Break (The Breathe Series Book 3)

by Lila Kane

  “Okay, first of all, it’s not all the sudden. My mom knew you were coming back here. And being the confident, strong—and smart—woman she is, I’m willing to bet she had more than a clue I was going to try to get you back. Not only that, my mom was your biggest fan. She was furious with me when we broke up because she knew it was my fault.”

  “It’s not…” I squirmed in my seat, pulling my hand from his because I was uncomfortable. “I’m not trying to blame someone.”

  “I know. And that’s not why I said it. Charlotte, my mom loved you. She asked about you a lot in the time we weren’t together. And this…” He took my hand again, rubbing his thumb over the ring. “She wouldn’t have let me give it to you if she didn’t like you or didn’t think you were right for me or the other way around.”

  “But—”

  “And,” he continued with a gentle smile, “she already knows we’re engaged. It’s not like we’re telling her something new here. It’s just…a chance for her to see you. To talk. For her to get all motherly about the wedding and babies and—”

  “See, you’re way ahead of me here with the baby talk.”

  “I didn’t say right this minute, Charlotte. Don’t look at me like that.”

  Pulling my hand from his again, I frowned. “I’m not looking at you like anything. It’s just—”

  “What? You don’t like that I think about the future? Our future?”

  I took a calming breath. “It’s not that.” I pushed my plate away. Finn watched the motion with narrowed eyes but wisely kept his mouth shut. “I’m…Kids, Finn? Really?”

  “Yes,” he said quietly. “There was a time, if you recall, you wanted kids. More than one. You wanted a family with me.”

  My stomach clenched. “I still do. I swear. That was just…before Mark. I—”

  “What the fuck did he say to you?” Finn growled.

  I blinked. “What?”

  “What happened? What did he do to make you think kids were out of the picture for you?”

  “It’s not, it’s only—God, Finn. Now, you don’t look at me that way.” Unsettled, I stood, turning away from the anger on his face. “Please don’t be upset.”

  After several long moments, he spoke again, voice noticeably calmer. “Look at me.”

  I released a long breath and turned around. Finn spread his hands. “I’m sorry. But I want to work this out with you. The whole truth, please.”

  “You have to be calm, okay? I don’t want to fight about this.”

  “I’m calm. Sit down.”

  I ignored his request and set my hands on the back of the chair. “Mark didn’t want to have kids. He said they were horrible, dirty, and irritating little creatures that would get in the way of what he wanted for life.” Finn’s jaw clenched. I held his gaze, waiting for him to explode. He relaxed his muscles and waited for me to continue. “He said I’d be a terrible mother, especially since I was working my way to being a pretty terrible wife.”

  “That bastard!”

  “Finn.”

  He squeezed his hands into fists. “You know that’s bullshit.”

  “I know, okay? I was stupid then—”

  “Don’t say that.” Finn stood, walking over to me and taking my shoulders. “You’re not stupid. You weren’t then, and you aren’t now. Mark manipulated you and used you and made you believe you weren’t anything. That’s not the truth.”

  I lowered my chin, Finn’s words making me heart swell at the same time it wept for those years I’d lost.

  “Say it, Charlotte.” Finn lifted my chin. “Tell me you know Mark was wrong. That you’re nothing like what he said.”

  I nodded. “I know. Mark was wrong. It just…no, it still is taking me time to break free of that mentality.”

  “You’d make a wonderful mother, and I hope it’s something you’ll consider talking about in the future.”

  Drawing in a sharp breath, I said, “I will. I said…I said before that I wanted a family with you, and I do. But it’s scary. I’m afraid…”

  “What?” He cupped my cheeks between his palms. “What are you afraid of?”

  “I’m afraid I won’t enjoy it. Not being a mother, necessarily, but maybe being pregnant or even trying. Because I’ll worry and I’ll think about how things used to be—”

  “I won’t let that happen. You hear me, Charlotte? When you’re pregnant, I’ll be there for you every day. You won’t have time to think about the past or worry about anything because you’ll be too happy. I’ll make sure of it.”

  My stomach fluttered with excitement and nerves. “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  I nodded. “But…you’re talking a while in the future, right? I mean…you don’t want any of this right away, do you?”

  He let out a small laugh. “Maybe that’s a conversation better left for another time.”

  “Why?”

  Finn returned to his seat. “Let’s finish our breakfast, and then I have an idea.”

  “What idea? No, wait—tell me why we can’t finish this conversation now.”

  He shrugged. “Because you’re not going to like what I have to say.

  “Try me.”

  “You really want to do this?” His lips curved. “Right now? In your robe?”

  “Why does it matter what I’m wearing?”

  “It doesn’t. I just thought you might want more time. More time to wake up, more time to get used to us living together. More time with everything.”

  I crossed my arms. “What are you talking about?”

  He laughed again. “The food is getting cold.”

  “Stop doing that. You distracted me last night and we couldn’t finish our conversation, now you’re doing it again. I’m not going anywhere near you until you start talking to me.”

  He grinned, and when he stood, there was a dangerous look on his face. “There’s no way you could stay away from me for that long.”

  “Try me.”

