfortunately, someone forgot to send me the memo telling me that the routine had been changed.

  We went up into his room, and as I started to slide out of my dress, the client pulled out a silver tray with several lines of coke on it. I’d never tried drugs before that, and I wasn’t about to start then. I told him no and said that the sex would make up for it, but he wasn’t trying to hear that.

  “A high fuck is the best kind,” he’d said.

  I told him no again, but then he threatened to take his business over to another advertising firm; namely our competitor. I hadn’t yet become head of the East Coast division of the company and I knew that my capturing that position was dependent on the client signing the contract.

  Because of my ambitions, I gave in and snorted two lines.

  I don’t actually remember much about the sex we had, although both of my holes hurt for the next few days. The only thing I remember was the feeling of absolute euphoria I had. For years I’d been searching for that ultimate high, only I’d been doing it through my accomplishments at work. But no matter how many hours I’d put in or what I’d achieved, I’d never found it. I’d never truly been satisfied until that cocaine ran wild through my bloodstream. I wasn’t riding my client that night. I was riding a cloud, soaring high in the clear blue sky with rays of sunlight washing over me while the harmonious sounds of harps sighed in the breeze.

  I’d been searching for that first-time high ever since. And I was searching for it the night Whilice’s coworker walked in on me in the bathroom of my girlfriend’s house. I didn’t know that he was dating my girlfriend’s sister. He didn’t hesitate to run and tell Whilice what he saw, not even after I gave him a blow job.

  With my secret revealed and my affair with Abe exposed, the judge ordered me to rehab and gave full custody of my daughters to their father, who only hated me more after that. Losing my girls devastated me. So did the look of shame, disappointment, and anger written on my oldest daughter’s face. With the girls gone and my reputation at work damaged because of my drug habit, I spiraled into a state of depression and stayed there until A’sahn came along.

  We met at the club. I was out trying to have a good time when he approached me and without asking, grabbed my hand and took me out to the dance floor.

  “You didn’t think to ask?” I said with my ass against his crotch.

  “You didn’t think to say no?” he said, thrusting into me.

  It was an immediate attraction. We exchanged numbers that night, and started seeing each other soon after that. A’sahn was the bad boy with style that I’d always wanted. Even though he’s younger than I am, he had his shit together. At twenty-eight, he’s very successful. He owns two of the hottest hip-hop clubs in Miami. That was one of his clubs that we were in. A’sahn is a lighter version of Mekhi Phifer, only with no hair. He’s tall, lean, and knows how to wear the hell out of designer clothing. Best of all, having sex with A’sahn was like having sex with Abe only multiplied by three. A’sahn always left me breathless after our bouts of lovemaking, and unlike Whilice, who liked to get in and get out before I had a chance to blink, he took the time to admire and savor every one of my curves. He touched me in places and ways that I didn’t even touch myself, and after being with Whilice’s unsatisfying ass, I’d gotten to know my body pretty damn well.

  After Whilice, and after Abe, I never planned on falling in love again. But the more time that passed with A’sahn, the more I found myself doing just that. He helped bring me out of a pit I didn’t think I was going to rise from. With him I could hold my head up high and not give a shit about the people who looked down on me with scorn.

  “What do you mean there’s someone else?” I asked again. I was still in my bathrobe, naked underneath. A’sahn looked at me and then looked away.

  “I mean I’m not feeling you anymore, Taki. I mean you fine and all, but you just not doin’ it for me anymore.”

  I put my hand on my hips. “Not doing it for you anymore? What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? That’s not what you said to me last night!”

  A’sahn laughed. “Shorty, I was bustin’ a nut.”

  “You son of a bitch!” I reached out and tried to slap him, but he caught me by my wrist.

  “Don’t even think about it, Taki. You know I don’t play.” He pushed me back and stood up.

  I struggled to keep my composure and keep tears back. “But A’sahn, I thought we had something. I love you, and I thought you loved me too.”

  A’sahn chuckled again as he slid his cell phone into his Sean John jeans. “Love? Taki, I’m twenty-eight years old with an empire to build. I ain’t tryin’ to fall in love with nobody, no time soon.”

  “So who’s this other bitch?”

  A’sahn rubbed his hands together, nodded up and down repeatedly and bit down on his bottom lip. “She’s my new flavor of the month.”

  “So that’s all I ever was to you? A flavor? A fuck?”

  “You said it, not me.”

  “Get the fuck out of my house!”

  “My car’s in the shop, baby doll. I need a ride.”

  “You say there’s another woman and then you have the nerve to ask me for a ride. Get the hell out, you ignorant son of a bitch!”

  A’sahn chuckled again and then said, “Well, can we at least fuck one last time?”

  I screamed out again as A’sahn laughed and walked past me. I wanted to strike out and hit him, but I was afraid to. He walked out of my house and when he closed the door behind him, I threw a vase filled with flowers he’d given me and screamed out as the glass shattered into tiny pieces. I moved from the vase to the plates I’d set out for breakfast and threw them too. I let the tears leak from my eyes as I lashed out.

  “Not fair!” I yelled. “It’s not fair!”

  I sank down to the ground in a fit of tears and wondered why A’sahn had hurt me the way he had. I’d been so good to him; treated him the way I thought he wanted to be treated. What had I done wrong?

  I slowly rose from the ground and went to the window to see if A’sahn was standing outside. Despite the things he’d said, I wanted to talk to him one more time to see if I could change his mind. Maybe I would give him that fuck he’d asked for. Although after the way I planned to work it, I don’t think it would have been the last. Hell, I’d make him forget all about the other flavor.

  He was standing by the curb on his phone laughing. I knocked on the window, trying to get his attention. When he didn’t answer, I avoided the glass and pieces of china, and stepped outside. I called A’sahn’s name out loud. He di
dn’t turn around.

  “A’sahn!” I called again.

  Just then a red convertible Mitsubishi Spider appeared from around the corner and came to a stop in front of him. A woman wearing shades and a baseball cap was driving the car. I tried to get a good look at her, to see what kind of flavor she was, but A’sahn was in the way. I called out his name as he opened the door to get in. This time he turned around.

  “What do you want, Taki?”

  As I stepped toward him to tell him what I wanted, my name was screamed out loud.

  “Taki?”

  Both A’sahn and I looked to the woman who was now getting out of her car.

  “Taki as in you fucked my husband, Abe?”

  I squinted my eyes. “Nakyia?”

  Nakyia walked around her car to the curb and stood with her hands on her hips.

  “You know her?” A’sahn asked, looking at her.

  Eyeing me with venom, Nakyia said, “Remember when I told you about the bitch Abe was screwing? Well, she’s the bitch.”

  A’sahn burst out laughing. “Oh shit! Are you for real?” He turned to me. “You were fucking Abe?”

  “You know Abe?” I asked. “What’s going on? What are you doing here, Nakyia?”

  “You really are pathetic, Taki,” Nakyia said, walking toward me. “A’sahn is my cousin.”

  “Your cousin?” I couldn’t believe it. “You planned this shit, didn’t you, bitch! You set this all up to get back at me for giving Abe what you couldn’t. And you have the nerve to call me pathetic.” I turned to A’sahn, who was standing at the side laughing. “This isn’t funny, you immature ass.”

  “Don’t talk to my cousin that way, bitch!” Nakyia snapped. “His hooking up with your ass is purely coincidental. Believe me, the last thing I would ever do is waste my time on someone as cheap and trifling as you. You are below me. I mean, look at you. You had a husband and what did you do? You slept with my husband and then moved from him to my younger, more immature cousin. No offense, A’sahn.”

  “None taken, ’cuz.”

  “Taki, you have absolutely no respect for yourself. I met your husband. I’ve seen pictures of your girls. I saw the life you gave up. The life you never valued. Only a foolish woman would let all of that go. I can’t believe I ever lost sleep over Abe being with you. I’m so glad the world is this small because it’s given me an opportunity to see just how much you and Abe deserved one another. Enjoy your life, Taki, because I damn sure will. A’sahn . . . are you staying?”

  A’sahn looked at me while I stood speechless. I wanted to snap back at Nakyia for the things she’d said. I wanted to spit curse words at her. I wanted to tell her that her words meant nothing to me. That they hadn’t affected me. But the truth was they had. She was right.... I’d given up so much.

  As A’sahn smiled mockingly at me, and Nakyia turned her back and walked away, I’d never felt like more of a fool. My husband, who’d loved, respected, and adored me; my daughters, my family, my coworkers—I’d lost respect from them all, and I had no one to blame.

  A’sahn approached me. “You still want to give it to me?”

  “Go to hell, A’sahn!”

  With nothing else to say, I turned around and walked back inside. Before I closed the door, the last thing I heard was A’sahn’s mocking laughter.

  Questions for Discussions

  1. Abe had deep hatred/resentment for Travis. Why do you think he did?

  2. Although he didn’t agree with Travis’s lifestyle, Randy never disowned him. Would you have done the same with your own brother, sister, son or daughter?

  3. Why do you think Travis put up with Brian’s abuse? Was he truly in love with him?

  4. Taki had issues with her husband Whilice . . . were they warranted?

  5. Did Abe get what he deserved in the end?

  6. Did Tina truly want to be a “family” with Randy?

  7. Was Abe wrong for cheating on Nakyia? Or was there room for justification considering her affliction?

  8. Monique truly loved Randy. Did she put up with too much, for too long? Would you have given up on the relationship?

  9. Do you think Abe and Randy will ever be close again?

  10. What—if anything—do you think Abe learned from Travis’ death?

  COMING IN SEPTEMBER 2010

  EYE FOR AN EYE

  BY DWAYNE S. JOSEPH

  Prologue

  “Amado Mio.”