  “You seriously don’t want to challenge me on this.” His eyes narrowed. “I’ll win.”

  “You wish.” With that, I turned toward the hallway. “I’m finished. I’m going to take a shower.”

  I barely made it two steps before he snagged me from behind. With a shout of surprise mixed with laughter, I yelled, “That’s cheating!”

  I whipped around and yanked in a breath when we came face to face. “That’s cheating,” I whispered.

  “So you said.” He eased in, his mouth inches from mine. “You want me to let you go?”

  My lips parted automatically, longing to feel his mouth against mine. His tongue tangling with mine. His body pressed against mine in a relentless grip.

  Gathering every bit of will power I had, I said, “Yes.”

  He froze, eyes widening in surprise. Then he released me. “Of course.”

  I held my tongue for a long moment, but finally burst out, “Does that mean I win?”

  He growled a response I couldn’t make out because I was already turning, racing for the bedroom and diving for the bed. Finn was just behind me. He tackled me on the bed, legs straddling me, hips pinning mine to the mattress.

  “You play dirty,” he said.

  Out of breath, I answered, “So do you. I want answers, Moore. Don’t think I can’t handle them.”

  His eyes lit with amusement. “I like when you call me that. Say it again.”

  My lips curved, and I tried for my most seductive voice. “Mr. Moore, I’m willing to offer you a trade for your deepest, darkest secrets.”

  He shifted on top of me, and I could feel him already getting hard. “What kind of trade? What do I get for these secrets?”

  “My body.”

  He exhaled. “God, Charlotte. I—”

  I didn’t let him finish, just dragged his mouth to mine, urgent to make my point. Desperate for him to want me as much as I wanted him.

  I tried to roll him over, to get on top, but he gripped my hips with a chuckle. “No way.”

&n
bsp; “Finn—”

  “I get it. You’ve made your point.”

  I stopped squirming and angled my head. “I did?”

  “Yes. And I want you to know how I feel. I just don’t want you to think I’m pushing you.”

  “You don’t push me, Finn. You respect me.” I touched his cheek. “That goes a long way with me.”

  His eyes brimmed with compassion. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.” Finn shifted and pulled me up, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “The whole truth? I thought about our future for years when you weren’t with me. I thought about all those things you wanted. A house, a family. Us. A commitment.”

  “I know.”

  “So, you want to know what I think about waiting? About how soon I want our future?”

  I scooted back on the bed, thinking maybe I didn’t want to know. Because I could see in his eyes he was done waiting.

  Finn shook his head. “No, you can’t back away now. You asked for it.”

  “I know,” I repeated, because the words were already on my lips.

  “I want our future now. If you said you’d marry me today, I’d do it. If you said you wanted a house and kids, to start on all this tomorrow, I’d say it’s not soon enough for me. I want everything you and I are and will be. And I don’t want to wait any longer.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  We rode to Finn’s mother’s house with Jake, a family trip to tell her the good news and have a visit I couldn’t put off any longer.

  Finn reached over the console to squeeze my hand. “Are you still nervous?”

  “Yes.”

  I couldn’t manage any more. I needed to do this. And next weekend, I’d be doing the same with my mom and my sister. I’d be telling them that not only was I back together with Finn, but we were engaged. I wasn’t sure how they were going to take the first part, which made me even more nervous about the second part.

  When I’d told them about my engagement to Mark, they’d been less than thrilled. And now, here I was, doing it all over again.

  But Finn was nothing like Mark. And they had to see that.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you this quiet,” Jake said from the backseat.

  I didn’t answer, but jumped when he touched my shoulder. “What?”

  Finn frowned at me. “Charlotte, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Nothing,” I repeated when it looked like Finn didn’t believe me. I glanced over my shoulder to explain to Jake. “I’m going with the flow.”

  He laughed. “Sure, you are. You look like you’re ready to run away.”

  The words made Finn tense. I hadn’t said anything to him after he’d told me how soon he wanted our future to begin. What was I supposed to say? I was terrified because I wanted the same thing, but it seemed like such bad timing. I couldn’t get married without at least talking to my mom and sister first. And I certainly couldn’t get married when Mark was still out there.

  What if he showed up during a really important day? A celebration lunch, an engagement party, the wedding? No, I couldn’t do that. There was no way I was risking a special day like that. I couldn’t do that to Finn. Not with how much this meant to him.

  Jake continued to talk, making me even more nervous. “Mom couldn’t stop talking about our visit today. She’s planning dinner in the garden and—”

  “We just called her this morning,” I broke in. “How is she even going to have time for this?” I glanced down at my casual dress, thinking I should have worn something else.

  “You look fine,” Finn said, squeezing my hand.

  Jake leaned forward. “Have you met my mother? You remember how organized she is, Charlotte. She can plan a party at the snap of a finger—”

  “Oh, God, this isn’t a party is it? I thought—I thought we were just having dinner with her. Visiting—”

  “It’s not a party,” Finn said, sending a glare over his shoulder. “Will you shut up for a minute? You’re making Charlotte nervous.”

  “I’m just saying, Mom’s been waiting for this since we graduated college,” Jake said. “If she had her way, you two would be married by the end of next week.”

  My mouth dropped open.

  Jake set a hand on my shoulder. “Congratulations, by the way. I didn’t get to say that before because Finn wouldn’t let me until you were ready to tell everyone.”

  My nod was stiff.

  “Shut up,” Finn growled.

  Jake laughed. “What is up with you two? I thought this was supposed to be a good thing.”

  “It is,” I assured him, finding my voice. “It really is, I just…”

  My voice trailed off as the house came into view. It was over the top, just like I remembered it. Too big to be considered a home—an estate, maybe. With perfectly manicured gardens and a pool in back. A sunroom where Mrs. Moore sat and drank tea. There were wings, it was that large.

  And I remembered almost every room in the house from back in the days when Finn and I were inseparable. When I was blinded by love.

  It was happening again. That same feeling of sinking, sinking, completely surrounded by Finn and my love for him. Completely driven by my heart. But Mark and John and Tracy were all getting in the way, and this time I didn’t want any bit of reality tainting my feelings. I wanted that weightless feeling of being in love and letting my heart think for me.

  “Charlotte?”

  I snapped to attention, turning to meet Finn’s eyes. “Sorry.”

  He gripped my hand and waited until Jake got out of the car before speaking. “You don’t have to do this, you know. What I said this morning—”

  “Was how you feel. I wanted to know, Finn. I’m a big girl, I can’t handle it.”

  “It’s not making this easier for you.”

  I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “That’s where you’re wrong.”

  “Charlotte—”

  He couldn’t catch me before I opened my door and got out, sending a glance at the car pulling in behind us. Shane was inside, waiting for us to give direction.

  I stood next to Jake. He stared up at the windows on the second floor.

  “Reminiscing?” I asked.

  “It’s been a while since I’ve been back.” He grimaced. “My fault. Maybe I was disillusioned a little. Mopey,” he said with a grin at me. “Didn’t want to bring that into a place that used to make us all so happy.”

  “Maybe the place would have cheered you up.”

  He took my hand, gave it a kiss. “You’re probably right.”

  Finn cleared his throat and stepped between us. “Hands off,” he murmured. “And before I forget.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and passed it to Jake. “Can you take one of us?”

  I glanced up at Finn as he wrapped his arm around my waist. “What are you doing?”

  “A picture.” He smiled. “So we have one of our own.”

  He really was thinking of everything. We absolutely needed a picture of us. I turned into Finn, reaching up to kiss his cheek as Jake snapped the picture.

  “Good one.”

  Jake handed the phone back and led us to the door. One of Mrs. Moore’s maids answered, the same woman who used to work here when Finn and I would come out and visit on the weekends. She greeted both Finn and Jake with a hug and I was surprised when she did the same with me.

  “Good to see you here again, Ms. Evans.”

  “It’s good to be here.”

  Mrs. Moore’s enthusiasm preceded her from the kitchen. “You’re here!” she called.

  When she met us at the door, my stomach clenched. But I was quickly put at ease by her hug. I thought she’d mention the ring, but instead, she linked her arm through mine and dragged me to the kitchen.

  Finn smiled at me as I was ushered away. “I’m going to speak with Shane. Give him the layout.”

  “But—”

  “Let them do their thing,” Cecili
a said. “Finn will feel better for it. Making sure you’re safe.”

  I glanced at her sharply, my stomach in knots again. “He told you?”

  “I swear to you, I pried it out of him. And he only told me the bare essentials. Didn’t want to betray your trust.” She smiled. “Good for him, even though I was bad and tried to get it out of him regardless. I’m sorry for that.”

  Warmed by her honesty, I shook my head. “I understand. You want to make sure he’s okay. He’s your son.”

  She sighed, propping her hip against the counter. She wore a pair of dark wash jeans and a casual button-up shirt, relaxing me even further. Okay, so Finn was probably right, there wasn’t going to be a party.

  “After what Jake went through with his ex…” Cecilia clasped her hands together. “I have to tell myself to breathe because if I don’t, I’ll get myself too worked up. She hurt him. Deeply. And dragged us all into a mess. I don’t want to see him hurt like that again. And some of that just seeps over to Finn, though he’s made his own mistakes.”

  “I promise you I tried to keep him out of this. It’s—”

  Cecilia waved her hand. “Wait. Stop. This conversation got off to a heavy start. At the very least, we need wine, right?”

  Smiling at her, I agreed. “Yes. Wine will help.”

  I watched her open a bottle, and then settled at the counter when she insisted I sit and try an appetizer. Then she pulled two trays out of the refrigerator, making me blink.

  “You made this?”

  Cecilia angled her head, looking more like Jake than Finn, but I could still see the resemblance. “It’s not every day my sons visit. And…” She put a hand to her heart. “I’m just so happy for you and Finn. The ring looks perfect on you, by the way.”

  My throat clogged with emotion. I forgot how much I used to love Cecilia and her easy nature. Her quiet strength and easy charm. The way she could plan an entire party for hundreds of guests or curl up with a book by the fire and look equally comfortable doing both.

  Moisture pooled at the corners of my eyes. “I really missed you.”

  “Oh.” She came around the counter and put her arm around me. “I missed you, too.”