  Playing from my iPod in the living room.

  “Amado Mio” by Pink Martini.

  I leaned my head back. Listened to the melody. Felt my skin tingle. The breakdown was coming. My skin always tingled when it did.

  “Amado Mio.”

  Like sex, the song was that good. That sexy. That intense. That powerful. If there were a movie about me, this would be my theme song.

  I closed my eyes.

  Breathed slowly.

  Ran my hands up my thighs, past my stomach, over my erect nipples, to my neck, then back down again.

  I was wet from the hot water covering me. I was dripping from the melodic orgasm Pink Martini and their groove had caused. Every woman needs to own a copy of this song.

  It was the perfect size. The prefect width. The perfect stroke.

  To hell with a dick. Just put this song on repeat.

  Ringing.

  There was no ringing in the song.

  I opened my eyes and looked over to my right. My BlackBerry was on the rim of my tub, ringing softly, the volume set at level two. I sighed. I was in mid-stroke, nearing self-fulfilled ecstasy. I should have turned the damn thing off.

  I reached over and grabbed it with my fingers wet from the water and my pussy. A Friday night, nearing nine-thirty. Aida followed the rules. Only one other person who didn’t.

  I connected the call and placed the BlackBerry against my ear. “Marlene.”

  “We have a potential client.”

  I exhaled. “It’s Friday night, Marlene.”

  “I know I’m not supposed to call.”

  “Yet you did.”

  “I’m sorry, but—”

  “Friday nights are off limits.”

  Marlene sighed apologetically. I could see her running her hands through her hair. She said, “I know. I tried not to call, but she sounds desperate. She wants to know if you’ll help her tonight.”

  In the background, “Amado Mio” had finished and was restarting. I’d heard the song thousands of times, but each time was like hearing it for the first time. I hated missing any of the song. “Give it to Aida.”

  “You’ve given the last three clients to her.”

  “And she’s done well with them.”

  “It’s been four months since you’ve taken a client on.”

  “And?”

  “Lisette . . .” Marlene paused momentarily. I could tell she was trying to choose her words carefully. “I know I’ve asked you this before, but are you sure you’re all right? Believe me, you are the strongest person I know, but after everything you went through with Kyra . . . I would understand if you were a bit scared.”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head.

  That name.

  Kyra.

  Almost a year ago, she’d taken me to the edge. She thought she’d been on my level. Thought she’d been better than me.

  She’d been wrong.

  But she had taken me to the edge.

  She’d caused things to happen. Things that kept me from getting a full night’s sleep. Things that had me on edge. Things that had indeed scarred me. Of course, I would never admit it to anyone. Marlene had seen me at my weakest point and that would be all she would ever see.

  I said, “I’m fine.”

  “Lisette . . . I know you don’t like to admit it, but you are human.”

  “I’m fine,” I said again.

  Marlene wouldn’t let up. “She had you beaten and raped. I don’t know anyone who can go through that and remain unscathed.”

  “I said I’m
fine, Marlene.”

  “Then why haven’t you taken on any clients, Lisette?”

  I clenched my jaw.

  Two years ago, I became a home wrecker: a woman hired by wives to “ruin” their marriages. They sought my services for various reasons. Some were women who’d become fed up with their husbands’ infidelity. They wanted evidence to use against them to help garner the best payoff possible. Some women were victims of emotional, physical, or verbal abuse who felt trapped and saw my “expertise” as a means of escape. Other women weren’t seeking an escape or a big payday. They just wanted leverage. Something to hold over their husbands’ heads so that they could do whatever the hell they wanted to do. Pictures, videos, sometimes the satisfaction of walking in and seeing their cheating bastards in compromising situations—whatever they wanted, I provided.

  Marlene had been my first client. A fear of scrutiny from her friends and family kept her hostage in a marriage to a pathetic asshole. I gave Marlene the same thing I gave my clients after her—the very thing that I got off on.

  Control.

  Marlene and all of the other clients had none. That meant they had no power. I’d learned a long time ago that life without control wasn’t life at all. Life without control was death. Life without control just didn’t make any sense to me. Before I helped her, Marlene was weak. She changed when she got control back.

  Kyra had managed to take my control away from me. She’d managed to render me powerless. Although I’d never told her directly, Marlene’s newfound strength had been what pulled me away from the edge of insanity I’d been teetering on. Before my services, Marlene had been an acquaintance. Now . . . she was a friend—my only real friend—and despite the fact that I never called her that, she knew it, and I appreciated her for that.